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Depression /anxiety

Started by Stigdu, June 28, 2022, 07:01:00 PM

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Stigdu

Curious as to how others here deal with these feelings.

I've tried self-help books (Paul McKenna and the like), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, acupuncture, hypnosis, meditation, mindfulness (similar) and of course tablets (I've been on Citalopram for about 20 years after the first few years of SSRIs didn't help me much).

Has anything in particular worked for you? Did it take you long to get over your particular issue(s)? Do you still have it/them?

Buelligan

Riding motorbikes very fast indeed.  Running away from everything.  Living alone, somewhere empty beautiful.  Yoga.  Being organised, staying on top of shit.  Knocking the old drink on the head forever.  Growing stuff.  Being silent.  Letting the past fuck off.  Never listening to the nasty voice.  Stopping being afraid of stuff.  Haven't felt super bad for a long while now.

Sending a huge hug, old stick.

Small Man Big Horse

Obsessive compulsive disorder (which a three month stay in a psychiatric hospital when I was 13/14 didn't cure me of, but a bout of therapy and anti-depressants when I was 25 did), depression (on and off since my teenage years, medication helps but out of the many therapists I've seen, only one really helped and that was because it wasn't just CBT but also what she described as 'talking therapy'), I'm in a pretty shitty place right now to be honest but I find at least attempting to work on creative projects helps me get through the day, the idea that I'll produce something of some vague value means my brain isn't too cruel to me too often, though it still has the ability to surprise me (as I found out on Saturday night after a friend said four simple, but unexpected, words and I almost burst out crying). I wish I could say that there was some sort of solution, but I think at this point I'll always be on and off medication, and needing therapy every so often, it's certainly what a previous therapist suggested when she claimed I had chronic depression.

Glebe

Been on antidepressants for more than half of my life,  Seroxat (paroxatine) initially and then Favorin (fluvoxamine), which I'm still on and which also helps with my OCD symptoms. Have had a lot counselling too and considering going back, costs money though of course.

In any case best of luck Stigdu be kind to yourself and take things as they come.

bgmnts

Private counselling once a fortnight just to vent and say the same old shit, been about 3 months now.

bakabaka

This will be of no use to anyone, but it's something that does work. I mentioned it in another thread and the fact that a social worker told me that despite the fact it works for most people but that they can't prescribe it.

When I was about 16 and thought about suicide a lot I discovered I was allergic to codeine. I very, very nearly died but instead I was totally paralised but wide awake for about 4 hours. I thought at the time that it was going to be permanent and it changed my world view for life.
When I was 30 I was in a bad car crash, one of the ones where you can see what's going to happen and time slows right down but there's nowt you can do about it. Even though alcohol wasn't involved, I gave it up then which definitely helped long-term.
And when I was 55 I was diagnosed with incurable cancer and given 3 months to live. No idea how I survived that one.

Each time, the depression and suicidal ideation went away for about a decade. Which meant that it wasn't until I was about 40 before it hit as badly as it had in my teenage years and by then I had so many reasons to live (for which read 'dependents with serious mental health issues who probably wouldn't have survived if I had killed myself') that I had to bottle it up and keep on keeping on. I remember one night sitting in my room, unable to stop crying and wishing I had some incurable, painless disease that would kill me in a matter of months, as I couldn't do it myself. A month later my wish came true.

tl:dr Near-death experiences somehow change your brain chemistry for years. But they have to be accidental and not planned.


Stigdu

Wow, that's some very sober reading there, bakabaka. Thanks for sharing. And to all others who have posted so far.

Today's my wife's and my 9th wedding anniversary and as usual because of the nature of her job, she's miles away at sea and I'm on my own with my girls. Think we've only spent 2 of the 9 years wedding anniversary days together.

So I'm just a bit sad at the moment, missing her, all that crap. Ho-hum!

markburgle

I'm on my 4th round of therapy, which is easily the best of the lot, the only therapist I've looked forward to seeing. Medication has never worked for me.

Doing better now than for a while but still effectively depressed. Ironically one of the few things I was looking forward to - being in a medical trial testing DMT on depressives - was just denied me because of this - they said I wasn't depressed enough. 6 months ago I'd have been a shoe-in.

Having projects that seem doable and like they might make money / provide an escape from the shit life is what gives me hope. I want to not live with twats or do shit work anymore.

Utter Shit

It's fucking shite. I've variously had depression, anxiety and (pure) OCD over the past 14 years, generally skewed towards just the pure OCD nowadays. It's exhausting and infuriating and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I definitely find therapy more useful than pills or CBT, but I think it really differs from person to person so I wouldn't place too much stock in what any individual advises, just take it all in and consider what you think would most benefit you.

I think that therapy helped me mainly because I can voice the guilt-ridden OCD thoughts in my head, and then the expert essentially, through explaining what is going on, gives me permission not to feel guilty. So basically a form of science-based confession. But not everyone has that specific issue, and even if you do I'm not sure it's a particularly healthy method anyway, as it's just made me think of therapy as a crutch as much as an opportunity to fix myself.

One thing that DOES seem to be more or less universal about these issues is that they don't last forever. If I had one bit of advice that I'd be confident of giving to anyone regardless of the specifics of their illness, it would be not to ever let that thought be too far from your mind. It gets better. I find the phrase "this too shall pass" a handy little mantra to hang on to during the shittest periods, reminding me that I've felt this bad before and recovered, and will do so again. At my worse I don't feel like I believe it, but at some level I think I always know that it is true.

bakabaka

Can anyone else feel when a depressive episode is coming on? I assume I'm bipolar as I've always had up and down phases, though the ups/manic phases rarely last longer than a day and the downs can last for a couple of weeks or more. I tried to keep track of them on a calendar for about 3 years and while they seemed to be fairly random (or in a cycle I couldn't recognise) it was useful in that I can now sometimes tell when I'm about to lose the will to live/do anything at all and it has been really useful because you can warn the folks around you and cancel any meetings you know you'll fuck up.

