Absolutely pisspoor British films

[St_Eddie]

What is it that makes the ludicrously unrealistic and unpleasant Eden Lake improve upon a second viewing ?  Do the couple say to each other " actually, this place isn't all that, is it ? Those kids are annoying, too. Come on, let's fuck off to somewhere decent. ". Does Michael Fassbinder think to himself " Actually, I'd better not casually saunter into this blokes house and have a mooch about, That's actually trespassing, innit ? "  That sort of thing ?

I never said that the film would improve upon a second viewing, for you personally, did I?  I simply said that I enjoyed it upon a second viewing, which I did.  It's not a film that I'd recommend to people but I subjectively enjoy it.  I'm not sure what else I can say really.

[Brundle-Fly]

Have you seen Cherry Tree Lane (2010), StEddie? That was like Eden Lake but a house invasion situation.

[BeardFaceMan]

I like Donkey Punch.  A very effective thriller in the style of Eden Lake and what have you.

7/10

Or alternatively, take out the donkey punch gimmick (how outageous! The writer/s have been on the internet!) and explixit sex scene and youre left with a very pedestrian thriller. I'm just waiting for Donkey Punch 2 : Dirty Sanchez and Donkey Punch 3 : Hot Karl.

[Epic Bisto]

I do remember liking Final Cut when I first saw it. The first DVD was amusing in that whoever typed the subtitles seemed to be terrified of swearwords. Whenever Ray Winstone was on full-on CAHNT! overdrive, the subtitles kept saying "bastard" instead. Never bothered to see Love Honour & Obey. I can only take so much torture, although I do remember seeing an absolutely pitiful Lock Stock rip-off starring one of the Boatman brothers (who was in London's Burning for a while) and Mad Frankie Fraser. Oof. Why did I watch that?

That's the problem though; the first two episodes of series 3 are by far the worst of the entire series (the survival course and the musical number).  The episodes following that are much closer in tone to series 2.

Was the one with Sean Pertwee as the cult leader in Series 3? I liked that one - me and the missus often use the term 'and....release!' whenever we need the loo. The island episode is definitely one of the weakest eps.

Also, I've only just realised Strings was in Adam & The Ants. He appears on the first Peel Session.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I thought An Education was not very good and a fair bit more grubby under the surface than Hornby's tweeness allowed for.

Mostly it was just a bit shit though.

[St_Eddie]

Have you seen Cherry Tree Lane (2010), StEddie? That was like Eden Lake but a house invasion situation.

I've just downloaded a copy and will check it out in due course.  Cheers.

Or alternatively, take out the donkey punch gimmick (how outageous! The writer/s have been on the internet!) and explixit sex scene and youre left with a very pedestrian thriller. I'm just waiting for Donkey Punch 2 : Dirty Sanchez and Donkey Punch 3 : Hot Karl.

The titular donkey punch is simply the event which sets the wheels in motion.  The meat of the film is the events that follow, pedestrian as they may be.

Was the one with Sean Pertwee as the cult leader in Series 3? I liked that one - me and the missus often use the term 'and....release!' whenever we need the loo...

Aye, that was series 3.  It's a great episode.  "Now I wear the Horns of Hurn and you, hmm.  You shall burn!"

[Shit Good Nose]

Aye, that was series 3.  It's a great episode.  "Now I wear the Horns of Hurn and you, hmm.  You shall burn!"

My main issue with series 3 is that the first and (for the most-part) second series' worked on the strength of the character comedy within a plausible "real" world (basically the template of pretty much every mockumentary type show ever since), whilst series 3 just relied on loads of awful and ridiculous sit-com tropes.

But, again, I'm just relying on the memory of one viewing - I lost count of how many times I watched the first two series and remember them both very well, but series 3 is defined by a fantasy song and dance number.

[St_Eddie]

My main issue with series 3 is that the first and (for the most-part) second series' worked on the strength of the character comedy within a plausible "real" world (basically the template of pretty much every mockumentary type show ever since), whilst series 3 just relied on loads of awful and ridiculous sit-com tropes.

But, again, I'm just relying on the memory of one viewing - I lost count of how many times I watched the first two series and remember them both very well, but series 3 is defined by a fantasy song and dance number.

I think that the song and dance number of episode 1 and the castaway premise of episode 2 tends to colour people's opinions on the entirity of series 3.  Here's the remaining 4 episodes, which I honestly think could comfortably fit into series 2 (with the possible exception of 'Raging Pig' and elements of 'Operation Snowdrop' but I love those episodes too much to care)...

Raging Pig: Beach goes into boxing in order to stamp out corruption in the game.

The Leader: Beach gets sucked into a weird cult.

Jubilee: The Good Guys get a visit from the most powerful and influential family in Britain.

Operation Snowdrop: Beach tries to improve the men's tolerance of minority groups, with the help of Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanche.

[thecuriousorange]

Don't forget the regrettable big-screen outings of countless British TV comedy characters.

From Guest House Paradiso to Ali G in Da House, our favourites let us down after attempting the leap.

Obviously Sacha Baron Cohen went on to other successes, just like Ricky Gervais will survive the dismal David Brent: Life on the Road.

In the Loop proved you can repurpose a British TV classic into a great film. But I only got through about 10 minutes of that Harry Hill movie on Netflix.

I've not seen the film versions of shows like Porridge or Steptoe and to be frank I thought Alpha Papa was patchy.

[Gulftastic]

Porridge is a great attempt at capturing the short form in film. For my money, the best adaptation.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Guest House Paradiso is alright. I rewatched it recently, it's almost got a Jeunet quality to it. Plus Vincent Cassel is in it.

Ali G was piss poor. But then again most sitcoms don't work as films.

