Death Hacks

[Glebe]

Very sorry to hear about this situation Zetetic. Very best to your Mum and yourself and try and take it as easy as possible, love and strength mate.

[Jack Shaftoe]

the Indian chap at Vodafone who, when I called to cancel Dad's contract, finished the call by saying "don't think of your father as having died, he has just taken the next step on a path we must all walk many times". When I told my mum that bit she actually smiled, so that was a small ray of sunshine, at least.

Just to say this was lovely.

[Zetetic]

assuming I pass my test on Monday

I did not pass my driving test.

(Will have another go in a couple of weeks.)

[SetToStun]

I did not pass my driving test.

(Will have another go in a couple of weeks.)

The easiest way to pass the test would be to take it in 1984 - they used to let any idiot pass back then. I should know.

[greencalx]

Sorry to hear about the driving test. I still think I only passed mine because it was Friday afternoon before a bank-holiday weekend and my examiner wanted to get to the pub.

I found that once I had LPA, dealing with all the services was really easy - usually they just asked if I had that and could then act on my mother's behalf. Of the ones we kept (and everyone, even Sky, was really good about cancelling once my mum had gone into a home), they were either kept in my mum's name, had me added as an additional point of contact, or transferred to me.

[Glebe]

Best of luck with the next test Z.❤️

[Zetetic]

Cheers @Glebe .

It was close. I was impatient and I could do with more experience on busy multilane roundabouts (and less on piddling single-track lanes).

[Brian Freeze]

Sympathies also to all bereaved or will be bereaved on here.

Hope you don't mind me asking my own question on here Zetetic? I have a question about LPA's and don't want to start another thread if at all possible .

[Zetetic]

No, ask away! Would be glad if this thread is generally more useful.

[Brian Freeze]

Its a bit of a nothing question but thankyou.

My parents recently sorted out LPA for me n my sister so I should have had four lots of paperwork in total back, but have only had the three. This sounds a bit dense now I type it out but should they chase up the missing paperwork or would I be best to do it? My sister got all four.

For the last couple of years or more my mum mentions my sister and I going round their house with little coloured stickers and identifying what we each want of their stuff to avoid falling out.

We've decided not to do it and will be just not bothering to fall out about it. Pretty confident we should be ok . . .

[Glebe]

Sympathies also to all bereaved or will be bereaved on here.

From me too... I've been there myself.

[Brian Freeze]

My dad sent me this last week and thought it hilarious



I told him he's plenty of time to get it sorted, with lists and maps made of all his crap/treasure and and I will lend him our laminator to make sure its a decent job he makes of it.

[Senior Baiano]

Sensible Chuckle

[Zetetic]

Mother still alive and functioning after me being away for two days.

Person I'm meeting on Saturday still wants to, unless I've fucked that up in the last day, which well maybe. Dread and anxiety over this but it doesn't really matter.

[Zetetic]

She couldn't get out the bath today, and when she finally managed it I don't think it was down to me actually being any help. Got to get back on the reps.

I know she's so ashamed and disgusted by her body. (Which I suspect is a combination of lifelong stuff based on trans-y conversations we've had, and the fresh impositions of ascites and muscle atrophy.) And I know how little a shit I give, and whatever I say, can't quite dispel that. (And yet she's going to have to deal with it. I'd kind of hoped her dealing with my father in his final months might help... but it's not as pat as that of course.)

"Hospice" people coming round tomorrow for conversations, coincidentally. Possibly good timing, being a wanker about it.

Edit: She seems... content right now.

[greencalx]

The hospice nurses were pretty good with/for my mum.

[Zetetic]

I think the hospice lot will be useful in the closing weeks. (Miserably, days after they came round they sent us an email explaining that they were slashing a bunch of their services due to a funding shortfall.) And they've basically sorted out a Blue Badge and Attendance Allowance for us.

Also been looking at paid care-at-home options before The End. Or more honestly, my partner has made that happen. Horrifically expensive, but if we could do that occasionally it would mean that me going back to Cardiff - or anywhere else - for a few days wouldn't be such a terrifying thing for everyone involved.

As it is, going to see my partner (for the light relief of commemorating her mother's death) (okay and also maybe a second date in Cardiff) is involving my half-sister travelling across half-the-country to spend five days working-from-here. (No idea how I'm going to arrange blood tests which I could really do with in the next few weeks, if only as part of the project of fixing my ... trans-sceptic GP.)

My mother and her sister insist that I'm Doing Good but I feel fucking useless. Her sister added to that "and you probably won't have to do it for much longer" which wasn't really that much of a consolation. The person I seem to be most pleasing is my counsellor who seemed extremely excited that I was "weak" and "without barriers" on Wednesday.

Hospital doesn't seem to be able to do anything about the ascites at this point. Signs of cognitive corruption - word-finding-difficulties and word-substitution-errors are increasing.

I know, I know, I should get a blog. Add some fatuous nonsense about the revelatory nature of it all and see if I can't get a Guardian piece.

[KaraokeDragon]

Hospital doesn't seem to be able to do anything about the ascites at this point. Signs of cognitive corruption - word-finding-difficulties and word-substitution-errors are increasing.

Oooph, fwiw you have my heartfelt sympathies in this. I know it's not at all the same thing but I just rid myself of 5 or 6 days constipation yesterday and am still in the phase of savouring every second I'm not in discomfort, so the thought of really chronic abdominal pain or discomfort like that seems fucking horrible. Hope you can get some resolution to that asap x

[Zetetic]

I'm not sure how much she must be carrying now, but it's something in the tens-of-kilos.

They'll attempt a ultrasound-guided drain, probably next week. Last one of those managed about 5-6 litres/kilos.

I fear we're at the point where there's no improvement possible. They won't increase the diuretics because of the risk of rapid kidney damage. They can't drain because the fluid isn't distinct enough from organs and other tissue.

[TrenterPercenter]

Sorry for your loss Zetetic, I hope you are looking after yourself at this time.