But I do wonder if it's real or if I'm just setting myself up for the drop. So it would be nice to know if it's just me and all in my head.

Quote from: Utter Shit on June 28, 2022, 09:08:24 PMOne thing that DOES seem to be more or less universal about these issues is that they don't last forever. If I had one bit of advice that I'd be confident of giving to anyone regardless of the specifics of their illness, it would be not to ever let that thought be too far from your mind. It gets better. I find the phrase "this too shall pass" a handy little mantra to hang on to during the shittest periods, reminding me that I've felt this bad before and recovered, and will do so again. At my worse I don't feel like I believe it, but at some level I think I always know that it is true.
All true, so true.

Pseudopath

Quote from: Buelligan on June 28, 2022, 07:05:01 PMNever listening to the nasty voice.

This. The only thing I ever got out of therapy was the recognition that my inner voice was essentially a child who just wanted to watch the world burn, poisoning relationships with loved ones whilst refusing to accept any responsibility or accountability. Once I realised that, something in my brain clicked and I realised I could just laugh at his mad ramblings (and rework many of them into comedic outbursts of faux-outrage).

I wouldn't want to shut him up completely as I suspect he holds many of the levers within my creative mind and doesn't he let my dreams know it.

I became a Therapist. Helping others helps.

Twit 2

If you think you're bipolar but haven't been diagnosed then you are probably low enough on the spectrum for it not to be a huge concern. Generally what happens, or at least did in my experience, is that it will hit you like a ton of bricks at the onset age (late teens/early adulthood) and you won't be wondering. My brother went and squished himself under a train; I found myself in a psychiatric hospital with a team of doctors and their clipboards, textbook bipolar diagnosis. Luckily I'm not too bad on the spectrum and only get hypomania, not mania. My mum would get ravingly psychotic mania with bells on (you can imagine how fun it was being "looked after" by her in that state as a young kid) and get sectioned to fuck.

So yeah, depression and anxiety are constants in my life, always hovering in my periphery. I tell them to fuck off with the old SLEEP EXERCISE DIET ROUTINE.

Overall though, reading Emil Cioran changed my life, because he used SHEER TYRANNY OF WILL and the most consistently breathtakingly beautiful prose I've read to turn all his torment into something productive and marvellous. The stuff he has to say about insomnia and suicide is particularly insightful, but it's all ridiculously insightful, as well as beautiful and funny.

Where was I? Long walks in nature. I'm talking 5 mile walk a day every day and longer than that whenever you can. Going for a walk after I read this. The exercise and natural light is amazing for your serotonin. A good walk is basically natural medication.

So overall, WALKS IN NATURE is single best thing for my brain.


Bence Fekete

#14
Quote from: Twit 2 on June 29, 2022, 05:19:50 PMLong walks in nature..

Additionally, esp if you're on a budget, a cool thing I've found lately is taking a little recording device on a walk and giving yourself a sort of permissionless outloud verbal therapy in situ. Serotonin PLUS the equivalent of a good unintrusive therapist for free, without having to chew some poor feckers ear off

Takes a bit of getting used to, talking to yourself with no prompting like a right Alan. But once you get the gist it's pretty great really. I'm uploading the mp3s onto PC with the tenuous premise that one day I'll pay to have them transcribed by AI (itself pretty cheap and accurate these days) - so ultimately you'll have a textual database of all your sessions/thoughts to keyword or look back on later or whatever. Maybe future AI could productively analyse the spreadsheeted ravings of a drugman?

i think it mainly helps to know that what you're saying could be analysed or potentially listened to one day so that your brain engages properly with the process.

EDIT: A tiny device is best. Discreet, unnoticeable. I have a tiny old mp3 player that's about as light as a teabag that clips snugly to the collar. You could use anything that records of course

i really enjoy this and have started to look forward to it most days. Should've thought of it ears ago

Twit 2

@Bence Fekete Upload the recordings to YouTube. Once people get wind, you'll be loaded.

Shaky

It's a bit of a lottery and perhaps not for everyone, but simply talking through shit on a consistent basis has helped me far more than pills, CBT or any of that. Finding a good fit with a professional is tough, there will be up and down sessions and it can be a slow old road but I found laying it all out and challenging some of my own perceptions and routines to be a massive help. In the interim when it all feels like it's going to shitsville, I at least focus on the next sesh and it provides a bit of light. After a while you may find the "crutch" isn't as necessary and you can do the self-talking thing.

Other than that, a brisk walk and some creative endeavours are a great balm.

Bence Fekete

Quote from: Twit 2 on June 30, 2022, 07:20:53 AM@Bence Fekete Upload the recordings to YouTube. Once people get wind, you'll be loaded.

Barely keeping up with the fan mail as it is thanks

Sonny_Jim

Cheer up mate, fucks sake. Why can't you just be happy?/s

Quote from: confettiinmyhair on June 28, 2022, 11:06:07 PMHelping others helps.
Yeah I found that.  I'm absolutely shit about caring about myself, if left to my own devices I'd end up a prime candidate for one of those Channel 5 reality shows that seem designed to provoke an audience response of 'Fucking 'ell, state of this person, eh?  I'd never let myself get like that'.  Now I have others I have to be responsible for, I'm 9 million less times more likely to go 'ah fuck it' and order a load of barbiturates and LSD off the internet and wind up in a police cell.