things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again

[mothman]

I remember the Laser show! This kid just decides to build a laser, sends off for the parts, and when it turns on it starts talking to him. Weird. Wasn't it not sio much dubbed, as just had a narration track over the top telling you what people were saying and what was going on? And wasn't there another foreign show shown, done the same way? The Red Hand Gang?

[The Plaque Goblin]

This thread will do.

The other morning I woke up early to see on (I think) The Hoobs an animated sequence which featured a living bat and ball. The bat said to the ball stuff like "I really want to hit you" and the ball said "I really want you to hit me."

I'm sure I did not dream this.

[mothman]

Bump! Seeing that ITV trailer in the Ace Trailers thread has reminded me of something I've been trying to identify. I've a sneaking suspicion I've asked here before but my haphazard search attempts haven't turned anything up.

This was either an advert or a short film or a trailer I saw on C4 probably in 2003 or 2004. It featured a woman apparently fleeing her house in the middle of the night with her child(ren?) before someone, presumably an abusive spouse, returned home from running a brief errand. It was unbelieveably tense and quite scary. I can't remember what it was actually in aid of.

[Space ghost]

In the early 90's there was a series of guinness adverts with Rutger Hauer and in one of them he says he has a secret but he's a little shy so you will only hear it if you're telepathic. At which point a bald lady touches his temples and then there's silence while he drinks some guinness.



Well, once during a showing of raising arizona on C4 the advert changed and instead of silence there was Rutgers voice saying ' I have lost my teddy bear laurence if you find him please send him home '

I only saw this variation the one time and have never found anyone else that saw it as well. I found a reference to it on another forum http://www.chud.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-44705.html so it definitely wasn't my imagination but the poster on there remembers the lost teddys name as Horace. I'm sure it was Laurence.

Anyone else seen this seemingly rare variation of the advert?

[copylight]

In the early 90's there was a series of guinness adverts with Rutger Hauer and in one of them he says he has a secret but he's a little shy so you will only hear it if you're telepathic. At which point a bald lady touches his temples and then there's silence while he drinks some guinness.



Well, once during a showing of raising arizona on C4 the advert changed and instead of silence there was Rutgers voice saying ' I have lost my teddy bear laurence if you find him please send him home '

I only saw this variation the one time and have never find anyone else that saw it as well. I found a reference to it on another forum http://www.chud.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-44705.html so it definitely wasn't my imagination but the poster on there remembers the lost teddys name as Horace. I'm sure it was Laurence.

Anyone else seen this seemingly rare variation of the advert?

Me too. However I must concur with yer man, it was Horace.

[Johnny Townmouse]

An episode of Divine David in which they played some fat trannies video he had sent in with him singing "girls eat worms" repeatedly whilst some bloke also in drag minced about in the background pretending to play the keyboards. I sing the "girls eat worms" song at least once a week in the shower. It's very catchy. Never managed to track it down on youtube though...

Did someone mention Get Stuffed? Hmmm....

[Oops! Wrong Planet]

Does anyone remember a BBC2 drama called Mr. Wakefield's Crusade? It was on while I was still at school so it should be around 1993 and starred Peter Capaldi as an eccentric agoraphobic (I think) who decides to investigate something or other following a series of coincidences. Never been repeated as far as I know and not available on any DVD.

Sorry for bumping an ancient thread, but someone somewhere will be happy: Peter Capaldi, Mr Wakefield's Crusade.

[Jockice]

Right, beat this!

In 1978 at the age of 12 I went on a school trip to France. On the first night (in a place called Blois) I found myself alone in the hotel's reception room for a few minutes. There was a television switched on featuring an elderly woman being interviewed. Only knowing rudimentary French I didn't know what she was going on about and I forgot about it....until a few years later when I got The Book Of Heroic Failures, which had an entry about the lowest viewing figures for a TV programme. Which was a French show from the summer of 1978 featuring an elderly woman being interviewed. I can't be sure if it was exactly the same programme, but the dates certainly correspond.

[TJ]

Oscar, Kina and the Laser.

