Breath Freshening Solutions

[Brian Freeze]

How do you do yours?

Other than reducing the piss gargling and upping the flossing of course.

Im doing two bags a week of Jakemans* and would like to move to something with less sugar in. But sweeteners can fuck off. Dont need no laxatives.

Sucking a clove work???

Long shifts fuelled by coffee and garlic heavy home cooking make me extremely conscious about my breath.

Any ideas please, thanks, cheers.



* I found the menthol blueberry flavour this week, wow.

[shiftwork2]

Ultradex.  Reliably zaps your 'volatile sulphur compounds' unlike any other mouthwash.  Tesco's and Boots.  Alright cheers have a nice weekend.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I try to cut back on the dogshit

[SpiderChrist]

I brush my teeth with dogshit. Doesn't cure my bad breath entirely but it takes the edge off a bit.

[poo]

Steak bake

[Tony Tony Tony]

Only ever breathe in.

[Buelligan]

I won't suggest cutting down on the old cock-sucking.  No.  For that might be viewed by some as inappropriate, even rude.

[dissolute ocelot]

Only ever breathe in.

To be fair you can breathe out through your nose. Just make sure it's stuffed with mint leaves first.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Brush your tongue or use a tongue scraper (or spoon) as far back as you can go without gagging, most bacteria resides on the tongue.

[The Mollusk]

Simply consume only mint products forever. Minty salad, mint tea, after eights, humbugs, mojitos, mint vienetta. Should clear you up in no time.

[Clive Dogshit]

Jam half a lemon in the back of your throat. Citrus fresh mouth guffs all day.

[Jittlebags]

There was something, can't remember if it was a comic or what, but some bloke was asking a woman with bad breath...

"Pardon me madam, don't think me rude, but have you perchance been necking clarts?"

Never fails to make me chuckle. Actually, was probably the Profanisaurus.

[Butchers Blind]

Talk facing away from people.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Gargle bleach

...I do actually regularly use 1.5% hydrogen peroxide mouthwash - can make your own easily with food grade peroxide, I add some menthol crystals and sodium bicarb too - or you can buy it ready made, I think Colgate do one - and it seems to a great job of wiping out mouth nasties of various kinds inc plaque deposits, dissolves all organic membranes a goodun but obvs has to be used with some care as a result (also helps whiten your teeth a bit)

Heavy coffee drinking should be combined with lots of compensatory hydration in order to mitigate some of the less pleasant breath qualities but I often forget this

[Midas]

Gargle vinegar and sodium bicarbonate

[Marbles]

Seconded for Ultradex. Started using it after mask-wearing (which made the difference v.noticeable)

[Brian Freeze]

Cheers, will look at Ultradex. Will also definitely consider sucking a bit less cock, but can't promise anything.

I probably phrased my question badly as I rushed typing it while skiving at work for 30 seconds.

I was after minty/herby/fruity type things to complement my decentish dental hygiene while away from the sink/toothbrush/mouthwash. Jakemans are very efffective, but sugary.

[shoulders]

None of the stuff I devour, that being the pickled, aged, steeped, vine ripened, matured middlebrow gash that I must make peace with helps with halitosis.

My breath routinely smells dreadful, despite regimented efforts to address it. I reckon it's the receding gums trapping food bits. I don't accept that though. I never give up. I always seek balance.

Unfortunately scoffing rye bread and sauerkraut generally means your breath will be the same for at least three days.

Find a partner happy to be as disgusting as you.

[Johnny Yesno]

I won't suggest cutting down on the old cock-sucking.  No.  For that might be viewed by some as inappropriate, even rude.

And also unrealistic.

[Johnny Yesno]

I use Welter's brushpicks to remove food that gets stuck between my teeth when I eat out. That seems to have made a significant difference.

[Brian Freeze]

Update:

Have binned the two packs of Jakemans a week off (nearly 600 calories in my back pocket now) and last night tried sucking whole cloves. Amazing.

Sucked two for an hour then slowly crunched up over the next hour. Lovely.

Got through eight last night and then googled potential sideeffects on the way home and that many might have a negative effect on little Brian. Haven't conducted an experiment along those lines yet but am reducing it to your a night to be on the safe side.

My aim is to permanently smell like one of them Christmas oranges. Wish me luck!

[thenoise]

The trick is to neglect the rest of your personal hygiene to the extent that nobody gets close enough to smell your breath - too repulsed by the smell of your armpits/feet/ greasy hair/etc.

[thenoise]

cock-sucking

It's the bum-licking that really fouls up the breath. Maybe save it for the weekends?

[bgmnts]

Mint cum

[Norton Canes]

SMINT. Doesn't work? MORE SMINT.

[touchingcloth]

Mint cum

This doesn't work because the cum is not anti-bacterial. My usual approach is to gargle cum-flavour Listerine.

[Midas]

Wear a noseclip

[Maurice Yeatman]

last night tried sucking whole cloves. Amazing.

Sucked two for an hour then slowly crunched up over the next hour. Lovely.

Lovely.

[thenoise]

Wear a noseclip

Or hand them out to everyone you meet.

[Glebe]

Im doing two bags a week of Jakemans