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Forums => Picture Box => Topic started by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 12:30:16 PM

Title: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 12:30:16 PM
rest of the Ashes and through to a tasty test series in New Zealand: it's the second CAB cricket thread for 2019.

(https://e0.365dm.com/19/08/768x432/skysports-cricket-england-jofra-archer_4750222.jpg?20190819184257)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:31:14 PM
Peak Cricket on CaB. Can't remember any year where we have needed 2 threads. Some years we've made do with the previous one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:33:02 PM
All I will say is, if Root doesn't get Woakes on in these conditions he needs brainlining by the Aus hit squad so we can get a captain who knows what the fuck is going on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 12:35:18 PM
Woakesy eats these conditions for breakfast get the lad in the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 12:38:06 PM
(http://www.espncricinfo.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/279500/279589.1.jpg)

This is the ideal male crown. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 12:42:18 PM
Stokesy should sue for his transplant. It’s patchy as fuck up there already.

Maybe’s he’s like Rooney, his head’s just a hair graveyard.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:43:33 PM
Agreed.

Moving back to unusually not balding in the slightest man Chris Woakes, he averages 18 in tests where he was handed the new ball.

I know Archer is amazing but he will still be amazing if he is first change because he has more pace to burn and so far is very economical.

Woakes doesn't have that so you start with him, knowing you can unleash Archer later on, get the fear factor drummed up. He should be the shithot insurance policy that always pays out rather than obstructing someone who has a narrower set of skills.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 12:44:27 PM
even worse for Stokes, it must be matrilineal baldness as his dad is still a rugged folk hero crossed with Pat Mustard

(http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/48572000/jpg/_48572879_stokes.jpg)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 12:45:07 PM
Wouldn’t mess with Stokesy’s Dad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 12:46:43 PM
Don’t agree with this new thread wanted cricket megathread
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:49:33 PM
Ffs, early lunch and more rain.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 12:51:30 PM
Woakesy is just the perfect man isn’t he? Full head of sumptuous hair, take him home to meet your parents, I like him son your dad would say, averages 18 with the new ball as well you’d say, twiddling your hair with a finger whilst browsing warwickshireccc.com
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:53:07 PM
Love the rectal cavities whinging that England had the sheer cheek to schedule a test match in the North in mid August. Lord's rained, we will get more play in this Test match.

Biowaste. Get em ended
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 12:53:25 PM
He’s fucking gorgeous.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 12:53:30 PM
Think I just saw the camera drone thing out of the window. Were they doing arty scenery shots of the abbey?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 12:54:27 PM
Think I just saw the camera drone thing out of the window. Were they doing arty scenery shots of the abbey?

On the scout for drenched quim, plenty on show in Kirkstall I'd have thought. Get the drone into Kirkstall Leisure centre.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 12:55:16 PM
Didn't realise your mum was in town.

Oh you have edited. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 22, 2019, 01:01:18 PM
The Woakes thing seems to be like some kind of prank the whole cricket world is in on. Looking forward to the documentary in 2025.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 01:06:22 PM
Raining again. Piss off, rain!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 02:19:52 PM
Umpire Gaff-Prone more like!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 02:22:39 PM
Lovely stuff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 02:35:47 PM
Has Labuschagne gone so far as to adopt Smith's absurd bat-swordplay after a leave?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 02:37:39 PM
Where’s sexy Woakes?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 02:39:34 PM
Cornwall not selected for the first test. When will the bumbling blazer-clad bureaucrats realise what the youth want?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 02:39:52 PM
Oh god damn it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 02:43:13 PM
win or lose, Joe Root is an asinine captain.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 22, 2019, 02:45:12 PM
Rest of the team praying Archer loses his radar for a couple of deliveries to address the captaincy deficit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 02:45:47 PM
Jofra will be trundling in like Mark Ealham soon if Root continues to bowl him into the ground like this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 02:47:32 PM
Fucking raining.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 02:48:58 PM
Fucking raining.

oh good, stick Archer on for another 7 after the break.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 02:50:12 PM
FOR FUCK SAKE ROOT GET WOAKES ON
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 03:20:23 PM
I don't know why he's persisting with this 'letting it rain for hours' strategy, it makes no sense. Just get Woakes on instead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 03:33:42 PM
Kohli out, IND reeling at 25/3.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 03:41:56 PM
Ooof bloody hell. Is it just that no one actually cares about test cricket? Everyone's gone to shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 03:42:09 PM
Hope all the India guys die of grief.

Looking forward to more Jof after the rain. Keep bowling til we kill him, great plan, return to peak bleak.

Best ever summer of criggers on CaB.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 03:47:25 PM
still going with Archer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 03:53:46 PM
Get Woakes off
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 03:56:46 PM
Root is merciless.

Flogging Archer like a cart horse.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 22, 2019, 03:59:33 PM
Hope all the India guys die of grief.

Looking forward to more Jof after the rain. Keep bowling til we kill him, great plan, return to peak bleak.

Best ever summer of criggers on CaB.

3-0 Aussies
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 04:04:39 PM
Warner’s innings here is reminding me of that one of Kohli’s last year where he was dropped in the slips 83 times before getting to double figures then went on to score more runs than a little old lady could count in bus fare pennies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 04:16:22 PM
That's top order batting in England tbh. See off the new ball, flick a few lucky edges for 4, put away the odd bad ball, get the bits of luck you need, then cash in. This year there have been some awesome innings turned around from 3 off 30 balls to 35 off 60, then suddenly they have 75 off a 100 and it's like aahh shit, let them off the hook.

Pressure is massively on England now for the rest of the test. Woakes has bowled 1 over, One!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 04:26:57 PM
3-0 Aussies

World Cup.

Nearly killed the best Aussie in a hundred years.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 04:31:30 PM
why he got 5 slips for Archer but not for Woaksey?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 04:48:51 PM
79-2 in these conditions is a bit disappointing.

I know Warner’s played and missed about 3,000 times.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 04:49:56 PM
That’s the Ashes isn’t it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 04:52:00 PM
We’re the only team that could win the toss, bowl first in these conditions and still absolutely fuck it. Has Root got dementia or something?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 04:53:27 PM
Borin
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 04:53:36 PM
Get Leachy on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 04:55:10 PM
...what's the weather looking like
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 05:07:16 PM
Feeble
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 05:14:50 PM
Shite cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 05:17:02 PM
Bowling like wunts
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 05:21:39 PM
Absolutely shit since the afternoon. Brainless and directionless, both complacent and panicked.

Hard not to think that a sharper and stronger captain would be doing a much better job of keeping the pressure on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 05:27:49 PM
Many pundits seem to agree that England should have batted first. Looking forward to seeing Garry the Git skittle us for minus 71 in the fourth innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 05:30:46 PM
Is the cunt out?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 05:32:04 PM
No.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 05:32:26 PM
Jofra needs to crank it up & give ‘em a little brain music.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 05:34:28 PM
Is the cunt out?

Saved by being too shit to get any bat on it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 05:38:28 PM
The cunts gone now.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 05:39:01 PM
Fuck off TMS squares - boo the cunt all the way to his grave.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 05:40:04 PM
Nicely set up for a power-raping from the baldest man alive in the 4th inns.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 05:46:16 PM
Always knew England were brilliant, never in doubt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 05:46:30 PM
AUSSAIDS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 05:52:39 PM
Carnage.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 05:53:21 PM
Archer Lord
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 05:54:43 PM
Does that go down as an own wicket?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 05:56:46 PM
Once Head and Labuschagne settle into the squad you're looking at one mother fucker of a middle order. Head is still a bit green for these conditions but looks really well organised in general, while Labuschagne looks rock solid and nearly unflappable, already been ripping the County Championship a new arsehole all summer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 22, 2019, 05:57:19 PM
Not sure they've shown enough replays of that wicket yet.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 22, 2019, 06:04:25 PM
Yeah Labuschagne looks like a real player. Khawaja is the only one without a score yet, will he make way for Smith? Or will Paine fall on his sword and let Wade keep?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 22, 2019, 06:14:40 PM
Vaughan displaying exactly the shitmunching views on data privacy you'd expect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 06:17:03 PM
went for a drink with a couple of guys from work and missed all of England's herpes moment and arrived for the joy.

also get whomped Labuschagne.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 22, 2019, 06:17:29 PM
Pity it wasn't a 96mph Archer dick hit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 06:21:48 PM
JOZZA CHAMP

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 06:24:07 PM
The Battle of Shagged Knee
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 06:24:22 PM
Vaughan displaying exactly the shitmunching views on data privacy you'd expect.

The Muttley on helium laugh and the pure bollocks about WHY NOT GET GOUGHY IN to run a 100 franchise has made it a very special day of ramping up Vaughan hate for me, Clivey.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 06:24:39 PM
Stokes seems to have exchanged nearly all of his bowling for his newly acquired Gary Kirsten crease control.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 06:25:58 PM
Have to say the captaincy from Root today has been as asinine as his media comments. No idea what to do after he has flogged his front 2 bowlers to death.

Woakes and Stokes in tandem with the old ball is asking for trouble. You want Stokes with Archer or a spinner, Woakes opening the bowling and then backing up short bursts of Cross seam later on. Give me a fucking go at this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 22, 2019, 06:26:19 PM
Vaughan displaying exactly the shitmunching views on data privacy you'd expect.

I was so annoyed Isa had to explain the whole concept, like she was the weird one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 22, 2019, 06:27:34 PM
Pity it wasn't a 96mph Archer dick hit.

He’d have blown the whole lot right off. Bairstow’s reactions far too slow to reach out and grab a bollock as it flies past him and into the boundary rope.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 06:43:37 PM
Hahahah.

Put Leach on now for a laugh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 06:53:49 PM
we need RIB MUSIC. Cave in some cunt's chest. Try and sniff whne your fuckin lung is peeping out your chest you bogan peads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 06:58:30 PM
Mmmm.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 06:58:49 PM
fuckin hell this kid is goooooooooooooood
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 07:03:27 PM
Half a days play an they on their arse. As England would have been.

You might as well decide the ashes by having Leach v Lyon wanking each other off.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:07:21 PM
Sun's coming out, cunts can play til half eight then go down the Oak for some fucking lagers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 07:15:49 PM
Archer gonna make ye choppes
World Cup, Ashes, SPOTY. Arm falls off through overuse in 2020. Team goes fully necrotic.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 07:16:18 PM
THE MURDERER.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 07:16:23 PM
Get a premium lager for Archer pronto, lad deserves it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 07:19:51 PM
Fuck greybeard the "universe boss", here are another five graves up for EXISTENCE BASTARD in only the first innings of his 2nd test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:21:55 PM
Peroni for the Widowmaker please, none of that Fosters shite.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:22:41 PM
Fucking hell Stokes!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:24:31 PM
WHERE IS YOUR JESUS NOW SO-CALLED MARNUS?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 07:25:12 PM
I'm listening on radio but I'm trying to work out from the fuckawful commentary what is happening.

Ah, I worked it out when they shut the fuck up and let the umpire roll through the review. They literally didn't even commentate that it was a potential LBW given out.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 07:25:57 PM
Hahaha stokes is getting the peronis in for that!!! Lad
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 07:27:21 PM
5 minutes for all fucked off.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:27:39 PM
Marnus? More like MRANUS, am I right?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 07:28:38 PM
Get Archer on to bounce one off Lyon's baldy pate
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:29:38 PM
FINISH HIM
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 07:30:16 PM
YESSSS


EXISTENCE BASTARD with 6 graves for 44
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 22, 2019, 07:30:43 PM
FUCKING YES
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 07:31:52 PM
THEY CAN'T PLAY THE CUNT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 07:32:16 PM
Much better batting conditions forecast tomorrow.

England all out for 112.


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 22, 2019, 07:32:24 PM
I'm sure we'll fuck up with our batting tomorrow, but at least we've avoided the follow-on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 07:34:49 PM
FOLLOW ON
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 07:35:23 PM
Haha, sounds like a giggling fucking 8 year old kid on the radio.

After having just BRAINED AUSTRALIA INTO THE GRAVE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 22, 2019, 07:35:58 PM
Australia's 3rd best batsman was Extras (13) That's England tier-aids.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 22, 2019, 07:37:24 PM
Has Agnew gone for a wank? Cricket correspondent cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:39:52 PM
Jofra's gone straight out to do the Otley Run and he's in The Hyde Park already.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 22, 2019, 07:48:07 PM
Jofra kicked out post Brexit
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 07:50:56 PM
this is such a new thing for me, my favourite players are usually doughty nurdlers and carthorse yeomen, Archer is like a Ferrari with a tank cannon attached.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 07:54:12 PM
Fuck me, he's now in the Dry Dock and has burnt it to the ground for being 'shit'.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 22, 2019, 07:57:29 PM
Anderson going into a coma was the best thing to happen to this team. Drawing lots to pull the plug out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 22, 2019, 08:06:53 PM
Anderson going into a coma was the best thing to happen to this team. Drawing lots to pull the plug out.

he'll be back at Old Trafford, I'll be writing erotic fanfic about his new ball partnership with Archer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 08:07:38 PM
(https://www.cricket.com.au/-/media/Players/Men/International/England/Jofra-Archer-CWC19.ashx)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 22, 2019, 08:16:17 PM
he'll be back at Old Trafford, I'll be writing erotic fanfic about his new ball partnership with Archer.

Imagine surviving a session against Archer and Anderson, but then you've got to deal with Broad's stupid cunt face looking at you.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 08:29:34 PM
Jof suits baby faced assassin but as he gets older he needs to start pivoting to compensate for falling speeds with raw mule attitude.

He should start growing a dirty, shitty, festering handlebar moustache and look and smell like he has been dragged out of a fucking Albanian brothel latrine at 4am. Every time he passes the umpire the non striker should be hit with a ripcurl of it on the wind, gag and quiver. Gag and quiver.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 08:38:26 PM
Word from the Oak is Jofra’s 6 Peronis deep and daggering a stunner in the unnerving big yet badly kempt beer garden.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 22, 2019, 08:40:35 PM
Word from the Oak is Jofra’s 6 Peronis deep and daggering a stunner in the unnerving big yet badly kempt beer garden.

They've all got big yet badly kempt beer gardens by the time I've finished with them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 22, 2019, 08:55:45 PM
(https://www.cricket.com.au/-/media/Players/Men/International/England/Jofra-Archer-CWC19.ashx)


The fucking business
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 09:00:01 PM
You heard it here first. Jofra changed my life.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 22, 2019, 09:11:43 PM
You heard it here first. Jofra shagged my wife.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 22, 2019, 09:35:56 PM
(https://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/610f78b2d4b80bf86c9cb6ef8e78816f?width=650)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 22, 2019, 09:36:10 PM
You heard it here first. Jofra changed my life.

Cant wait for the Bosto comedown
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 09:42:40 PM
It's fucking great living life in the moment, enjoying the peaks and troughs, a technicolor chiaroscuro, no fear of death, complete freedom.

Enjoy the greyscale flatline into graveward gradient.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 09:44:37 PM
If Eoin Morgan played for the Aussies we could all be like

EOIN MORGUE-IN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 22, 2019, 09:45:36 PM
It's fucking great living life in the moment, enjoying the peaks and troughs, a technicolor chiaroscuro, no fear of death, complete freedom.

Enjoy the greyscale flatline into graveward gradient.

Oh, im eternally riding the rainbow, friend. I can see your fate from the indigo ledge
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 22, 2019, 09:47:17 PM
Don't fall off lad
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 22, 2019, 10:45:21 PM
Been here too long, someone sent a screenshot of an 'Archer takes six' headline in a group chat, I responded with 'Sadly it's not six HEADS', dead silence. It's been hours now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2019, 10:47:06 PM
Been here too long, someone sent a screenshot of an 'Archer takes six' headline in a group chat, I responded with 'Sadly it's not six HEADS', dead silence. It's been hours now.

Reply right now saying

"Heads...as in skulls. As in hope they all die"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 22, 2019, 11:23:20 PM
Been here too long, someone sent a screenshot of an 'Archer takes six' headline in a group chat, I responded with 'Sadly it's not six HEADS', dead silence. It's been hours now.
Had a similar experience, asked a whatsapp group which Australian they would like Archer to "LITERALLY KILL".

Not one comment. The conversation has since moved on to whether the dick still works if you're paralysed from the waist down.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 22, 2019, 11:48:51 PM
Broad's ball to Head was sexual.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 07:15:05 AM
Broad's ball to Head was sexual.

Has anyone done a meme of Head’s facial expression afterwards yet?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 07:16:33 AM
Head’s facial expression afterwards

(https://darrenaltman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/ken.jpg)

Thinking this kind of thing but done by a proper Memist.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 07:58:17 AM
(https://www.abc.net.au/news/image/11440814-3x2-700x467.jpg)
(https://www.abc.net.au/cm/rimage/11425010-3x2-xlarge.jpg?v=2)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 07:59:11 AM
(https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/SPORT-PREVIEW-SMITH.jpg?strip=all&quality=100&w=1200&h=800&crop=1)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 08:00:40 AM
(https://www.tracesofwar.com/upload/7957181023162654.jpg)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 08:07:31 AM
Better day for batting. 117 all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 08:28:26 AM
Conditions are supposedly much better for batting, yeah.
What England need to do: bat responsibly but smartly all day and indeed into tomorrow and post a lead of over 200 to put scoreboard pressure on the Aussies and reduce the likelihood of Gary-induced genocide on the last day.
What England will do: come out waving their bats around like party-attending children with plastic pirate swords and get twunted for 12.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 08:31:06 AM
Guaranteed England victory, 491-0 Dec
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 08:32:14 AM
Leachy bolted on for a double ton today lads can feel that fucking slaphead’s power coursing through my veins
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 08:36:08 AM
Root to choke on a bail. 12:17.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 09:14:59 AM
Already looking forward to rocking up at the WACA with Joffers. 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on August 23, 2019, 09:18:38 AM
Already looking forward to rocking up at the WACA with Joffers.


No more WACA unfortunately.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 09:23:11 AM
MCG brain balls. Sending all the third world convict duffer members into an early second retirement (morgue).
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 09:41:51 AM

No more WACA unfortunately.

Hah forgot about that. Gabba then!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 09:46:49 AM
URRY UP CRICKET
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 09:47:33 AM
Archer will be a husk by the next Ashes. If it's in little Joe's power.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 10:02:31 AM
I think England should approach this day by thinking 'we need to bat. let's just bat, for a long time. don't get out, keep batting'

If they do this, they should be in a good position come stumps.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 23, 2019, 10:22:02 AM
Always bat. Keep batting. Never leave anything. Bat every ball. Must bat. Twat it. Whatever it is. Bat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 10:33:57 AM
Fuck this pussy attritional shit.

Bollock every ball through deep mid wicket and long on. Hit everything as hard as you can. Play it like a T20 and get Jofra back on by tea. Brain balls til they're all in the morgue. Call up who you like according to some bullshit ICC protocol. We'll put em all in a body bag.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 10:37:34 AM
whilst your complete obliteration of the cerebral cortex through physical devastation policy has some merit, boston, i favour the long slow death of a million blocks as a hors d'oeuvre before resuming the leather missile wars.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 10:43:31 AM
Yeah, I want to see some GRIND. Two an over for two days solid. Bowlers crying. A boundary every couple of hours or so.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 10:47:32 AM
Time for turbo Jos
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 10:49:10 AM
It's for moments like this that the England team credo 'patient accumulation' was coined.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 10:59:40 AM
Roy score sweepstake, all the numbers from 0-9 in a hat, I drew 3.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:02:10 AM
Money on Burns to rack up a century in leg-byes without ever laying bat on ball
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:02:50 AM
So he scores a run as I hit submit
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:03:28 AM
Roy score sweepstake, all the numbers from 0-9 in a hat, I drew 3.

Unlucky
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:03:35 AM
Roy score sweepstake, all the numbers from 0-9 in a hat, I drew 3.

*tears up slip of paper*
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 11:04:16 AM
Quote
What England will do: come out waving their bats around like party-attending children with plastic pirate swords and get twunted for 12.

Shittin brix
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 11:05:15 AM
Roy on 5. Nervous 5s
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:10:28 AM
Roy did a leave first ball and has looked to play everything since.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:12:36 AM
Aggers spending the last 10 minutes absolutely cunting off Andrew Samson under the pretence of “banter.” Any luck Roy will send one through the commentary box window reducing his brain to scrambled egg.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:15:52 AM
Aggers spending the last 10 minutes absolutely cunting off Andrew Samson under the pretence of “banter.” Any luck Roy will send one through the commentary box window reducing his brain to scrambled egg.

coop, he got a quiz question wrong, he should be pelted with eggs the saffer nerd
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 11:17:23 AM
Aggers spending the last 10 minutes absolutely cunting off Andrew Samson under the pretence of “banter.” Any luck Roy will send one through the commentary box window reducing his brain to scrambled egg.

Nightmare combination early doors isn't it? So many drones.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:18:10 AM
😂
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 11:18:56 AM
Just tuned in to TMS annnnd lol.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 11:19:22 AM
Hilarious
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 11:20:03 AM
Does Roy officially have a learning difficultly?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:20:14 AM
the thing is about that Roy wicket is that no one saw it coming, it was the most unpredictable thing of the series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 11:20:24 AM
Roy of the SHIT.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 23, 2019, 11:20:46 AM
"Soft dismissal but that is the way Jason Roy plays and he's been picked to play that way".

I'm sorry?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:21:40 AM
Trevor Fucking Bayliss even said Roy was batting out of position, as if it was the weather or something.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU USELESS PRICK
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 11:21:46 AM
Probably would have been a four in an ODI though mate
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 11:22:15 AM
Hahaha love it. Jase is my second favourite England player. Guy doesn't give yin fick.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 23, 2019, 11:22:35 AM
Does anyone even care if Jason Roy gets dismissed? Does Jason Roy even care if Jason Roy gets dismissed?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 11:22:51 AM
Fuck me. I think Aggers was just trying to curse him there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:24:48 AM
Jesus wept just seen the wicket. Was miles outside off stump.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:24:51 AM
Roy does have a severe learning difficulty, his elevation to the test team has been supported by the sterling work done by The Jason Roy Foundation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:25:47 AM
pffff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:26:03 AM
This could be one of the great collapses. Strap in boys.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 11:26:13 AM
I’ve seen some auto-immune deficient cunts in my time, but this lot...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 11:26:16 AM
WATCH YOUR KIDS FOLKS!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 11:26:29 AM
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go.

Might have to actually get a stream going for this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:27:02 AM
Jofra should just be staring at bats 5-7 in pure disgust now, clutching his side a bit to hammer home the point.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:27:38 AM
In the space of half an hour I've gone from wanting England to destroy Australia to the complete reverse. Destroy these hapless idiots, please.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 11:28:03 AM
Time for Jofra to take things into his own hands and brain Roy in practice... or maybe just when Australia are next batting, everyone would applaud him

And root too
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 23, 2019, 11:28:24 AM
I know someone in the other thread said Roy gets the series, but fuck that.

Score some runs next innings or fuck of either into the sea or middle order.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 11:28:35 AM
ROOT SHITTY ROOT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:28:52 AM
Jesus Christ how the fuck anyone can put up with that cunt Warner chirping away incessantly. I’d happily forfeit my wicket for the chance to obliterate his skull with my bat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 11:30:55 AM
England have been tucking in to the communal AIDS punch.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 11:31:16 AM
Ahahaha Root go and play with your fuckin marbles and Subbuteo you dozy meff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:31:22 AM
 Right get Ladbible in next drop. Here cometh the bezerker.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:31:30 AM
Root down to four, they suggest?

Down to six.

Six feet. Down six feet. Into the ground.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:31:38 AM
did Joel Wilson escape Jim Jones as a kid or something?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 11:31:44 AM
Joffers almost brings up a lung trying to save the Ashes yesterday, and this is how you repay him? Fucking cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:35:23 AM
Actually that ball to get Root was pretty decent
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:35:48 AM
Joffers almost brings up a lung trying to save the Ashes yesterday, and this is how you repay him? Fucking cunts.