Essentially, exactly how you might imagine a drama might be like on 'Chanel 9 - Bambino!'...

The plot? A box with all the aesthetic futurosity of a stretched WWII civilian gas mask case, containing a laser (looking suspiciously similar to the sort of heater you find positioned perilously above the bath in a 1950s bathroom) that talks with the creepy, wheedling intensity of a first-time groomer and had the power to make the tiny titular protagonist invisible... Who for some reason had a pet goose called Kina - and solved crimes, or something; most kiddie dramas of the time seemed to have stolen most of their content from Enid Blyton's wastepaper basket. Had particular resonance for me, as Oscar's yellow rainwear was similar to the sou'wester oilskins that my misguided mother made me wear to school when it rained, eliciting many a cry of "All aboard the Skylark!"* from my precociously witty classmates.

Apart from the entry halfway down this page at TVcream, there's little other than a one-line synopsis online about this for those that don't habla Espanol - it's one of those things I idly type into a tracker when a bit drunk in vain hope. Though listed by many sources as a movie in its original form, it was serialised in several short 20-minuteish chunks between 4 and 5pm by the (pre-CBBC) BBC in around 1980/1. I loved the fact that you could hear what my endearing xenophobic grandparents referred to as 'dago-babble' under the poor-quality English dubbing. (Silly wrinklies - they're spics, not dagoes).


*A note for younger v'whores: "All aboard the Skylark!" is from Noah and Nellie:

Aloha! I wrote that TV Cream bit, and I *loved* that and Tim Tyler/Secret Of Steel City as a youngster; small surprise then that I went on to become a huge Argento fan. The original movie version did show up on YouTube a while back but seems to have gone again now...

[Natnar]

An episode of Divine David in which they played some fat trannies video he had sent in with him singing "girls eat worms" repeatedly whilst some bloke also in drag minced about in the background pretending to play the keyboards. I sing the "girls eat worms" song at least once a week in the shower. It's very catchy. Never managed to track it down on youtube though...

Did someone mention Get Stuffed? Hmmm....

Probably 6 years too late but here's Girls Eat Worms https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIWvnt1OtXQ

[Puce Moment]

An episode of Divine David in which they played some fat trannies video he had sent in with him singing "girls eat worms" repeatedly whilst some bloke also in drag minced about in the background pretending to play the keyboards. I sing the "girls eat worms" song at least once a week in the shower. It's very catchy. Never managed to track it down on youtube though...

It was Sexton Ming.

Edit: beaten to it.

[Serge]

Sorry for bumping an ancient thread, but someone somewhere will be happy: Peter Capaldi, Mr Wakefield's Crusade.

I remember 'Mr. Wakefield's Crusade'! Pretty good cast, including Richard Griffiths and Pam Ferris, if I remember rightly. Will probably get a DVD reissue now he's The Doctor.

Nice to see 'The Front Line' getting a mention on this thread too - still one I'd like to see on DVD, even if it does turn out I'm remembering it through rose-tinted specs.

[great_badir]

Continuing the thread resurrection...

This is no longer the case, and it certainly won't be unusual on CaB, but I was right there for Snuff Box's first airing on BBC3.  It was, literally, about five years before I ever met a single other person who had heard of it, let alone seen it, and another year or two before I met anyone else who had seen the whole series.

[holyzombiejesus]

An episode of Countdown where a really ugly fat man thought he'd got a 9 letter word and smugly said 'espargots', only to be told that he'd probably meant escargots. We were on acid at the time and thought it was one of the best things we'd ever seen. Research tells me that it was episode 3559, originally broadcast on 3rd October 2003 and the fat, ugly, hideously smug man was named Philip Whitnall.

[Cerys]

Would this be the chap?



Because that is one smug-looking bastard.

[holyzombiejesus]

No, unfortunately. The man on Countdown looked more sluglike and smugger. Smlug.

[Cerys]

Maybe he lost weight. 

Or ... holy shit!  He's infiltrating the Internet!

[studpuppet]

Not me, but my dear departed Dad. And heard, not seen. But still...

