Support CaB

Subscribers don't see this.

Recent

Members
  • Total Members: 17,004
  • Latest: MalcolmX
Stats
  • Total Posts: 4,957,277
  • Total Topics: 94,060
  • Online Today: 473
  • Online Ever: 3,311
  • (July 08, 2021, 03:14:41 AM)
Users Online
Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

July 02, 2022, 06:26:04 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Sgt Shitty Pants

Started by Sebastian Cobb, May 23, 2022, 02:17:59 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Paul Calf

If I were British military top brass with all gold on my chest I'd congratulate myself on a job well done for a day's work in which I decided that a man who's already come back to barracks three times pissed as a cunt with shit on his clothes and a trail of sexual assault allegations should be 'responsible for setting and enforcing standards' at an event where a lot of people would definitely be drinking vast quantities of beer.

Best troops in the world, gawdluvvem.

Replies From View

Quote from: idunnosomename on May 24, 2022, 01:14:07 AMshit on the floor and fell into it

But it doesn't say he shat on the floor - it says he soiled himself.

It says he soiled himself, and then "fell in".

Zetetic

Fall in. Have designated troops move into formation on the parade square and/or ground.

pigamus

Quote from: Replies From View on May 24, 2022, 06:29:16 AMIt says he soiled himself, and then "fell in".

Brave of him to be on parade at all by that point

EDIT: I will never forgive you for this Zetetic

Tony Tony Tony

Good of the Mail to include a pic for those of us who wanted to now what Lederhosen look like.

Handily it is labelled as a stock image just in case we thought they were the actual trousers that were shat in and zoomed in to see if we could spot any excrement.

bgmnts

Has anyone here properly shat themselves like this whilst on the drink? Seems like an immense achievement to me.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: bgmnts on May 24, 2022, 09:49:16 AMHas anyone here properly shat themselves like this whilst on the drink? Seems like an immense achievement to me.

I've shat myself once. 30 seconds from reaching my front door too. Very disappointed.

The Mollusk

Quote from: bgmnts on May 24, 2022, 09:49:16 AMHas anyone here properly shat themselves like this whilst on the drink? Seems like an immense achievement to me.

In my old job working nights in a hotel I had to get a bloke to bed who was staying there in a big group for a conference. He had fallen asleep in the late bar when everyone else had left, his bald head fucking scorched as it rested on the blazing hot radiator. Once me and an elderly colleague had with some considerable effort got him into the hotel wheelchair, we carted him back to his room and lay him on the bed fully clothed.

The next morning, the boss was at the reception desk asking why he'd not turned up for breakfast as the conference was about to start. The housekeeping went into his room and it was a ... what's the tod equivalent of a bloodbath? He'd shat himself and traipsed it around the room - over to the armchair for a sit down, into the bathroom, and back to bed - as he got himself undressed.

I guess it's horses for courses really since I haven't puked for any reason at all in the last 10(ish) years and this includes some serious fucking brutal head shattering hangovers/comedowns, but I just can't imagine my body being in a state where it cannot wake my brain up enough to get me to a toilet and so it goes "fuck this, open the bay doors lads!" and I shit and/or piss right there where I lay. I have quite a high shame threshold but I imagine that I would feel quite a heft of my dignity sheared off if that happened to me.

JaDanketies

Lovely use of the word 'liniments' in that article.

QuoteA liniment is usually in the form of a thin liquid applied to the skin.


Cuellar

Quote from: Ferris on May 24, 2022, 12:35:55 AMYeah it's not quite... natural is it? Can't figure it out.

It's got to be one of those sites that just copies articles from other places and runs them through a thesaurus, surely?

The Mollusk

Yeah I sent it to a friend earlier who says when he worked for a dodgy clickbait news site there was a lot of that, and this article reads like it's exactly the same thing.

Dex Sawash


Reckon he should have worn a dirndl

Replies From View

Quote from: Cuellar on May 24, 2022, 10:36:06 AMIt's got to be one of those sites that just copies articles from other places and runs them through a thesaurus, surely?

If you're wanting all the latest news about the seventh Terminator film, look no further:

https://fantacytube.com/terminator-7-release-date-everything-we-know-so-far/

QuoteTerminator 7: Release Date & Everything we know so far
April 28, 2022


we have not come across one person who has not Watched the ever-so-famous Terminator series. The movie has a huge fan base all around the globe, and we get to hear a lot of news about its upcoming parts, but don't worry, we are going to put a full stop to all your queries and make everything clear for you. We will talk about the release date, cast, storyline of this venture, so keep reading further to sip on all the tea.

Sebastian Cobb

At the time of creating the thread there was only the DM and aggregators posting it (link came to me via another forum) and I didn't want to get moaned at for posting a DM link, so went for what was available.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: bgmnts on May 24, 2022, 09:49:16 AMHas anyone here properly shat themselves like this whilst on the drink? Seems like an immense achievement to me.

Not exactly, but sort-of. I once went out straight after work and was drinking all-sorts including having shots foisted at me and I think either I'd been on the piss or eaten something slightly dodgy the night before but assumed I was through the worst of it and felt fine but then on my way home my ringpiece just sort of quivered and gave up and I fully filled my trousers with wet shit a few paces from my front door. I was fairly drunk but in a fine state to get home so I don't think it was was quite "got so pissed he shat himself" although I was drunk and I did shit myself.

JaDanketies

Yeah it's an aggregator for the Daily Mail and a spun version of the DM article. Far more readable than the DM imo

idunnosomename

I crapped all over a hotel bathroom once after getting incredibly drunk on free shots downstairs night before a conference. I guess I shit on the floor and walked it all over it. I put a do not disturb sign on the door in the morning and cleaned it up at the lunchbreak after buying some sponges at a sainsburys. job done.

BUT. the idea of shitting yourself and insisting on going back for more is why this man should be fucking honoured as like, King Arthur reborn sort of legend

JaDanketies

Once I shat on the floor of Schipol Airport (shitpol amirite). Bad food poisoning and missed my flight. I also lost my mobile a day earlier. Funny times.

Was walking to the toilets after spending the whole night sleeping in the airport concourse and waking up for vomiting and shitting, thought I was doing a fart but did a runny shit in my boxers, legs and the floor. Loads of people around. Obviously pretended nothing had happened. I was in boxers with a small cotton sheet around me fortunately and not in my pants, and could clean up, bin everything and go commando.

I missed two or three days of work because I was so unwell. Worth it for the story of shitting in public obv.

Now-fiancee was freaking out because I was in a foreign country with no way to get in touch with anyone but at least I came home shitting my pants  the next afternoon

idunnosomename

Sgt. Ransley, you know how to fucking party unlike our fat cunt of a prime minister. get tanked up at the Tesco by Westminster bridge, then storm Downing Street and perform a military coup by shitting him out of Number 10.