Burns is out there blocking for his life when he could be making shitloads selling derivatives
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 11:36:46 AM
Hope Jof gets a transfer to the Windies
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:38:32 AM
Seriously, imagine wanting to play with this lot
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:39:33 AM
Good to see Joel Wilson’s inclusion continues to resemble a make a wish foundation day out that’s got out of hand.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 23, 2019, 11:40:53 AM
This thread is every bit as good as the ones that run during the Snooker Worlds.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 11:41:47 AM
Too late for Agnew at this stage. Give him to the real IRA
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 11:43:08 AM
Aggers in an orange boilersuit exchanging pleasantries with one of The Beatles
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 11:45:47 AM
Denly’s not exactly filling me with confidence.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:46:21 AM
Denly representing diarrhoea through the medium of interpretive batting
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 11:47:52 AM
Ray Charles would lay bat on ball more often.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 11:48:42 AM
Headingley so full to the brim of England AIDS piss that it's in danger of spilling over the sides and flooding Leeds.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 11:49:29 AM
At least our spinners’ balder than theirs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:50:37 AM
I feel bad for Denly here. A good pro who’s worked hard and has some ability and will have been delighted to finally get called up, but keeps finding himself in desperate situations because supposedly senior players are batting like penguins in a hurricane, and so is doomed for his entire international career to be a scapegoat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:52:08 AM
He’s obviously not good enough but that’s not his fault, and at least he’s trying unlike Roy and Root.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 11:54:03 AM
sigh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 11:54:58 AM
Good intent, Rory.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 11:55:16 AM
That's runs in ODI cricket
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 11:56:37 AM
Bilbo Thuggins, head to toe clad in Thugler
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 23, 2019, 11:59:01 AM
Rory Burns, c Paine b Cummins 9
Jason Roy, c Warner b Hazlewood 9
Joe Root, c Warner b Hazlewood 0 RIP   

All dead, yet still alive
In endless time, endless art
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 11:59:16 AM
What I want to know is how any of England’s batting coaches still have jobs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:00:25 PM
England batting like Marmite spread on a dogturd, Michael Vaughan bantering on TMS, time to nip to the shop.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:03:01 PM
Bayliss to test cricket what Fletcher and Moore were to odis.

No lessons learned, no proactive strategy, no idea what to do and a shit captain.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 12:05:10 PM
Hahaha you HAVE to laugh.

Hahahaha.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Dr Trouser on August 23, 2019, 12:07:15 PM
Christ. What’s worse than aids? Ebola?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 12:07:57 PM
DOUBLE FIGURES, WHERE ART THOU

JOFRA HAS DEFECTED TO THE AUSSIES
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 12:08:29 PM
Hahaha you HAVE to laugh.

Hahahaha.

I've had to clamber down to the orange ledge just to see you sunken in the dirt HA HA HA
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 12:09:13 PM
Rory Burns, c Paine b Cummins 9
Jason Roy, c Warner b Hazlewood 9
Joe Root, c Warner b Hazlewood 0 RIP   

All dead, yet still alive
In endless time, endless art

J.R.R. Tonking
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:11:43 PM
predicted 32/4 on my return so things are looking up
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:12:14 PM
predicted 32/4 on my return so things are looking up

Not at 32 yet
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: monkfromhavana on August 23, 2019, 12:14:37 PM
Why are the England batsmen so terrible at batting?

Are they crap?
Are they mis-managed / mis-coached?
Are there any other decent batsmen they could call-up who know how to bat?
Are they too distracted by how AIDS they are and the minds are shot?

Even during my peak cricket watching years (Atherton / Hussain) the shittest batsmen would occasionally get double figures.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:14:43 PM
I wonder how many times, in recent years, I've seen England at 30/3
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 12:16:03 PM
Fuck me.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:16:29 PM
34-4. Things are looking up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:17:37 PM
Stop batting like utter dick heads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:18:09 PM
Have they reached the follow on threshold yet?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:18:19 PM
We are finally reaching mid to late 1990s levels shit.

Fucking hell, Bairstow. Urgh sake.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 12:18:34 PM
Total fucktards. Just leave everything outside off stump alone until after lunch. Christ they are thick as shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 12:19:09 PM
KING WARNER DRINKING COLD BROTH FROM ENGLAND TOP ORDER BATSMEN'S CODPIECES
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:20:00 PM
I really really do hope Archer declares for West Indies after this series (can they do that, having played for one national side?). He doesn't deserve this moral sapping desolation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 12:20:11 PM
Can you catch AIDS off a Sky Sports stream? Feel like I may be coming down with it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 23, 2019, 12:20:17 PM
That's a rotten shot from Stokes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 23, 2019, 12:20:31 PM
I think if I was Archer I would actually refuse to bowl in the 2nd Aus inn
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 12:20:54 PM
ARCHER DOUBLE CENTURY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:21:27 PM
I hope Archer sacks it in mid-series, like Swann did.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:22:57 PM
Just seen Stokes's wicket, christ ALIVE what was he doing
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 12:23:28 PM
Maybe Buttler or Woakes or Bairstow or someone will pull them out of the fire again here but it doesn't matter. There need to be serious questions asked. But that's been the case for a long time. This is where their complacency and their obsession with "positive cricket" has got them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:25:14 PM
Anyone expecting Denly to do anything? Imagine if it were Smith or Kohli there at 36-4. You'd already add 150 to the score. We'll be lucky to make that altogether.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:26:47 PM
hate when Boycott gets lured into the trap of pointing out Agnew was an average player, Jofras don't concern themselves with the opinions of Mark Ealham.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 12:29:21 PM
Re: the AIDS like illness these cricketers are suffering from - I think we might be dealing with BSE, or Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.

Quote
...the proteins attack the brain, leaving visible holes in the brain tissue ... symptoms that may develop include: muscle spasms, lack of muscle control, worsening problems with memory, thought and coordination ... Eventual prognosis: death
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:30:48 PM
To be fair I think poo accurately diagnosed CJD some time ago
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 12:32:01 PM
Poo, MD.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:36:41 PM
DOUBLE FIGURES FIGHTBACK = ON
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:36:49 PM
Hameed released from Lancashire. Something has gone badly wrong there. His series in India was Archer-levels of promise.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:44:01 PM
Denly gone
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 12:44:51 PM
Fuck this
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 12:45:14 PM
Jesus fucking wept.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 12:45:41 PM
Perfect time to bring out the drive. Good thinking from Denly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:47:02 PM
Hameed released from Lancashire. Something has gone badly wrong there. His series in India was Archer-levels of promise.

It probably has gone wrong but I never thought his appearances were quite that impressive. He was largely spared from facing decent pace bowling on challenging wickets and that seems to be what he is vulnerable too. He looked like a talented youth player but one in the deep end. We are always kind of kidding ourselves.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:48:26 PM
Given Warner's 50 and his record in 3rd innings, this could turn into an absolutely brutal defeat.

If you get bowled out for 80 at home (as it looks like we are going to) on a sunny day on a docile pitch, good bowling attack or not, something, or several things are fundamentally broken.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Holmesy on August 23, 2019, 12:48:43 PM
Buttler not out at 250 lads, we have this
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 12:49:18 PM
This is the beauty of sport, the highs and lows. It means everything once moment and nothing the next.

Or just support every Test side and feed an identity of contrarianism no matter who is playing, drifting without attachment or feeling, scraping schadenfreude filings off the bottom of the rusty coffee pot and your wife is DYING of asthma.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:50:13 PM
would be chuckling my tim-tams off if I were an Aussie bowler and Buttler came out at 45/5. he's made for 345/5 and nothing less.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:51:00 PM
FUUUUUUUUUCK. ME.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 12:51:42 PM
This is the end of this era. It stinks of the bottom of the barrel. Archer is Stokes circa 2013, but most are good players on the way out, mediocrity who have survived for too long, and burned out pros.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 12:52:30 PM
This is brilliant stuff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 12:53:19 PM
play the kids at OT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:55:26 PM
sack Ed Smith. sack Root as captain. drop Roy, Denly, and Bairstow. why aren't England cricket fans like Italian ultras? if we had any bottle Trevor Bayliss would be trying to tune to the World Service from his upside down car after play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 12:55:56 PM
Amen. I agree with every single word except 'sack'.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 12:56:36 PM
To be specific, I'm saying run the cunts through with a trident.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 12:57:33 PM
I like Jos and Woakesy as guys but it's like trying to stop Trump with a co-ordinated Mumsnet petition.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 12:58:04 PM
9 or 10 man mission to Mars. Send ‘em into space.

Let them knick off on the red planet.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 12:58:32 PM
Excellent plan.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: What Doth Life? on August 23, 2019, 12:58:40 PM
why aren't England cricket fans like Italian ultras?

too drunk, sun-demented and bald, and that's without even considering the role of AIDS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 01:02:20 PM
Monday morning Archer announces his wish to play for West Indies

'Took a look at these wastemen and nah not for me'
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 23, 2019, 01:02:43 PM
Buttler will smash a double century here and then he and Archer will spit roast Warners wife on the pitch in front of him and he won't do shit because Brexit means Brexit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 01:05:03 PM
It’s a shame they don’t have Mitchell Johnson anymore as someone needs to kill Root.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 01:06:49 PM
To be honest a lot of this is down to Stokes and Woakes bowling like utter fannies in the middle of Australia's innings and gifting Warner and Labuschagne runs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:13:30 PM
World’s shittest cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 01:17:46 PM
I like how we lose in style though. You’ll never see England losing an Ashes series due a 2 wicket loss or 30 run loss. By the third or fourth day the match is over so you can just enjoy wishing death and torture upon them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 01:24:03 PM
They should have been out for less than 100 yesterday, defo. Pead tier bowling totally agree.

The batting has been infinite cuntery for years. Root needs sacking for his captaincy and needs TELLING where he's batting. Trev wasn't brought in for anything but ODI and we won the WC, destroyed everyone, easy. He doesn't give a shit about Tests so no surprise but Root is a TERRIBLE captain. Absolutely abysmal. No imagination, fine, but the cunt can't even react to the flow of the match. That doesn't mean being reactionary, it means reading and adapting. He's slow, illogical, uninspiring. The rest of the team clearly have zero respect for him. Imagine Stokes going back into the changing room to Steve Waugh or Kohli or Viv Richards or Botham after that shot. He'd be shitting himself. Rooty wouldn't even make eye contact, too busy with his Subbuteo and POGS. Drop the cunt and give him a run in the U11s.

Roy at 5.

Bairstow needs to get on the antiretrovirals stat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:25:01 PM
Cor Mark Wood is interesting
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 01:34:31 PM
They should have been out for less than 100 yesterday, defo. Pead tier bowling totally agree.

The batting has been infinite cuntery for years. Root needs sacking for his captaincy and needs TELLING where he's batting. Trev wasn't brought in for anything but ODI and we won the WC, destroyed everyone, easy. He doesn't give a shit about Tests so no surprise but Root is a TERRIBLE captain. Absolutely abysmal. No imagination, fine, but the cunt can't even react to the flow of the match. That doesn't mean being reactionary, it means reading and adapting. He's slow, illogical, uninspiring. The rest of the team clearly have zero respect for him. Imagine Stokes going back into the changing room to Steve Waugh or Kohli or Viv Richards or Botham after that shot. He'd be shitting himself. Rooty wouldn't even make eye contact, too busy with his Subbuteo and POGS. Drop the cunt and give him a run in the U11s.

Roy at 5.

Bairstow needs to get on the antiretrovirals stat.

Oh look, I'm ascending, I'm ascending!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 01:38:18 PM
Wood sounds like a Bob Mortimer character. Seems alright though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 01:39:59 PM
You're trapped on a beige flat line, grasping at flickering memories of belonging and feeling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 01:40:30 PM
Wood's analysis of Archer compared to Starc was good.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 01:42:56 PM
No sense in a comeback, Headingley handyman misreads chitty and drills into Woakes eyes in preparation for attaching new training room pegs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:45:09 PM
Fuck it, gonna kill my kids
Wood sounds like a Bob Mortimer character. Seems alright though.

Yeah I just hate everything for a bit
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:45:41 PM
Fuck it, gonna kill my kids
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 01:46:47 PM
fucking hell I went for a quick piss thinking I'd be back for the resumption AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGH
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 01:48:23 PM
There’s only so many times you can wish death on this lot.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 01:48:57 PM
What's for dinner tonight, Joe?

DOGSHIT PIE WITH CAT PISS SAUCE. Served on an AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 01:49:22 PM
Wake up. Time to die.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 01:49:43 PM
I just burst my stitches.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:50:04 PM
Took about an hour for an under pressure Australia to retain the Ashes this morning
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 01:51:08 PM
At least we’ll get to see Archer remove Pat Cummins’ head clean from his torso in revenge for that (piss poor) bouncer barrage.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 01:52:26 PM
Buttler get dropped. Absolute dog egg.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 01:54:19 PM
Root must be thinking of resigning - only a few hours after daydreaming about lifting the urn.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 01:54:26 PM
anyone who has the telly on, is anyone smashing up the dressing room with a bat with a nail through it?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 01:55:51 PM
Give me twenty minutes mate, I'm driving down from Scotland.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 01:56:00 PM
They’re all sat on the balcony in their swazzy sports shades looking bemused.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 01:56:20 PM
GOOD KNOCK BY DENLY, 12

THIS IS CARNAGE. CHURCHILL'S GRAVE RANSACKED BY RANDY DINGOS WHO ARE NOW HUMPING HIS BONES.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 01:57:26 PM
Wake up. Time to die.

Glorious... only an English could make this the pinnacle of humour.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 01:57:54 PM
Go on Jof, have a swing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 01:58:25 PM
England playing shite on instruction from Her Majesty to draw attention away from Randy Andy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:01:51 PM
This amazing. Brilliant, epic, complete dog baff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:02:20 PM
if it wasn't for the fact that we're sort of in the game still I'd say this is the lowest I've ever seen us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:03:21 PM
Are we? Are we really?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:04:28 PM
Are we? Are we really?

Jofra mate, Root is going to bowl him unchanged.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:06:48 PM
A new form of cricket, 'total cricket', where you play like total CACK
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 02:07:12 PM
Better day for batting. 117 all out.

Foolish optimist
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:08:19 PM
HAHAHAHA TRAVEL GRAVEWARD POST HASTE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 23, 2019, 02:08:41 PM
sixty motherfucking seven
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:09:28 PM
Laker, Lock, Underwood
I summon thee
Trueman, Statham, Bedser
I summon thee
Barnes, Mynn, Willis
I summon thee
Min Patel
please go away
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 23, 2019, 02:12:49 PM
play the kids at OT

Yeah, they should play the under 15's.

OH HANG ON THE ENGLAND TEAM ARE ALREADY ALL UNDER 15's
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:14:32 PM
worst ENG home score since 1948.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:14:48 PM
Top score of 12

No batsman beat 'Extras' in Australia's innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 02:16:55 PM
Right then lads, big task out there this afternoon, still in the game, just go out and BREAK THEM.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 02:17:15 PM
This is how you surrender the ashes in a home series for the first time in 18 years.

When it’s this bad in Australia it’s easy to forget about but this is Like rubbing stinking dog shit all over your face and not showering for days. Lovely stuff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 02:17:39 PM
Hello Bosto down there! I'm on the top ledge now

ps. Archer 10-1, Aussies out for 23

England win by 7 wickets
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:18:07 PM
Root: "Right Archer, here's the ball"
Archer: "...Nah you're alright, I'll just go down to third man"
Root: "No, come on, have a bowl"
Archer: "I'm fine actually, I'll just stand around. Ooooh, actually, my ankle's just gone, ooh that smarts, I'd best sit this one out [googles how to renounce UK citizenship from dressing room]"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:20:04 PM
Jofra Archer from one end, Jobry Carcher from the other
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:21:10 PM
hunch that Broad's public schoolboy trollface only works when ENG are winning
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 02:21:49 PM
Hello Bosto down there! I'm on the top ledge now

Don't worry, mate.

I'll catch you.

Like always.

Start banging a few MAOIs in time for the dark nights.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:23:15 PM
Bowl them out for 67 and we'd need 180.... easy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:23:32 PM
Wilson review on an OUT, not even celebrating he's that suspect
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:24:15 PM
WARNER CONTRACTS GENITAL HERPES ON THE WAY OFF THE FIELD
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 02:26:29 PM
That's the fourth time since the last Ashes we've been bowled out for under 100.

Third time this year.

Third time in as many series.

Third time in the last seven fucking matches.

Does anyone think that is in any way acceptable?

Enough of this "give them the series" shite, it's been going on far too long now. Bayliss and his cohorts have totally fucked England's batting. Get rid of them NOW. Sack Root as captain. Drop Roy and Denly and anyone else not good enough.

Eight or nine years ago we had a batting lineup of Cook, Strauss, Trott, Pietersen, Bell, Collingwood and Prior. Balance between aggression and defence, left and right, technique and graft. Every one of them finished their test careers averaging comfortably over 40, in some cases over 45.
Now we have Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich, Ringo and Bilbo. Who average NATHAN LYON'S GRINNING FACE between them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 02:27:49 PM
won the world cup though mate
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 02:28:49 PM
Mate.

Careful now.

World Cup though.

Mate.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 02:29:36 PM
Not really worth it though. Warner getting out for a duck to toy with us. Smith taking a fortnight off just preparing to score 1000* in the next game. Lyon existing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 02:32:01 PM
Seems like Harris is 'leaving' a lot of balls outside off...is that allowed?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 02:32:33 PM
I want people dead
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 02:36:47 PM
WC is worth way in more than an Ashes we obviously don't give a shit about because we put the fucking whole world back about a century. Cunts living out of dogshit and hay huts eating dogshit and breathing dogshit on each other all day every day. Kohli revealed as a total pussy. Aussies ground into the dirt like we were playing a completely different form of the game. Kiwis already third world as fuck and sent packing to the fourth world Dark Ages shit. SA barely existed afterwards. Only PAK came out of it with any dignity for scraping a win when we couldn't be arsed. We cunted the world like the good old days of the Empire simple as. It's written in stone and we were there for it.

Manager doesn't give a shit about Tests. Root is a spineless little cunt who nobody respects. Selectors are just some old failure player pooves. The Aussies aren't even any good, we just don't have any respect for Test cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 02:37:55 PM
Cook getting a bit arsey about someone writing in to complain about how shit we are.

English cricket falling to pieces.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 02:39:19 PM
Spare a thought for Andrew Sampson having to work with that bunch. HR on speed dial.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 02:41:01 PM
The lib dem fight back starts here
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: monkfromhavana on August 23, 2019, 03:01:36 PM
Cook getting a bit arsey about someone writing in to complain about how shit we are.

English cricket falling to pieces.

What did he expect them to write? A fulsome piece of prose dedicated to Jason Roy's resillience and judgement?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 03:03:01 PM
The shires being spared by aggers/boycs banter. The home guard of British broadcasting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 03:05:27 PM
This innings feels like a wake.

Where's your positive cricket now, Joe?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 03:07:41 PM
Boycott listing batsman like a fever dream
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 23, 2019, 03:09:22 PM
BALDHEED
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 03:10:12 PM
What did he expect them to write? A fulsome piece of prose dedicated to Jason Roy's resillience and judgement?

I think he thought complaining wasn't very helpful and 'no one means to go out there and play like a AIDS-addled shower of cunts on day release from the special school' etc. Given we were embarrassingly bundled out for 67 just after lunch I didn't have much sympathy for his view.

Oh, a wicket. Who cares, it only brings the next batting holocaust a little bit closer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 03:11:17 PM
Boycott claims to want England to win but we all know he’s solid as a fucking rock under those 30% polyester/70% cotton slacks every time we’re on the ropes batting wise. Anyway we deserve to lose the series and the squad deserves to die in a coach accident on the way out of headingly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: monkfromhavana on August 23, 2019, 03:16:00 PM
I think he thought complaining wasn't very helpful and 'no one means to go out there and play like a AIDS-addled shower of cunts on day release from the special school' etc. Given we were embarrassingly bundled out for 67 just after lunch I didn't have much sympathy for his view.

Oh, a wicket. Who cares, it only brings the next batting holocaust a little bit closer.

I have zero sympathy for that view. They could put Eddie Large out there and he wouldn't mean to play total shite, but he would. Because he's shit. Not meaning to do something is not an excuse for repeatedly doing it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 03:19:18 PM
They can all hit a ball but they decide to play stupid fucking shots. Deserve to be hounded and beaten.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 03:19:40 PM
Just declare now and get this done with tonight
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 03:21:24 PM
this bowling is looking a bit half-in-coffin
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 03:27:49 PM
feels like me going up and doing something is the key to forward motion. bought a coffee and Woakes stopped being a dobber.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 03:28:12 PM
woaksey
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 23, 2019, 03:31:15 PM
What do you get if you try and force a massively smegmotic b-mert into an uber-clagnutty ringpiece?



J. Roy test cricketer
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 03:49:41 PM
Fucking hell Root, you're gonna finish Jofra's career in one series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 03:53:24 PM
State of Root honestly. Cheeky cunt. Putting the new king through the grinder in a vain attempt to save his own flayed hide. Fall on your sword cunt, and I mean literally.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 04:01:03 PM
When does Wee Joe’s overbowling of Archer become a hate crime?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 04:03:23 PM
I think Root needs a little bit of pastoral care from The Jason Roy Foundation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 04:04:36 PM
don't think this quite qualifies as overbowling. was giving him his favoured end. check back an hour after tea.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 04:04:40 PM
Hope Woakes has a breakdown and screams “you’re this close to losing me” in the sheds later. Christ I hate to see him go but I just love watching him walk away.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 04:06:07 PM
Yes get the bald terror back on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 23, 2019, 04:27:27 PM
Boycott off on one during the tea break - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F3n80V_sb0
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 04:40:28 PM
The only reason for Australia to still be batting is to tire out Archer. Kill them all Jofra.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 04:47:32 PM
CLOWN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 04:48:09 PM
Kys Jo
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 04:48:29 PM
ASBTRACT CLOWN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 04:49:56 PM
Just give up
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 04:54:22 PM
The Joe Root academy is finished now.

How can those under-12's look at him with any semblance of respect after this?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Dr Trouser on August 23, 2019, 04:56:56 PM
tits for hands
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 05:00:47 PM
Stokesy lad, still up for the fight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 05:01:42 PM
stokesy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 05:45:49 PM
Lanka and Windies from here.

Fuck the AIDS Crew. Sorry Jofra. Interest in England will resume post-Bayliss. Hopefully post Strauss and Smith but those smug self congratulatory cunts will remain I expect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 05:46:28 PM
We still winnin this. 300 on a day 3 pitch. ODI mode. Jos tonne. Jase tonne. YJB tonne. Donne.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 05:49:40 PM
We still winnin this. 300 on a day 3 pitch. ODI mode. Jos tonne. Jase tonne. YJB tonne. Donne.

We're going to need 350
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 05:51:06 PM
No fackon worroes matey
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 05:51:24 PM
Hope Jofra smashes up his bedroom
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 05:53:10 PM
Well done Root you simpleton.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:10:04 PM
LOOOOOOOL just couldn't script it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 23, 2019, 06:10:18 PM
Well done Root you simpleton.


Burns captains for Surrey he may as well do it for England. I know Kohli is tactically naive at times, but bloody hell he sets an example, imagine the dressing down one of the IPL mob would get if they batted like these ADD cunts.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:13:57 PM
Wait I've missed a bit, is Archer actually injured now?!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:15:20 PM
Wait I've missed a bit, is Archer actually injured now?!

unsure. might just be cramp.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:15:34 PM
Root deserves everything he gets
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 06:16:39 PM
He went off smiling like it was cramp, so maybe not. But then mindless smiling and forced chirpiness is mandatory under the Root regime.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 06:18:19 PM
“Aaarrggghhh, that cunt’s ruined my career and it’s only just begun!”