He was sitting up reading something with the telly on in the background one night (early 80s), when ITV closed down for the night. We had Anglia and the continuity announcer was Helen McDermott[nb]DEFINITELY the inspiration for Susie Blake's continuity announcer on Victoria Wood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY0-XvjIfmc[/nb], who my dad always had a soft spot for.
Anyway, the screen went blank and my dad continued reading for about another 10 or 15 mins, when He hears Helen's voice in a slightly husky, schoolmistressy tone say, "You're insatiable. Now turn the television off and go to bed..."

[Chriddof]

ITV continuity announcers were often prone to mucking about at closedowns. I remember seeing one TSW closedown on Youtube, recorded about 1 hour into New Year's Day 1987 (?) Can't remember who the woman was, but after the screen faded to black and the obligatory wait of about 30 seconds, she came back in sound only and wished everyone a good night, as they did. Then a further 30 seconds later, she switched her microphone back on, and yelled "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" as loud as she could.

[Beagle 2]

Not me, but my dear departed Dad. And heard, not seen. But still...

He was sitting up reading something with the telly on in the background one night (early 80s), when ITV closed down for the night. We had Anglia and the continuity announcer was Helen McDermott[nb]DEFINITELY the inspiration for Susie Blake's continuity announcer on Victoria Wood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY0-XvjIfmc[/nb], who my dad always had a soft spot for.
Anyway, the screen went blank and my dad continued reading for about another 10 or 15 mins, when He hears Helen's voice in a slightly husky, schoolmistressy tone say, "You're insatiable. Now turn the television off and go to bed..."

Is that the same Helen McDermott who recently called ex-Norwich winger Darren Eadie a cunt on-air? She sounds like the coolest woman ever.

[thraxx]

Not TV, but fuck it...

1.  The Radio 5 Live punditry before a Scottish Cup final in about 1998 when they phone Tommy Boyd, the injured Celtic captain, but instead end up phoning and speaking to Tommy Boyd ex of Wac-a-day.  It's a good 10 minutes before they realise the mistake and the increasingsense of bafflement on both sides is amazing.  Tommy Boyd is pleased as punch, but clearly confused as to why they've phoned him to comment, and the 5 Live presenters can't work out why the supposed Scot has an Enligsh accent - they clearly know something has gone wrong, but carry on regardless.  The best bit of radio I've ever heard.

2.  Radio 5 Live again, and again the Scots.  After the infamous 2-2 draw between Scotland and the Faroe Islands in 2002, some bitter glaswegian phones up alternating between rage and tears about how the result is a disgrace, and signs off furiously "If we cannae beat the Faroes, how will we ever beat the full Egyptian team?!"  Nearly crashed my car from laughing.

I'd dearly love to hear both of those again, but I don't suppose that I ever will.

[monolith]

Get Stuffed - Mental cooking show by people most likely on lots of drugs.

Edit: Okay after a quick search it seems a few people have seen it. Oh well.

[Jockice]

Wasn't there a show called Get Wet at around the same time? Can't remember what it was about though. Late night watersports?

[Jockice]

Not TV, but fuck it...

1.  The Radio 5 Live punditry before a Scottish Cup final in about 1998 when they phone Tommy Boyd, the injured Celtic captain, but instead end up phoning and speaking to Tommy Boyd ex of Wac-a-day.  It's a good 10 minutes before they realise the mistake and the increasingsense of bafflement on both sides is amazing.  Tommy Boyd is pleased as punch, but clearly confused as to why they've phoned him to comment, and the 5 Live presenters can't work out why the supposed Scot has an Enligsh accent - they clearly know something has gone wrong, but carry on regardless.  The best bit of radio I've ever heard.

2.  Radio 5 Live again, and again the Scots.  After the infamous 2-2 draw between Scotland and the Faroe Islands in 2002, some bitter glaswegian phones up alternating between rage and tears about how the result is a disgrace, and signs off furiously "If we cannae beat the Faroes, how will we ever beat the full Egyptian team?!"  Nearly crashed my car from laughing.

I'd dearly love to hear both of those again, but I don't suppose that I ever will.

