Why don't Americans have proper names?

[DrGreggles]

I knew an American whose first name was Ham.
Guess his surname?

Burglar?

[touchingcloth]

Fucking hell! I had to Google it to see if you'd hilariously substituted Cregg for his obviously correct name of Craig, but fucking hell, it really is Cregg, Fucking hell!

Hugh Anthony Craig III would have been moderately American, and not especially annoying.

But Cregg III? A chef's kiss of fucking hell.

[Cuellar]

Hugh Anthony Cregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!

[Vodkafone]

Jimmy was in for accepting backhanders.

Just off for a 'Jimmy forehand'

[touchingcloth]

The library investigator's name is actually Bookman?

[touchingcloth]

Have heard his dick is a twofer.

Huey Lewis and the Trews.

[dissolute ocelot]

One of the US government agents in international spy caper Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One is played by the New Orleans-born actor Greg Tarzan Davis. His IMDb bio treats his middle name as entirely unremarkable. Can't imagine why Britain's own Greg Davies didn't think of that.

[Incy Wincy Mincey]

Carden Summers (transphobe)

[jamiefairlie]

I knew an American whose first name was Ham.
Guess his surname?

Cunt?

[PlanktonSideburns]

Canadian, but on the BBC website there's a child who's written a video game who has the name 'Maximus Trest'

Really good one this

[touchingcloth]

Would you rather have a hand made out of ham, or made out of a man named Ian Ham?

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

Would you rather have a hand made out of ham, or made out of a man named Ian Ham?

...Or a nipple that dispenses Cregg?

[shoulders]

https://lawandcrime.com/crime/i-was-just-really-in-shock-kilt-clad-man-seen-sticking-antiques-in-his-rectum-then-placing-them-back-on-the-shelves-cops-say/

Fuck it this is getting its own thread

[dissolute ocelot]

Carden Summers (transphobe)

Much nicer is The Good Place actor D'Arcy Carden (born Darcy Beth Erokan).

Although this has led me very off-topic to Scottish mathematical biologist Sir D'Arcy Wentworth Thompson and his mother Fanny Gamgee (sister of pioneering surgeon Sampson Gamgee). Where's the thread on Scottish people with silly names?

[dissolute ocelot]

The executive engineer of the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel was Burnside A. Value.

[Dex Sawash]

scanning our appointment calendar,soon to arrive are

Spoiler alert

Max Honeybone

[close]

followed by

Spoiler alert

Bobb Head

[close]

[dissolute ocelot]

Curt Fish, champion curler. To be fair, I've never met a fish that wasn't curt, at least to me.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Watching the Mets baseball game and this veteran got announced

[pcsjwgm]

Diana Harshbarger
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana_Harshbarger

[touchingcloth]

Why don't Australians have proper names? Orpheus Pledger

This reminds me of when I found out that Crocodile was his Christian and not nickname.

[Shaxberd]

The NFL draft has once again blessed us with the best of American names, this year's highlight being Michael Penix Jr.

[DrGreggles]

The NFL draft has once again blessed us with the best of American names, this year's highlight being Michael Penix Jr.

Not Kool Aid McKinstry?

[Shaxberd]

Ah, nicknames are cheating! Although McKinstry's given first name is Ga'Quincy, which is also pretty great.

Some other good ones I've seen so far are Bo Nix and Ladd McConkey. Just a joy to say out loud.

[touchingcloth]

Penix? I suppose that's one of those woke lady cocks they have these days is it? It makes me so fucking mad and horny.

[Jittlebags]

Aaron P. Beelzebub III

[George White]

Why don't Australians have proper names? Orpheus Pledger

This reminds me of when I found out that Crocodile was his Christian and not nickname.

Gilbert Broadway