The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW: HAHALLOWEEN III: Shriekin’ of the Witch

[Sebastian Cobb]

Imagine squeezing the queen and heinz salad cream oozes out of her

It's all of Philip's cum she kept stored up.

[Joe Qunt]

In 1987 I was at a Public Enemy show at the (then) Hammersmith Odeon. During the break between support and main act I legged it to the gents to relieve my bladder of some of their warm over-priced beer. Having unzipped and started my business a really tall gentlemen appeared at my right. I looked up and, lo, it was the godfather of UK hip-hop - and well-known bishop spawn - Tim Westwood. The opportunity was too good to miss so I moved my right leg back and deftly drained the final few drops of piss all over his box fresh Adidas. He didn't notice...

[Des Wigwam]

Unexpectedly Sexy Clothes thread ...

oversized threadbare jumpers

woof

You've spelt 'wool' wrong there.

And clearing up some mysteries:

Birds of a feather flock together, the two leads and their vile neighbour are sort of a type in a way, a flock if you will. And their husbands - not Dorians, don't remember her deal - are jail "birds" so it's got that extra meaning. Some birds (penguins) waddle, hence the title song. Very simple.

[Ferris]

Re: Lauren Laverne's finances

Think it's pretty well known that she spends all her money searching for the Wearside Bogle.

She's set up loads of traps for it in Barnes park. The locals know to avoid them but every now and then a pet dog or a child visiting from Gateshead will go missing and she'll have to pay the council to turn a blind eye.

She pays out thousands of pounds every year for sightings or information on its whereabouts, and last year she even launched a special satellite (BOGSAT1), which must have cost a bit when you consider all the R&D and the insurance and the catering costs for the rocketeers.

She thinks if she catches a Bogle then she'll be able to use its magical blowhole to grant her wishes. Then she'd become the most powerful 6 music DJ on earth - hundreds of times more powerful than Steve Lamacq or Tom Ravenscroft. She'd basically be terrifying and unstoppable, but people don't mind because they're hoping for another Kenickie album and it can't be worse than Tony Blair anyway.

[JamesTC]

"I'm 76, she's 63 years younger than me. Back of the net!"

[Ray Travez]

Re: Lauren Laverne's finances

that's bloody great

[Kankurette]

Bourbons are superior in every way. Does America even have an equivalent to a garibaldi? Pop-Tarts probably.

You know who'd like Oreos? Tim Westwood, that's who. The kind of wanker who loves every trashy American thing and wants to pretend they're a yank. He'd be sat in his stupid big import SUV stuffing his face with them. "Yo-yo-yo! I like me some Oeros, init!"

So, basically, if you like Oreos, you're a try-hard sex pest tosspot.

[Joe Qunt]

It was the BURST of times?!

[Ferris]

On Alastair Campbell requesting jurgen klopp enter politics:

Oh Jurgen Klopp you are very nice
So good at football you've won at least twice
I wish you would manage our country instead
You'd respect the law and our brave war dead
When Brexit happened for months we did weep
But Jurgen the German our hearts still does keep
With Boris a liar and wokeys so smelly
Why did I bother to kill David Kelly?
So jurgen please come and now save us all
Do to our politics what you've done for football
Save us from populism and scandal fatigue
And take lovely Britain into the Champions League!

- A. Campbell, 64 years old.

[Joe Qunt]

In all seriousness though I do have strong opinions about spoons.

They are as follows

I like BIG SPOONS and I can not lie
You other chefs can't deny
That when you hold a giant spoon with a wooden base
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna scoop up tough
Cuz you notice that batter was stuffed
Deep in the bowl it's wearing
I'm foldin' and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And beat your mixture


#Spoons4lifebaybee

[Kankurette]

[Blue Jam]

Source:

https://www.snookerbacker.com/the-pimp-my-wallchart-gallery/

[flotemysost]

Received my first blowjob in a car while Bob the Builder was on the radio

Have given and received multiple blowjobs to the Worms World Party menu music

Absolutely creasing at the thought of a triumphant "YES - WE - CAN!" crescendo.

[Sebastian Cobb]

From the 'what if Hitler and Saville swapped places?' thread:

[The Dog]

All of Replies posts in this thread, but it was this that guffawed me:

What an absolute fucking mentalist.

Need the context, obviously.

[bgmnts]

From the 'what if Hitler and Saville swapped places?' thread:

Beautiful. Everyone here is so fucking funny it's madness.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

From the 'what if Hitler and Saville swapped places?' thread:

Harry Potter really does seem very problematic in hindsight

[Video Game Fan 2000]

"how come whenever I see the word 'Hogwarts' on Popbitch its something to do with one of you three?"
"sorry herr dumbledore"

[pigamus]

Corden Off: James Corden is thrown off a bridge.

[McDead]

Wie komme ich am besten zum bahnhof, bitte?

from the Boris Becker thread, had me chortling like Muttley

[Kankurette]

Corden's Ramsy Kitchen Nightmares - James Corden is locked overnight in a pub kitchen with a load of boisterous rams.

[The Mollusk]

Y'all act like you never seen an asthmatic before,
Jaws all on the floor like J Peasemould Gruntfuttock just burst through the door

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

It was the BURST of times?!

Fantastic

[Des Wigwam]

from the Boris Becker thread, had me chortling like Muttley

Just the thread title got me, for some reason:

Mein name ist Boris Becker und ich bin in prison

[Joe Qunt]

Nice to see the comments for that article.

[BJBMK2]

A snowy day in the east end of Glasgow a few years back, and cars are trying to get up a fairly steep street. Mostly, they're trying to get a decent run at it, then starting to spin their wheels and slither around a bit as they just about manage over the brow of the hill. All the while, there's a young guy standing by the side of the road, quite possibly under the influence of something or other, bawling out encouragement – "C'moan, the motors!' – and celebrating each successful ascent with a hearty shout of 'YASSSSSS!!'.

Feels like the great, lost Limmy sketch.

[pigamus]

WE DIDN'T BURN HIM!

[Lordofthefiles]

Even if the punishment was to be kept as a pet by a local cretin family

[pigamus]

Corden's Britas - James Corden shows off his extensive collection of water filtering appliances.

[Kankurette]

CUNT: the animated series. Hilarious Hanna-Barbara style recreations of beloved reddit posts starring James Corden. In this episode, James gazes out of the window of a plane pretending not to notice wife almost dropping their bawling infant child as James refuses to carry any of their luggage. Next week: James turns up uninvited at a union meeting to demand everyone take lower pay, guest starring Patrick Stewart.