Real god-awful books

[Kankurette]

I always preferred Franny & Zooey (and the Glass family stories in general, though Seymour Glass is one of the biggest author's darlings I've ever seen in fiction and yes, JD, we get it, you like Eastern mysticism). Holden just got on my tits after a while with his incessant 'EVERYONE IS A PHONY EXCEPT ME' ranting.

[13 schoolyards]

I always assumed everyone hyped for all the stories Salinger supposedly had hidden in his vault not to be released until years after his death had never read Hapworth,16, 1924 - I was such a huge Salinger fan that in the years before the New Yorker put their archive online I ordered up the issue with it from the State Library, waited the week for them to dig it out of the stacks, photocopied the 50 or 60 pages it took up, and then was bored shitless reading it.

I mean, it's possible he turned back towards writing stories with regular characters and not just shopping lists recited by gods too perfect for this world, but I suspect if he had we'd have seen those stories published by now

[Kankurette]

I've never bothered reading Hapworth 16, 1924 precisely because I read a couple of paragraphs and it just bored the pants off me. At least in For Esme With Love and Squalor, he kept the stories fairly brief. There's only three about the Glass family: A Perfect Day for Bananafish (the one where

Spoiler alert

Seymour shoots himself

[close]

), Down at the Dinghy (about Boo Boo and her son), and Uncle Wiggily in Connecticut (about Walt, the twin who got killed in an accident).

I should start a JD Salinger thread.

[sardines]

Judging from other suggestions, there appear to be a lot of shit books written about or around music scenes. I'll add to that Mark Radcliffe's 'Northern Sky'. I like Radcliffe, grew up listening to the bloke, so was more than happy to indulge in his story about a local folk club as the light-hearted bit of fluff he intended.

It is though bloody awful. A cross between  12 year old fan fiction and a middle aged CAMRA member getting nostalgic for an old busker night. His attempt to add depth to the story is to bizarrely make the lead character a violent abuser and explain it away because they're Northern and the evil drink makes all of us do bad things.

[Kankurette]

On a similar note, High Fidelity isn't shit so much as frustrating. I've come to realise that I did with my best friend as a teenager what Rob did with Laura, which was trying to turn him into me by giving him books and music I thought he should like. I did grow out of it, but I also had a boyfriend who was like that and bought me stuff he liked, or thought I should like. And Rob makes this massive hooha about Laura dumping him and when they do get back together, it's not long before he's thinking of cheating on her with a journalist. Plus I find Hornby's idea of great music pretty regressive, and I hate how one couple's alleged 'bad music' collection includes Kate Bush, who's far more innovative and interesting than half of the acts we're 'supposed' to like.

(And I was hugely disappointed when I heard Got To Get You Off My Mind, the song that Rob raves about all book. It's not rubbish but it was no way near as amazing as the book claims.)

[Deskbound Cunt]

Christ, yes. Absolutely horrible, but Stokoe's follow-up, High Life, a sort of low-rent American Psycho, contains at least two scenes that are much, much worse than anything in Cows. The book is quite good, actually, but at times I thought, "What the fuck am I reading, and why?".

I've just finished High Life on this recommendation. Hilarious edgelord stuff. Let's think of loads of grim shit and drape a whodunnit plot over the top. I can just imagine the author giggling away "Yea, this will shock them! Kapow!"

But, it's well written. A breeze to read so there's that.

I bought this book- looks at date- a year ago last March. It's been lurking on my Kindle since but I've still not mustered the strength to read it.

[badaids]

Cows and High Life are appalling horrible books. Pointlessly nasty.

But I think you are being a bit hard on Niven for Kill Your Friends. If you can accept it's a cheap American Psycho knock off, except he's an A&R guy instead of a Wall Street guy then it's a good romp in read. The bits about music and Britpop are scathingly funny, but the racism of the main character it shocking - can't believe he got away with righting stuff like that.

