Truly pathetic attempts at humour

[madhair60]

[Phoenix Lazarus]

That's ten seconds of my life reading that I can never get back: for the creator, probably about a full minute.

[neveragain]

Nice montage of crap 90s 80s standup from everythingisterrible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei916rq9x0M

That's terrific.

[jobotic]

Is that comic strip called Our Super Adventure?

Imagine if you met a couple who referred to their relationship as "our super adventure" in the presence of others. Fuck me.

[Bhazor]

That's terrific.

Rewatching it, its uncannily like the first series of The Eric Andre show. "Bitches be shoppin'"

[notjosh]

It's that sort of humour where people think it's literally enough just to say "there was a large amount of food and a person would be greedy to eat it... BUT THE PERSON DID EAT THE FOOD AND THAT'S THE PUNCHLINE! A PERSON WAS GREEDY!".

When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.

[Cuellar]

When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.

There's a Limmy sketch for every occasion

[thatguyfromthatthing]

I'm probably reading to much into this, but this reads like the cartoon equivalent of Ulysses in terms of train of thought style.

[Barry Admin]

 

To be fair I don't think "the admin" was speaking as "the admin" at that moment, as in "I want to see an end to this stuff or else".  He was just speaking as his human self, offering an opinion.

Someone actually gets it. Thank you.

[Gloria Trubshawe]

Been reading this forum for a while now. But I had to sign up today, when I stumbled across this thread and realised that you have all missed the one true comic genius of our age.

Ladies and gentleman, let me present to you Max West and his Sunnyville Stories:

http://sunnyvillestories.com/



The whole package is so unutterably atrocious that part of me wants to believe it is an elaborate spoof, created by a master satirist. But surely no-one could carry it on for so long?

Max West's strips elevate unfunniness to an art-form although unfortunately the quality of his artwork isn't so lucky.

But what makes the whole thing car-crash viewing of the finest quality, is that Max himself thinks he is a genius and that anyone who doesn't appreciate this genius is "jealous of his success".

He blogs incessantly, promoting his latest comic strips, pushing his vanity self-published books and bemoaning the fact that the wider world doesn't appreciate his talent, as he records "disappointing sales" at comic convention after comic convention or post mortems his latest failed Kickstarter, blaming everything from the weather to the time of year, to the layout of the venue –but never for a moment his own lack of talent. 

In fact, so blind to his own complete lack of ability is he that he regularly publishes art tutorials and dispenses, from the lofty heights of his success, sage advice for wannabe cartoonists.

Enjoy!

[dannyfc]

I generally have Radio 4 on as background noise in my flat, which my attention will tune in and out of.

But there's this half hour comedy bit that airs tonight they keep promoting in between shows that's driving me mad. I can't recall the comedians name, but he just seems a very camp, generically inoffensive chap. No worries, not my taste, but this last line on the promo snippet...

"Once I went to a football match? And then someone called me mate.....and I thought no thanks"

AND THATS IT. THAT'S THE JOKE. THE PUNCHLINE BEING A CAMP MAN AT FOOTBALL BEING CALLED MATE IS HILARIOUSLY INCOMPATIBLE.

Maybe the promo is missing the context and doesn't do it justice, but the tone of the delivery is just like those Limmy vlogger videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LH7ryspjs

[Bhazor]

Ladies and gentleman, let me present to you Max West and his Sunnyville Stories:

The commentary on his comics is amazing.

That text box that reads "Look of Horror" generated some controversy.  Some thought that was overkill – I had sound thinking to back it up then.  This was meant to convey that this is a MAJOR turning point in Rusty's life.  He's being taken away from everything he knows and is going to be thrust into a completely alien environment.  One troll was harassing me about this page.  This guy couldn't draw himself and I tried to explain to him that this is something Scott McCloud calls a "duo-specific" combination of words and pictures.  Big mistake – the troll's Neanderthal mind was too stupid to process that information and he just started flinging insults (as most trolls do when confronted with facts and logic).  Needless to say, he ended up looking very foolish and juvenile.

