Penis Beaker Discussion Forum in New Low (Mumsnet thread)

[Gurke and Hare]

You put your hands in the toilet? That's disgusting, the dog drinks out of there.

[dissolute ocelot]

In contrast, the toilet seat is apparently one of the cleanest places in your house, far more hygienic than chopping boards, sponges, fridges, light switches, mobile phones, or reusuable shopping bags. So shit on the seat, I guess.

[Butchers Blind]

I shit in a box and post it off to South East Water. Let them deal with it.

[Sebastian Cobb]

In contrast, the toilet seat is apparently one of the cleanest places in your house, far more hygienic than chopping boards, sponges, fridges, light switches, mobile phones, or reusuable shopping bags. So shit on the seat, I guess.

Is this incidental or due to use?

What I'm saying is should I try and fashion a chopping board out of a bog seat or start putting my arse on my chopping board?

[Fambo Number Mive]

Whenever I read one of the "isn't the UK awful these days" threads on Prosecco S-front I think "how many of you voted Tory in the last few elections? how many of you went along with all the monstering of the Labour left and the media? how many of you insist on driving everywhere and then wondering why the roads are clogged and the air is polluted?"

And then you get the right wing head in the sand "people complaint too much tosh"

The NHS is flawed but imagine living in a country with no healthcare. People who don't work are given benefits. Yes there are homeless people but you are usually housed if you can't pay for one yourself. Things are harder than say 10 years ago but so many people in the uk are moany, whiny and selfish. That's where the real problems lie. You have no idea what it would be like to live in a poorer country.

And the "At least we're not Libya!"

You're being ridiculous and have no idea what a truly dreadful country is if you think the UK is one. Try living in Libya, Somalia, Haiti, Afghanistan. You don't know you're born!

This poster has the solution to tax the lowest earners more:

It's not economically sound to keep penalising the highest contributors with some on marginal rates of over 100% the government have found this out the hard way. We are now at the tipping point that people change their behaviour. Need a consultant anyone?

The problem is - the lowest earners aren't paying enough tax. Stopping the most productive members paying in is just, frankly, tin pot politics. European models tax lower earners more and wealth more. They don't solely rely on their 5% of highest earners on PAYE.

Where's your "rainy day" fund of £1000 a month?

That's difficult to do when your mortgage has gone up £1000 a month. People are having to get lodgers and put off renovations etc.

This is what your rainy-day fund is for, the money that you saved through not blowing everything you earned in the better times.

I suspect most Mumsnetters will vote Tory or Starmer Labour "I can't believe they aren't called Tory" in 2024. So many of them seem to live in a middle-class bubble.

[Fambo Number Mive]

You can read the thread, one of many, here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4895593-to-think-the-uk-has-become-awful?page=1

[Glebe]

[Kankurette]

I thought they'd want to live in Afghanistan. The Taliban knowing what a woman is and all.

[ollyboro]

I clean my toilet with bathroom cleaner, a cloth and bare hands!

The trick is to wash your hands afterwards.

I clean my toilet with jets of piss.

No tricks.

[Attila]

Thorough enjoying the screamer in the Sistine Chapel thread, having just come back from a couple weeks in Rome. Also, I think if I went to Rome and ended up in the Coliseum, as the OP in that thread did, I'd scream, too, given that it's in Oakland (I know, I know, she misspelled Colosseum, but allow me my laffs).

(The only stuff I saw/overhead were on two occasions, tourists saying, Oh look, get a picture of that it looks important, what is it? on passing the Victor  Emmanuel Monumental one day, and the Pantheon on another. Mostly, however, I give the super-heavy touristy areas a swerve this time of year if I can.)

[Dex Sawash]

Boo. Was just about to start a business selling penis-cleaning machines to Mumsnet users. A bit like a giant electric pencil sharpener. Don't get the two confused. Although if the machine is too good, then the Mumsnet users will no longer get any sex and have nothing to complain about.

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[Kankurette]

They really, really love suggesting compulsory sterilisation as a punishment for child abuse. It's wishful thinking, but let's be realistic, a government with the power to sterilise people can and will abuse it.

[Zetetic]

They really, really love suggesting compulsory sterilisation as a punishment for child abuse. It's wishful thinking, but let's be realistic, a government with the power to sterilise people can and will abuse it.

It's not like we don't have something akin to "chemical castration" now for "sexual deviation in males", although I believe the closest to it being compulsory would being part of treatment under a hospital order.

[machotrouts]

It's not like we don't have something akin to "chemical castration" now for "sexual deviation in males", although I believe the closest to it being compulsory would being part of treatment under a hospital order.

It's okay though, they all get pardoned and put on stamps 60 years down the line ❤️

[Zetetic]

Oh, yeah, or as an MHTR as part of probation, I guess.