[Bad Ambassador]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_British_television_series#Comedy

Did anyone else know there was a French film based on Absolutely Fabulous, released in 2001?

And, for that matter, a French remake of The Sweeney movie from five years ago, with Jean Reno as Ray Winstone as John Thaw?

[Sebastian Cobb]

The French counterpart to The French Connection made a few years ago was very good.

[Enrico Palazzo]

David Brent: Life on the Road

Budget   £10,000,000
Box office   £3,511,343

Oops.

[AsparagusTrevor]

The French counterpart to The French Connection made a few years ago was very good.

It sounds like a bad joke but it was called 'The Connection'.

[Ferris]

David Brent: Life on the Road

Budget   £10,000,000
Box office   £3,511,343

Further inflating Ricky's ego: Priceless

[Shit Good Nose]

Don't forget the regrettable big-screen outings of countless British TV comedy characters.

From Guest House Paradiso...

Wait, what?  Guest House Paradiso is great!  The kitchen fight is amazing, plus, as a big fan of comedy vomiting, it has probably the best vomiting sequence ever filmed.

[Norton Canes]

Porridge is a great attempt at capturing the short form in film. For my money, the best adaptation

The Likely Lads is the only other contender. Must be something about the nature of Clement and La Frenais' scripts (they did of course go on to work on movies).

[monolith]

Maybe Baby

Wet smugfest

Worst film I've ever seen at the cinema (was with a girl).

[Keebleman]

Worst film I've ever seen at the cinema (was with a girl).

That could be the title of a Morrissey song.

[St_Eddie]

...I've not seen the film versions of shows like Porridge or Steptoe and to be frank I thought Alpha Papa was patchy.

Personally, I thought that it was worse than 'patchy'.  It was downright shit, as far as I'm concerned.

Ali G was piss poor. But then again most sitcoms don't work as films.

Ali G was never a sitcom.  I understand what you mean though.

[goinggoinggone]

Has Morons from Outer Space been mentioned yet or is that now considered a "misunderstood classic"?
I've always had a soft spot for "Wilt".

[George White]

Shadow Run with Michael Caine - imagine if Maurice turned up in an episode of the Bill
Virtual Sexuality

Back in Business with Martin Kemp
The Seeker - the Dark is Rising
Blow Dry - Josh Hartnett IS Northern
The Martins - Lee Evans and Kathy Burke as chavs.


Bert Rigby, You're A Fool - Carl Reiner tries to make Robert Lindsay a Hollywood star. Technically, a US film shot and set in Blighty.

Emily (1977) with Koo Stark - it's an erotic Railway Children with theme sung by Ken "Postman" Barrie and Rod McKuen, and lots of Perry and Croft regulars.

Demons Never Die - chavsploiter produced by Idris Elba, with Tulisa Contostavlos (remember her?)

[Shit Good Nose]

Has Morons from Outer Space been mentioned yet or is that now considered a "misunderstood classic"?
I've always had a soft spot for "Wilt".

Wilt always was and still is good, I think.  It was never absolutely hated by everyone, but I think a lot of people who'd read the book were disappointed.  I've (still) never read the book, so it doesn't bother me one bit.

As for Morons, I've always had a soft spot for it and still enjoy it, but nah - exactly like Sex Lives of the Potato Men (which I also like), it's never going to be re-appraised as a classic.

[Gulftastic]

I've always had a soft spot for "Wilt".

Aside from me and my mate, there was one other person in the theatre when we saw that.

[St_Eddie]

Aside from me and my mate, there was one other person in the theatre when we saw that.

And that was the director's Mother!

[goinggoinggone]

Human Traffic!  Remember renting it, because my sister saw it in the cinema and raved about it.  When I told her I had rented it, she invited her friend over (who had already seen it) so we could watch it together.  I don't think I've ever felt so utterly empty watching a film with people who were eating it up.  Seemed like it was trying way too hard to be a hipster-cult movie, like Trainspotting but without the pathos.  First thing I ever saw Danny Dire in apart from that Coke ad that he did.  And John Simm has always rubbed me the wrong way.  Howard Marks' "Spliff Politics" scene was funny, though.

[St_Eddie]

Human Traffic!  Remember renting it, because my sister saw it in the cinema and raved about it.  When I told her I had rented it, she invited her friend over (who had already seen it) so we could watch it together.  I don't think I've ever felt so utterly empty watching a film with people who were eating it up.  Seemed like it was trying way too hard to be a hipster-cult movie, like Trainspotting but without the pathos.  First thing I ever saw Danny Dire in apart from that Coke ad that he did.  And John Simm has always rubbed me the wrong way.  Howard Marks' "Spliff Politics" scene was funny, though.

I loved the film when I was younger because I could relate to the characters and their lives (this was during my Ecstasy/cocaine years).  I haven't watched it in over a decade though because I suspect that the characters would just irritate me these days, now that I'm hurtling towards middle age and don't do class A drugs anymore.

[itsfredtitmus]

ben wheatley's estate

[George White]

Conspiracy of Silence (2003)
Set in Ireland, but filmed in Cornwall doubling for Galway.
Astonishing film. Starring Brenda Fricker,  Jim Norton as Bishop Brennan, John Lynch (as a gay ex-priest),Sean McGinley, Harry Towb, Hugh Quarshie, Owen McDonnell, Fintan McKeown, Chris O'Dowd (with a really forced Culchie Oirish accent, when his own would have been suffice) as priests, Jimmy Ellis as an editor,  and Gay Byrne as himself hosting an afternoon news show the like RTE don't do.
It begins with an Irish priest with a sandwich board reading "the Church has AIDS"  protesting in the Vatican in front of the Pipe, then blowing his head off with a shotgun. Turns out he wants celibacy aborted. Also features a young priest with a girlfriend.
Truly an exploitation movie.