[Ferris]

Bad cartoons/comics make me legitimately angry. They take so much more time to read because you absorb the artwork, the writing, the graphic effects etc and then you do that for each panel then realize it's complete crap and you've wasted your analytical powers assessing it. It's like being given a balance sheet and spending ages analyzing it only to realize it's an elaborate waste of your time.

That, and the sheer waste of time on the writer's/artist's time. Infuriating.

[Bhazor]

But remember. He's making money from his artwork and you're not. So who really is the ball licker?

[Tony Yeboah]

I generally have Radio 4 on as background noise in my flat, which my attention will tune in and out of.

But there's this half hour comedy bit that airs tonight they keep promoting in between shows that's driving me mad. I can't recall the comedians name, but he just seems a very camp, generically inoffensive chap. No worries, not my taste, but this last line on the promo snippet...

"Once I went to a football match? And then someone called me mate.....and I thought no thanks"

AND THATS IT. THAT'S THE JOKE. THE PUNCHLINE BEING A CAMP MAN AT FOOTBALL BEING CALLED MATE IS HILARIOUSLY INCOMPATIBLE.

Maybe the promo is missing the context and doesn't do it justice, but the tone of the delivery is just like those Limmy vlogger videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LH7ryspjs

Joe Lycett. I think it's a funny bit, he's taking the mickey out of his own snobbery. One of his stand-up shows is on BBC Two tonight if anyone's a fan.

[Monsieur Verdoux]

Have posted this somewhere here before, but it definitely deserves a re-airing in this thread due to how shockingly bad it is: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AhT2mRwrNno

[Bhazor]

He's so happy he's found a way to make faggot jokes without having to use the word faggot.

[olliebean]

Joe Lycett. I think it's a funny bit, he's taking the mickey out of his own snobbery. One of his stand-up shows is on BBC Two tonight if anyone's a fan.

The half-hour thing on Radio 4 tonight was Tom Allen, though. I don't know if that's one of his jokes, but he fits the description.

[yesitsme]

Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank.  What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?  I'll give The Fosdyke Saga a pass as that could be quite good and Bill Tidy was always ace on things.  What about George and Lynne, what was that spoof thing that basically just had the word 'Ubbs' every other word?  Much much better than the original and 'Robot Lynne' had tears rolling down my cheeks.  Must give that another swatch.

I don't have time for comedy that has to take a convoluted route to get to the 'punchline'. That's yer Tim Vines of this world, yer Milton Joneses of this world and that other wee pricks of this world.

Who remembers 'Oooh Gary Davies'?  not the 'Sloppy Bit' but the bit where he'd read a letter 'from' a listener that somehow worked its way to a song title.

One I can never forget was about a bloke who lived in Newquay (which was now an independent state and had it's own President by the way.  Remember that, it'll come in handy at the end).  He was a wig maker and blah blah.

When asked what he did he said 'I make wigs, wigs for the President of Newquay'.

He then played Weak in the Presence of Beauty by yer Alison Moyets of this world.

Wigs for the President of Newquay?  Fuck off.

[ajsmith2]

Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank. 

nah, I (really) like this one: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flook_(comic_strip).

Plus Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes are other more lauded quality ones.

I think it'd be very hard to produce a daily humour strip, with a punchline at the end of each 4 panels, while maintaining an ongoing story. No wonder so many devolve into utter pablum or never rise above it.

[yesitsme]

When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.

To me laughter is a precious commodity and should be handled with love and care.  People who laugh at everything they see or hear or bantz are devaluing the currency.  You know what I do when I hear the above or anything along the lines of 'Not bad...for a TUESDAY!'?

Nothing.  Stone faced silence.  Laughing at these people only encourages them.

[thecuriousorange]

Count Curly Wee. What the hell even was that?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Nemi was one of the earliest derided pieces of art on CaB, that goes back 15 years if not more.