“Now say it with a smile Jof! Turn that frown upside down!”
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:25:31 PM
if I hear or read any bromides about executing skillsets I'll literally explode, fingers need pointing and shits need dropping and sacking, this is horror cricket. ironically they need an Andy Flower.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 23, 2019, 06:25:44 PM
unsure. might just be cramp.

Root bowled the poor cunt into the ground.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 06:27:24 PM
Getting slaughtered, totally slaughtered by a team that have only just past 300 in 2 innings.

England on next cricket game, would you even give them 1 and a half stars for batting?

Archer should sue Root in courts of law.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 06:28:10 PM
Not going to crow until England's last wicket is taken, but today has been glorious to see the testosterone toddlers try to keep up the heady spirits of yesterday on here
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 06:29:33 PM
Not going to crow until England's last wicket is taken, but today has been glorious to see the testosterone toddlers try to keep up the heady spirits of yesterday on here

You still don't get it do you? You are so far away from getting it that a trans-pacific flight  wouldn't get you anywhere closer to it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:34:41 PM
FUCKING HELL BAIRSTOW
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:39:11 PM
Does anyone even care anymore
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:40:21 PM
Oh Archer back on the field? Best give him the ball straight away Rooty, go on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:40:45 PM
to be fair we're bowling them dry and two chances have gone down. this could easily be a different story. this is why the Ashes is great. heads just completely GO. career dead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:42:52 PM
Can't stop looking at that scorecard, thing of beauty
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:43:07 PM
like the last test, Stokes standing up but probably a bit too late
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:45:01 PM
He's putting the work in, got to give him credit for that.

But the way he got out...that's going to be playing across my brain for days
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:45:34 PM
The West Indies chased 322 at Headingley just 2 years ago
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:48:30 PM
great review Paine, ahahahaha. too little too late though. PLEASE don't make hope for something here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 06:51:04 PM
Stuart Broad and Jofra Archer have been magnificent in this series. I hope that Root, Roy, Buttler and the rest buy them some chocolates or flowers or something to make up for letting them down so badly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:51:10 PM
That's definitely the worst bit, the hope. Can't they just get utterly destroyed in total humiliation fashion (I mean they ARE BEING and this defeat WILL BE but you know what I mean).

Root knocks his own bails off on his backlift, that sort of thing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 06:53:51 PM
Not going to crow until England's last wicket is taken, but today has been glorious to see the testosterone toddlers try to keep up the heady spirits of yesterday on here

Mate, it's a laugh. Do you not actually understand? We're all having a fuckin laugh in here, ratcheting it up in every direction. It's fun for us who actually give a shit about cricket and having fun together, rather than sniping on the sidelines misunderstanding, desperate to be involved just to feel something.

I've given you the benefit of the doubt plenty of times over the past year or so with your predictable contrarianism but that you don't even grasp the tone here is worrying. I know you're depressed and life has been hard the last few years but get some help. You've got plenty of years ahead of you. It doesn't have to be like this.


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 06:54:41 PM
just skip his negatron posts and carry on the party, we'll be at thread III before October.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 06:56:12 PM
Easily done but I actually like the guy, he's just struggling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 06:56:53 PM
Root giving Tim Paine a send off. How does he have the nerve?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 06:57:20 PM
Can't believe I have spent eight entire hours listening to and/or watching (I've had to change between Sky and TMS) this. Now that's value for money! Especially as it was all free!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 06:58:28 PM
Want full Truth and Reconciliation Committee at the end of this - Trevor Bayliss, Ed Smith in black and white striped clothing in a cage

(https://proxy.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fichef.bbci.co.uk%2Fimages%2Fic%2F1200x675%2Fp047xkz6.jpg&f=1)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 07:04:49 PM
end of a benchmark day for English cricket that will be seared on our souls forever. going to listen to the last rites on a hike tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 07:09:07 PM
Driving to Cornwall (the county, not the West Indian colossus) so thankfully I won't be able to follow it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 07:19:40 PM
postscript: who faces the media today? Graham Thorpe. fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff fffffffffff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 07:25:48 PM
postscript: who faces the media today? Graham Thorpe. fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff fffffffffff.

DELUDED CUNT IS TALKING ABOUT WINNING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 07:26:29 PM
Bet365 have England at 9/2...definitely worth a punt I reckon
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 07:29:28 PM
Bet365 have England at 9/2...definitely worth a punt I reckon

Seems a little short. Are you sure that's not just the scorecard from the first innings that the webpage has got stuck on?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 07:30:09 PM
Just can’t see that top order not falling in a heap again.

I loved Thorpe as a player but any batting coach involved in that debacle should be committing Seppuku on the spot.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 07:35:59 PM
The ludicrous thing is England still could win it. If it even looks possible at any stage tomorrow snipers should be deployed. It’s the only way they’ll learn.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 23, 2019, 07:37:13 PM
Aussies aren't done batting yet. If they were just chasing 277 then maybe they'd have a chance (haha not really), but it'll be at least 300 by the time they actually end up batting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 07:41:35 PM
Not going to crow until England's last wicket is taken, but today has been glorious to see the testosterone toddlers try to keep up the heady spirits of yesterday on here
Hope you’re okay, don’t know you but from this post and reading between the lines from other posts it sounds like you’re having a grim time. As others have said, maybe get some help, or even join in with the camaraderie on here, it’s great craic.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 07:46:14 PM
You still don't get it do you? You are so far away from getting it that a trans-pacific flight  wouldn't get you anywhere closer to it.

I get it. Its you that fails to see me prancing on your testosterone engorged hymen
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 07:47:41 PM
Hope you’re okay, don’t know you but from this post and reading between the lines from other posts it sounds like you’re having a grim time. As others have said, maybe get some help, or even join in with the camaraderie on here, it’s great craic.

Never been happier when someone resorts to this punching down. I’d fucking throw lavender on you if you said that to me in person.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 07:52:22 PM
Love a bit of lavender mate, lovely stuff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 07:54:04 PM
Love a bit of lavender mate, lovely stuff.

Right you little... hogweed!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 07:54:40 PM
Scowling outside the pub, ranting to passers-by about the divvies inside laughing at nothing.

What are they laughing at?

What do they even have to laugh at?

Come on in. Plenty of seats.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 07:56:37 PM
Wouldnt call you divvies.

If the Oz boys tell me to pack it in, then so be it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 07:59:47 PM
Aussies aren't done batting yet. If they were just chasing 277 then maybe they'd have a chance (haha not really), but it'll be at least 300 by the time they actually end up batting.

more chance of Aussies leading by 500 than England knocking off Aussie current lead + 10.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 08:02:55 PM
Do you even like cricket Blodders? I mean, fair enough if you do but it’s not coming across that way. I want the England team to die because I care. it’s one thing to take pleasure in the arrogant cunts that masquerade as our national cricket team but it’s another thing to seemingly take pleasure in the fact their fans are disappointed in their laughable demise.

Tl:dr r u ok hun?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 08:07:08 PM
The Oz boys are on the same page, though. I wish there were more. dontrun is providing some absolute quality here. Give and take. This isn't banter, this isn't 'the beauty of sport', this is just our thing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 23, 2019, 08:44:01 PM
just seen our wickets. Root's was a jaffa. the rest of the bats, particularly Roy, Stokes, and Buttler really ought to hang their heads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 09:37:38 PM
The funny thing (hahahhaha so funny ahahahaha) is that we could easily get a win at old Trafford and the oval after this because this is a very average Australian team. Will be easily the worst victorious Australian team I’ve seen in my lifetime.

Probably be the worst case scenario all round as it could lead to another four years of papering over the cracks. We’ve been building up to this for a while now and a 4-0 drubbing seems fair.

Fuck me it’s going to be great when we win it again though. It was getting boring never losing at home, you only get the multiple orgasm like series of 2005 if you’ve lived through AIDS eras.

I just feel sorry for Archer as it’s harsh on the lad to force him to play with pedophiles, he’s not really in to the AIDS pedophile scene.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 09:40:51 PM
Mate, it's a laugh. Do you not actually understand? We're all having a fuckin laugh in here, ratcheting it up in every direction. It's fun for us who actually give a shit about cricket and having fun together, rather than sniping on the sidelines misunderstanding, desperate to be involved just to feel something.

I've given you the benefit of the doubt plenty of times over the past year or so with your predictable contrarianism but that you don't even grasp the tone here is worrying. I know you're depressed and life has been hard the last few years but get some help. You've got plenty of years ahead of you. It doesn't have to be like this.

What the fuck are you on about? I detest England and want them to suffer. Nothing more nothing less you twit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 09:43:12 PM
Easily done but I actually like the guy, he's just struggling.

What? In ? The? Name of fucking Christ is this? An intervention in response to gentle baiting?

Wishing death on an injured player for bantz. Ok

Sitting on a rainbow waving. Mental health problems

Ah... oh

But get a grip anyway. Let me enjoy my last segment of sanity
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 09:44:49 PM
Tested out some AIDS pedophile banter on a WhatsApp group. I’m not getting ignored this time but the responses aren’t quite the same as on here. I’m trying to double down as the responses get sterner but I might have to let this one go.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 09:45:58 PM
Do you even like cricket Blodders? I mean, fair enough if you do but it’s not coming across that way. I want the England team to die because I care. it’s one thing to take pleasure in the arrogant cunts that masquerade as our national cricket team but it’s another thing to seemingly take pleasure in the fact their fans are disappointed in their laughable demise.

Tl:dr r u ok hun?

I am really missing all this. Maybe i  am mad because ive not said anything that is out of the ordinary. Its like you are all psychologists probing at my daft posts with sad eyes and shakes of the head. What the fuck do you care. Im alright, i just have different perspectives. Now leave me to polish my pot of gold
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 09:47:10 PM
Tested out some AIDS pedophile banter on a WhatsApp group. I’m not getting ignored this time but the responses aren’t quite the same as on here. I’m trying to double down as the responses get sterner but I might have to let this one go.

Try the English spelling, they may think you have a fetish for feet
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 09:54:25 PM
Mate, you don't get any of it, sorry. Get on the MAOIs and try to break your thought patterns. It ain't so bad really, not sure why you've ploughed your time and energy into this one but it's something you'll hopefully look back on and see that nobody here wants anything than for you to feel better. All the best.

Have you considered getting tested?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 09:58:56 PM
Mate, you don't get any of it, sorry. Get on the MAOIs and try to break your thought patterns. It ain't so bad really, not sure why you've ploughed your time and energy into this one but it's something you'll hopefully look back on and see that nobody here wants anything than for you to feel better. All the best.

Have you considered getting tested?

For AIDS? My wife said the same thing this evening.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 10:01:52 PM
Give it a whirl, and then fungal cordyceps.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 23, 2019, 10:15:46 PM
Give it a whirl, and then fungal cordyceps.

I heard the treatment was to pad up and bat third in the order
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 10:16:35 PM
Look let’s just all have cry and aids
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 23, 2019, 10:18:16 PM
I heard the treatment was to pad up and bat third in the order

Yeah, you're getting there, nice one.

Remember you have the power to change your circumstances. All the best with getting the help you need. Lot of meds would be my advice. And FRESH AIR, and plenty of it!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 10:23:08 PM
I once had AIDS but I had the decency to stop playing international cricket for England.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 23, 2019, 10:24:59 PM
Tomorrow I reckon in the morning it will look like England have made a shock recovery but then quickly (within fifteen minutes) everyone will remember that just because you haven't died yet it doesn't mean you've not got AIDS.

Bank holiday paedofest.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 23, 2019, 10:29:34 PM
Tomorrow I reckon in the morning it will look like England have made a shock recovery but then quickly (within fifteen minutes) everyone will remember that just because you haven't died yet it doesn't mean you've not got AIDS.

Bank holiday paedofest.

“Shock recovery”?

You’ve so much to learn.

Tomorrow’s play will be the cricketing equivalent of that last photo of Freddie when he’s in his garden in a waistcoat thinking about his cat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 23, 2019, 10:30:09 PM
I once had AIDS but I had the decency to stop playing international cricket for England.

Pretty much covers it and all future Ashes content.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 23, 2019, 10:35:18 PM
At this point I would be surprised if we were chasing anything less than 400. Only way this goes to a fourth day is if Australia bat half the day. Even then I wouldn’t put money on us lasting more than 50 overs.

I’d never say that there’s a good time for a terrorist atrocity at a cricket ground, but you could pick worse days than tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 23, 2019, 10:52:10 PM
England have loaded their top order with suicide bombers. Heaven awaits lads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2019, 10:57:14 PM
I’d love a suicide vest strapped onto Roy for the minute he tries a booming cover drive on the up at 8-1.

“Geoffrey, I’m not even going to ask for your opinion on that shot...”

*BOOM*

“Jonathon, he deserves that. Brainless batting!”
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 23, 2019, 10:57:40 PM
The best thing to do from here is to rest Archer and throw the game deliberately. Don't even try to get them out. Just have Burns/Roy and Root/Denly do all the bowling for a laugh. Goad them into declaring out of sheer boredom and then bat like we're playing that stupid 100-ball thing. Make it clear we don't care about some stupid fucking urn.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Beagle 2 on August 23, 2019, 11:27:47 PM
Still trying to get into cricket. Today I studied the fielding positions and it took a while to work out that the reason they were weighted a certain way was because some people favour a different hand, which seems really stupid and I've certainly never heard of that before in any other sphere of life.

Also you're not really supposed to watch test cricket are you, just occasionally check the updates and swear and say stuff like "Chokesy should have batted the opening slips down at fourth edge, this is a disgrace, this is a disgrace", to be honest I think just "this is a disgrace" is gonna get me by in most test cricket conversations.

The world cup final was good they should do that again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 08:50:24 AM
Still trying to get into cricket. Today I studied the fielding positions and it took a while to work out that the reason they were weighted a certain way was because some people favour a different hand, which seems really stupid and I've certainly never heard of that before in any other sphere of life.

Also you're not really supposed to watch test cricket are you, just occasionally check the updates and swear and say stuff like "Chokesy should have batted the opening slips down at fourth edge, this is a disgrace, this is a disgrace", to be honest I think just "this is a disgrace" is gonna get me by in most test cricket conversations.

The world cup final was good they should do that again.
You’re getting there but there’s a bit more knowledge needed about the various nuances and ebb and flow and AIDS of the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on August 24, 2019, 10:32:48 AM
Ended a seven year relationship this week. Reading this thread has been a lifeline. Cheers all, let's enjoy another disgrace of a day. Hope aggers gets twatted by Jim Maxwell before lunch.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 24, 2019, 11:15:05 AM
Hope you stay strong Finnquark...why not get your whites on...the BBC News page has this unusual call to arms

(https://i.ibb.co/ykjzBqW/Screenshot-2019-08-24-at-11-14-08.png) (https://imgbb.com/)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 11:18:51 AM
Going to see Book of Mormon shortly, far less offensive and more tasteful than English cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 11:34:04 AM
Jonny Bairstow there. Keeping wicket there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 11:37:57 AM
In all seriousness though this whole thing had been very annoying, I was hoping for this match to be competitive, and having a nice weekend of cricket. I was hoping for something to be at stake for the duration of the series. Losing is fine, the fact that England have to lose so catastrophically and knowing what's going to happen half an hour into day 2 is just boring. Hence the thread going the way it does is the only way to make it fun.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 11:47:58 AM
This is shit. lol
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 11:53:17 AM
Jonny Bairstow there. Keeping wicket there.

There he is again. Look at him go.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 11:57:30 AM
FACE MUSIC

:D

Hope the guy has a nightmare bout dat one.


Guy sitting on a bench crying over his suicide note because he doesn't even have no one to address it to :(((


Get on the maois cunt.


:D


Hahaha
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 12:06:43 PM
I've always thought Boycott is a total dick but he's actually not bad on TMS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 12:13:48 PM
Yeah, he's both. Self-centred and repetitive but he's often spot on. I really like him, we need more of that than rentagob stuff from Vaughan who is a professional troll at times just for the attention.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 12:18:15 PM
Yes, an awful human-being, but when England are shit, he'll say England are shit. No "we can take some positives from this" bollocks.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 12:23:02 PM
I think he was the first person to coin the phrase on TMS in the 90s that such and such was batting like an 'aids pead'.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 24, 2019, 12:28:09 PM
This australian tail is aids paed.

Am i doing it right?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 12:33:04 PM
Good start, keep it up.

Nice of them to not set us a world record chase. 100-1 chance I’d say.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 24, 2019, 12:39:31 PM
All out for 127.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 12:41:30 PM
This is the day Roy comes off, right? 284 off 73 balls, won it by tea.

Either that or he grinds it out and is still there on 14* at the close.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 12:42:02 PM
This australian tail is aids paed.

Am i doing it right?

Nah because they weren't. And it's always England that are aids-paed.

Better though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on August 24, 2019, 12:42:15 PM
Where to dig the graves? Obviously the families won’t want to claim the bodies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr_Simnock on August 24, 2019, 12:43:12 PM
My prediction - we will survive today but not without losing 6-8 wickets then lose the match tomorrow morning before lunch about 150-180 runs down.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 12:43:37 PM
ASHES COMING HOME
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 24, 2019, 12:43:45 PM
This is the day Roy comes off, right? 284 off 73 balls, won it by tea.




Depressingly even if Roy smashed the cunts like that, the other fucks would still not score the other runs needed to win.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 24, 2019, 12:46:08 PM
Just got home. Can I say "Sun's out, Roy's out" yet?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 24, 2019, 12:47:33 PM
Burns broken already
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 12:57:31 PM
Another 150 overs like this and we will piss it, joke of a target.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 24, 2019, 01:03:11 PM
Nah because they weren't. And it's always England that are aids-paed.

Better though.

Lurking paeds lying in wait once the aussies have refreshed their AIDS pack
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 24, 2019, 01:12:46 PM
Plenty of ideas flying around about how the England cricket team can dig its way out of the rut in which it currently finds itself. Well as far as I can see, the solution's pretty simple - just swap the order of the World Cup and the Ashes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 01:14:50 PM
WOW! 4 overs without loss! What a turnaround! This is our day lads, I can feel it!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 01:21:22 PM
WOW! 4 overs without loss! What a turnaround! This is our day lads, I can feel it!!!
Yep. Magnificent batting performance in that last session, had a bit of luck but you have to have a bit of luck when you have contracted an incurable blood borne virus. Best batting performance from our opening partnership since the days of Cook and Strauss, they really came of age in that last session. Proud to be English, new poster boys of Brexit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 01:21:54 PM
Yeah, he's both. Self-centred and repetitive but he's often spot on. I really like him, we need more of that than rentagob stuff from Vaughan who is a professional troll at times just for the attention.

End of Day 1 Vaughan said he'd 'expect England have a big lead in the game this time tomorrow'

After being bowled out for 60 he said 'not surprising at all'

He is cricket's Gary Neville. Worked out how to spout shit while sound authoritative.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 01:26:15 PM
Bought a pair of Roy Burns from a guy in Majorca earlier this year. Not as damaging to my eyes as these two.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr_Simnock on August 24, 2019, 01:32:54 PM
Imagine if these 2 just hit 50 only today, not get out but in the process absolutely knacker the Aus bowling line up. Would not like to bowl all day for nothing in this heat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 01:37:38 PM
Who cares it'll be 2-0, Ashes gone. Certainly not the bowlers when they retain the Ashes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 01:40:49 PM
Just off with the boo boys down the psych ward, heard Smudger pissin his straitjacket. Just gonna boo him through the bars and watch him piss himself. Guy's on the verge :(((


Hahaha love it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 01:55:00 PM
Hang on, Burnsy lad comin with.

BOOOOOOO
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 01:55:35 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 01:57:19 PM
Lulling them in to a false sense of security.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 01:58:43 PM
Can England at least stay in to take it to a 4th day beyond tea?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 02:00:22 PM
Spectacularly shit, cheers Bayliss.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 24, 2019, 02:04:32 PM
More single figures than a speed dating night.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 02:16:26 PM
More peads than death row
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 02:24:05 PM
Prince Andrew has just announced he had no idea or suspicion his best mate The England Cricket team was a paedophile.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: wosl on August 24, 2019, 03:43:27 PM
Bit of yer Boycs app-lee-cay-shun in danger of going on here lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 03:51:27 PM
They’ll get to about 160-2 and everyone will be ooh maybe then tomorrow morning all out for 232.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 04:07:32 PM
Defo gonna win this shit now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 04:16:54 PM
Imagine if there'd been one partnership like that in the first innings. This is such a typical thing to do to keep people hanging on like this and waste everyone's time. Oh well we're not getting through the first over of the next session without a loss.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 24, 2019, 04:19:30 PM
Perfect time for Root to score a pointless century and make everybody forget about his utterly paedophilic captaincy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 24, 2019, 04:22:39 PM
Lads I’m cunted ahain! What am I like!???!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 04:22:50 PM
Denly has got to 30 so no way this partnership is going to go on for too long. Root out soon after reaching 50.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 24, 2019, 04:23:12 PM
Had TMS on in my pocket on a hike. Sounds like Denly should have been out 3 or 4 times. An Ashes saving knock wouldn't spare him the axe for me, Isa.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 05:02:04 PM
I really like Isa. She's funny and incisive, great voice. Excellent complement to the other wankers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 24, 2019, 05:05:23 PM
How long before we start to wonder if it’s going to COME HAME
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 05:07:24 PM
I really like Isa. She's funny and incisive, great voice. Excellent complement to the other wankers.

I BET YOU DO YOU DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 05:13:25 PM
Calm down with all this optimism, it’s time for INSPECTOR NORSE’S STAT O’ THE DAY

Root’s never scored a fourth-innings century.

Plenty of time left for him to sail to 73 then steer a Labuschagne long-hop right down gully’s throat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 24, 2019, 05:17:18 PM
I really like Isa. She's funny and incisive, great voice. Excellent complement to the other wankers.

She earns every penny when on with Boycs
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: wosl on August 24, 2019, 05:17:40 PM
I really like Isa. She's funny and incisive, great voice. Excellent complement to the other wankers.

Still find her tone as a commentator a bit public address system uninflected (rather her than Blowers or the imperiously self-satisfied tones of Ed Smith any day, having said that), but the quality of her between deliveries bantz is good, now that she's relaxing into the role.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 05:19:37 PM
Fucks sake. Just got out of the theatre. What’s this shred of hope bollocks? Just die from AIDS now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 05:34:18 PM
Root lbw

Overturned!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 05:36:11 PM
Suck it! No stopping us now!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 05:38:44 PM
Fucking Gary going to cunt us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 05:39:21 PM
Gary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 24, 2019, 05:40:35 PM
Not often Gary isn’t the baldest spinner in the match. That’s exactly why we brought Leachy in.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 05:41:23 PM
SEE! Denly is a top-tier test batsman absolutely deserving of his place as our number 4. Just needed a little patience.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 05:42:43 PM
Denly still Belsen - a stat earlier showed the amount of edges and plays and misses from him this innings would on average have got him out at least twice. If he wins us this game still drop him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 05:42:59 PM
Almost time to go find some Australians and give them gentle ribbing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 05:47:49 PM
Still going to lose by 180.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 05:50:30 PM
Almost time to go find some Australians and give them gentle ribbing.

Where are the biggest Foster's branches/breweries/offices in the UK? Let's go smash them up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 05:50:56 PM
Rumours of an imminent AIDS outbreak.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 05:53:46 PM
https://www.walkaboutbars.co.uk/
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 24, 2019, 05:59:36 PM
Rumours of an imminent AIDS outbreak.

