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March 28, 2024, 04:09:05 PM

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Sgt Shitty Pants

Started by Sebastian Cobb, May 23, 2022, 02:17:59 PM

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Sebastian Cobb

https://nixolympia.com/sergeant-major-michael-ransley-soiled-himself-in-lederhosen-during-the-oktoberfest-event/

The Sergeant whose job it was to make sure are boys didn't drink too much drank so much he shat himself.

idunnosomename

Some background on this brave boyo

(times link)

https://archive.ph/XOXBE

Also I think that clickbait site just lifts the copy from the daily mail. Heres an archive of it thats easier to read

https://archive.ph/7rdcH

jobotic

A military evacuation.

For you, shits, the war is over.

shiftwork2

I'm hoping the judge follows through on this serious matter.

Brundle-Fly

There was a strong smell of vomit and stool.

Now playing all summer with The Grumbleweeds at the Winter Gardens, Blackpool. Book today.

pigamus

Glass houses, people, glass houses

idunnosomename

Quote'He was in the toilet and he stood up as someone else entered and soiled himself. He then fell into it.

Norton Canes

Let's hope he didn't get any on his privates!

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Is he 40 or 24 because that article says both

idunnosomename

Hey kids!

Arrr ya ready??!?!

Ohhhhh KAY

Whoooooooo
's the most reputable soldier in Brecon, Powys

SERGEANT SHITE PANTS

Surely he won't let the lads get too pissed

SERGEANT SHITE PANTS

If it's a moderate Oktoberfest's you want to do

SERGEANT SHITE PANTS

Then shit down your leg and fall in the loo!

SERGEANT SHITE PANTS
SERGEANT SHITE PANTS
SERGEANT SHITE PANTS

Brian Freeze

Quote from: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 23, 2022, 06:23:08 PMIs he 40 or 24 because that article says both

I got confused by that but one of the archived versions say he was a soldier of 24 years service.

Tony Tony Tony

QuoteRansley, who wore brown lederhosen

Of course they were.

Dex Sawash


Inspector Norse

QuoteSgt Shitty Pants

Captain Tom "not respected by nursing home carers", says inquiry

Janie Jones

Quote from: pigamus on May 23, 2022, 04:05:46 PMGlass houses, people, glass houses
Indeed. Was just thinking, what name does he post here under...

pigamus


checkoutgirl

QuoteBut the 40-year-old decorated veteran — the oldest soldier at the German-themed event — had an accident in the toilet, leaving the long Bavarian socks he was wearing covered in his own trash.

thenoise

Quote from: Janie Jones on May 23, 2022, 08:04:52 PMIndeed. Was just thinking, what name does he post here under...

They were lederhosen in name only.

idunnosomename

it's kind of legend material to shit yourself quite profusely and insist on keeping drinking. the queen gave him a medal for Iraq, imo he should get a bigger one for this incredible display. come on your maj, step in and save an old soldier's legacy!

PlanktonSideburns


Replies From View

It's the word choice and accompanying mental image of "Soiled Himself In Lederhosen" that I like.  It suggests the Lederhosen have a repelling force within them, pushing the soiling back towards the skin of whoever dealt it.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

Sergeant Pooper's Lonely Sharts Club Band

The Mollusk

It reads like it's AI generated which is part of why it's so funny. It is a brilliant story on its own though.

Replies From View

I love this.

Quote'All evening he was advised by others who said that he had stools on his legs, that he should clean up and that he should not come back.

"He was in the toilet and he got up when someone else came in and soiled himself. He then fell in.

"He was repeatedly told by other senior members that they not only pointed to the stool on his leg, but also advised him to leave and go to sleep off the alcohol.

He continued to return to the position despite being physically escorted to a private room. He has been taken there twice.

He didn't and came back with stool on his leg. The smell and sight caused distress to others. In the end he didn't come back. Then two members of the mess go to the room and check on him. He is found lying on the ground.

"There was a strong smell of vomit and stool. Then they lifted him onto the bed and put him in the recovery position as a precaution.'

I'm struggling to form a mental image of this:  "He was in the toilet and he got up when someone else came in and soiled himself. He then fell in."

- He was in the toilet.
- He got up when somebody else came in.  Why did he get up?  Panicked at the thought of being seen or heard shitting?  Were there doors in this place?  Why not stay seated until you were finished?
- He soiled himself; the clause is unclear but I'm pretty sure it was him and not the person coming in who soiled themselves.  But he was in the toilet, so why were his lederhosen now up?  Alarmed by somebody else entering he had stood up, pulled his lederhosen up, and then soiled them.
- He fell in.  Suddenly just "aaargrgh" and was inside the toilet.  Confusing because, as you'll recall, we began by saying he was in the toilet.  But this time, fallen - it's pretty unambiguous.  He was now head-first down the plumbing.

idunnosomename

im not sure what the "he fell in" really means. i suspect it means he shit on the floor then fell on it rather than he fell into the toilet bowl

QuoteAlthough Judge Advocate Robert Hill accepted RSM Ransley was mortified by the event, he dismissed his appeal.

He said: 'The crux of the case and the charge of unfitness through drink is on three separate occasions he came back with excrement on his clothing.

the crux of the case is this cunt was pissed off his heed and covered in his own shit

Replies From View

This fella is now surely an honorary member of the TROUSERSCOUTS

Replies From View

Quote from: idunnosomename on May 24, 2022, 12:23:43 AMim not sure what the "he fell in" really means. i suspect it means he shit on the floor then fell on it rather than he fell into the toilet bowl

Why "fell" then, and why "in"?

You'd say "slipped" "on" "the" "shit" wouldn't you.


"Falling in" doesn't mean "slipping on".  It never ever has since language was first invented.

Ferris

Quote from: The Mollusk on May 23, 2022, 11:24:20 PMIt reads like it's AI generated which is part of why it's so funny. It is a brilliant story on its own though.

Yeah it's not quite... natural is it? Can't figure it out.


idunnosomename

Quote from: Replies From View on May 24, 2022, 12:30:23 AMWhy "fell" then, and why "in"?

You'd say "slipped" "on" "the" "shit" wouldn't you.


"Falling in" doesn't mean "slipping on".  It never ever has since language was first invented.
shit on the floor and fell into it

i dont know i love this guy and wonder what name he posts on here under