What have your teachers done (apart from noncing)

[oggyraiding]

We had a maths teacher who always bragged about being an underwear model. He also did greengrocering during school holidays for extra cash.

We had a scouse art teacher who claimed to have devised the format of Art Attack, but he was betrayed by his then friend Neil Buchanan who took all the glory.

[Gurke and Hare]

Oh sorry, didn't read the (apart from noncing) bit.

Apparently no fucker did.

[non capisco]

Not my story but a friend used to tell me about a maths teacher he had who would disappear into a back room and emerge half cut, then beckon to one of the class and once they were by his desk murmur to them the sentence "Many have lied and many have died at the hands of Johnny Condor."

It was never discovered why he did this or what it was supposed to mean.

[Pink Gregory]

clout stealing here, but Ms. Gregory's old history teacher now writes historical erotic fiction.

[Fambo Number Mive]

What periods of history? Do we get to read about Lloyd George showing a little ankle?

[Icehaven]

We had a scouse art teacher who claimed to have devised the format of Art Attack, but he was betrayed by his then friend Neil Buchanan who took all the glory.

Knew that Buchanan was a bastard.
Seriously though more information about this please.

[Pink Gregory]

What periods of history? Do we get to read about Lloyd George showing a little ankle?

"Fifty shades of slavery? Britain, A.D.61. Boudica's revolt is crushed. Along with thousands of others, a young captive British girl is condemned to slavery. As she is herded naked and chained into the market place, she trembles in terror at her fate. But in Roman times there were many sorts of slavery and hers was one she could never have imagined in her darkest nightmares or her wildest dreams."

[Video Game Fan 2000]

one afternoon in maths class, the teacher in the classroom opposite threw a table at a student in rage

it was rumoured that when he got his bag out under the desk he had booze in it and took sly sips so we used to make "drinky drinky" motions at him whenever we saw him, iirc someone doing this triggered his table flip

he tried and failed to run a school chess club. he seemed decent enough when i went but *drinky drinky*

[Jerrykeshton]

one afternoon in maths class, the teacher in the classroom opposite threw a table at a student in rage

it was rumoured that when he got his bag out under the desk he had booze in it and took sly sips so we used to make "drinky drinky" motions at him whenever we saw him, iirc someone doing this triggered his table flip

he tried and failed to run a school chess club. he seemed decent enough when i went but *drinky drinky*

We had a seriously strange kid at our secondary school in the 1990s, who was punched by the English teacher. TBF, the kid was a black guy who spent his English lessons mumbling/trying to summon the spirits of German SS officers to enchant the toy soldiers he kept in his pencil case.

I saw him in a supermarket a while ago with his boyfriend. He seems relatively normal now

[dontpaintyourteeth]

genuinely the only notable thing about any of the teachers at my secondary school was that one of them got done for being a nonce. rife in them days, weren't it (erm... early 2000s)

[bigfatheart]

I can't help but feel, reading this, that the teachers at my school were boringly normal. It was a source of excitement that our PE teacher had been on Fifteen to One ten years earlier, that's how little we had.

One of the Drama teachers wrote a book not long after he left, which seemed cool when you were fifteen and hadn't heard of self-publishing. My form tutor - one of the English teachers - is now apparently the headteacher of one of those mental schools where kids get expelled for not smiling enough, or for smiling too much, however they're feeling that day. Which I wouldn't have predicted, she seemed pretty normal.

Oh, there was an ICT teacher who only stuck around for a year, and all the rumours were about noncing (sorry thread title), drinking or punching a student, all of which were plausible. I'd go with drinking - my mates and I'd sneak out to a nearby park each lunchtime, and we often ran into him on the way to or from the pub.

[oggyraiding]

Knew that Buchanan was a bastard.
Seriously though more information about this please.

He said they were both in some sort of punk rock band, with both my teacher and Neil Buchanan being good at art. They were approached by telly folk to make a show, but Buchanan contrived the situation to exclude my teacher. It could all be bollocks, but I like the idea of this bitter old art teacher, who lost his chance at fame, reduced to smoking weed in the ginnel opposite school between classes.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Did your art teacher have a big grey head that swung wildly from side to side whenever he emoted

[Twit 2]

one afternoon in maths class, the teacher in the classroom opposite threw a table at a student in rage

it was rumoured that when he got his bag out under the desk he had booze in it and took sly sips so we used to make "drinky drinky" motions at him whenever we saw him, iirc someone doing this triggered his table flip

he tried and failed to run a school chess club. he seemed decent enough when i went but *drinky drinky*

Was the teacher Mr C****land?

[QDRPHNC]

Back when I was at school, my English teacher wrote a book on WW2. Just googled him for the first time in about 30 years, and he's now quite a respected author and playwright, so well done him.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Was the teacher Mr C****land?