I hear Ed Smith has been holding up a sheet of paper with AIDS written on it an then he crosses out AIDS with a gold fountain pen and shakes his head. He's doing this all day long.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 06:07:01 PM
Has it been this tense all day? Can’t take this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 06:12:34 PM
Wicket

Time to be put out of our misery.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 06:12:46 PM
And that was that. Six down by close of play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 06:12:54 PM
Here we here we here we fucking go
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 06:14:42 PM
Maybe I won't spend this evening throwing bricks at Australians after all.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 06:20:30 PM
Is it half six finish?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 06:24:35 PM
Fuck it’s 7.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 24, 2019, 06:50:07 PM
England gonna win this
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 24, 2019, 06:52:57 PM
super 38 ball 1* here from Stokes, the spirit of Faf du Plessis is strong.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 06:55:04 PM
Aww he ruined it by getting a 2nd run.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 06:56:25 PM
super 38 ball 1* here from Stokes, the spirit of Faf du Plessis is strong.
Cunt can stay on 2 until Monday as long as he's there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 06:59:46 PM
Is there any chance we could convince Jack Russell out of retirement and have him come in next?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 07:00:37 PM
Fucking Gary going to get one before close.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 07:01:14 PM
GARY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 24, 2019, 07:04:33 PM
not going to read any of the 'dare we dream?' shit in the papers, we have been abject and a final spirit crush will happen around 11.55 tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 07:05:23 PM
THE ASHES IS WITHIN OUR GRASP
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 07:06:51 PM
Century partnership with Root and Stokes pretty much essential to have any chance. Jury's out whether the AIDS Crew could even knock the remaining runs off.

Important to at least have some wickets in hand for tomorrow though, so I can understand Stokes dead batting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 07:09:53 PM
Today was great, really fucking great, amazing to have something to cheer about after yesterday. But I'd be surprised if we are still there by lunch.

New ball isn't that far away so that will probably see off these two and the rest of the team are still suffering badly with a blood disease so won't make more than 30 between them.

Australia win by 160 runs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Moonshine on August 24, 2019, 07:13:19 PM
Heard from a mate who works at AIDS R US that a “cackling Mr. Bayliss” has ordered in a “fucking gibbon full of the stuff” up to Leeds for tomorrow. Games over
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 24, 2019, 07:19:10 PM
West Yorkshire Police have issued a statement urging people in the Leeds area to keep their children safely indoors between 11am-1pm tomorrow after receiving several tip-offs about a high-level conspiracy to nonce.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 08:22:31 PM
Quote
322-5: West Indies v England, 2017
315-4: England v Australia, 2001

The two recent sizeable run chases at Leeds, suggesting we need another 2 big partnerships really. Both those games the fielding side lost heart after it was obvious the win wasn't coming. Against England you'd need to be in a really negative position for that. Australia will still fancy it at 270-4. That's the difference.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 24, 2019, 08:23:42 PM
Its obviously an English win
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 08:45:47 PM
Mark my words... It's written in the stars for JOFRA to hit a six that get's him the century and win England the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 09:02:36 PM
When was the last great Ashes comeback win by an English side? Australia had one a couple of games ago but I can't remember any from us since 2001. And that was a dead rubber. Obviously every time there's an opportunity you don't genuinely think it can happen as it only happens once every 20 odd years but we are due one. Or maybe we won't see one for another 40 years.

I can't stop eating bread, I'm so nervous.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 09:08:23 PM
Oh don't worry all hopes will be dashed within minutes tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 09:08:41 PM
Hahaha why the fuck am I nervous. We still need over 200 runs. I wouldn't back us to get an Ashes saving 200 on days 4 and 5 with 20 wickets remaining.

Fucking state of me, apologies. I was dreaming of a world without AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 24, 2019, 09:19:43 PM
If we do win it would be a very fitting resolution to the AIDS cycle as instead of getting life prolonging treatment we’d all pretend the virus has disappeared of its own accord and then immediately die during the next test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 24, 2019, 09:27:50 PM
When was the last great Ashes comeback win by an English side? Australia had one a couple of games ago but I can't remember any from us since 2001. And that was a dead rubber. Obviously every time there's an opportunity you don't genuinely think it can happen as it only happens once every 20 odd years but we are due one. Or maybe we won't see one for another 40 years.

I can't stop eating bread, I'm so nervous.

There were two comeback wins of sorts in 2013, where we were behind in the first innings batting first, only to rack up a decent score second dig and bowl them out. Nothing like this.

The nearest thing I can think of off the top of my head was the first test in 2010/11 when we were miles behind on the first innings, only to get 517/1dec second time out and not just recover but dominate. Finished a draw but set down a huge marker.

Quite simply, in meaningful games (ie. series still in play) I can't remember too many big performances batting 4th from England. Were England to win this it would be Botham level.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 24, 2019, 09:38:19 PM
There were two comeback wins of sorts in 2013, where we were behind in the first innings batting first, only to rack up a decent score second dig and bowl them out. Nothing like this.

The nearest thing I can think of off the top of my head was the first test in 2010/11 when we were miles behind on the first innings, only to get 517/1dec second time out and not just recover but dominate. Finished a draw but set down a huge marker.

Quite simply, in meaningful games (ie. series still in play) I can't remember too many big performances batting 4th from England. Were England to win this it would be Botham level.
Aye, easily up there with 1981.

These posts are going to look funny at around midday tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 24, 2019, 11:13:14 PM
If we do win it would be a very fitting resolution to the AIDS cycle as instead of getting life prolonging treatment we’d all pretend the virus has disappeared of its own accord and then immediately die during the next test.

You know that thing in a crap later Simpsons episode where Mr Burns finds he can't get ill because he has everything at once... it'll be like that basically.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 11:16:21 PM
Don't care if we win or not not but I hope we can somehow still kill these cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 24, 2019, 11:16:24 PM
Plucky England
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 11:47:47 PM
Death Wish 3: Non-accidental Death
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 24, 2019, 11:53:19 PM
The AIDS has temporarily gone in to remission but you can never fully cure it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 24, 2019, 11:58:54 PM
Same as the pead fever. Once bitten twice shy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 12:22:20 AM
West Yorkshire Police apparently spotted removing hard drives from the Headingley home dressing room earlier this evening.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 06:29:41 AM
NORFOLK N’CHANCE


All out by lunch. Pre-gape your kids now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 08:52:38 AM
Probably, but doesn't it make you proud to be British!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 09:26:34 AM
Worrying sign on the TMS podcast. Aggers shouted "well played skipper" to Root as he walked off, to which Root snarkily replied "that'll give you something positive to write about." MATE.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 09:29:08 AM
How unfair that the England Cricket team is heavily criticised for scoring 64 in the most important innings of the most important test of the most important series of the next 4 years.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 09:30:15 AM
Worrying sign on the TMS podcast. Aggers shouted "well played skipper" to Root as he walked off, to which Root snarkily replied "that'll give you something positive to write about." MATE.

What a tart.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:36:55 AM
I don’t mind him being arsey. If that’s what it takes for him to play well.

Only worry is that he comes out cocky rather than determined and it’s all over by half eleven.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 09:38:01 AM
Any worries that Marnus Labuschagne was a plastic Aussie were just shut down as he answered his first two interview questions with "aw, look"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 09:42:11 AM
also reading that Labuschagne came to Christ in his teens and has bible verses in his shoes. I'm not saying it's right but maybe these are the marginal gains England need.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 09:45:29 AM
Cripes. Imagine if Rooty saw some of the stuff a lot of you guys have said about him in this thread!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 09:53:33 AM
I think his lowered immune system has led to him getting toxoplasmosis. Guy doesn't know what year it is, let alone how many runs he needs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 10:34:15 AM
As a famous Leeds band once said, “I predict a AIDS”.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 10:36:05 AM
Root clearly has dementia. This thread will be of no consequence to him.

*If you have a loved one who is living with dementia then please contact The Jason Roy Foundation who give specialised care to professional cricketers with severe mental disabilities.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 10:37:01 AM
Geoffrey Boycott's Wikipedia page states that during the 1980s:
Quote
His weak immune system was a recurring motivation for not touring the Indian subcontinent.

This affliction goes right back to the beginning of the AIDS virus.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 10:48:22 AM
Geoffrey Boycott's Wikipedia page states that during the 1980s:
This affliction goes right back to the beginning of the AIDS virus.

He’s very much the Magic Johnson of West Yorkshire.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 10:50:58 AM
Eh love, put t’kettle on and brew me a nice cuppa Yorkshire PAEDS!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 10:57:39 AM
let's have your predictions

I reckon ENG all out for 270. Some new ball disaster but a late thump by someone.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 11:00:10 AM
let's have your predictions

I reckon ENG all out for 270. Some new ball disaster but a late thump by someone.
I don’t think we will get that close.

Today will define Root as England captain one way or another.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 25, 2019, 11:26:06 AM
This is good stuff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 11:27:21 AM
...And it’s begun
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 11:28:05 AM
Delicious AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 25, 2019, 11:28:09 AM
You can keep the AIDS at bay for so long but it’s gonna get you in the end.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 25, 2019, 11:28:21 AM
Shut up jobotic you cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 11:30:07 AM
You are the captain of the England cricket team, batting to save the Ashes and save your captaincy. You are set on 77*, facing the spinner, with the new ball moments away. Do you:

a) deadbat everything and make sure you stay in so you and the other senior guy can face the new ball?
b) dance down the wicket to try and do Christ knows what, get an inside edge and throw your wicket away?

Fucking idiot Root. Just complete fucking stupidity.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 25, 2019, 11:30:49 AM
Nonced himself.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 11:31:57 AM

Today will define Root as England captain one way or another.
And now we know which way.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 11:32:45 AM
worst thing about that Root dismissal is that it made me feel stupid for hoping. like a massive foam hand with PENIS emblazoned across it emerged from the sky pointing at me.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 11:32:51 AM
Root is currently having all his remaining white blood cells confiscated.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 11:33:03 AM
There are no words for what a fucking stupid shot that was.

Not even Ian Bell could have pulled something like that out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 11:33:39 AM
Even Moeen would baulk at that one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 11:36:57 AM
faith levels in Bairstow vs. world's best attack with new ball in pressure situation currently lower than Nick Cave and an interventionist God.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: lankyguy95 on August 25, 2019, 11:40:19 AM
Stokes getting more runs on his 74th delivery than his previous 73.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 11:43:17 AM
I can’t be arsed to watch a slow death just try and cunt everything out of the ground
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 11:48:07 AM
averages under Root

(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/69173915_10156351719541356_6619846798565441536_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_eui2=AeGzxAvInMvJHpKlkxY_BiBPN0cfE3RXnp1N3JaBsDUwSTpn6UuJG5-0yfS8xqPLxB7nseBctGhf6KvNqMHvw8t206u0Hvs8L2q57PGX1YWRqA&_nc_oc=AQmu65iDYdyyOTTumrZdP1WbWBxuAPNdIUz3ccH8lYHyWg0XvzjIaaGiUG0tQZDRoiI&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=634c49334344cfb246db48b543445846&oe=5DD864FA)

just running through my analysis computer

BEEP BEEP BEEP
CRAP
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 11:52:11 AM
I'll tone it down here. I think that has to be Root's captaincy gone. He's been poor for a long time in various formats but he needs time to focus on his batting and mentality now. He isn't a natural captain by any means and that decision making says everything you need to know. When the pressure is on, he is not a player or a man England can look to for guidance, inspiration or a match-winning performance. Contrast with Cook who was almost boring in how reliable and steady he was as a player and as a man.

I say it's time for Stokes, the only player to have shown grit and a fighting mentality both here and in the WC. Yes, he did what he did but his response has been exemplary and he's the only one to show the character to be captain. As much as I love Jos, he's not suited to Test cricket at all.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 11:54:10 AM
I'll tone it down here. I think that has to be Root's captaincy gone. He's been poor for a long time in various formats but he needs time to focus on his batting and mentality now. He isn't a natural captain by any means and that decision making says everything you need to know. When the pressure is on, he is not a player or a man England can look to for guidance, inspiration or a match-winning performance. Contrast with Cook who was almost boring in how reliable and steady he was as a player and as a man.

I say it's time for Stokes, the only player to have shown grit and a fighting mentality both here and in the WC. Yes, he did what he did but his response has been exemplary and he's the only one to show the character to be captain. As much as I love Jos, he's not suited to Test cricket at all.

So, what you are saying is replace PAED AIDS with HEPATITIS THUGLIFE?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 11:54:49 AM
PEAD but yeah, basically.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 11:58:40 AM
Problem is, Root was earmarked as FEC from the day he debuted for Yorkshire. They pick on class, meaning both social class and perceived refinement, and Root ticks all those boxes. Add in that he's a batsman and probably one of our 3 world class players (Anderson is a bowler, Archer is new and also not a white guy) then any step will be seen as a negative one even if there is a better natural leader and thinker. Despite being a statistical sport there really isn't much cricket Moneyball. They like you or they don't. Ben Foakes is a better 'keeper and batsman than Buttler and Bairstow and lost his place because....reasons. There's a deep mental abyss in the minds of selectors that gets replicated by fans. In short: AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 12:00:46 PM
Harsh on Stokes, he'd get in any team.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 12:21:48 PM
Not had an erection like this for years, lads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 12:27:06 PM
Still a lot of runs to get. If we get to lunch without losing another then I’ll start to believe, at the moment I have that excitement mixed with sense of impending doom.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 12:28:57 PM
Or rather impending AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 12:36:59 PM
Really solid analysis, sevens.


Totally agree with what you're saying about 'a face that fits' and that is Root. He's Yorkshire so has that pretence of good, honest, proper cricket but equally he has the independent education, mannerisms and ingrained self-assurance of a posh white lad. I suppose his outstanding form when Cook was captain was also a massive factor.

In any case, he's lost his form and he's shown nothing as a captain in the way of leadership, leading by example, tactical awareness, intelligence, invention, bravery. Whatever happens in this series, he's not been good enough and it's time for a change.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 12:41:18 PM
It also doesn't help players, fans, or selectors that the county championship and one's form within isn't a great marker for success. Sometimes their class picks do work out, too, which confuses things further. Been having this chat with some pals in real life over the last few days. Like why did Glen Chapple never get a proper chance? Why did they pick Foakes and Parry, have them perform as well as expected, and then discard them?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 12:45:13 PM
I agree with the Root analysis but I wouldn’t give Stokes the captaincy. Heart-on-your-sleeve type workhorse all rounders never seem to work well captaincy-wise. I don’t think it would be wise to increase his work load. Don’t ask me who I’d pick though because I’ve got no idea. Give it to that bald cunt Leachy boy for a laugh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 12:47:37 PM
Going to be Gary that steals the dream isn’t it.

Gary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 12:59:53 PM
They have Jesus on their side for this last over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 01:01:53 PM
I agree with the Root analysis but I wouldn’t give Stokes the captaincy. Heart-on-your-sleeve type workhorse all rounders never seem to work well captaincy-wise. I don’t think it would be wise to increase his work load. Don’t ask me who I’d pick though because I’ve got no idea. Give it to that bald cunt Leachy boy for a laugh.

I see where you're coming from but he's shown that when the pressure is on, he is at his best. We should never have got near that WC final total but he dragged us within reach. Same in this series. He's not been great but aside from that insane shot in the first innings, he's played the situation very well.

Buttler is a fairweather player. Bairstow is too erratic. Broad too old.

This match is absolutely amazing, by the way. I think it's going to come down to Lyon vs Stokes. He's bowling tremendously well. I don't imagine we'll bat him out but hopefully he'll be fucking knackered in this heat. We're on the verge of something here, though. Could be Buttler's day, too. You never know. He's due one and he could get fifty in no time. Anyway, pipe dream shit now but this is an incredible Test Match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 01:04:12 PM
I'm absolutely riddled with hope right now, can tell I'll be walking around town in the world's largest clownshoes but fuck it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 01:05:23 PM
I hate this. How fucking dare they let me start to hope? Absolute cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:05:35 PM
Yeah this is an amazing test match whatever happens from now. If they had a spinner bowling like Moeen I’d fancy us to get home pretty comfortably but Lyon is bowling too well to not get at least a couple.

That ridiculous win predictor has it at about 50-50 which feels about right. What a session coming up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 01:07:07 PM
Vibes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 01:08:29 PM
I hate this. How fucking dare they let me start to hope? Absolute cunts.

Yeah there's a huge part of me that just wishes they'd collapse already and stop ruining our Sundays.

Bairstow has played the situation really well, so he's presumably going to eat 43 EXTRA PROTEIN POWER bars for lunch and get stumped first ball after trying to bunt Lyon into Bradford.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:10:11 PM
Bairstow has a rare strain of AIDS where it often seems like he is on the way to the hospice only for a miraculous remission to take place.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 01:12:10 PM
Do we?

Do we dare?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 01:13:14 PM
I have to mow the lawn and probably won't be back in time for the start of the next session. Fully expecting to see the score at 255-7 when I come back in.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:19:18 PM
I have to mow the lawn and probably won't be back in time for the start of the next session. Fully expecting to see the score at 255-7 when I come back in.
This is why it's difficult to truly believe. We could get the target down to 50 without losing another wicket and still lose by 25 runs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 01:20:16 PM
Remarkable how stupid Root's wicket was, in hindsight. Unlucky, but you deserve no luck when you play with such stupidity.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 01:21:19 PM
It’ll be when we get down to needing about 50 and the Aussies are fucking knackered that we completely bottle it and lose 5/6 in two overs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: MiddleRabbit on August 25, 2019, 01:24:51 PM
It also doesn't help players, fans, or selectors that the county championship and one's form within isn't a great marker for success. Sometimes their class picks do work out, too, which confuses things further. Been having this chat with some pals in real life over the last few days. Like why did Glen Chapple never get a proper chance? Why did they pick Foakes and Parry, have them perform as well as expected, and then discard them?

Chapple didn't play much for England because Darren Gough in particular,  and also Andy Caddick were similar bowlers but better than he was.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 01:34:01 PM
The England team are currently playing like they are only interested in sexual partners who are older than the age of consent.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 01:35:21 PM
It's still a long, long time to concentrate and this is something very few of our players have done for several years. I'd say it's not fair or reasonable to count on the last four wickets to add more than ten runs. They could obviously get a hundred between them but for this to happen, I'd say Buttler needs to play as well as Bairstow and Stokes have done. These three need a hundred more between them for us to bring this home.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:39:24 PM
The England team are currently playing like they are only interested in sexual partners who are older than the age of consent.
Could be a sophisticated grooming technique.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 01:42:11 PM
We have a tail that's capable of getting runs, but it's been in situations very different to this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:44:18 PM
Just wish it wasn’t Gary. It’s going to be Gary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 01:44:35 PM
Does anyone know if we will win this?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:46:41 PM
Bye bye YJB?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:47:24 PM
Phew. Chill out though, play yourself in again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 01:47:29 PM
The Aussies are the BBC helicopter and the England side are Cliff’s house.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 01:48:16 PM
Terrible call from the umpire again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 01:48:54 PM
on pills fer me neeeeeeeeerves
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 01:49:54 PM
Umpire Gaff-Prone more like!

first successful joke I ever made
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:50:00 PM
You never know with Bairstow, he could edge to third slip and still insta review.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:55:00 PM
Ah well, that was fun whilst it lasted.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 01:55:38 PM
RIP PEADOS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 01:56:09 PM
Jofra century incoming.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 01:56:16 PM
just before Bairstow edged that I noticed the bookies had England 8/15, can only presume people have been piling money on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 01:57:09 PM
For fuck's sake. Another one doing all the hard work then spunking in his own face.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 01:57:25 PM
That's a daft shot, unfortunately. As I said, it's pure concentration that's needed. Bairstow has played well to get us close but I don't think close enough. Buttler is going to have to play his best ever Test innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 01:58:15 PM
Video images have shown Gary with an AIDS contaminated needle in his trousers. Hasn’t been caught on camera but suspicions that he stabbed Bairstow with it. If it were up to me I would ban AIDS contaminated needles whilst on the field of play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:00:56 PM
I don't know, man. You've got to be wary of over-regulation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 02:04:43 PM
Bairstow had done so well in almost bringing himself to climax over pornography featuring women over the age of consent but he had to throw it away at the last minute and access goodies on the dark web. Shame.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:08:05 PM
Buttler looks riddled. Absolutely riddled.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:08:40 PM
just drunk one of those big bottles of Naked smoothie, the green one, error, going to hurl before stumps
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:09:53 PM
FUCK OFF JOS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:09:59 PM
Run out, just what was needed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 02:10:02 PM
Of course. Of course it would be that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:10:34 PM
Terrible run out. Terrible.


I would say that's Buttler finished as a Test cricketer. Big fan but he hasn't got a clue in this format.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:11:30 PM
gifted both wickets this session. just unreal. pissing all over their own hard work.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:11:59 PM
Stokes at fault to be fair, can’t blame Buttler even if he did look clueless.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on August 25, 2019, 02:13:43 PM
Terrible run out. Terrible.


I would say that's Buttler finished as a Test cricketer. Big fan but he hasn't got a clue in this format.

Purely Sir Ben Stokes fault. Buttler reacted decisvely to Stokes call who backtracked.. Stokes could get a century but cost England the game.with that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 02:13:52 PM
Yeah Buttler's been stitched up there. He lent his computer to Stokes who forgot to delete his Internet history afterwards.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:15:21 PM
Purely Sir Ben Stokes fault. Buttler reacted decisvely to Stokes call who backtracked.. Stokes could get a century but cost England the game.with that.
If Stokes gets a century we will probably win. Buttler looked like he wasn’t going to be there long anyway. Might give Stokes some inspiration to make good.

After the final there’s no one else I’d rather out there at the moment, just worried he will run out of partners.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:16:11 PM
Woakes in, average dipped under 30, Ashes on the line, he'll be seething, a burning fire inside, a one man vaccination squad, ready to cure this team in perpetuity, but he won't show it, he'll just remain the smouldering tyre fire of beauty he always is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:16:35 PM
It was Stokes' fault, yeah, fair enough. Had another look. Bit of a shame. Buttler looked like a walking wicket, though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 02:17:50 PM
Why is someone in the crowd playing the Last of the Summer Wine theme on a trumpet?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:19:06 PM
Why is someone in the crowd playing the Last of the Summer Wine theme on a trumpet?

Bill Owen and Peter Sallis are filming outside in a bathtub
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:20:08 PM
Come on Woakes, glove to slip and let Archer blast these cunts away. 6666666666666666 England win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 02:20:16 PM
Why is someone in the crowd playing the Last of the Summer Wine theme on a trumpet?

It’s to remind England that people in their senior years can be good fun, after so much focus on the consumption of explicit images of children.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 02:20:22 PM
Bill Owen and Peter Sallis are filming outside in a bathtub


Unfortunately they are also our number 8 and 9.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:22:06 PM
Epic stuff from Stokes. Stokes or bust.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 02:22:28 PM
Did anyone else catch Stokes cry “my wife is an adult” over stump mic just then when he got his fifty?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:26:56 PM
*nostril flare*
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:27:20 PM
Remember this morning lads? Good times. Horrible when you find out your heroes are attracted to children.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 02:27:36 PM
Stokes is thinking of finding himself a cougar tonight but everyone else is bang on the kids.

You can pretty much hear the AIDS attacking their white blood cells.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 02:29:17 PM
A veritable festival of AIDS, a jamboree of deficiency
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:29:42 PM
Set him up, pretty clueless. Didn't look like scoring a run. Fuck off. It's down to Jofra.


Absolutely miles off here.


Bairstow's shot is unforgivable. Run out unforgivable.


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:30:39 PM
Set him up, pretty clueless. Didn't look like scoring a run. Fuck off. It's down to Jofra.


Absolutely miles off here.