[Kankurette]

This is the thread in question. TW for child abuse.

[dissolute ocelot]

They really, really love suggesting compulsory sterilisation as a punishment for child abuse. It's wishful thinking, but let's be realistic, a government with the power to sterilise people can and will abuse it.

Surgical castration reportedly produces definitive results, even in repeat pedophilic offenders, by reducing recidivism rates to 2% to 5% compared with expected rates of 50%.

Chemical castration is done in South Korea, and they seem to be a happy society without any issues, although side-effects range from depression to loss of bone density and increased risk of cardiovascular disease. It also apparently costs about £4000 per year, which is a lot more than a Mumsnetter using their gardening shears. (Journal of Korean Medical Science).

[Jerzy Bondov]

Maybe it's made up, maybe nothing is real, maybe we shouldn't enjoy anything ever again, but I like the Fat Ball Thread. No it's not about a man's testicles! It's about a mum whose kids make some fat balls for birds (big lump of lard with all seeds stuck in it) and leave them in the fridge to solidify. The dad comes and eats one, thinking it's an 'artisanal scotch egg'. That's it I guess but it made me laugh.

[Icehaven]

Maybe it's made up, maybe nothing is real, maybe we shouldn't enjoy anything ever again, but I like the Fat Ball Thread. No it's not about a man's testicles! It's about a mum whose kids make some fat balls for birds (big lump of lard with all seeds stuck in it) and leave them in the fridge to solidify. The dad comes and eats one, thinking it's an 'artisanal scotch egg'. That's it I guess but it made me laugh.

In various versions I've heard of that it's got worms, cat biscuits and stale food in it too.

[Beloved of Jo]

So this Mumsnet, it's just like that 4chan place? Except instead, everybody has sex and hates it?

[Kankurette]

They really don't like kids very much for a parenting site.

[Zetetic]

Chemical castration is done in South Korea, and they seem to be a happy society without any issues [...] It also apparently costs about £4000 per year, which is a lot more than a Mumsnetter using their gardening shears. (Journal of Korean Medical Science).

It's only that expensive because they're using GnRHas. There are much cheaper chemical approaches, as I've mentioned and the article you've linked mentioned.

although side-effects range from depression to loss of bone density and increased risk of cardiovascular disease

The obvious solution is to supplement with estrogen. This isn't even a joke and the article effectively gestures towards this as a fix. At that point you've just put them on a transfem HRT regime, really.

(Edit: Although arguably the point of the approach is just to make the person quite unwell, really, rather than targetted ?male libido suppression. You might as well just inject them insulin or something.)

[Beloved of Jo]

The obvious solution is to supplement with estrogen. This isn't even a joke and the article effectively gestures towards this as a fix. At that point you've just put them on a transfem HRT regime, really.

That didn't result in a happy ending for Alan Turing. Although there's so much conflicting info that it's hard to tell. Some say he was sentenced to two years of it and killed himself at the end from the dysphoria, others say it was only one year of oestrogen, others that it was one year of injections with a long-lasting megadose oestrogen implant at the end of it, others that he had an implant but cut it out of his leg, and still others insist that he died from a lab accident in his bedroom like some nutty professor.

Your Mumsnet crowd would hate the cis person given HRT and getting "reverse" dysphoria explanation, though.

[Milo]

(Edit: Although arguably the point of the approach is just to make the person quite unwell, really, rather than targetted ?male libido suppression. You might as well just inject them insulin or something.)

Yep, there's lots of cheap options if you just want to make someone too ill to feel like shagging.

[machotrouts]

Forcefemmed to death by Mumsnet

[bgmnts]

It's at least good to see so many people on mumsnet are absolutely fucking miserable and hate their lives: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4902366-being-an-adult-is-not-what-i-expected

It is odd how socially conservative they are on there too:

I'd hate the majority of my arse hanging out, but we are in a bit of a porn culture.

[Dr Rock]

It's at least good to see so many people on mumsnet are absolutely fucking miserable and hate their lives: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4902366-being-an-adult-is-not-what-i-expected

First couple of posts are about death and cancer. Next post is about fussy eaters.

[Milo]

Almost everyone since human consciousness emerged would be amazed at the idea that life is supposed to be a laugh.

[The Bumlord]

In various versions I've heard of that it's got worms, cat biscuits and stale food in it too.

Is this a safe space?

I once had a drunken nibble of a Wilko coconut half filled with fat and mealworms, just to see what these bird lads were into.


It was FUCKING horrible.

[Kankurette]

I ate a dog biscuit once, when I was 5. It tasted like cardboard.

You can make edible fatballs, I found a recipe for one, but the Wilko ones? Birds ONLY.