Nope

[Twit 2]

Nope

Ah. I also had an alcoholic maths teacher with anger issues who'd throw furniture.

[The Lurker]

My year six teacher also has a Wikipedia page from his former footballing life

Didn't have any nonce teachers, like. Well, none that I'm aware of.

[wrec]

Had a biology teacher called O'Brien who was known as Beaker due to his physical and vocal resemblance to the Muppet character of that name. Years later a friend from the other side of the country mentioned he had a biology teacher called O'Brien who was known as Beaker due to his physical and vocal resemblance to the Muppet character of that name, but at exactly the same time, meaning there were at least two identical Beakers.

In 4th class (Ireland, age 9-10, when you'd have just the one teacher all year) the teacher had an insane temper, and would routinely roar at us all day long. Then we had her AGAIN for all of 6th class. I think some kids took that better than others, but I was timid as fuck and in a state of terror for much of those two years (despite being a "good" kid at the time). Curious to know if that would have been a common experience in the 80s in the UK, and presumably that's something that teachers anywhere wouldn't get away with now? She died quite young which I'd tend to feel bad about if she hadn't spent most of her life terrifying 10 year olds.

[holdover]

I briefly had an art teacher who told us that he'd illustrated The Aberdeen Pub Companion. I had him for some module classes but all he did was try to teach us how to draw ellipses by hand. He lasted about a month before getting the sack for being pissed.

I recently saw the book in an Oxfam shop and he was indeed the illustrator.

[Gurke and Hare]

My year six teacher also has a Wikipedia page from his former footballing life

I had a PE teacher who was a former footballer, but his footballing resume was less impressive, consisting of a single game for Sunderland reserves. So he said, anyway, but you could easily make that up in the 1980s, there was no way to check at all.

Didn't have any nonce teachers, like. Well, none that I'm aware of.

They say that if you don't know who the nonce teacher is, it's you. Or something.

[Aaron500]

The drama teacher left shortly after I did to become a full time playwright, I recently noticed that he wrote the old Midsomer Murders episode Mrs500 was watching. It wasn't a great episode, even by the low standards of that series, but I guess it pays well.

Outside of the obligatory noncing, the rest of them seem to be mostly occupied with dying, judging by my school year's FB page.

[easytarget]

One of our A-level physics teachers was also an amateur dickhead. Could've gone pro too I reckon.

[markburgle]

Had a teacher on my music tech course who used to ask kids if he could borrow 20 quid. Ended up getting the boot for it. He used to be in a band called City Boy who merited a mention in England's Dreaming (something like "...justly forgotten bands like [other band] and City Boy").

ETA: just checked their Wikipedia page and the introduction reads like the cunt wrote it.

One of my primary school teachers, Mr McDermott, used to mention how he used to play guitar professionally in Australia and us kids were lucky to get to hear him play for nothing. He just used to play shit like Waltzing Matilda. Once I decided to vault between two desks and bounce on the carpet a couple of times for fun, and he made everyone stop what they were doing and gather round so he could take the piss out of me for it. If he's out there he'll be relieved to know that a lifetime of clinical depression has since cured me of any such playfulness.

[markburgle]

Curious to know if that would have been a common experience in the 80s in the UK, and presumably that's something that teachers anywhere wouldn't get away with now?

Probably was, relatively speaking. I had this teacher who called 4-year old me "a disgusting little boy" for sneezing, she seems quite Victorian looking back

[dissolute ocelot]

My sister's primary school teacher had a previous life appearing in Jackie magazine photo romance stories.

Most of my school teachers had stories attached to them about how they'd screwed up their previous lives and been forced to be teachers. One had supposedly lost chemical company ICI millions of pounds before becoming a chemistry teacher, another had been in the RAF and supposedly crashed a plane.

An old English teacher of mine had a terrible column in the Scotsman newspaper for a while about education.

One of my university tutors was deported for overstaying on her student visa.

[JaDanketies]

My woodwork teacher was on East is East. When the cast are going upstairs in the cinema he's going downstairs. music teacher bragged about how Gareth Gates was a former pupil, which is ironic cos she was shit

[thenoise]

My primary school teacher Mr B had an affair with the school secretary. He kept both his job and marriage (he was married to a teacher at a different school), but secretary had to leave. Which seemed a bit unfair.

On topic as the secretary was a grown woman.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Our most psychopathically angry teacher looked like Jude Rinder's twin, whose slight physical differences could be explained by a few decades of scowling.

[Fr.Bigley]

My primary headteacher moonlighted as a Tom Selleck lookalike (uncanny, actually) and was once on the Crystal maze.