Bairstow's shot is unforgivable. Run out unforgivable.
Yeah, started with Bairstow and as expected with England one wicket starts the collapse.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 02:31:07 PM
Arise Sir Thuglife and Sir Thuglife WI
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:34:06 PM
Stokes has been amazing but needs to ramp it up now, not enough partners to play with. Just go for it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 02:34:49 PM
Australia were floundering before Bairstow decided to make it interesting again. Short on ideas and spraying it all over the shop like in the glory days of Mitchell Johnson.
England architects, as ever, of their own downfall.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 02:35:24 PM
Stokes needs to go full Stokes now. Hog the strike and pepper the crowd.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:37:11 PM
Yeah, started with Bairstow and as expected with England one wicket starts the collapse.

Root is of course the worst of all. Completely fucked it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:38:30 PM
Root is of course the worst of all. Completely fucked it.
Yes, don’t want to overreact but he deserves to be publicly executed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 02:40:14 PM
Yes, don’t want to overreact but he deserves to be publicly executed.

Errr... No.

Three generations of his family need to be publicly executed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:40:58 PM
Errr... No.

Three generations of his family need to be publicly executed.
Was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but you are probably right.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:41:02 PM
apparently one time, when Flintoff got out heaving for Lancs, he went back to the dressing room and smashed his bat and a few cups were thrown. Muralitharan came out of the pisser and said "what's up Freddie, another crap shot?" Bet no one has that kind of sack in the ENG dressing room. Just too busy downloading.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:42:34 PM
Novel tactic by Australia to rotate their fast bowlers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:44:06 PM
As difficult a task as this was this morning, it's remarkable how far away we are given how average their seam bowling has been. It needed nothing more than slow and steady. Not even a need to hit the bad balls, especially. Singles. Singles. Singles. It's just very hard to concentrate and keep your cool.


Edit: Haha great Flintoff story. Love it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:48:28 PM
As difficult a task as this was this morning, it's remarkable how far away we are given how average their seam bowling has been. It needed nothing more than slow and steady. Not even a need to hit the bad balls, especially. Singles. Singles. Singles. It's just very hard to concentrate and keep your cool.


Edit: Haha great Flintoff story. Love it.
Yeah we could have dead batted this entire session and blown them away after tea. Wasn’t to be.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 02:48:43 PM
in good news, Roston Chase just got Kohli out in India's second dig.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 02:50:38 PM
Be good if they fall 1 run short.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:51:21 PM
Be good if they fall 1 run short.
That would actually be good as the Ashes would still be alive. Would definitely take a tie.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 02:53:49 PM
Boggy you bald fat lipped Sky cunt, you better hope the antiretrovirals kick in.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 02:55:11 PM
That would actually be good as the Ashes would still be alive. Would definitely take a tie.


Good point, we actually only need 87 runs!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:55:51 PM

Good point, we actually only need 87 runs!
Should piss it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 02:59:09 PM
Archer looking imperious, definitely not out any second.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:00:38 PM
Stones on Stokes with that on drive. The guy is exceptional. I still say we need these guys to get us within 20 for it to be fifty-fifty.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:02:40 PM
Broad has scored 169 in a test before so this should be absolutely fine from here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:03:24 PM
Still absolutely maddening that we only needed about 10% less aids in the first innings, and perhaps if we hadn't let them have about 50 runs as a free gift in their first innings, this would be in the bag. This could have been an easy win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:04:34 PM
Just realised I've needed a wee for about two hours. A dull background pain just revealed itself at drinks.


And yeah, Thurs, spot on. They've been absolutely rubbish. We've just batted like fuckwits. Handed it on a plate.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 03:04:47 PM
any cunt thinking England can win this is a cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 03:05:40 PM
any cunt thinking England can win this is a cunt

You secretly know it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:05:50 PM
Broad has scored 169 in a test before so this should be absolutely fine from here.

caveat: two PAK bowlers were done for match-fixing in that game, the guilt pouring out of them as Broad played Asif and Amir like Lara playing a Minor Counties trundler.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:08:36 PM
We weren't very good at Lords either, and yet only the rain stopped us winning that. I think it's important for Australia to know that Smith and I guess maybe Labuschagne aside they are absolute dogshit too.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:09:13 PM
caveat: two PAK bowlers were done for match-fixing in that game, the guilt pouring out of them as Broad played Asif and Amir like Lara playing a Minor Counties trundler.

The Aussies are all bent as well so Broad will score an easy 50 whilst holding his bat the wrong way up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:10:25 PM
I genuinely think the AUS attack is actually shit hot. Hazlewood is the new McGrath.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:11:03 PM
You have to love Archer. Guy is immense.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:12:18 PM
Yeah bit daft there. I'm to blame.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:13:10 PM
Very silly, but you can't expect him to bat us to a win. He's 50% of the reason we're even in this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:13:27 PM
Still a better test batsman than Roy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:13:47 PM
Yeah bit daft there. I'm to blame.
Yes, Archer can’t take the blame for that one. Bairstow, Root, Woakes and Boston Crab... gang your heads in shame.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 03:14:02 PM
You have to love Archer. Guy is immense.

Yeah I think I’m in love with him. Wonder if he likes extreme Slavic botty tugs.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:15:39 PM
We're running out of batting men.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 03:16:20 PM
Yeah bit daft there. I'm to blame.

The guy is CONTAMINATED
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:17:49 PM
If/when we lose, and as I write this it looks like Archer has gone, that's the series. What we should do is start over right away. Don't let the same losers go gallivanting around for two more tests. Tell Jimmy that he can ease off on the comeback trail. Bury Jason Roy in a box under the sea.

Pick a bunch of new guys - Archer can stay of course, Leach too, Stokes can captain, Root can be there IF he bats four and keeps his mouth closed at all times. Tell them that there is absolutely no pressure, that nobody is judging them whatever happens, that they're just getting a go to look at their attitude and technique and temperament and cricket smarts and how much they're willing to learn and that they'll get a proper chance in winter when you can take a big squad on tour. So go into the last two tests with a team along these lines:

Burns/Crawley
Sibley
Northeast (vice captain as he's oldest and has captaincy experience)
Root
Stokes (c)
Pope
Foakes (wk)
S Curran
Gregory (or Coad or Porter or T Curran, someone who's a proven wicket-taker at county level)
Archer
Leach
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:18:49 PM
That's that then
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:20:20 PM
Stokes may as well just go for it now. Nothing to lose.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:21:12 PM
Remember when there was even the slightest suggestion that this England team could be part of a historic win? THIS England team?

I suspect that there might be a few paedophiles in this very thread.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:21:20 PM
Stokes may as well just go for it now. Nothing to lose.

If he even gets to face another ball.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:22:43 PM
A shame because despite how fucking shit we batted first time around, we've gifted this to the Aussies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:22:58 PM
ENG just never do major overhauls. Buttler will probably stay the series, "bad luck".
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:23:45 PM
A shame because despite how fucking shit we batted first time around, we've gifted this to the Aussies.
Yep. No demons in this pitch, dumb fuckery has cost us. YJB was thinking of his man of the match speech. 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:24:32 PM
ENG just never do major overhauls. Buttler will probably stay the series, "bad luck".

Oh of course.

Jason Roy has until 2024 to prove himself.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 03:24:40 PM
According to cricinfo we still have a PB Rotundoforsk to come in. Anyone seen him bat?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:25:48 PM
BOSH just another ten or so of those Stokesy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:26:47 PM
Yep. No demons in this pitch, dumb fuckery has cost us. YJB was thinking of his man of the match speech.

he was strolling down the pitch giving the fielders some chat, just a very mentally weak player imho.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:27:40 PM
Reckon Leach will get another 92 here even though we only need 70. Almost bad sportsmanship for Australia not to just accept defeat now and we can all get out of here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 03:30:15 PM
A shame because despite how fucking shit we batted first time around, we've gifted this to the Aussies.

The crap bowling to Warner and Labu in the first innings,,,the stupid batting in the first innings and then the lower order shitting the bed after lunch today,...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:31:18 PM
Believe me I know how these two feel. I was in the final on Fifteen to One with one life for ages.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 03:32:00 PM
Believe me I know how these two feel. I was in the final on Fifteen to One with one life for ages.

Did you win?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:32:17 PM
Did you win?

No. Bloody Alan from Carnforth.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 03:34:10 PM
No. Bloody Alan from Carnforth.

Good news, he’s an AIDS PAED now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 03:35:50 PM
Leach will never have a better time to prove he’s fully behind UK age of consent legislation
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:36:17 PM
If Stokes has treated everyone from Root downwards as a tailender we’d be home by now. Amazing how easy he is making it look. Almost as if playing yourself in is a tactic in test cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:36:36 PM
Getting annoyingly close. Can they not give Leach a massive novelty bat?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:36:44 PM
I don't blame Archer's in the slightest for the holing out. 15 is more than we should expect from him. Ignoring the rest of the match and looking at today, Root threw his wicket away when he could have nurdled his way to another 25-30 even. Bairstow threw his wicket away chasing a wide ball. Insane. I can't blame Woakes or Broad for anything.

Stokes is God tier. Absolute giant.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:37:45 PM
This is so annoying.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:37:48 PM
I don't blame Archer's in the slightest for the holing out. 15 is more than we should expect from him. Ignoring the rest of the match and looking at today, Root threw his wicket away when he could have nurdled his way to another 25-30 even. Bairstow threw his wicket away chasing a wide ball. Insane. I can't blame Woakes or Broad for anything.

Stokes is God tier. Absolute giant.
Yeah whatever the result this is one of the best innings I’ve seen under this pressure.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:40:08 PM
Stokes is just making this more annoying, he should have the decency to get out before we get too close.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 03:40:23 PM
It's all been worth it to see that reverse sweep for six.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 03:41:53 PM
Fucking hell, OK... Stokes gets a pass onto the lifeboats. Even if he's stumped charging down the pitch I can live with that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:43:13 PM
Stokes averages 55 in all forms in 2019. he has found a cure.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:43:18 PM
The only guy with any spine. He needs to be the next captain.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:44:47 PM
Come on you bald bastard.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:45:18 PM
can't see him as captain, more the roaring talisman that needs a scratchy thinker to get the best out of. NOT Root.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:48:16 PM
STOP IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:49:16 PM
haven't been this greasy palmed since my first wank
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:49:38 PM
Fuck sake this is back on now. Shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:51:52 PM
Best Ashes test for years. Probably lose it but what a test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 03:52:08 PM
This is the greatest Test innings of this generation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 03:52:39 PM
British chavs. Best in the world.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 03:53:08 PM
Whatever happens I’ll never forget this innings. Amazing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:53:25 PM
fuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 03:53:29 PM
:O

This is the best advert for AIDS since Queen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:53:36 PM
Oh man i want to sex Stokes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:54:09 PM
ANOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 03:54:30 PM
I think he might actually be possessed by the gods of cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 03:54:35 PM
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 03:55:24 PM
Hazlewood's head has totally fallen off.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 25, 2019, 03:58:01 PM
Should be in prison
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:02:15 PM
Leach on strike. This is the one thing we did not want to happen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:04:14 PM
no wait, Cricinfo misfired. just nervous.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:04:47 PM
9 TO GET
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:04:58 PM
9 to win :(
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 04:08:19 PM
This is unreal.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:10:32 PM
AHFHFSJDQWJHDKHEWJDWEJKJKWQJKDKQWHKWEFKJWEFVWEJKFEWJKFJKEEF JWKEHWFJEW
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:10:55 PM
2.
2.
2.



Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:11:04 PM
AIDS POWER
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:12:26 PM
Ohhh god. Aussies bottling it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 25, 2019, 04:13:10 PM
This is hilarious.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 04:13:22 PM
Jesus Christ I can’t fucking listen
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:13:58 PM
Leach on strike now. Shiiitititttttttt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:14:05 PM
Gonna miss it by 1 arent we.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on August 25, 2019, 04:14:10 PM
Can blame umpires for plumb out but Australia fault for making the most pointless review.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:14:28 PM
LOL Stokes should have been out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on August 25, 2019, 04:15:52 PM
Anytime Stokes calls for a run Leach should just say no.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:16:06 PM
Loving the umpire.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:16:35 PM
TIED!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on August 25, 2019, 04:16:47 PM
I've needed a piss for 20 minutes. Daren't move.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:16:51 PM
Ashes alive whatever happens.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:16:53 PM
Fucking phew!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:17:07 PM
BWAHAHA
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 04:17:42 PM
One the great test innings. I am absolutely fucking gobsmacked.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:17:50 PM
Never in doubt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:18:00 PM
Never in doubt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:18:09 PM
That. was. AMAZINNNGG.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:18:32 PM
It's grab a granny night for the England team!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 04:18:44 PM
WHAT HAVE WE JUST WITNESSED
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:19:05 PM
Leach is the true hero there though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 04:19:35 PM
What the ever loving cunt happened there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:20:05 PM
Stokes has somehow extracted the aids from his body and passed it onto the Australian team (and the umpire)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:20:17 PM
Leach is the true hero there though.


Best 1 ever?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 25, 2019, 04:20:27 PM
Let's all have a wank.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 04:20:49 PM
That is like nothing I've ever ever seen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on August 25, 2019, 04:21:08 PM
Whoever called for a review for that most leg side of deliveries should be drawn and quartered back in convict land.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on August 25, 2019, 04:21:17 PM
Imagine if this had been free to air.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 04:21:42 PM
Jesus mother of cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:21:57 PM
Partnership: 76 runs, 10.2 overs, RR: 7.35 (Ben Stokes 74, Jack Leach 1)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: PowerButchi on August 25, 2019, 04:22:02 PM
Hopefully all you paedophiles and HIV sufferers in this thread shut up now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 04:22:06 PM
Glorious from Stokes.

Paine with that dire review cost them and that is perfect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:22:33 PM
Hope everyone got on England to win when it was 8/1 earlier.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 04:22:40 PM
Can someone please please please meme Garry the Goat dropping the Ashes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 04:22:51 PM
Whoever called for a review for that most leg side of deliveries should be drawn and quartered back in convict land.

It was the specialist 34 year old captain who does not score runs and never will who did.

LOL.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Dr Trouser on August 25, 2019, 04:22:59 PM
Leach leach leach
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:23:05 PM
Best in my lifetime. Now I know how they felt in 1981. Stokes will be talked about in 100 years for that. Incredible.

IS THIS REAL.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:23:49 PM
How did this ropey bunch of mugs do that?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:24:19 PM
Thank you to everyone in this thread.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 04:24:24 PM
Stokes = zidovudine made flesh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 04:25:01 PM
Wish I could have seen it, sat here trembling listening to the radio
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 04:25:45 PM
Hopefully all you paedophiles and HIV sufferers in this thread shut up now.


Nah
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:26:59 PM
test cricket is the best of sport
and this was the best of test cricket
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:27:39 PM
8 sixes in that match, all by Stokes, all today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 04:28:39 PM
Having been 3 off 73, absolute psychopath. Clinically insane.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Dr Trouser on August 25, 2019, 04:29:12 PM
So Root finally wins an ashes test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:29:19 PM
he fucking earned that, he got in, he had a look, he got set, and he still didn't throw his bat until late.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:29:38 PM
I still can’t believe that happened. The fumble from Gary, the lbw. How. Shaking.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:30:34 PM
Headingly as well. Australia must love this ground.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 25, 2019, 04:30:39 PM
So Root finally wins an ashes test.

Best England captain in years, job for life now, him and the rest of the ECB set up. Geniuses.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 04:31:27 PM
BLOD

CALLIN BLOD

GET DOWN OFF THAT BRIDGE CUNT

IT'S OK

STOKESY DID IT MATE

IT'S ALL OK


STOKESY DID IT


MATE

DON'T JUMP

MATE

MATE

PLEASE DON'T NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:32:27 PM
The only downside is that Root will probably feel vindicated by that, rather than learning the lesson everyone has been screaming for years.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:35:49 PM
Buttler and Roy still have to go. They cannot lose sight of this. I begrudgingly say Denly stays.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 25, 2019, 04:36:21 PM
Thug shouldn't be on a cricket pitch.


Nah, fuck that. STOKESYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:37:07 PM
BLOD

CALLIN BLOD

GET DOWN OFF THAT BRIDGE CUNT

IT'S OK

STOKESY DID IT MATE

IT'S ALL OK


STOKESY DID IT


MATE

DON'T JUMP

MATE

MATE

PLEASE DON'T NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Every contest needs a villain, good on you Blod, keep cunting up this thread mate.

Amazingly this is only the 16th best comeback in an Ashes test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 04:41:15 PM
Buttler and Roy still have to go. They cannot lose sight of this. I begrudgingly say Denly stays.

I think so also.

I'd bring in Anderson for Woakes if fit. Its harsh on Woakes but his batting has been found out somewhat and his bowling was very poor to Labu and Warner which nearly lost England the test.

Usman will probably open for Australia and Harris goneski.

Paine is a disaster but they are stuck with him I think.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:43:21 PM
“I’d like to think so yeah”

Inspirational guy Root. Truly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:46:22 PM
Loving Jack Leach, he's like how I'd be.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 04:47:17 PM
Where's a good thread of everyone who hates England getting mad about the LBW decision?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Gulftastic on August 25, 2019, 04:47:36 PM
It's grab a granny night for the England team!
and Yes
The Original Oak pub in Headingley, with it's large outdoor used-to-be-a-bowling green area will be fucking lively as hell tonight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:47:46 PM
Haha nice bit of lolgay from Athers, haha Leach GAY lol.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: gilbertharding on August 25, 2019, 04:51:52 PM
The queerbashers of Leeds will be quaking in their shoes tonight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:52:39 PM
mate of mine still thinks the World Cup was better, ah carnt spayk
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 04:53:08 PM
Anyone photoshopped the CCTV image yet with Australian cricket sparked out on the floor?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 04:55:06 PM
Leachy legend.

I'm crying here, literally tears streaming. This why we do this shit.

This is The Cricket Thread.

Living every second.

We'll remember this forever.

The glory of victory.

The enemy is dead.

The world is ours.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 04:57:27 PM
Very pleased that the next match won't be a dead rubber. To go through all that, lose the Ashes and then have the rest of the series be a bit pointless would have been awful. The saddest part would have been that you
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 04:58:32 PM
Already best series since 2005 with 2 to play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 04:59:08 PM
r/Cricket are frothing for the head of Paine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 05:01:44 PM
Punter talking sense there.

Fuckin Ashes on the line.

Registered for offences.

Antiretrovirals running out.

SWITCH HIT FOR SIX

CUNT GARRY

CUNT CUMDOG

CUNT THE CUNTS

MAKE HISTORY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 05:09:52 PM
H I S T O R Y B O Y Z
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 05:26:26 PM
r/Cricket are frothing for the head of Paine.

Do you blame them?

He's actually having a worst Ashes series than Jason Roy.

Don't forget he put England on a road last test and he was a mess today captaincy wise.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: monkfromhavana on August 25, 2019, 05:37:08 PM
Would you rather have Joe Root or Tim Paine leading your team?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 05:38:08 PM
Garry tossing one up in the penultimate over. Hahaha. You dare?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 05:38:41 PM
Would you rather have Joe Root or Tim Paine leading your team?
Would you rather have aids or be sexually attracted to children?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 05:39:41 PM
Would you rather have Joe Root or Tim Paine leading your team?

Can I have the monkey we got AIDS from instead?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: lankyguy95 on August 25, 2019, 05:40:04 PM
Would you rather have Joe Root or Tim Paine leading your team?
I think having either is like the Paine of Root canal.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 05:43:29 PM
Garry tossing one up in the penultimate over. Hahaha. You dare?
Garry dropped ashes right after Harris dropped Ashes. Rewatching it now. They really should have won.

BUT THEY DIDNT HAHA DIE AUSSIES
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 05:46:33 PM
Also Stokes hugs every Aussie apart from Warner. Aussie faces of despair are beautiful.

If I was being greedy it would have been great to see a webcam of Blod’s reaction. HE SEEMS A BIT QUIET WHY IS THAT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 05:47:06 PM
Would like a copy of that whole match. I'm going to sleep less every night and just watch that final partnership instead as that'll energise me for the next day far more.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 05:50:31 PM
be mad if the series wiped out both captains. Paine probably goes win or lose, right? Can't compare quality to Wade & Bancroft with gloves but he's the third best bat of them. His inclusion is probably preventing a good clean-up all-rounder like Neser or Mitch Marsh from playing and easing the load on their good but tired and injury-prone attack.

And just wonder how this affects Nathan Lyon. Test cricket is so psychological. Old Trafford should be another Bunsen and Lyon could prosper, but he's gotta be reeling.

Both sides to make at least 2 changes, with as many as 4 for them. Keep your eye on the Derbyshire tour match.

If I were them, fitness pending, and not considering that Paine has to play I'd go:

Bancroft (wk), Warner, Khawaja, Smith (c), Labuschagne, Head, Marsh, Pattinson, Hazlewood, Lyon, Starc.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 06:05:33 PM
Jezza to nationalise cricket

https://twitter.com/jeremycorbyn/status/1165670904388640770
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 25, 2019, 06:07:46 PM
Jezza to nationalise cricket

https://twitter.com/jeremycorbyn/status/1165670904388640770

The replies on that Tweet.

Do they really have a massive bone-on for cricket being on Sky or is it just because Corbyn said it? Dunno why I'm asking, I know.

Oh no, better not make this a politics thread.

AIDS! Pead!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 06:08:24 PM
3-1 Oz
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 06:12:09 PM
Absolutely buzzing that it was GARY that fucked it for them. Stupid fucking bald CUNT. End some careers now you fucking crease.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 06:12:39 PM
Smith is banned from captaincy until 2020 and I don't think they would risk the PR nightmare of overturning that to bring him back in. They are stuck with Paine as no other options to captain whatsoever. They just have to hope that he stops been shit.

Khawaja has opened briefly and done well so may as well try that again.

Usman/Warner/Smith/Labu/Head/Marsh/Captain/ Cummins/Starc/Hazlewood/Lyon.

England can bring in Anderson if fit and Sibley for Woakes and Roy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: PowerButchi on August 25, 2019, 06:19:25 PM
The replies on that Tweet.

Do they really have a massive bone-on for cricket being on Sky or is it just because Corbyn said it? Dunno why I'm asking, I know.

Oh no, better not make this a politics thread.

AIDS! Pead!

I don't understanmd the whole cricket on terriestrial TV. Out of The Ashes no channel would actually want it. Expensive live sport all day getting smaller ratings  than the usual cheap to make daytime gubbins.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 06:26:50 PM
didn't know he was banned from captaincy. fair enough.

Warne checked out of his hotel yesterday. Hope he enjoyed today from a broken down car on the A1(M) near Spalding.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 06:27:57 PM
I don't understanmd the whole cricket on terriestrial TV. Out of The Ashes no channel would actually want it. Expensive live sport all day getting smaller ratings  than the usual cheap to make daytime gubbins.

Yeah I am sure terrestrial would be fine with the ashes, but the other England stuff ? Series v West Indies, Bangladesh especially away from home...

Terrestrial would probably be happy with the t20 stuff but the other 2 formats not so much...

Its not as simple as Corbyn and others think sadly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 06:43:46 PM
About to watch the highlights again. Can't get enough of this. Gary done dropped the Ashes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 06:43:58 PM
If I were them, fitness pending, and not considering that Paine has to play I'd go:
Bancroft (wk), Warner, Khawaja, Smith (c), Labuschagne, Head, Marsh, Pattinson, Hazlewood, Lyon, Starc.

If Paine falls on his sword, which for Australia probably needs to happen, I think they'll keep Wade and hand him the gloves. He did get a century in the first test after all. Harris might get another go despite being shit here, because Bancroft looked like a tailender in his two games. Either that or Khawaja opens with as you say an all-rounder coming in further down. I was surprised they didn't bowl Labuschagne more.

As for England, they will once again let a sensational individual performance paper over the fucking Grand Canyon that is their batting, and will change nothing. Apart from Anderson for Woakes, possibly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 06:49:12 PM
Indians going mad about this one too, keep posting pictures of Lyon's not given LBW to Stokes. Love it, didn't think their tears over the "injustice" of our World Cup win could be topped but here we are.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 06:51:12 PM
About to watch the highlights again. Can't get enough of this. Gary done dropped the Ashes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIew7-4isI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIew7-4isI)

That's another pair of pants going in the wash
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 06:52:29 PM
C5 doesn't have a live stream? Barbarians.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 06:52:35 PM
Listening again to the last hour of TMS. Utterly remarkable.

