DESOLATION_V.swf

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The plague makes a MASSIVE comeback, starting with your house.

[petril]

a new Star Trek series but it's basically Desmond's with Romulans. Still set in Peckham ofc

[Pingers]

You pick your child up from school and they clutch a shiny golden envelope. "Only 5 children in our year got these", they say excitedly, "the teachers said we're very special and to only open these when we get home!"

So you hurry home, chatting all the way, where they excitedly open the envelope. "Your child has coronavirus, the exterminators are on their way"

[Ferris]

Your "Toploader: Best Of" CD is work out from overuse.

[Cerys]

A fart develops agoraphobia and forces its way, weeping in terror, into the rectum of the person sitting closest to the arse who actually dealt it.

[Ferris]

Your low quality deso post is ruined by a typo

[Cerys]

I thought it added to the pathos.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

An ailing log flume engineer starts to personify his tools.

'Here is Mr Wrench, and here, here, is Mr Goebbals...'

[poo]

An ailing log flume engineer spends the best part of a year crafting a mini zorb for his imaginary mouse friend.

[poo]

An alternate universe where Joseph Fritzl is Dusty Bin and you are his captive.

[pancreas]

Debbie McGee turns out to be a concept and you are the next in turn.

[DoesNotFollow]

Telling a girl you've been thinking about her 'a fucktonne'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A severe train delay is explained by a build up of 'the wrong kind of turds'.

[petril]

he flicks Vs at you like a T-Rex

[derek stitt]

A paedo tells a rapist that paying for sex is immoral.

A blind man scratches his ass, the piles read 'You have Cancer' in Braille.

[Bence Fekete]

Your careworker, Anne, accidentally leaks your DNA code online and it immediately starts showing up at global crime scenes. You are forced to give 6am daily semen samples at the local nick for no obvious reason in a room that smells of fried chicken and Lucozade.   

[DoesNotFollow]

Chapped lips and blue balls - family game night rolls around again!

[poo]

A John McCririck cum tribute ends in a trip to A&E.

[Cerys]

Tonight's WI meeting is cancelled.  The biscuit tin has been compromised.  Mandy suspects her teenage son and his few remaining friends.  Her resting bitch face acquires two more forehead wrinkles.  Time for another cleansing.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A sex performer on an ethical porn site signs off the cum shot with a wink and the OK white supremacy gesture.

[Bazooka]

The Cenotaph is replaced with a statue of Kirby after a royal vote.

[Ferris]

Your gran gets posthumously #canceled

[Cerys]

Ormskirk does it again.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Alan is removed from the map. Where is he. Dunno, off the map.

[dex]

You're on your bike and stopped at some traffic lights. None other than Chris Morris pulls up on his bike beside you. You try and stammer a hello, great works, when is your next project coming out etc but he shakes his head and mutters that the light is green, you fucking nincompoop.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Dave farnts on stage.

'Urgh', says a woman near the front. 'Can you smell that?'

'Should we help him up?'

'Not with that pong'

[Cerys]

Valentine's Day is made compulsory.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A farnting contest is aborted after the scorer himself farnts and has to be revived with salt and fresh stools.

[petril]

Russ Bray makes a cameo in a sitcom

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Paul Ross tuts at a farnter.

'I wouldn't have farnted in that situation', he concludes, with a triumphally emphatic parp.