Wonderful. The only time I've ever nearly crashed from laughing was when listening to a Danny Baker show years ago in which he claimed to have seen a letter in a newspaper which said: "Living in the countryside you come across some strange sights. But this morning takes the biscuit as I have just looked out of my window to see a tramp brushing his hair. With a hedgehog."

[thraxx]

I'm glad that some people remember the Tommy Boyd thing, a)  because it's a perfect bit of 'found comedy' and couldn't have been written or performed any better than it was, b)  i was starting to wonder if i had imagined it had ever happened.  Does anyone know if it was recorded - desperate to hear it again.

[Pseudopath]

In the early 90's there was a series of guinness adverts with Rutger Hauer and in one of them he says he has a secret but he's a little shy so you will only hear it if you're telepathic. At which point a bald lady touches his temples and then there's silence while he drinks some guinness.



Well, once during a showing of raising arizona on C4 the advert changed and instead of silence there was Rutgers voice saying ' I have lost my teddy bear laurence if you find him please send him home '

I only saw this variation the one time and have never found anyone else that saw it as well. I found a reference to it on another forum http://www.chud.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-44705.html so it definitely wasn't my imagination but the poster on there remembers the lost teddys name as Horace. I'm sure it was Laurence.

Anyone else seen this seemingly rare variation of the advert?

I know this is an ancient post and the original VerbWhores probably aren't even around any more, but I remember reading this at the time and being fascinated by the idea that a well-known, oft-repeated advert would have a special one-off variation transmitted at a bizarre time of the night which only a handful of people witnessed. Add to that the stories of people mentioning it to their friends only to be dismissed as drug-fuelled nutcases, plus the total absence of information on the Internet, and you've got a beauty of a mystery on your hands.

Well...mystery solved:

Original advert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9eUNV_JjeU
Nutcase version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9T3u9iYjsY

I would have absolutely shit myself if I'd seen that variation as a 12-year old child. Brrrr!

[Puce Moment]

OK, I may as well give this one a go again, because I swear NO fucker saw this, apart from me and my brother, and even he can't fucking remember it.

I'm pretty sure it was at the time when I started really understanding art, art films and experimentation, but only just, so when I was 13-15, so 1987-89, I think.

So this was a weird (possibly semi-fictional) documentary that seemed to have no story or structure and featured scenes of people dressed as Scandinavian viking types from the olden days. They would be looking into the distance at the snow, and blacksmithing swords, and then looking at snow and at mountains, with odd camera shots such as people's heads at the bottom of the screen. Nobody seemed to speak, and it felt rather like a weird art movie. Really eerie, with no plot, and no discernible point, and therefore disturbing to me.

At this point you are probably thinking Channel 4 at 2am, like when they did a season of Czech New Wave Films. But no, my memory is also that it was on TV during the day around Xmas. Maybe even Xmas day or the days either side. It was light out so possibly between 12-3pm.

It's been evading me for years and drives me mad. I'm even starting to think that it could be a dream even though I am 99.99999% sure it was real.

[Mr Banlon]

Walcott. 1981.
A gritty three part mini-series about a Black CID officer taking down smack dealers in Hackney. It was on ITV/Thames in early 1981. It was pre the 1981 riots, and an ominous portent of things to come. Never repeated, and pretty much forgotten.

[Mr Banlon]

Seven Green Bottles.
A film that used to be shown to 'rough schools' in assembly on the last day of term before summer holiday.
Basically, a frightening; 'Fucking behave yourself, you working-class scum' film they used to show us before we had six weeks off.

[Puce Moment]

A US TV drama from the mid-80s. I think it may have been a mini-series, perhaps three episodes, and it seemed sort of like a male version of Lace. It followed, from what I can remember, three men, perhaps brothers, in a Our Friends in the North type way, as they go off in different directions and have various lives.

The part I distinctly remember is that one of them ends up going to jail. At some point something happens and he believes he can see the face of Jesus on his prison cell wall. He then becomes a born again full-on god-botherer.

I loved it and me and I have fond memories of me and my Mum watching it together (as we also did with Lace).