This is what we’re here for lads.

Underage sex with vulnerable teens resulting in an incurable blood disease.

I love you all.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 25, 2019, 06:52:50 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iXsb5HieLY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iXsb5HieLY)

GARY GARY GARY

BEAUTIFUL GARY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 06:57:15 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iXsb5HieLY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iXsb5HieLY)

GARY GARY GARY

BEAUTIFUL GARY

Hahahahaha forget a hair transplant my guy needs hands transplants
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 07:00:18 PM
Indians going mad about this one too, keep posting pictures of Lyon's not given LBW to Stokes. Love it, didn't think their tears over the "injustice" of our World Cup win could be topped but here we are.

Love it. They don't seem to realise this is what makes it even funnier.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 07:01:43 PM
Anyway, time to have a wank while watching the highlights on channel 5.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 25, 2019, 07:15:32 PM
If Paine falls on his sword, which for Australia probably needs to happen, I think they'll keep Wade and hand him the gloves. He did get a century in the first test after all. Harris might get another go despite being shit here, because Bancroft looked like a tailender in his two games. Either that or Khawaja opens with as you say an all-rounder coming in further down. I was surprised they didn't bowl Labuschagne more.



Wade has pretty much stopped keeping hasn't he?

Even then with Paine gone,,who captains?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 25, 2019, 07:25:19 PM
Wot a sport tho
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 07:27:58 PM
Just watching on five, we are 9 down, 70 odd to get. Not looking good lads. Good effort though, plucky England as someone up thread said.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 07:34:16 PM
Wot a sport tho

It’s the greatest sport. Fuck what anyone else says.

Smashed out of my mind now lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 07:41:50 PM
Stokes smashing them to all parts now, 18 to win. Have a sneaking suspicion Australia will create a couple of chances though, I hope for their sake they don't end up spilling them, would be hard for them to take.

At least they still have a review if they get a bad decision.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 07:59:32 PM
Fucking Stokes on TMS;

“When it got to the point we were nine down and needed seventy It became pretty obvious what needed to be done” like pure casually.

Then just takes his PrEP and cunts it to the moon.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:01:16 PM
Fucking marvellous, amazing still on second viewing.

Have tickets to Old Trafford days 1 and 4 as well, a couple of days ago it was looking like a meaningless match but now it will be great either way with the Ashes still on the line. Obviously won't see anything even approaching what happened today but I hope it's a good match. Aussies will have Smith back and now they have Smith MK II in Marnus so even with the momentum from this match I think they'll come back strongly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:05:50 PM
That game stretched the boundaries of what this sport generally delivers. I've never been put through the range of emotions as that delivered, even in 2005. On an entertainment level it was better than a film, any book, any other sport.

The only man whose trajectory is bonkers enough to have delivered on that has in my opinion played the greatest innings of all time right there. Jack Leach

It's an interesting mix of outrageous talent and fucked up debauched aids paedophiles, and probably the most schizo team England have ever have.

We are still going to lose the Ashes unless serious changes are made. Buttler out, Root to 4, Denly replaced. Probably keep Roy for now where he is. Bairstow is lucky once again everyone else is so shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:07:27 PM
Some random Indian:

"Why can't all very close calls be reviewed? We review all run outs and boundaries. I don't see why we can't do the same with LBWs to keep the game fair. I hate how games are constantly decided on bad luck and human error. Imagine if a match was decided because the umpire didn't properly see the runout."

Beautiful.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:10:54 PM
That is actually within Joel Wilson's ability isn't it? I thought umpires could refer to DRS if they were unsure. I suppose they must not be able to.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 08:13:03 PM
Bumrah currently tearing through Windies, 5/7 off 7.2, might shut the Indian online massive up
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:21:23 PM
That is actually within Joel Wilson's ability isn't it? I thought umpires could refer to DRS if they were unsure. I suppose they must not be able to.
Can they? I thought it was only for run outs and checking whether catches have carried, unless it's changed. That's even funnier if they are allowed to check.

Dodgy decision got us the win in at Edgbaston 2005 as well with the last wicket although it was hard to spot (would have been not out with DRS though).

I can't stop watching the final moments, I never thought anything would rival that Edgbaston match (since I've been alive and watching cricket) but this has to top it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:22:18 PM
Page 25 of this thread is beautiful. Minds cracking and shattering in unison. With the exception of BlodwynPig, who only half-secretly harvests and feeds off grief.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:23:53 PM
How the fuck has this thread got to page 29 already??
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 08:28:03 PM
How the fuck has this thread got to page 29 already??

some things in life are better than the mindwrongs of Graham Linehan: PROOF
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:28:33 PM
Fucking phew!

Shittest reaction of the lot to winning. That wasn't a relief, we won, we weren't saving the game, we were down and out and that was a fucking thousand to one shot of coming off. And we fucking did it!!!! Riot, go APESHIT!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: bgmnts on August 25, 2019, 08:28:38 PM
I bet everyone on that cricket pitch is a transphobic racist cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 25, 2019, 08:30:46 PM
How the fuck has this thread got to page 29 already??

Haha just noticed that myself. Absolutely incredible.

I'm sure everyone who doesn't pay attention to cricket must wonder what the fuck is going on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:31:33 PM
Page 25 of this thread is beautiful. Minds cracking and shattering in unison. With the exception of BlodwynPig, who only half-secretly harvests and feeds off grief.
Fair play to anyone posting at that point, my hands were shaking too much in those last moments.

Just listening to the TMS podcast, Glenn McGrath can hardly speak.

"That's part of the game isn't it Aggers.... uh.... You just think.... if they didn't burn that... rev......iew.... could have been different but.... It's amazing.... Australia when they get right down to the wire.... I can't remember them actually winning one of these games.... it's.... uh.... must be the curse... ah......"

Wonderful. I can't get enough of this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:33:01 PM
Aggers not Mr Popular on here but I'm listening to 5hrs 30 onwards and the way he shouted down Glen McGrath was the broadcasting equivalent of Pietersen at the Oval 2005. Literally screaming ever decreasing numbers at Pidge, while the fucking aids pink shirt bullshit wanker still thought it was a done deal even with Stokes having hit 2 sixes in a row. Get gassed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:34:22 PM
Aggers not Mr Popular but I'm listening to 5hrs 30 onwards and the way he shouted down Glen McGrath was the broadcasting equivalent of Pietersen at the Oval 2005. Literally screaming numbers at Pidge the fucking aids pink shirt bullshit wanker.
Where can I get the whole thing? I could only find the podcast. Got a link? Can't relive this enough.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 08:35:24 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/live/cricket/47325095/page/5

The stream can still be skipped to whichever bit you want.

Someone save this. This is culture bottled.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 08:35:48 PM
Aggers is good at calling the game and getting passionate, it's the lulls he isn't good at, and the lulls are what makes TMS special.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:36:31 PM
Anyone else notice Leach trembling to go with his glasses steaming up every ball? What a fucking hero.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 08:38:23 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/live/cricket/47325095/page/5

The stream can still be skipped to whichever bit you want.

Someone save this. This is culture bottled.
Cheers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: lankyguy95 on August 25, 2019, 08:42:23 PM
Gorgeous scenes https://twitter.com/bbctms/status/1165693476463398914
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 25, 2019, 08:43:00 PM
Aggers is a cunt but his scream of “He bowls to Stokes who HAMMERS IT FOR FOUR” to win the game will be one of those radio moments I remember forever.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 08:51:27 PM
Gorgeous scenes https://twitter.com/bbctms/status/1165693476463398914

look at Pidge, absolutely rattled to fook!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 09:09:19 PM
Tweeeeennntttyy one!!!!!!!

Tweeeelllveeeeeeee!!!!


9!!!9!!!!!!!

2!!!!!!


HAAAAAAAAAMMMMMEERRRREEED
FOR FOOOOOOUUUUUUUURRRRRRR
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:20:42 PM
That last over from Garry though, how the fuck did we survive that. What a day.

What a day.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 25, 2019, 09:21:31 PM
Shittest reaction of the lot to winning. That wasn't a relief, we won, we weren't saving the game, we were down and out and that was a fucking thousand to one shot of coming off. And we fucking did it!!!! Riot, go APESHIT!


That wasn't a reaction to the win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:22:58 PM
LYON HAS DROPPED THE BALL.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:23:48 PM
NOT OUT! NO REVIEWS!

This is brilliant haha.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 25, 2019, 09:26:04 PM
I can't even remember 310 up to 350
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 09:31:32 PM
I'll never forget this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:34:56 PM
I'll never forget this.
Me neither. Have no idea what will happen at Old Trafford, we could win by an innings or lose by an innings. Mad series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 09:42:30 PM
druss mate, you've been unplayable in this thread at times. Legend.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:44:36 PM
Stokes didn't even raise his bat for his 100. Didn't give a fuck, job wasn't finished.

Bonafide legend. Flintoff had some great moments but nothing like this. Botham had 1981, I wasn't alive so can't definitely say what was better to watch but this has to be up there with 1981. Possibly eclipsing it as he was the one that saw England home.

Fuck me I still can't believe what I've seen today, Ashes were gone, should have been caught if Gary could catch and if Australia could review/Joel Wilson could umpire.

What a day. Feels better than the World Cup due to it being against Australia. CRY GARRY.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:45:37 PM
druss mate, you've been unplayable in this thread at times. Legend.
You found the cure for AIDS on more than one occasion here yourself mate. Top knock.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 09:50:45 PM
I just listened to the last hour on TMS because I watched it on Sky before and was laughing with the sheer joy and relief, overwhelming. I can hardly compare this with the WC because both are the greatest sporting events I've ever seen, I genuinely felt dizzy at times and like my heart was going to go. Woods winning the major after all that time was incredible. Liverpool as much as I loathe them did something extraordinary against Barcelona, mad that they both happened this year, as well. This, and the WC final, were on another level, though.

We thought we were peads.

We thought we had aids.

You never know, that could still be the case, but we are world fuckin champions and we just pulled off the greatest comeback I've ever seen in sport.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 09:59:30 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/976xn/p07lm4bq.jpg)

(https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/cricket/2019/08/25/TELEMMGLPICT000207350162_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqEmiztYcahUgxadr2bWbPoyZjV4j-1r1Uv7f-ctWH5lw.jpeg?imwidth=450)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 10:07:45 PM
A damn fine bowler and maybe a decent bloke, I honestly don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if Gazza winds up on a bit of cord. Hard to recover from that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 10:09:40 PM
Annoyingly he seems made of quite stern stuff so wouldn't rule out him bowling them to victory at Old Trafford as spinners do well there. But hopefully he will kill himself instead.

Australians will be waking up around now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 10:30:39 PM
Have my doubts about Anderson's fitness but if we have him and Broad with the new ball and Stokes and Archer as strike bowlers with Leach holding up an end when needed (and getting Smith out if Archer doesn't brain him first) then that's the bowling absolutely sorted.

The batting is an absolute nightmare though and this test doesn't change that. Feels a bit like it's Stokes or Root or bust. Roy Burns is the worst opening partnership I have ever known, Denly was brave and added valuable runs but isn't a test batsman, Bairstow is an idiot who might come good if the press give him enough stick and Buttler isn't cut out for test cricket.

Draw seems out of the equation if the weather stays good. Although I'd take a draw right now and a grand stand finish at the Oval so I might get my rain dance on, even though I'll be there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2019, 10:35:45 PM
The ridiculous thing is we won't pick 2 debutants with the Ashes on the line but we kinda need to pick 3 batting replacements and only have Foakes and Pope who have played tests before and weren't earth's core life over belsen

I would like to see Sam Curran get a test as he is a pocket rocket and a mean competitor but can't see a way in without weakening our batting lineup further. Anyone suggesting he is selected in place of a batsman should be shot dead and mugged in front of their children. There's a bit of a break so Broad, Archer, Woakes should be picked in my view. Anderson will be rusty and not sure he has proved his fitness.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 10:49:45 PM
It's a risk with Anderson but it's his home ground and there's a bit of a gap between now and the next test. I think if he plays in the next second XI match and manages to bowl a few decent spells then you can't leave him out. In English conditions he's still the best we have even at 37.

Woakes has been playing well enough but who else do you leave out? Broad is the only possibility but he's been bowling well, gets right on their tits and still has the ability to win a match with one mental spell.

I'm glad I'm not a selector. Could backfire if they pick Anderson but could put you 2-1 up with one to play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 25, 2019, 11:11:41 PM
I would say Anderson is worth the gamble at OT. We need to get Smith out twice and I don't think Root is capable of managing Archer very well. He'll bowl him out of the match due to lack of imagination or tactical nouse. As intimidating as Archer is, we need another option and I think only Anderson is capable of taking Smith's wicket with any reasonable probability. I'd personally drop Woakes. He started the series well but has looked increasingly tired and unconvincing. Big call but I'd also drop Jos and bring in Pope. Roy at 5.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on August 25, 2019, 11:15:12 PM
About to watch the Vuelta highlights, been looking forward to this. British Moto GP was apparently a blinder too.

But who cares? They're not test cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 25, 2019, 11:29:30 PM
I might try to sleep now. That was the best thing I’ve ever seen on a cricket field. 24 hours ago I went to bed dreaming of us winning but never thought it would be anything like this. I thought if we won it would be comfortable because as soon as there was any pressure we’d collapse like a pack of cards.

And collapse we did. As predictable as ever. And then.... that.

Good night and thanks to all who have made this thread so magical.

Garry has AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on August 26, 2019, 12:50:47 AM
I didn't see a single ball.

I set out to visit a friend in Bristol about 11am, listened to TMS on the train, met my friend, listened to TMS in the pub near Temple Meads station, then we went to an outdoor dance music thing (had to be there by 4pm, so this was when England needed about 30), then stood to the side, sharing the earphones until the deed was done. I'm not sorry to say that I totally lost it when we got over the line, and was very amused to see the people watching on their phones celebrating it a minute later.

I missed Edgbaston 2005 because I was massively hungover, and was a babe in arms in 1981.

Test cricket eh? Nothing else like it.

I'd put good money now on Ben Stokes to come third in SPOTY 2019.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 26, 2019, 02:22:15 AM
Anderson is a beast when it comes to Old Trafford so if he proves his fitness next week he plays and Woakes can carry the drinks.

Chris is a good lad and is always welcome to post here about his sexual exploits, but Broad and King Jofra are better bowlers and his batting does not look great at the moment.

Its time for the supposed senior batsman to step up and stop hoping the lower order and freak innings saves their arses.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 26, 2019, 07:05:15 AM
Was not expecting the greatest few hours in the history of sport. Nice one Thuglife.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2019, 07:07:58 AM
Seen Anderson recalled early top many times and be off form. Not one I want. Pick Woakes and give him the new ball, rather than wait until batsmen are set and the ball is old.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 26, 2019, 08:07:08 AM
Anderson for Woakes is a 50/50 call but I'd make it.

Feels like Ollie Pope will come in for Roy. Read something like despite his fat average for Surrey, until his England debut he'd never come in to face a ball younger than 30 overs old.

Clearly they feel sorry for Buttler and he'll stay on.

Just watched the highlights. It wasn't a dream.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 26, 2019, 08:20:56 AM
The ridiculous thing is we won't pick 2 debutants with the Ashes on the line but we kinda need to pick 3 batting replacements and only have Foakes and Pope who have played tests before and weren't earth's core life over belsen

I would like to see Sam Curran get a test as he is a pocket rocket and a mean competitor but can't see a way in without weakening our batting lineup further. Anyone suggesting he is selected in place of a batsman should be shot dead and mugged in front of their children. There's a bit of a break so Broad, Archer, Woakes should be picked in my view. Anderson will be rusty and not sure he has proved his fitness.

I know this should get me mugged, but I would almost be tempted to say Curran for Buttler. It's a weird situation, we don't need another all-rounder in right now... but then on recent form he seems like he might be a better test batsman than him. I suppose he's young enough though and he'll get his chance.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 26, 2019, 08:30:46 AM
No matter how many times I watch the Lyon missed run out I still feel it’s going to be out.

Feel sorry for the children of Leeds with Garry on the prowl.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 26, 2019, 08:49:23 AM
Thurs, not a bad call at all. Curran is desperately unlucky not to be involved. He seems to have the right mentality and I agree he'd score more than Jos.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 26, 2019, 08:58:57 AM
And Mark Lathwell would score more than Roy, let’s get him in there while we’re at it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 26, 2019, 09:23:50 AM
You’d think listening to TMS again this morning that the joy might have dissipated slightly. But it gets more orgasmic with every listen. Fucking hell.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: biggytitbo on August 26, 2019, 09:38:42 AM
You’d think listening to TMS again this morning that the joy might have dissipated slightly. But it gets more orgasmic with every listen. Fucking hell.


I hear the whole thing has been uploaded to pornhub.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 26, 2019, 09:48:59 AM
Have not seen a single video clip as abroad getting “jacked off” in a warm blue sea. Cannot wait to pour myself a Scots and plough into the highlights when I get back
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 26, 2019, 09:52:41 AM
Really think the positive energy generated by this thread played a part too. If you think about it, we’re all Ben Stokes in a way. Maybe a bit less scummy, and not so ginger and punchy.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 26, 2019, 09:56:26 AM
And not that you need me to tell you, but these cricket threads are the best ever threads on here, so well done for all the great posting and that. Still two tests to go. We’ve never had it so good!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 26, 2019, 10:06:23 AM
Really think the positive energy generated by this thread played a part too. If you think about it, we’re all Ben Stokes in a way. Maybe a bit less scummy, and not so ginger and punchy.
I dyed my hair ginger and beat the shit out of some randoms in his honour.

I am Ben Stokes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on August 26, 2019, 10:59:23 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIew7-4isI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIew7-4isI)

That's another pair of pants going in the wash

That is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: hummingofevil on August 26, 2019, 11:49:34 AM
Aggers' "it's six or out... SIX" was what finally cracked me. Amazing moments. Just seen highlights for first time and that 4 drive down the ground was something else. Booom.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2019, 12:23:14 PM
Amazing morning recapping on all this.

Been in work doing overtime today but the sun is shining, the office is dead, nearly empty and a blissful calm is around the place, post-sex afterglow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 26, 2019, 12:40:26 PM
This is brilliant. Top tier trolling from Stokes

https://twitter.com/ESPNcricinfo/status/1165888861760892928
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2019, 12:41:16 PM
Interesting how there was an almost identical bit of commentary to when Archer was shaping to aim at the stumps with no one backing up in the world cup 'Nooooooooo!!!!!!!' when Leach set off for the run that should have cost England the Ashes

Although watching that clip I can't believe Ben Stokes tried to blame that on Leach. He obviously set off to run then turned around and stopped without even looking at Leach or saying anything!

Madness. If Leach had ended up copping the blame for that his England career would have never recovered.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 26, 2019, 12:41:39 PM
I say trolling, he's actually 100% correct.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 26, 2019, 12:47:21 PM
Fell into a cricket youtube wormhole this morning and found a BT Sports thing talking about the Art of Captaincy. Graeme Swann (on to give the perspective of the player) in passing said - in 2016 - he doesn't think Root has that natural ability to bring people together. Have to give it to the Notts-based knob-end.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on August 26, 2019, 01:11:54 PM
Floating on a cricket cloud today as I'm off to see Lancs in the 20/20 against Derbyshire.

Sorry. "Lightning vs Falcons"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mantle Retractor on August 26, 2019, 07:07:01 PM
By Christ I'm hungover today. Having relived the highlights many times I have also found some classic Aussie bitterness worth sharing.

The first is everyone blaming the umpire and the second is Matt Prior (is he a cunt? I've heard it be so) having a dig at AIDS riddled Garry. And the third is a video of the afore-mentioned premier spinner being hit for 34 in an over:

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/the-ashes/as-australia-rages-against-joel-wilson-michael-vaughan-reveals-what-umpire-should-have-done/news-story/f12a925abf355b488c8e98987ac13380 (https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/the-ashes/as-australia-rages-against-joel-wilson-michael-vaughan-reveals-what-umpire-should-have-done/news-story/f12a925abf355b488c8e98987ac13380)

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/the-ashes/former-england-keeper-matt-prior-takes-swipe-at-nathan-lyon-after-headingley-mess/news-story/a80673dbe5917a58c712903ab0c86a27 (https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/the-ashes/former-england-keeper-matt-prior-takes-swipe-at-nathan-lyon-after-headingley-mess/news-story/a80673dbe5917a58c712903ab0c86a27)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2owJBVyDib0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2owJBVyDib0)

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 26, 2019, 07:13:20 PM
Woah, lads, the missus was doing her usual charity shop run round Headingley today and she texted me saying there were fucking loads of bags of AIDS and PAED in every shop - apparently donated unused by 'Stokes and the boyz'. Oxfam had to shut cos a fight broke out amongst some dudes in whites with Australian accents trying to shoplift a crate.

Dropped it on the way out.

You couldn't make it up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2019, 07:17:57 PM
http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27465513/stokes-2019-botham-81-%2B-flintoff-05-more

Unsurprising but still appalling, Mark Nicholas manages to include praise of Margaret Thatcher and his own rewording of Technicolor Dreamcoat in this absurdly awful write up of the day.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 26, 2019, 07:19:46 PM
All time thread. Either you were here or you weren't.

In the words of A. A. Milne, "We didn't realise we were making memories, we just thought we were saying someone is a pead."
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 26, 2019, 07:20:58 PM
http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27465513/stokes-2019-botham-81-%2B-flintoff-05-more

Unsurprising but still appalling, Mark Nicholas manages to include praise of Margaret Thatcher and his own rewording of Technicolor Dreamcoat in this absurdly awful write up of the day.

An abysmal broadcaster and journalist. Can’t fucking stand the cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2019, 07:30:57 PM
I thought Jarrod Kimber pushes the boundaries at the apex of wank but this one's something else. Gibbering fucked up drivel diarrhoead onto screen by an inane coiffured home enema kit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 26, 2019, 07:34:11 PM
Never warmed to Matt Prior even before the Big Cheese stuff, but he is probably tied with Alec Stewart as our best WK/bat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 26, 2019, 07:36:55 PM
Throwing up at that Mark Nicholas bit on Thatcher. It had passed me by that he might be a kvnt but now I take stock it is glaringly obvious.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 26, 2019, 07:58:23 PM
Prior clearly is/was a bitter & angry baldie, who’s mental image of himself was that of a virile, densely haired love machine rather than a peanut with a scowling face drawn on it. Contrast that with loveable Leechy who obviously celebrates and accepts his baldness with good grace and dignity.

Shane Warne actually bit on one of Prior’s tweets and they had a brief online ding dong before remembering they were both fucking grown men.

I only got to hear yesterday on the radio and couldn’t really post as I was listening via the phone. Best ever though.

EDIT: a sign of how great it was is that whilst browsing channels before work I came across Bob Willis on Sky News (possibly Sky Sports News) openly smiling and giggling like a schoolboy in the studio.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 26, 2019, 08:30:26 PM
In searching for these tweets I remembered MPV blocked me, probably when I piled in during his daft comments on mental health re: Trott.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 26, 2019, 09:46:51 PM
If anyone manages to find some Australian commentary for the final few overs I would be eternally grateful.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 26, 2019, 09:58:16 PM
If anyone manages to find some Australian commentary for the final few overs I would be eternally grateful.

