Families at WAR!

[PlanktonSideburns]

There's a first time for everything.

My 2 brothers are the dream team who will be the executors of the will. Eldest brother was there taking pics of documents (will etc), which is fine. After he's left, other brother calls me and tells me that he's told eldest bro that I want to see the will, which he is then going to bring round to me this afternoon and wants me to keep it here until we need it.

Now, this to me sounds like a very bad idea and an escalation of the type of bullshittery that has already happened. I understand why he wants me to keep it (so eldest brother doesn't just take it), but removing it from the house without all 3 of us agreeing on it is a bad idea.

Other brother slowly being revealed as the real baddie here

[Blinder Data]

yes, eldest brother is behaving awfully. making sure rent is paid to him for a house he doesn't own is an odd thing to prioritise in the immediate aftermath. serious question: is he like this about everything? does he have a condition? I know little about autism but something about his reaction brings it to mind.

I think that, if you're worried about your middle bro, now is the time to stick by him and make sure he isn't screwed over. but in general it sounds like you all have problems speaking/communicating. I wish I could say you're an outlier but so many families are like yours: WhatsApp groups become a vortex of misinterpreted comments and fraught drama

having things in writing, openly communicating about what you are doing and why, seeking consent or at least a heads up before taking decisions - it's bread and butter stuff but would make all the difference even though I know it can be hard when families decide to fuck it all up

best of luck

[Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead]

I know little about autism but something about his reaction brings it to mind.

Fuck's sake. Plenty of us autistics know right from wrong better than NTs seemingly do. If you know little about something, why even raise it?

[monkfromhavana]

yes, eldest brother is behaving awfully. making sure rent is paid to him for a house he doesn't own is an odd thing to prioritise in the immediate aftermath. serious question: is he like this about everything? does he have a condition? I know little about autism but something about his reaction brings it to mind.

I think that, if you're worried about your middle bro, now is the time to stick by him and make sure he isn't screwed over. but in general it sounds like you all have problems speaking/communicating. I wish I could say you're an outlier but so many families are like yours: WhatsApp groups become a vortex of misinterpreted comments and fraught drama

having things in writing, openly communicating about what you are doing and why, seeking consent or at least a heads up before taking decisions - it's bread and butter stuff but would make all the difference even though I know it can be hard when families decide to fuck it all up

best of luck

It's basically anxiety mixed up with childhood resentment. Myself and middle brother have acknowledged our anxiety and done something about it (CBT, DBT, medication), but I don't think that the eldest brother has. One one level you should have sympathy for someone who is struggling with something, but if they won't admit it, make other people's life reasonably miserable and then don't apologise, you struggle.

We do have problems with communication, but eldest brother has such a way about him that even in non-stress situations, he just puts me on edge. You always feel like he wants only positive reinforcement and agreeing with him about everything and if you don't, he goes into sulk/passive aggressive mode.

After I reached out after the initial thing of him charging round town freezing bank accounts without informing anyone, I did text and explain why I was a bit pee'd off, and he responded that is was his way of dealing with grief. Now, I think that's a load of bollocks, but fair enough, but then he continues to just do things unilaterally.

Within 3 hours of my dad dying he was asking my middle brother what his intentions were regarding the house, and then the whole rent stuff less than a week after just rubs people up the wrong way.

Then again, middle brother is also prone to reactionary anxiety (his idea about taking the will out of the house etc), it's kind of tit-for-tat knobbery.

My faults are probably meekness and inability to call out or communicate about the shitty behaviour. When my anxiety rears it's head, it usually manifests itself in avoidance, which probably doesn't help matters.

In another development, my brother has informed various members of the family about the whole "rent" situation, which they haven't taken well. Just feels like everything is escalating towards some kind of explosion.

[RickyHamster]

Just feels like everything is escalating towards some kind of explosion.

One of my exes became incredibly horny after her mother died so I guess it's 'fight or fuck' time for the brothers Havana.

[Catalogue of ills]

One of my exes became incredibly horny after her mother died

So when that died down, you killed her dad.

[RickyHamster]

So when that died down, you killed her dad.

Extended family.


Decimated.

[monkfromhavana]

Well, I need to have a vent.

Funeral went fine, solicitors handling probate. Both brothers have gone mental.

Brother Two (eldest one, cunt) keeps entering the family home, where Brother one (I get with, though less and less, mental) still lives, when no-one's there. We arrange days to go through stuff, decide what gets chucked etc and we said we'd only do this together unless with approval of absent one.Anything valuable or potentially sentimental is put aside. Unfortunately brother one keeps going into the house during the day, and if no-one is there, rummaging through things (don't think he has taken anything). He is basically paranoid as fuck that Brother one is taking things from the house. Brother two is pissed off at Brother one going around his home when he's not there.

You may wonder how Brother Two knows that Brother One has been in the house, he knows because he leaves a few voice-activated dictaphones around the house for him to go through when he gets back from work. Unfortunately this has also caught brother one saying some very shitty things about brother two that have wound him up even further. He also seemingly caught brother one checking the plates in the kitchen (normal plates), trying to establish if they are the same plates as before.

Eseentially, brother one is paranoid that brother two might be stealing things from the house (there's nothing there worth doing that) and will be "trying to buy the place on the cheap" when we put it on the market. He also thinks that Brother two doesn't trust him.

Brother two is paranoid that brother one might be stealing things from the house (there's nothing there worth doing that), and is perhaps more just in this because his privacy is invaded on a daily basis, including brother one going through his bedroom).

The thing is...brother two has enough money to move out of the house basically straight away (he has lived at home for many years and saved a substantial amount of money), but he won't. I have also offered him our spare bedroom on a short-term basis, so he can get out. But he refuses for reasons unknown, instead just calling me to tell me about the latest incursions, whilst also repeating how "fucked" he is. He just keeps on sinking a bottle of wine every night and not sleeping and getting more and more wound up (with good reason).

However, there is also the implication in some of what he says, that I am not doing enough in tackling brother one's behaviour. He's right as I am one of the most conflict-averse people, but on the other hand, I have offered a few routes out.

Tonight however, he said that when we all go to scatter our parents ashes in Cromer (fucking miles away and I don't drive, is he would give me a lift), that as soon as the ashes are scattered he will turn to brother one, tell him "goodbye" and to fuck off. Fair enough, apart from the kicker of "and if you want a lift home, you need to do the same" with the implication that our relationship would be dead as well. Which, well, I'm putting down to stress and a lack of sleep.

Anyway, I'm tempted to push both the fuckers off the cliff where we scatter the ashes and pay someone to drive me home in one of the motors.