Ball, ball, ball, footie, footie, footie: Chant thread

[jobotic]

Villa's got loads of good chants tbs

I like the variant

My old man said be a Fulham fan
I said fuck off bollocks you're a cunt


You have to rush through it with the added fuck off

[Thursday]

"You dirty Northern Bastards" said after a particularly bad foul, is a fairly standard chant, but was very funny when sung at me, a Chelsea fan, by Brighton fans.

[badaids]

Was Wenger the original target of the 'sit down, you're a paedophile' chant or does it predate him?

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

Seen /heard about some classics at the Albion, to be fair.

This one is probably bollocks, but it makes me laugh so I choose to believe it.  For some reason, Sky decided to broadcast some crappy midweek game when we were struggling at the bottom of the 2nd tier in the very early 00s/late 90s, and some of legendary Baggies fans could reach some of their Cameras, and proceeded to cover them with scarfs and shit.  Followed by singing, to the tune of Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

Where's your picture gone, WHERE'S YOUR PICTURE GONE?

One that I know is true cus I heard it was when Rodney Marsh describing us signing Sean Gregan thus:

"you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig"

In response, we sang, to the tune of Oh My Darling Clementine:

Where's your lipstick,
Where's your lipstick,
Where's your lipstick Rodney Marsh,
You're a one eyed cockney Bastard,
And your talking out your arse

I mean it's pretty fucking stupid, but I enjoyed it.  My personal peak as a West Bromwich Albion fan was getting a "small town in rugby, you're just a small town in rugby" chant going at a Cov away game when I was about 10 years old.  They was definitely humouring me, but it's a treasured memory.

[studpuppet]

I enjoyed being a neutral at Chelsea-Man U, when the home fans started chanting at the travelling United section (to the tune of Guantanamera):

From round the corner
You're only from round the corner

[Kankurette]

Was at the same fixture when Chelsea fans sang 'your city is blue' out of spite.

[Captain Z]

I still get great pleasure from the simple-but-effective "... nana na na, you're shit" to the tune of Hey Jude. I didn't realise but apparently that originated with the Spurs fans, which probably explains the attachment I feel. There's a few messages online suggesting it had had it's day back in 2017, so possibly one of those that has gone all the way back around to being funny again.

[hamfist]

In the mid 1990s I was working on a camp america in upstate NY and we, the staff got a trip out to a Binghamton Mets baseball game. The English legends Gary started singing football chants to spice the evening up a bit, and we made the local TV news.

I have never been to a football match.

[Kankurette]

I like when you're watching a match on TV or listening to it on the radio and you can hear obscene chanting in the background. Like Puncheon's shitting or when I was listening to a Newcastle v Man United game, which Newcastle were unlucky not to win, and in the background you can hear Geordies singing 'the referee's a wanker'.

What's the tune that the song about a rival fan on a string is set to? Or for Man United fans, the Martial song ('Tony Martial, he comes from France/The English press said he had no chance/£50 million down the drain/Tony Martial scores again').

[Sonny_Jim]

Australians don't seem to understand the whole chant thing, it's mostly 'Ozzy ozzy ozzy, oi oi oi'

[TrenterPercenter]

I like when you're watching a match on TV or listening to it on the radio and you can hear obscene chanting in the background.

Oh yeah I know what you mean, like when you are watching an FA Cup quarter final on the telly and one of your fans crops up on camera wearing this...

Spoiler alert

[close]

Spoilers just incase

[Mortimer]

Can't remember which teams fans did it but this (to the tune of Slade's "Come on feel the noize"):

Fuck off Adam Johnson
He's going down for noncin'
He's a peeee-do-phile
He's a peeee-do-phile

All friendly bantz of course.

[touchingcloth]

Inventing chants is in itself fine and there are some funny creative ones that are occasionally surreal, if not that then endearingly dumb.

Chants and songs are part of the pantomime and rhythm of the piece, fun and socially binding experience.

Most of the tradition is quaint.

So much of football deserves sneering at but you choose this? Bizarre.

Brother Pele's at the back, sweet Sina's at the front
Cruising down the footie in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue shirts flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the halfway line"
Pele preaches words of comfort, Sina just hides her eyes
Linesman taps his shades, "Is that shirt number 69?"