Don’t ABC just use the TMS feed? I would’ve LOVED to have heard the rabble of undignified cunts from channel 9’s take on this. One of my favourite things about the highlights of day 1 of the 2011 Boxing Day test is that bunch of smug cunts suddenly fucking BEGGING IT when we skittled them for 90. There’s a bit where we lose our reviews and miss out on a wicket and Warne’s giggling away, you can hear the semen pouring out of his glans. Well we all know how the rest of that day went don’t we WARNEY BOY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 26, 2019, 10:07:53 PM
Ah fair enough, that makes sense I suppose as I haven't managed to find anything despite a fair amount of searching. Would have probably been too good to be fair, when you find the perfect orgasm then you've no where to go.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 26, 2019, 11:16:18 PM
There’s Channel 9 highlights, but only if you’re in Australia. I’m sure there’s some way around that but I’m too technologically incompetent to know.

Video only runs for 15mins though, maybe they just cut after the ninth wicket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 27, 2019, 12:41:37 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/480xn/p01c12fj.jpg)

No woman has sat on that face.




Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 27, 2019, 12:59:05 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/480xn/p01c12fj.jpg)

No woman has sat on that face.

I feel exposed and ashamed for saying this but I actually thought he was quite good when he was on TMS. I would utterly despise him in any other facet of life though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 27, 2019, 03:51:38 AM
You've never listened to him covering a rain break with James Taylor.

"Hello James. You nearly died of heart defect. CAN I TALK ABOUT PSYCHOLOGY IN SPORT NOW YOU CUNT I'VE WRITTEN A BOOK"


(https://www.buckingham.ac.uk/wp-content/webp-express/webp-images/doc-root/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/smith200b250.jpg.webp)


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 27, 2019, 07:41:21 AM
Just watched Sky's commentary and highlights of the final hour. Dog shit vs. TMS. Nasser with no handle on the gravity of events and Punter just saying things like 'oo-ee' and 'crikey' like a 1950s boarding school child having found a stash of pornography in a copse.

Even their condensed 5 minute rundown of events totally fails to link the drama together and makes it look like a runaway victory instead of the schizo combination of ball striking and mind bending torture.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on August 27, 2019, 07:45:18 AM
Yeah I considered watching a stream on the day but how much better TMS is at describing the action meant that I decided to settle for no images.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 27, 2019, 08:05:15 AM
There’s Channel 9 highlights, but only if you’re in Australia. I’m sure there’s some way around that but I’m too technologically incompetent to know.

Video only runs for 15mins though, maybe they just cut after the ninth wicket.
I've tried, used HOLA which allows me to get on to their site and create an account (with a bogus Aussie postcode) but as soon as I click play it says it's outside of my region. Australians obviously not keen on us laughing at them, spoil sports. Our commentary is always on youtube for all to see.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on August 27, 2019, 08:27:29 AM
Part of me hopes that England keep Roy in for the rest of the series in the vague hope that he will spank 150 runs in 120 balls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 27, 2019, 08:49:28 AM
TMS have archived the final hour
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07lmfpy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 27, 2019, 09:25:38 AM
Brill thanks
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 27, 2019, 01:40:27 PM
Cricket version of Liam Neeson remorselessly laying out some people trafficking goons. An hour solid of total fuck down.

What's that Glenn? What's that? CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE TOTAL FUCKDOWN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on August 27, 2019, 03:22:59 PM
TMS in the US is available on Youtube but has a time delay of around three minutes so I just use Cricinfo and watch the highlights the next day.

Channel 5 should put their highlights online, even if it's 7 days later.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: wosl on August 27, 2019, 03:42:07 PM
TMS have archived the final hour
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07lmfpy

Cheers muchly.  I recorded the entire day's stream, but some reason my reception of 5 Live Extra has developed a slight edge of buzz.  Surely in this day and age there must be someone recording TMS's commentaries on these big matches in toto and archiving them on a SoundCloud channel or something similar?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 27, 2019, 04:21:21 PM
The whole days play is available via the BBC Radio iplayer app, if you go to 5 live sports extra and then the schedule section you can go back days and listen again to all the programs. Someone needs to upload all 6 hours to YouTube so I can listen to Gary destroying his career over and over again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: wosl on August 27, 2019, 04:32:07 PM
Smashing.  Thanks.  As you say, the complete thing needs to be ripped and put somewhere else before it disappears off the end of the BBC's conveyor-belt to oblivion.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 27, 2019, 07:47:16 PM
Cummins account of Tim Paine in the dressing room after the game, although he was gushing about it, didn't really seem as though it would get into a Top 100 Battle Speeches compilation on YouTube, even one composed by a teenage Phillipino who has seen 18 Western films.

Ultimately if it wasn't for Smith they would only win through our near total incompetence. Even our fucking tower of Babel innings on Sunday was only 362 runs big. Where is a 400 coming from? Are all our batsmen going to get 3 off 73 balls? Perhaps, but half of them still won't convert that into runs. If Patience is suddenly a virtue why are Roy, Buttler and Bairstow anywhere near this team?

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 27, 2019, 08:27:09 PM
Perfect time to make sweeping changes to the team IMO. Get Sibley, Pope et al in now. Remove the top order.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 27, 2019, 09:31:59 PM
Message from Australia and Australians seems to be that they were in a position to win every match and therefore they will win the Ashes. Maybe they will, but in the first match (the only match they won) we had our star bowler injured from the start. The second match we looked far more likely to win and would have if there hadn't been rain and then against all odds we won the third.

What I'm trying to say is AUSSIES GO FUCK A SHRIMP UP THE BARBIE.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 27, 2019, 09:34:21 PM
We were fine margins away from it being all out for 150ish in the first innings at Edgbaston. That itself changes the equation. Arguably both sides could have won all 3 so far from various positions in the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 27, 2019, 09:44:47 PM
(https://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/2e19f9a132e0c8a8c50610de8acddcc4?)

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on August 27, 2019, 09:47:15 PM
We do really need to win this series for Gary to truly hurt from this. If they win 3-1 then he'll be fine. Need to end the lad's career.

Can't believe he's only 31, feels like he's been around forever and he could pass for 50.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on August 27, 2019, 10:23:51 PM
Catching up on this thread now. No idea what the AIDS GARRY PAEDO stuff is about but the rest is PURE BUNCH OF BANTZ REVERSE SWEEPING 4 SIX CARAT GOLD BEN STOKER'S THWACKULA

joy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 27, 2019, 10:36:32 PM
Jimmy coasted through 20 economical overs today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 27, 2019, 10:44:04 PM
Anderson to swing one so much it does a loop round the moon and knobs Smith in the entire family

Archer to prevent Broad from getting Committed Family Man Warner out for minus 8 just in order to brainball him in the personality and see if he can get any of the cunt to fall out

Broad to lbw the rest for 48p

Ashes over
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on August 28, 2019, 08:16:19 AM
Has anyone been watching the Ashes in France and if so how? Got a mate out there who can't find a way to watch it. His fault for living in a heathen non-cricketing country though I suppose.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 28, 2019, 08:57:06 AM
Fuck him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on August 28, 2019, 09:30:27 AM
It's a fair and robust argument, I'll give you that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on August 28, 2019, 11:14:51 AM
Has anyone been watching the Ashes in France and if so how? Got a mate out there who can't find a way to watch it. His fault for living in a heathen non-cricketing country though I suppose.

Oy, France is the second most succesful cricketing Olympic country of all time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on August 28, 2019, 11:33:40 AM
If they're that great why's it not on the telly then? Eh? Ahhhhhhhh!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 28, 2019, 02:57:12 PM
My girlfriend is working on a photoshoot with Steve “Grievous Bodily” Harmison tomorrow. Anybody got any questions for the big man?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 28, 2019, 03:09:39 PM
My girlfriend is working on a photoshoot with Steve “Grievous Bodily” Harmison tomorrow. Anybody got any questions for the big man?

how resentful of him at St James Park are they now his Ashes heroics are a dim and distant memory, smudged by his errant bowling down under?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: MiddleRabbit on August 28, 2019, 04:28:20 PM
My girlfriend is working on a photoshoot with Steve “Grievous Bodily” Harmison tomorrow. Anybody got any questions for the big man?

What's his favourite bit of Steve Waddell darts commentary?  Mine is, 'It couldn't get any more exciting if Elvis walked in now and bought a bag of chips.'

Oh, and is Matthew Hayden as big a nobhead as seems to be?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 28, 2019, 05:45:18 PM
Fat now aren't you?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 28, 2019, 05:46:17 PM
What would be your stock delivery to Committed Family Man Warner?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on August 28, 2019, 06:14:25 PM
What's his favourite bit of Steve Waddell darts commentary?  Mine is, 'It couldn't get any more exciting if Elvis walked in now and bought a bag of chips.'

Everyone knows that's the second best Sid Waddell commentary, and I'm sure Harmison would agree wiht me.

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer…Bristow's only 27."
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on August 28, 2019, 06:33:08 PM
Has anyone been watching the Ashes in France and if so how? Got a mate out there who can't find a way to watch it. His fault for living in a heathen non-cricketing country though I suppose.

I have been watching it in Sweden using a site called crichd

Arsebags of popups to click through but it has good streams for several different channels.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on August 28, 2019, 06:39:49 PM
Great stuff, cheers Inspector! I'll pass that on.

I was just about to ask Steve Harmison about decent cricket streaming via iamcoop but you've saved me the bother.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 28, 2019, 06:42:28 PM
Ask Steve has he got aids or is a registered pead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: MiddleRabbit on August 28, 2019, 09:03:45 PM
Everyone knows that's the second best Sid Waddell commentary, and I'm sure Harmison would agree wiht me.

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer…Bristow's only 27."

Of course it's Sid.  My brain evidently can't cope when talking about two sportsing men whose names both begin with 's'.

I have no interest in darts at all, and didn't then either, but I watched it for Sid Waddell's commentary.

To be honest, I dither between a few of his gems, especially those and, 'Jocky Wilson, what an athlete!'.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on August 29, 2019, 06:28:16 AM
Steve, what’s the opposite of a wasp?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 29, 2019, 09:38:47 AM
pal of mine spotted the AUS bus rocking up to a big hotel in Nottingham last night. poor lads are so confused they don't realise they're in the wrong city!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 29, 2019, 11:08:28 AM
AUS team vs. Derbyshire

Bancroft, Harris, Khawaja (c), Smith, Labuschagne, Wade, Carey (wk), Marsh, Siddle, Starc, Neser

Which I guess means Starc won't appear at OT.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 29, 2019, 11:28:30 AM
Fairly well thought out team

- Last chance for Bancroft to impress
- Khawaja and Wade need form
- Smith just needs a bat
- Carey to embarrass Tim Paine
- Siddle vs Starc with the ball
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on August 29, 2019, 11:54:35 AM
I would play Starc at OT. Pitches it up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 29, 2019, 12:07:28 PM
Doug Bollinger and Michael Beer could bowl this lot out so it's not a crucial call.

Langer is going for keeping the runs down and building pressure. Lord knows what he took from the last test on that score but I think they're taking a view they've been the better team in the series so far.

As for us, Marnus and Smith in the same side could spell pain.



Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 30, 2019, 02:15:59 PM
Anderson ruled out of the whole series. Not sure it matters to be honest.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 30, 2019, 02:34:08 PM
sad we may never see the Archer & Anderson pairing. but also perhaps a spiritual handing along.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 30, 2019, 03:18:15 PM
FUCKING FAT ASS TITAN RAKHEEM CORNWALL DEBUTING FOR WINDIES LATER
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 30, 2019, 04:49:22 PM
FUCKING FAT ASS TITAN RAKHEEM CORNWALL DEBUTING FOR WINDIES LATER

He's just chumped Pujara!

https://twitter.com/SkyCricket/status/1167465112262889473?s=19
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 30, 2019, 05:33:55 PM
Fuck sake Anders.

Get him on the PALLIATIVES.

Cunt is done.

Never hear of aids of the calf but guess theirs a first time for everything! Hahaha
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 30, 2019, 06:11:04 PM
He's just chumped Pujara!

https://twitter.com/SkyCricket/status/1167465112262889473?s=19

Yessssssssssss

Look at him

Just look at him
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on August 30, 2019, 07:55:32 PM
My beautiful, beautiful boy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on August 30, 2019, 09:49:25 PM
Christ he's a big lad! What's he like with a bat in his hand? Fucking terrifying, I imagine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 30, 2019, 10:49:51 PM
Shame India had to bat first, but this isn't really a contest anyway, Windies gonna get all sort of new holes ripped out of them.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 30, 2019, 11:03:54 PM
Anyone watch Somerset vs Middlesex? Fuck me, that was some batting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2019, 03:47:13 AM
A potentially devastating batting lineup for Middlesex though. Especially on a flat track. 5 innings of 200+ s/r

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Moonshine on August 31, 2019, 06:38:52 AM
Cornwall also took a lovely catch at first and second slip
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on August 31, 2019, 07:21:10 AM
Anyone watch Somerset vs Middlesex? Fuck me, that was some batting.

Monster batting! They CUNTED 227 in 17 overs off AIDS BOWLING. I'm no Middlesex fan but that gave me a very hard horn.

Was the delay before the final ball for a regular pitch invader or was it, as I like to think, for an old fashioned streaker? I miss the old fashioned streaker.

(Edited to change 'chased down' to 'CUNTED' and to add 'off AIDS BOWLING' to make my post more in the spirit of the thread. Apologies for previous unedited PAEDO post.)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2019, 12:39:29 PM
It's Franchises now so it's Somerset Bumpkin Paeds versus Middlesex AIDS-Transmitters
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on August 31, 2019, 02:44:14 PM
Denly to open, Roy to 4. Sure there's an expression for this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on August 31, 2019, 03:12:54 PM
Might give Root an extra ten minutes to relax between innings I guess.

Top order’s still just a brief video appeal from the Terrence Higgins Trust.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on August 31, 2019, 03:54:18 PM
Maybe Root normally has a big shit before going on, and lately he hasn't had time, and that's why he's been so bad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on August 31, 2019, 09:04:29 PM
West Indies fucking riddled with clap. Bumrah personally delivering their hard drives to Yewtree.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on August 31, 2019, 11:01:23 PM
Thought that would be a decent series as West Indies at home not totally hopeless. Its a massacre though.

Bumrah what a lad. One of the few Indians Boston Crab would not stab if he ever met him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on August 31, 2019, 11:25:36 PM
I would say that's a pretty generous take, mate.

Guy would be in a fuckin tomb before he could say howzayyyyyyyyy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2019, 10:05:54 AM
Windies have tried to pick a batting heavy lineup as well, but still gettin' new fuck holes raped into them
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 01, 2019, 10:16:56 AM
If he played for England his nickname would be Bummers lol
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2019, 10:24:36 AM
Such a Year 10 level bowling action as well. Sub village green, arm movements of an aids orphan trying to catch a UN airdrop, then the sly fucking cunt gets revs and everyone is fucked to turn around and criticise it.

New England youth talent spotting strategy - promote the arm flapping remedial to Captain of the Team and push anyone who plays like the MCC coaching handbook into a diarrhoead dysentery hole
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 01, 2019, 05:27:31 PM
Why oh why can’t the windies be good again?

“Just try and kill everyone again LOL”  I’d chuckle in the dressing room if I was coaching them.

“How about I bowl back of a le...”

“I want him to die Kemar. I don’t want anyone you bowl to to have the ability to speak coherently to their loved ones ever again. Now let’s go down to the park, Elton John’s doing a rock concert in aid of us” I’d laugh. 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2019, 06:18:44 PM
They need some Clive Lloyd thick rimmed schizo guy to take over the captaincy who reckons the slightest infringement should PAY IN BLOOD

THEN THEY'D WIN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 02, 2019, 12:08:27 PM
Selectors bottled it then.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 02, 2019, 12:11:49 PM
Selectors bottled it then.

"ride the wave" mentality, the wave of two players playing well
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Bobby Treetops on September 02, 2019, 12:25:50 PM
How do you get dropped from this England team?


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Konki on September 02, 2019, 12:39:40 PM
Antiretrovirals.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 02, 2019, 01:22:32 PM
How do you get dropped from this England team?

By edging it to Jason Roy at slip?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 03, 2019, 02:37:31 PM
How do you get dropped from this England team?

You be Chris Woakes.

Out, and Overton is in.

Mad selection, What's Sam Curran done?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 03, 2019, 02:44:36 PM
Gash
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 03, 2019, 03:48:08 PM
So many baffling decisions. Woakes had a poor game last time out but he’d be nowhere near my list of players who require immediate replacement and murder.

The gormless, giggling cunt of a captain who obviously has no faith in him and keeps finding any excuse not to bowl him is the issue, that and the random collection of retards we call a batting order.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 03, 2019, 04:06:44 PM
Terrence Higgins levels of batting so let’s drop bowlers. It’s a dance as old as time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 03, 2019, 04:24:43 PM
Presumably there has been extensive analysis and in-depth discussion by selectors, administration, and support staff, and the conclusion of all that is ----------- drop Woakes. What the cunting fuck are these cunting cunts on?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 03, 2019, 04:36:42 PM
Woakes has seemed off it and maybe a bit hurt.

Where Overton comes in to the equation, I do not know. Curran has been screwed over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 03, 2019, 08:17:58 PM
Can't wait for us to be 56-7 at Lunch tomorrow, and the feeling that the Ashes is already effectively over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 03, 2019, 08:33:40 PM
Stokes snaps his Achilles warming up. 3-1.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 04, 2019, 05:54:04 AM
Jimmy pead wraith
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on September 04, 2019, 06:31:24 AM
Pissing it down here near Old Trafford. Very little play today, I reckon.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 08:12:06 AM
Current weather forecast looks like we'll get about 90 overs in over the next 3 days, until the weekend brightens up.

A scenario where you definitely do not want to get rolled for less than 100 in the first innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 09:23:16 AM
about 50 overs today I reckon. bowl first if you can.

still boggled at the Overton window selection. Curran can fucking bat!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 04, 2019, 10:36:42 AM
Aus win toss and bat. Could be a good toss to lose but England need to make good use of the conditions (or get Smith cheap) otherwise GARY will win the Ashes on Sunday.

Re Overton, I think they feel he offers more control than Curran. Handy batter too, though his average is that of an 8-9.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 10:37:35 AM
Bowling then. Smith 300.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 04, 2019, 11:03:40 AM
Gorrim!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 11:03:54 AM
if you see a swinging ball, Warner brother
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 11:04:11 AM
DAVE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 04, 2019, 11:04:23 AM
*breakdances*
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 04, 2019, 11:05:35 AM
Warner is completely and utterly fucked against Broad. Brilliant.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 04, 2019, 11:05:39 AM
YAAAAA FUCKKKKKER
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 04, 2019, 11:06:38 AM
God imagine how it must feel for a bowler to dominate you so comprehensively.

Just imagine how Warner feels.

His shrink is putting downpayments on a yacht around now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 11:07:00 AM
didn't see that Aus have dropped Khawaja and Patto for Smith and Starc. The broken shell of Garry continues.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 11:07:55 AM
NEMESIS

NEMESIS IN YOUR SLEEP EVERY NIGHT FOREVER
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 11:08:42 AM
didn't see that Aus have dropped Khawaja and Patto for Smith and Starc. The broken shell of Garry continues.


Garry the Egg
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 11:10:59 AM
Hahaha fuck off Warner

Quote
2, 8, 3, 5, 61, 0 and 0

This could not happen to a bigger cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 11:32:03 AM
Vic Marks talking about pulling Archer off after 3 because he's not looking up to snuff with his dreadful 3 overs for 10.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 04, 2019, 11:33:24 AM
Vic Marks talking about pulling Archer off

I bet he is, the dirty old bollocks. I bet he fucking is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 11:36:18 AM
Broad on one here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 04, 2019, 11:36:40 AM
Get tore into them Broady lad
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 04, 2019, 11:37:38 AM
Oh shit it's a Labuschagne Smith double team :/
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 11:38:48 AM
KILL JOF KILL
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 11:40:04 AM
Archer immediately goes up 5 mph to Smith. This guy knows what it's about. Leave the shitmunchers to Broad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 04, 2019, 11:56:50 AM
Does sledging still happen in these games? The sonic technology stuff they use to see if someone's out must involve microphones of some sort - do they pick up the abuse, has it stopped the sledging, or is it flourishing in all its bantzy glory? 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 12:15:57 PM
looking like Smith and Smit are going heavy here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on September 04, 2019, 12:16:08 PM
Only just managed to see the score.

HA HA WARNER
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 04, 2019, 12:25:50 PM
Any risk of bowling Overton, you know, the guy they brought in to keep control
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 12:28:25 PM
Root is more mentally burned out than a Vietnam vet after a 6 week night shift down the abbatoir.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 12:32:39 PM
Root is more mentally burned out than a Vietnam vet after a 6 week night shift down the abbatoir.

I thought Cook was bad for not using new picks...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on September 04, 2019, 12:58:35 PM
Quote
Posted at 12:5612:56
Post update
Ed Sheeran is in the house!

of cunts
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 04, 2019, 01:09:12 PM
Come on Jofra, it's almost like he trying to get him out legit rather than actually killing him
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 01:18:16 PM
Genuinely fearing 350/2 at curtains today. Or pro-rata that for weather.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 01:36:27 PM
Woakes would be good in these conditions. Oh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 03:22:08 PM
Labuschagne and Smith is a solid as fuck 3 and 4. Gonna need Trump's hurricane nukes or a Manc that farts AIDS to get these feral shitrags out


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 04, 2019, 04:38:37 PM
How can they take the bails off? Doesn't that make the wicket a bit shorter?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 04, 2019, 04:41:44 PM
Stokes should try bowling it straight at Labuschagne's thigh again - full toss, chuck it at him
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 04:47:50 PM
Pitch it up u cunts
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 04, 2019, 04:52:29 PM
Aus 500+ here. Should be ok with our weakened batting line up tho.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 07:03:27 PM
Archer the destroyer tidy and economical.
Overton the calm one wicket at >4 per over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 04, 2019, 09:41:17 PM
Sorry I let youse down today lads. Been fuckin busy. I couldn't even check the cunner.

Jof surely not turned full pead? Ground all the joy out the kid already eh?

Beamers. Full toss at the neck. Swinging throat music. Cave the cunts windpipe in. Quick, quick, get a biro! Doesn't make any difference, the throat is like a soggy straw. Quick, pierce his lung! With what, a biro? Quicckkkkkkkkk!!

RIP
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 04, 2019, 09:55:01 PM
enjoying this Lancs v Essex T20 game, sad that it's being played in front of six dobbers at Durham because of the test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 11:22:18 AM
Broad gets another.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 05, 2019, 11:28:56 AM
A while ago but Jofra dropped Smith. Probably wants him to stick around to get one ball leaping into his Adam's Apple. 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 11:32:18 AM
Broady and Stokesy (and maybe Archery, but to a lesser extent in this test so far) keeping us in this series smdh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 12:29:49 PM
Slaphead strikes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 12:35:50 PM
Why doesn't Smith just stop. Stop doing it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 05, 2019, 12:53:58 PM
Insane performance level, century in the last test is surely a given.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 12:56:29 PM
Fucking hate him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 12:58:29 PM
cheating cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 01:46:26 PM
Fucking hell Roy.

If we'd put out a bucket with a face drawn on it, it would have contributed more than you to this Ashes series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 01:50:45 PM
At least Keaton Jennings could fucking catch
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 02:06:00 PM
Prediction: England will not win this cricket match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Holmesy on September 05, 2019, 02:09:02 PM
Sitting in A & E with my other having watching on Sky Go. That over by Stokes followed by the no ball is the most depressing sight of humanity I’ve witnessed today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 02:10:44 PM
No ball from a spinner is pretty poor. Love the baldy bastard but come on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on September 05, 2019, 02:11:12 PM
Leach you fucking dick.