The worst book I read recently was Dominion by CJ Sansom. The plot, an alternate history where Nazi Germany wins the Battle of Britain and defeats the UK was an interesting idea, but it may as well have been written by Kenny Sansom. Piss poor from first page to last.

[buttgammon]

Brian by Jeremy Cooper, which I recently read about 2/3rds of. It put me in mind of some of the great Serge's posts about Ali Smith's atrocious seasons series; I don't think I can do justice to how bad it is, but the writing is packed with cliches, the characters are paper-thin (despite it basically being a character study), the writing about cinema that is supposed to distinguish it from 'conventional' novels is just superficial showing-off, and the portrayal of the protagonist's Northern Irish heritage is oversimplified to the point that it's outright ignorant. This is a very stupid book, somehow made worse by the fact that it was mystifyingly published by the great indie publisher Fitzcarraldo. They usually have high standards, but this is mawkish crap that's barely fit for the bin.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Brian by Jeremy Cooper, which I recently read about 2/3rds of. It put me in mind of some of the great Serge's posts about Ali Smith's atrocious seasons series; I don't think I can do justice to how bad it is, but the writing is packed with cliches, the characters are paper-thin (despite it basically being a character study), the writing about cinema that is supposed to distinguish it from 'conventional' novels is just superficial showing-off, and the portrayal of the protagonist's Northern Irish heritage is oversimplified to the point that it's outright ignorant. This is a very stupid book, somehow made worse by the fact that it was mystifyingly published by the great indie publisher Fitzcarraldo. They usually have high standards, but this is mawkish crap that's barely fit for the bin.

Helpful to know actually, very disappointing though: I've enjoyed every book I've read on Fitzcarraldo (Despentes, Penman, Ernaux, Grudova, Tokarczuk, Cohen...) so it's a shame to think they haven't always kept their standards up. Inevitable though I suppose

[buttgammon]

Helpful to know actually, very disappointing though: I've enjoyed every book I've read on Fitzcarraldo (Despentes, Penman, Ernaux, Grudova, Tokarczuk, Cohen...) so it's a shame to think they haven't always kept their standards up. Inevitable though I suppose

Same here, literally the first one of theirs I haven't enjoyed. Hopefully it's just a blip.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

are "maga hat" romance novels a thing like "thug" romance novels are?

ie are they aimed at liberal women wanting a story about a bit of rough but with political taboos not racial ones

[bgmnts]

Would love for humanity to live long enough to regard MAGA romance in the same way we look at Jane Austen type regency era romance.

[Deskbound Cunt]

Have you read dinosaur erotica? Yes, it's a thing.

[Kankurette]

Chuck Tingle?

[Kankurette]

Would love for humanity to live long enough to regard MAGA romance in the same way we look at Jane Austen type regency era romance.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a MAGA hat, a Bible and a gun collection, must be in want of a wife."

I guess the leftist equivalent is a man converting a blonde Republican ice queen with the power of Marxist tracts and his dick.

[Deskbound Cunt]

Chuck Tingle?

Christie Sims. "Christie Sims"

[Deskbound Cunt]

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a MAGA hat, a Bible and a gun collection, must be in want of a wife."

I guess the leftist equivalent is a man converting a blonde Republican ice queen with the power of Marxist tracts and his dick.

Super looking forward to Chomsky's  autobiography.

[Twonty Gostelow]

"You had me at spunky half-pint."

[Milo]

Half-pint? She's practically the same height as the 'gentleman giant', unless that's a different couple on the cover.

[Milo]

ChatGPT maga hat romance. Intriguingly it's the lady who wears the hat in this relationship.