Cantona
Cantona, Cantona

Am I doing it right?

[Kankurette]

Can't remember which teams fans did it but this (to the tune of Slade's "Come on feel the noize"):

Fuck off Adam Johnson
He's going down for noncin'
He's a peeee-do-phile
He's a peeee-do-phile

All friendly bantz of course.

Geordies?

[shoulders]

Bet the fuckers couldn't sing it in key.

[Mortimer]

Bet the fuckers couldn't sing it in key.

Nah, of course. That's part of the attraction (or not) of yer football chants - fat bellied lager fuelled Legend Garys bellowing their big off-key guts out.

Perfect a capella harmonies applied to football chants, now wouldn't that be a beautiful thing?

Cue someone saying that its already been mentioned upthread or, better, providing links.

[touchingcloth]

Nah, of course. That's part of the attraction (or not) of yer football chants - fat bellied lager fuelled Legend Garys bellowing their big off-key guts out.

Perfect a capella harmonies applied to football chants, now wouldn't that be a beautiful thing?

Cue someone saying that its already been mentioned upthread or, better, providing links.

Nessun Dorma?

[Yussef Dent]

"We all live for a yellow football team" (to the tune of Yellow Submarine). https://youtu.be/XTAA3My2V0o?t=320

[AllisonSays]

Ballymena fans - small rural town in the north of the north of Ireland known for its ruralness and its level of drug use - used to sing, to the tune of Yellow Submarine: 'In the town where I was born / we all take heroin / and live on farms', which always tickled me.

Also to the tune of Yellow Submarine, Sunderland fans used to do: 'We all dream of a team of Gary Breens (rep x 6) / and number one is Gary Breen / and number two is Gary Breen / etc etc'.

[Catalogue Trousers]

What's the tune that the song about a rival fan on a string is set to?

That would be Chuck Berry's My Ding-A-Ling.

'When I was a little bitty boy,
My grandmother gave me a cute little toy:
Two Sunderland fans hanging on a string,
She told me to kick both their fucking heads in!'

[Kankurette]

Thanks! Hat duly fucked.

[badaids]

« No Andy Gorams!  Soon there'll be no Andy Gorams! »

[Purple Toupee]

Not strictly a chant but still a classic:
https://twitter.com/CarsonAfrin72/status/898943223812562946

[touchingcloth]

Phil, Phil, Phil
Queenie, Queenie, Queenie
And Andrew
A nonce

[Misspent Boners]

Not a Monday not a Tuesday but a Wednesday
Not a Thursday Not a Friday but a Wednesday
Not a Saturday Not a Sunday but a Wednesday
Sheffield Wednesday rule, ooh ah! (Violent pelvic thrusts on the ooh ah)

Twit twoooo
Twit twoooo
Twit twoooo
Twit twoooo
Twit Twoooo
Twit twoooo
We scored more than you, oi oi

We are the nocturnal predators
And if we get possession of the ball we will head it to yuz
Yes we are the mid week wanderers
And if you are one too then you'll bond with us!

(This one's like in the style of an 80s novelty rap)
We're the hump day champions, humupty-hump
We're the hump day champions, humputy-hump!
Lemmehearyasay humputy humpy, humputy hump!
Humputy humpy! Humupty hump!

[Misspent Boners]

If people in glass houses should never throw stones
Then people in crystal palaces
Shouldn't be awarded throws
What were you thinking ref?
What were you thinking ref?
Should have given that throw in to Sheffield
Yeah you should have given that thrown in to Sheffield

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

Not strictly a chant but still a classic:
https://twitter.com/CarsonAfrin72/status/898943223812562946

Yeah this doesn't count as a chant but it's football related and made me lol

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

I've been a bit obsessed with the van perise chant mentioned upthread so I googled it earlier and it popped up on an old LFC thread about funny football chants alongside this:

And my personal favourite, sung by the Celtic fans after Rangers Andy Goram was diagnosed with schizophrenia:

"There's only two Andy Goram's, two Andy Goram's. There's only two Andy Goram's"

[shoulders]

Ah yes, that's a classic.

[Captain Z]

And, ironically, already mentioned twice in this thread.