Real people with spectacular names

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Just saw this article:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/travel/europe/student-invokes-fury-after-skipping-27354833

A holidaymaker has invoked fury after pretending he needing a wheelchair to skip a large airport queue.

Wolf Jenkins cheerfully filmed himself dodging more than two-hours of queues at Milas-Bodrum Airport in Turkey by pretending he had sprained his ankle.

The 28-year-old student posted a video of his exploits on TikTok having made it back home to Bristol two weeks ago.

Obviously the guy's a LEGEND GARY cunt, but I couldn't get over his name being WOLF JENKINS. I can't think of a more perfect juxtaposition of a first and second name. Poseidon Ramsbottom?

Please share any amazing real names you know of.

[Utter Shit]

There's a child at my daughter's nursery called Clash, and my wife informs me that one of the parents turned up for collection wearing a t-shirt of The Clash. The name is bad enough, but the t-shirt is just far too on the nose isn't it.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

There's a child at my daughter's nursery called Clash, and my wife informs me that one of the parents turned up for collection wearing a t-shirt of The Clash. The name is bad enough, but the t-shirt is just far too on the nose isn't it.

It's their younger sibling Big Audio Dynamite that I feel sorry for.

[TrenterPercenter]

I worked on a case once from someone that had changed his name by depoll to Mr Electric Boogaloo

Does that count?

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Read this out of order and I thought the spectacular name in question was Milas-Bodrum Airport

[shoulders]

Greg Wallace

[Dr Rock]

My last Uber driver was called David Patrick Kelly

[Stigdu]

When I worked at Blockbuster Video, there was an elderly customer by the name of Sidney Harbour-Bridge.

[Jerzy Bondov]

my friend went to school with a lad called Hugh Cumber and it makes me laugh every time I think of it

[Pdine]

Majestic Mapp and Scientific Mapp

[gilbertharding]

I was at Junior School with a lad called Grant Hustler which even at the time I thought was pretty cool. I think (though this might have been another kid) he had a SILVER bomber jacket like some kind of spaceman.

[FalknerHinton]

There's a fella playing college (American) football in Oklahoma called General Booty.

https://247sports.com/player/general-booty-46058082/

[Stigdu]

There's an actor (he's in Final Destination 3) called Texas Battle.

[jamiefairlie]

I worked on a case once from someone that had changed his name by depoll to Mr Electric Boogaloo

Does that count?

Blimey, I thought I had my own case of obvious things... there but no, it is indeed deed poll, I can rest easy.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

"Darth, a doorman at the Pink Flamingo bar in Wolverhampton, who lives in Miner Street with wife Sue Vader, said..."

OK, he changed his name by deed poll for charity about twenty years ago and just never changed it back.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Gay Weatherhead.

[TrenterPercenter]

Blimey, I thought I had my own case of obvious things... there but no, it is indeed deed poll, I can rest easy.

Doh!

[FalknerHinton]

There's an actor (he's in Final Destination 3) called Texas Battle.

He'll always be Gym-Weight Head-Smash to me.

[Shaxberd]

There's a fella playing college (American) football in Oklahoma called General Booty.

https://247sports.com/player/general-booty-46058082/

American football has some phenomenal names:
- D'Brickashaw Ferguson
- Barkevious Mingo
- Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix
- Forrest Lamp
- Plaxico Burress
- Earthwind Moreland
- Richie Incognito

Something about it attracts 'em.

[phantom_power]

[jamiefairlie]

Vandervalk Flump

[bakabaka]

I was at school with a lad called Shane Weston and a lass called J. Jane Amacarelli, whose name was always said in full by everyone because it has such a delightful rhythm.

[non capisco]

Name in the Dartford area phone book in the early 90s - Christopher Wanklyn.

[DrGreggles]

Former Zimbabwean defender Danger Fourpence

[Stigdu]

Former Zimbabwean defender Danger Fourpence

We have a winner!

[Des Wigwam]

"Darth, a doorman at the Pink Flamingo bar in Wolverhampton, who lives in Miner Street with wife Sue Vader, said..."

OK, he changed his name by deed poll for charity about twenty years ago and just never changed it back.

Well, it's forty quid you could do something better with.

[Doomy Dwyer]

Until I went absolutely fucking mental I worked in a small library in Cornwall. These two facts are related but only one is relevant to this anecdote. Every year we have a summer reading challenge which is designed to interest young children in reading and to encourage more people to use the library service. It's a lot of paper work and a major ball ache but then so is life itself. It's not just a case of dishing out books to children and teaching them the magic and wonder of the written word; you'll be pleased to hear that there's a cynical and sinister bureaucratic element to it as well. You've got to sign them up and hand out some cheap trinkets and also tally up registration figures on a spreadsheet that is then sent to the heads of Libraries, Museums & Archives for collation with other branches throughout Cornwall then forwarded to County Hall for further analysis before being sent even further up the governmental chain in order that our funding is adequately cut, redundancies are made and the service is finally run into the ground so that the real estate can be sold off to shady investors.

Signing up the kids is always a pain because, of course, the parents want to let the kids give the information themselves because they're modern aren't-my-kids-gifted-type parents, who are objectively some of the worst and most misguided people on earth but, this being the world in which we live in, I've got to tolerate and even be seen to encourage this shit because it's good for the kids confidence and that. Whatever. However, kids, quite rightly in my opinion, tend to clam up when confronted by The Man and keep it schtum and say nothing. Good for them. You hear nothing, you say nothing, they got nothing – that's the rule. So, I'm put in a position where I've got to wheedle this information out of these absolute menshes like some fucking narco collaborator yellow ratfink bastard which has led me to developing certain problems with my self-image that I won't go into here. I wish the lord would take me now.

It's a long, unnecessarily arduous process, much like reading this post, and it could all be avoided if the parents did the right thing and just coughed up the information and undermined their kids and did us all a favour further down the line because we've all seen where this misguided confidence leads: fake tans, excessive gym use and a complete misunderstanding of the meaning of the word 'literally'. Plus, Cornish kids only have about four names between them so I could probably just guess and save everyone, including myself, a lot of hassle. The boys are pretty much universally called Jayden or Kayden and the girls tend to be either Lamorna or Zephyr. I think the girls get the better of the deal here, because there's a certain poetry to Lamorna and Zephyr that is entirely absent in Jayden and Kayden. Jayden and Kayden just sort of foretells a doomed future that reeks of superskunk, Lynx Africa and dying in a TWOC related car accident in about eight- or nine-years' time. Flowers sellotaped to some bent railings. Some sort of holographic multiverse sadface emoji that sings 'Missing You' by Puff Daddy (feat. Faith Evans) and does the Joker dance.

Anyway, the point of this is - I'm taking the names dutifully like the gestapo and up pops a spectacular one that fits the remit of this thread. It was Analissa Bliss. But when you put it in the spreadsheet it just displayed it as 'Bliss, Anal" such are the deficiencies of the software. That's a hell of a handle to go by, isn't it?     

[JamesTC]

In an old job, I had a case come in for a Mr A Fiddler and Mrs B Diddler. I had to call someone to confirm if they were Fiddlers or Diddlers.

[touchingcloth]

Whenever I watch The Usual Suspects, Yolanda Squatpump always leaps out of the credits.

[curiousoranges]

Moon Bloodgood is a spectacular name, if you're fan of double vowels.