Title: "Love Beyond the Brim: A Maga Hat Romance"

Synopsis: In the heart of a politically divided town, two souls from opposite sides find themselves drawn together by an unexpected romance. Rachel, a passionate activist known for her outspoken beliefs, wears a bright red MAGA hat with pride. On the other hand, Alex, an empathetic artist, firmly stands on the opposite side of the political spectrum. Their paths cross at a community event, sparking a fiery debate that quickly turns into an intriguing attraction. As they navigate the complexities of their differing ideologies, Rachel and Alex must confront their prejudices and learn to see beyond the surface, discovering that love can transcend political boundaries. In "Love Beyond the Brim," they must face societal pressures, personal struggles, and ultimately decide if love can conquer all, even in the midst of the most challenging political climate.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Half-pint? She's practically the same height as the 'gentleman giant', unless that's a different couple on the cover.

she's standing on a stack of caitlin moran's latest book

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Counter-Clock World, by Philip K Dick.

[Jerrykeshton]

House of holes by Nicholson Baker is pretty awful

[Ray Travez]

The Executioner's Song. Incredibly long, badly written, mawkish and boring. Lots of irrelevant detail about the humdrum lives of peripheral characters. The only interesting or unusual thing about Gilmore is that he chose execution over a life in prison, but Mailer fails to offer any insight into this, despite the book running to over 1000 pages. 

[Keebleman]

I copied the below from a thread I started on Eve Babitz.  I had read a collection of her short writing and absolutely loved it, and then...

I've just read her novel LA Woman.  Awful, awful, awful!  Quite possibly the worst book I've ever read cover to cover (it's only 150 pages).  It has no shape or structure, characters arrive, disappear, come back again.  By the end of the book she is clearly just describing events from her own life regardless of context, to the extent that it is jarring when the narrator is referred to as Sophie rather than Eve.

And fucking hell, but some of the prose reads like it has been fed through Google Translate.  English to Japanese and back to English maybe.

He'd begun being a waiter in Switzerland and at the finest hotels he'd apprenticed since he was twelve.

In my copy, I wrote in the margin against the following extract, "Worst paragraph ever?"

When Lola was sixteen, her mother gave Lola a Model T Ford, a reward because Lola won the state violin gold medal - though how Lola focused herself into the discipline it takes to practice a violin during the Hollywood School for Girls is simply paradoxical enough for some LA Woman to prove was possible.

The most charitable explanation I can think of is that the proofreader hated her guts.  Perhaps Babitz had fucked her husband or something.

It's such a shame.  I really loved that first book but LA Woman is so bad that it's tarnished my opinion of it!  It's the Godfather III of literature!

[willbo]

there's a romance novel called "meet you in the middle" that's being memed around Reddit at the mo, about a leftie woman falling for a rightie man and finding a compromise with him. It sounds pretty crap but not as extreme as that one above.

I read some of a crappy 80s charity shop thriller called "Hammerheads" a while back. Its about heroic pilots fighting (a slightly re-named) Fidel Castro who is also a drug lord and teaming up with Mexican smugglers to flood the US with drugs to weaken them.

[Dayraven]

English to Japanese and back to English maybe.

If it keeps track of characters' genders, doesn't randomly break into first person, and doesn't expect you to know what 'one red point' means, it's not *that* bad.

(Yes, I am being over-literal, it's just I've read the results of some Japanese->English Google Translates)

[Jockice]

Cows and High Life are appalling horrible books. Pointlessly nasty.

But I think you are being a bit hard on Niven for Kill Your Friends. If you can accept it's a cheap American Psycho knock off, except he's an A&R guy instead of a Wall Street guy then it's a good romp in read. The bits about music and Britpop are scathingly funny.

Yeah, I can agree with that. As someone who was on the periphery of the music scene around the time parts of it (not the murders obviously and I very rarely got offered any drugs) are very true to life.

I've tried reading American Psycho about four times and never even got halfway so it's better than that.

[Jockice]

More recently I also gave up on This Is Memorial Device, making it part of a select group including The Secret History and Saturday Night And Sunday Morning  that I'll die before ever finding out the ending of.

[QDRPHNC]

More recently I also gave up on This Is Memorial Device, making it part of a select group including The Secret History and Saturday Night And Sunday Morning  that I'll die before ever finding out the ending of.

Curious why or at what point you gave up on The Secret History.