[Bobtoo]

The half-hour thing on Radio 4 tonight was Tom Allen, though. I don't know if that's one of his jokes, but he fits the description.

I heard the trailer in question today. It's definitely Tom Allen, which is who I originally thought it would be from the description. 

[Nelson]

Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank.  What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?  I'll give The Fosdyke Saga a pass as that could be quite good and Bill Tidy was always ace on things.  What about George and Lynne, what was that spoof thing that basically just had the word 'Ubbs' every other word?  Much much better than the original and 'Robot Lynne' had tears rolling down my cheeks.  Must give that another swatch.

I don't have time for comedy that has to take a convoluted route to get to the 'punchline'. That's yer Tim Vines of this world, yer Milton Joneses of this world and that other wee pricks of this world.

Who remembers 'Oooh Gary Davies'?  not the 'Sloppy Bit' but the bit where he'd read a letter 'from' a listener that somehow worked its way to a song title.

One I can never forget was about a bloke who lived in Newquay (which was now an independent state and had it's own President by the way.  Remember that, it'll come in handy at the end).  He was a wig maker and blah blah.

When asked what he did he said 'I make wigs, wigs for the President of Newquay'.

He then played Weak in the Presence of Beauty by yer Alison Moyets of this world.

Wigs for the President of Newquay?  Fuck off.

The one I remember featured characters called Mave, Gaye and Rex, who got sunburnt.
Here's Mave and Gaye, with Rex; they're all peeling

[Ferris]

Is Nemi the goth cartoon in the Metro? I remember that being utter toilet-water.

[non capisco]

Nemi's not STILL going, is it? Next you're going to tell me the Daily Mail are still running their One Foot In The Grave ripoff cartoon called 'I Don't Believe It!'. Didn't even change the catchphrase, unbelievable.

[Chriddof]

All newspaper cartoons are wank. What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?

Garth wasn't a comedy strip, it was an action-adventure strip:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_(comic_strip)

Garth was a comic strip in the British newspaper Daily Mirror from July 24, 1943, to March 22, 1997. The strip belonged to the action-adventure genre and recounted the exploits of the title character, an immensely strong hero who battled various villains throughout the world and many different chronological eras.

In the backstory, Garth washed ashore in Shetland and was adopted by an elderly couple.[1] Garth developed almost superhuman strength and eventually became a naval captain and all-round military genius.[3] Garth travelled through many eras and confronted villains such as Madame Voss and Apollo. His true love was the ancient goddess-like figure, Astra. Garth's sidekick and mentor was Professor Lumiere, who psychoanalyzed the hero and recovered memories of his previous experiences.

I don't know why, but I had an Andy Capp game for my ZX Spectrum. I also don't know why they made an Andy Capp game in the first place, though that seemed to be the kind of thing software companies did back then (here's the Allo Allo! game for the Amiga).

[alan nagsworth]

This went somewhat unresolved when it wad first posted, so I'd like to offer my take on what is happening:

The artist is trying to convey what he thinks should be acceptable behaviour in a relationship. The scenario taking place here is that the couple are at a convention - note the lanyards - and there is a girl more conventionally attractive than his partner, who is cosplaying as Pikachu, with her ample bosom on display.

Rather than learning to respect his partner's wish for a boyfriend who doesn't ogle the breasts of a girl dressed as a cartoon rodent, he believes that she should not only allow his objectification, but also encourage and take part in it. This last interpretation isn't exact, however, as the second panel doesn't actually show the girlfriend similarly objectifying the girl dressed as the world famous electric mouse. Merely she is seen to be appreciating the spectacle but also allowing her partner to get a sweet eyeful of those big ol' tiddies.

Even if the artist's wish isn't granted IRL - and let's be honest, his marital status alone should probably be brought into question - you can at least guarantee some satisfaction on his behalf, because he got to draw a cartoon of a girl with big ol' tiddies dressed as a fucking Pikachu. Good for him.

[Phil_A]

Nemi's not STILL going, is it?

Nemi actually finished years ago, this was the canonical final strip.