How is it even possible to bowl a front-foot no-ball as a spinner? I've been bowling spin for years and never done it, and I'm shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 05, 2019, 02:11:51 PM
Should have had this cunt out ten times by now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 02:12:46 PM
He's got some pact with the devil, the creepy fucker.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 02:22:54 PM
I'd may Roy and Leach fuck each other. First to cum gets to kill the other.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 02:36:57 PM
What's the forecast? Any chance of a draw?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 05, 2019, 02:42:31 PM
This new strain of aids is powerful stuff. Take precautions if you're going to the match
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 05, 2019, 03:04:34 PM
Been very busy and haven't been able to follow England's reenactment of Philadelphia.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 05, 2019, 03:22:09 PM
Hanging on for dear life again. Need something from Buttler and Roy in the next innings otherwise Australia will likely slam the door shut this time round, especially with Smith around in the 2nd innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 03:22:16 PM
This session’s been like a flashback to the Reagan era. Total AIDS epidemic.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 03:38:11 PM
Already a major rescue mission. Useless kiddy-fiddling fucks.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 05, 2019, 03:43:14 PM
Do these pricks all have aids of the hands or something?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 03:51:20 PM
Small penis humiliation. That is Ed Smith's next psyce tactic at tea.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 05, 2019, 04:12:47 PM
Got to be a declaration soon, surely.

"England are shit" ha ha
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 04:14:29 PM
"Ho ho, they'll think twice before declaring at Old Trafford after Edgbaston!! ho ho"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 04:17:23 PM
I think they'll bat the day out. Smith double ton. 450 start. Play for the draw. Smith's probably the best bat ever. Christ.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 04:25:50 PM
Bat out the remaining tests. Play at nothing, go at 1 an over. Hopefully rain will take a few days out of contention, 1-1 the series. Go home and sack everyone involved
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 04:27:22 PM
Don't even try and take wickets, just let Smith keep batting for as long as he wants, fuck it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 04:31:34 PM
Get Bairstow in his ear: "I reckon you could get your average up to Bradman levels. Keep at it! No, seriously, we don't mind. Just stay batting mate, enjoy yourself."
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 04:35:44 PM
Paine getting a 50?

Roy might get one.

Hahaha fuck off. Aus bat till all out then bowl Eng out for fuck all. Twice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 04:38:27 PM
Get in the fucking benthos you knobs
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 04:40:57 PM
in baseball there's this stat called WAR (wins above replacement) that is a subjective but interesting measure of how many wins a player is worth in a season above the generic average player in that role. By my measure Jason Roy is currently hovering at around -5 tests.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 04:52:51 PM
Amazon books.

Understanding the paedophile mind.

Dr Ed Smith A.I.D.S.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 05:15:45 PM
Overton's a good trier, a good honest lad, bowls a heavy ball, does the hard yakker, works his socks off, is thoroughly average.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 05:23:51 PM
A shot of Monty Panesar in the stands with his legs wide open. He's gonna piss all over the shop.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 05:26:21 PM
What a player cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 05:31:09 PM
He'll go mental now. Bang another 70 for a laugh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 05, 2019, 05:33:24 PM
Langer looks more like Rudolf Hess every time i see him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 05:38:11 PM
Broad's head has gone, Archer is doing nothing, Overton is trying but limited, Leach probably similar, Stokes is hurt.

AND OUR BOWLING IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 05:41:55 PM
lol Root gets him
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 05:45:45 PM
God don't bowl them out now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 05:46:16 PM
Keep them in we'll be 5 down by close otherwise
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 05, 2019, 05:50:20 PM
This is immense from Smith but it doesn't have the pure grandeur of Cook bossing the Aussies down under.

Cook didn't have his 'brained by a 96mph schizoball' concussion either. Felt like we won that one.

But yeah you've made your point now Smith mate fuck off and die in a ditch
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 05, 2019, 05:57:28 PM
Hello everybody. Sitting with a beaming aussie here. Laughing at English Aids.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 05:58:29 PM
What’s the fucking point in bowling Archer now? They’re 460-8, the match has gone, he’s off his game, all you’re achieving is tiring him for the last test. Stick Denly on, hell stick Roy or Burns on, doesn’t matter how many their tail bash because all England should be thinking at this point is BAT TIME
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:06:03 PM
If Starc gets 7 more he’ll have scored as many runs in the series as Jason Roy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 06:18:09 PM
Three or four wickets down by close?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:21:44 PM
If Starc gets 7 more he’ll have scored as many runs in the series as Jason Roy

And they declared with Lyon only 3 short of matching Roy as well.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 06:21:58 PM
England to reenact last night's parliament in willow form
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 05, 2019, 06:24:07 PM
peadlingus aids wraith tiers monde fuckdown
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:24:16 PM
Three or four wickets down by close?

You should know by now not to be so optimistic.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 06:25:05 PM
We need to get them on the backfoot with some positive cricket. Execute our skill sets.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 05, 2019, 06:26:42 PM
Of course we need to play to our strengths, bat like it's a one-day match, that's what's worked for us before.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:26:58 PM
We need to get them on the backfoot with some positive cricket. Execute our skill sets.

#expressyourself
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 06:35:41 PM
45 minutes to avoid going full Epstein. Never gonna happen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:38:58 PM
Yeah but it’s OK, Aus lost early wickets but the guy at 4 made a brilliant double hundred. No reason to think that if England’s openers get out cheaply, our number 4 can’t do the same. Right?

Lads?

LADS?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 05, 2019, 06:49:00 PM
Great stuff, they’ve already hit Starc out of the attack
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 06:50:09 PM
Utterly demoralised. Starc is a shattered man.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 07:01:11 PM
Finally, a solid batsmen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 07:01:52 PM
Good lad Denners
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 07:17:05 PM
how many fucking times with Denly?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 05, 2019, 07:29:36 PM
State of that. Laughably shit. Fuck off forever Denners
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 05, 2019, 07:44:12 PM
Okay so.. pray the rain is even worst than forecast.... then pray we manage to avoid to follow-on (big ask) maybe we won't have to survive much more than a day in the 2nd innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 05, 2019, 07:59:22 PM
This Test side is a four year project.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 05, 2019, 08:44:56 PM
Denly's wicket was a great grab to be fair, but still, it's just too often.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 05, 2019, 08:48:39 PM
I liked Mark Nicholas’ comment that he’d made ‘a good four’.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 05, 2019, 09:42:55 PM
England are fucking fucked
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 08:57:21 AM
a decent piece about the real motivations behind switching Roy and Denly
https://www.cricbuzz.com/cricket-news/109761/dear-denly-its-not-you-its-them
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 06, 2019, 09:03:09 AM
I cannot wait for Bayliss to fuck off. And if Root keeps the captaincy after this horror show then we really are fucked. Mundane, boring, devoid of life and an extremely poor immune system. Hopefully this will all be over by the end of the day and we can all get our lives back on track.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 09:06:44 AM
it is a decent deck and someone should be able to get a century. i'm backing us to avoid the follow-on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 09:08:32 AM
also meant to rain a lot today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 09:34:22 AM
Let's hope so
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 10:53:03 AM
This is great!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 06, 2019, 11:30:43 AM
To be honest if we escape because of rain I’ll still be pissed off. We deserve to die.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 11:59:05 AM
Fucks sake, Flintoff talking about Top Gear on the radio.

Get the covers off and let's get playing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 12:22:30 PM
Hmmmm, sadly looks pretty clear after 1pm, for the next few days.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 12:36:54 PM
Some of the best I've seen from us all series so far
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 06, 2019, 01:07:26 PM
Aye in complete control that session. Not a single play and miss, none of the bowlers looked like making a breakthrough.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 06, 2019, 01:18:30 PM
Back out at half one. It's raining AIDS! Hallelujah.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 01:29:33 PM
If we somehow manage to save this and nick the final test with huge luck in controversial circumstances that would be fucking brilliant.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 01:33:10 PM
Undeserved wins are the best wins, and has a team even been so undeserving as this one?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 01:46:07 PM
Easier said than done but we should target Starc. Get them down to 3 bowlers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 02:01:17 PM
Root and Burns absolutely storming this. No problem.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 02:04:41 PM
I saw Root hit a double century at Old Trafford against Pakistan. Went about it like he is now, just gentle deflections, annoying them by moving the ball rather than whacking it. Not saying he'll do that now!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 06, 2019, 02:32:09 PM
Burns looking good for a triple here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 03:15:09 PM
Keep it up Burnsy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 03:21:03 PM
BAT AND BALL
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 03:21:22 PM
Must say this is textbook cricket from England. These two are being dogged enough for people to think 'yes, we can save this test', giving viewers just enough hope, setting it up brilliantly for an abject collapse in a few hours time
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 03:22:56 PM
learned a new bit of cricket lingo, a Cowan, for your century in balls regardless of the score (pref. <50)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 03:35:07 PM
What are the crowd up to?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 03:36:19 PM
Ah they're cheering Lyon every time he catches or picks up a ball!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 04:21:51 PM
100 partnership. Good application.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 04:26:38 PM
Solid
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 06, 2019, 04:27:42 PM
Really good test match batting from Burns and Root. Focus, patience, smarts. Hope is not lost after all.

Now fully expecting to switch back on after dinner and find them 163/6.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Old Thrashbarg on September 06, 2019, 04:40:25 PM
Ah they're cheering Lyon every time he catches or picks up a ball!

It''s been going on for quite a while and Lyon's playing up to it as well. At one point he threw the ball up to himself and deliberately dropped it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 04:42:29 PM
Who knows maybe even Roy will put in a good innings in this match
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 04:42:35 PM
He's such a card, is Garry!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 04:43:20 PM
Haha only joking. LOL. Can you imagine?!?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 04:45:18 PM
Malinga just taken 4 in 4 in T20 v NZ
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 05:01:47 PM
Crowd quite rightly giving Garry relentless shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:08:44 PM
I find Burns incredibly stressful to watch but I think he's passing the test, ultimately. Probably not as good as Cook, Strauss, or Banger, but think he should get the shirt now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 05:16:36 PM
Oh so they're trying to just hobble our dominating batsmen now. That's a dirty, low down trick
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 06, 2019, 05:24:58 PM
Peadwraith bifida boyz goin great
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:29:37 PM
Cummins proper has steam coming out of his ears, felt like we didn't see that enough from are braiv boyz. That said they're tiring. If Roy can't score on this then he needs to be sent to Lourdes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 05:33:11 PM
Cummins has been really unlucky. Bowled great.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:33:29 PM
Root = 66 = Route 66. stick it in the I'm Too Thick To Function thread, fucking hell
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 05:34:04 PM
Aussies know when to bring on the thunder.

All the same, decent effort so far by the lads on the paedo watch list. Don't give Garry the vulture the paed blood he craves
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:35:36 PM
pains me to say it but Cummins and Hazlewood probably the two best bowlers on the planet right now and I really admire their work greatly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 05:50:41 PM
Heh, 5 of Starc's 11 overs were maidens and he's still averaging 3.7 runs an over.

Anyway, this really is all about grinding those 4 bowlers down. Can we actually though...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:52:54 PM
Heh, 5 of Starc's 11 overs were maidens and he's still averaging 3.7 runs an over.

Anyway, this really is all about grinding those 4 bowlers down. Can we actually though...

They can prise a couple out for sure, they have the talent, but I do feel we should be able to bat to tea tomorrow. New ball will be crucial and they've just ground Cummins down before it comes. Reckon we'll see Labuschagne before stumps.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 05:59:04 PM
This is your moment, Jason Roy, this is your perfect moment.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 06:01:05 PM
Made a decent effort, but in the end he just couldn't resist the allure of some young boys
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 06:01:52 PM
Hooray Roy is here! We're saved!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 06:02:33 PM
Good effort from Burnsy but needed to see the day out.

Roy now.

I predict a streaky 12.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 06, 2019, 06:02:38 PM
Sad to see Burns trade his beautiful adult wife in for a girlfriend that’s spent this summer doing GCSE re-sits. Sad really.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:13:36 PM
Roy just passed Pat Cummins for the series, it's getting real now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 06:14:41 PM
Dead
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:14:51 PM
oh billy bollocks. 71 just isn't enough Root.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 06:15:32 PM
Ffs

This could get really ugly by the close of play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 06, 2019, 06:15:37 PM
England team have all suddenly developed virulent cases of Kaposi's sarcoma.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 06:16:07 PM
Smith would’ve added at least another 100 if he got to 71.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Bobby Treetops on September 06, 2019, 06:18:17 PM
I feel a collapse coming on....
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 06:18:43 PM
Roy’s planning a counterattack isn’t he?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:25:40 PM
trying to think of innings immediately after great innings. like when Atherton did his 185* and then got cleaned up twice in the next test. not to jinx Stokes or anything.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 06:27:03 PM
When Smith bats
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:28:58 PM
When Smith bats

takes a test off to cry, soft get!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 06:32:52 PM
Roy you terrible cunt if I read 'wild swing' again... I don't know
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 06, 2019, 06:38:25 PM
Cancerous cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:39:31 PM
pure garbage.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 06, 2019, 06:39:53 PM
Useless cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 06:39:57 PM
ROY!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 06, 2019, 06:40:32 PM
Straight onto the register. Can't go within 400 yds of any school or youth group facility.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: jobotic on September 06, 2019, 06:40:56 PM
That's it son. Twat out a quick 22 fast as you can. Bang job done.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 06:44:09 PM
Still, lead is under 300 now, so that's a nice amount for a lead to be under isn't it Andy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Bobby Treetops on September 06, 2019, 06:46:07 PM
How very predictable.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 06:47:24 PM
Big bad Buttler now batting at 8 today cos of Overton's nightwatchman job this morning.

Why are you there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 06:53:38 PM
Roy *did* improve going to 4 though, you have to credit E Smith for that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 06, 2019, 08:49:19 PM
Yeah, Chasin’ Boys looked solid for his 22.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 06, 2019, 09:09:35 PM
England are fucking fucked
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 09:12:26 PM
Must say this is textbook cricket from England. These two are being dogged enough for people to think 'yes, we can save this test', giving viewers just enough hope, setting it up brilliantly for an abject collapse in a few hours time

jus sayin
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 09:22:39 PM
Buttler is playing for his place and Ed Smith's job tomorrow. Well, at least as far as I'm concerned. They never wanted to pick Burns because he's a County Championship run getter who bats like a marionette with one string cut but he's the only new-ish cap who has done it with the bat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 09:56:37 PM
Moeen making a strong case for whatever ails England being a radius of Bayliss thing. 120 off 60 for Worc tonight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 10:22:04 PM
Moeen making a strong case for whatever ails England being a radius of Bayliss thing. 120 off 60 for Worc tonight.

Please fuck no
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 10:22:52 PM
That reminds me of another batsman who was impressive in short format games, and his name was

JASON ROY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 06, 2019, 10:29:55 PM
not saying recall, Moeen should be left in a hazmat suit for the rest of the year.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 06, 2019, 11:05:53 PM
But seriously, I'm glad he's having fun. Hope he's enjoying himself. Was a bit concerned.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 11:41:16 PM
To avoid the England selectors returning to him, brand him with hot irons and scrawl big time life over burns victim on his shoulder blades
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 10:55:38 AM
I'd take Moeen over Roy at this point. I know it doesn't reakly make sense as a swap, but I'd take anything at this point.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 10:57:04 AM
I bet in the next innings Roy get's 100 but in about 30 balls so it's barely any use
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 10:59:40 AM
Moeen is a bit of a Ramprakash. Incredible talent but not one for real pressure. The anti-Sam Curran. Plays for the joy of it. As I've said before, I saw him make a brilliant century at Old Trafford for Worcestershire in a CC game when all around him were losing their heads on a slow and low wicket. 500 people in, average age 55.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 11:02:22 AM
Afghanistan on their way to victory against Bangladesh in a test. BAN gonna need to chase at least 350 to win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 11:36:27 AM
Oi helicopter twat - fuck off
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 07, 2019, 11:39:34 AM
224-5, Aus were the same score around this time Thursday, no worries whatsoever eh lads?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 11:41:52 AM
this is whar is all about lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 11:48:39 AM
sigh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 11:48:42 AM
Missed it you twat
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 11:49:57 AM
Personally I would have tried to hit the ball there instead of downloading child pornography
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 12:13:55 PM
What a shame. Thougt Stokes might not be like that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 07, 2019, 12:23:31 PM
Finally puts an end to the nature vs nurtures conundrum. You can be born and grow up with perfectly healthy sexual preferences but depending on the culture of the company you keep, even the most diabolic acts can become normalised.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 12:32:36 PM
Just dialled 999 and reported people fingering babies at OT cricket ground
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 12:36:26 PM
Archer has been a rank disappointment with the bat. I know it's not his job but I was expecting something a bit more entertaining.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 12:38:34 PM
Fuck me they’re shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 07, 2019, 12:58:06 PM
I do love Jofra but he bats like a cunt and his career is already over because of chief pead Boycott Jr.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 12:59:04 PM
if his pace is down 2nd dig then I'd rest him for the final test. They won't. I don't know why we keep talking about changes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on September 07, 2019, 01:06:19 PM
Jofra is a ledge,,,but I was worried once he started talking about focusing more about talking wickets rather than GBH on the pitch.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 01:16:21 PM
Starc totally ground down. Stokes up for this.

Ooops, im in a different time zone
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 07, 2019, 01:41:58 PM
Starc totally ground down. Stokes up for this.

Ooops, im in a different time zone
Haha check out this paedophile. Ran off scared after the last test like an absolute child pussy hole and tries to come back swinging his pebble dick as if we don’t know he fucks children.

No kids here mate, but Roy has some images that might interest you.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 02:03:18 PM
Broad departs to go and hang around a primary school with a pocket full of toffees

No, fair enough. Good delivery
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 02:08:59 PM
Good luck evens out, Leach's no ball to Smith now reciprocated as Leach not given to plumb lbw, now to cash in lad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 02:10:40 PM
Fair play to Boycs, he fucking hates the Aussies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 02:12:24 PM
Haha check out this paedophile. Ran off scared after the last test like an absolute child pussy hole and tries to come back swinging his pebble dick as if we don’t know he fucks children.

No kids here mate, but Roy has some images that might interest you.

Was just taking a breather. In custody for the duration but released without charge when i said i had evidence of paed aids in the Northumbrian Police First XI
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 07, 2019, 02:29:24 PM
Thought Buttler might go mental at the end but he just limped along until his inevitable dismissal.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 02:31:23 PM
Paedo Preddo

Aus 94 All Out

Stokes again
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 07, 2019, 02:35:41 PM
Brady
West
Huntley
Gadd
Watkins
Warner
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 02:36:07 PM
Hahaha at least Warner has looked a massive prick this series
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 02:36:36 PM
how many times has Broad done him? 6 out of 8?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 02:37:13 PM
confirmed by TMS, Warner is 32/6 against Broad this series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 02:39:36 PM
Warner is a dickhead
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 07, 2019, 02:40:41 PM
https://mobile.twitter.com/boomrah_/status/1170190664874831872 (https://mobile.twitter.com/boomrah_/status/1170190664874831872)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 02:41:07 PM
how many times has Broad done him? 6 out of 8?

Does he have any attributes? Why wasnt he dropped? Because of his catching?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 02:45:00 PM
think it's the vague hope that class is permanent and form is temporary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 02:47:32 PM
Haha he hit right in the dick!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 07, 2019, 02:49:50 PM
He’s a flat track bully that averages around 60 in Australia. Can’t play for fucking toffee in our beautiful, fully sovereign isle.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 03:00:32 PM
what do Australians think a review is for? do they have telly?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:10:49 PM
We are thrashing the aussies on reviews, they can't take that away from us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 03:16:06 PM
Labu-FAIL!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:16:58 PM
Lol
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 07, 2019, 03:17:57 PM
STOP GIVING US FALSE HOPE YOU WANKERS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:18:42 PM
Of course, none of this matters because  we're  not even making 200 in the 2nd innings
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 03:18:55 PM
STOP GIVING US FALSE HOPE YOU WANKERS

Absolutely perfect clownshoes-era England thing, whip them out to leave more time to get thunderbollocked.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 07, 2019, 03:18:59 PM
Dare I say: IT'S IN THE FUCKING BAG LADS COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 03:31:26 PM
Always a shitty hollywood-lite narrative with English sporting triumph

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:37:25 PM
Cunted
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 03:38:00 PM
where the hell was this Archer before? amazing man.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:38:57 PM
Only head though who cares
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 03:42:26 PM
Paedo Preddo

Aus 94 All Out

Stokes again
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 03:45:20 PM
Absolutely perfect clownshoes-era England thing, whip them out to leave more time to get thunderbollocked.

This is completely  it. "We could win this! Let's be positive!"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 04:09:21 PM
Stop trying to take wickets
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 04:21:31 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/AfZHTAL.jpg)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 07, 2019, 04:47:23 PM
Can you imagine England milking GARRY like this late on day four?

Root just needs to put everyone back to stop them getting boundaries and keep them out in the middle as long as possible before the declaration.

They also need someone to hypnotise them into deadbatting every single ball tomorrow. Play fucking French cricket all day.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 04:47:54 PM
God I hate Smith
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 05:10:11 PM
another 50. crying out loud.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 05:27:50 PM
Paedo Preddo

Aus 394 All Out

Stokes gone
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 07, 2019, 05:46:57 PM
This fucker’s ridiculous.

I can’t imagine having an English cricketer so solid, who you just know will get big runs no matter what.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 05:54:20 PM
SHIT BASTARD CAN'T EVEN GET 100
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:26:27 PM
good competitive declaration. not likely to knock it off but all 4 results in play.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 06:27:42 PM
A new paedo IRC chatroom has just been started
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:33:04 PM
good grief.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:34:52 PM
call the hospital and admit every single player
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 06:35:30 PM
HAHAHA EPSTEINED
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 07, 2019, 06:35:33 PM
Some seriously grim dark net sites are reporting bandwidth issues this evening.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 07, 2019, 06:36:16 PM
0/2 after the first over

Bye bye Ashes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 07, 2019, 06:38:04 PM
Root needs to be left at home for the winter to get his head straight. Two-three years ago he was one of the best players in the world but captaincy has destroyed him.

Bayliss and Smith need putting in a Brexit rocket to Jupiter.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 06:39:24 PM
Ashes going home
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 07, 2019, 06:40:10 PM
It reminds me of the decline of the band Queen, in that the main man has AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:40:26 PM
that's a series breaker. it's 3-1 all over now. you don't get up from those punches.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 06:42:27 PM
This is good actually, if we'd seen out this session without loss you might have hope. No need for any of that nonsense now. Will do something else tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 07, 2019, 06:43:22 PM
First England captain to make three ducks in a series.

A man who once had a better average than Smith.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:44:10 PM
feel sick.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 07, 2019, 06:45:47 PM
Shame the super-creepy alien mega cheat batting phenomenon ultra cunt from Andromeda spoiled this Ashes. It would have been close
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 07, 2019, 06:46:02 PM
Questions must be asked clive
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 07, 2019, 06:46:16 PM
I see England aren't worried about the run rate - very sensible
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 07, 2019, 06:47:00 PM
AIDS. Die of ignorance.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 07, 2019, 06:47:41 PM
Anybody know what time The hunt for Britain’s paedophiles starts on Channel 5 tonight? Is it 7pm like usual?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2019, 06:47:50 PM
love to see Roy, average of 17, barely past 150 test runs, throwing his bat. oh and Denly at the other end? i say ECB you are spoiling us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 07, 2019, 07:01:55 PM
“Root, looking at a laptop, no doubt analysing his dismissal...”

Hmmm.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 07, 2019, 07:11:26 PM
Getting 365 runs tomorrow? You'd have more chance of selling legal jazz mags to the ECB.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 07, 2019, 07:18:19 PM
“Root, looking at a laptop, no doubt analysing his dismissal...”

Hmmm.

Heh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 07, 2019, 07:24:08 PM
This is good. Its like vomiting. Horrible whilst it's happening, but you have to keep vomiting, get it all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: kalowski on September 07, 2019, 07:26:28 PM
“Root, looking at a laptop, no doubt analysing his dismissal...”

Hmmm.
Nice. Might analyse my dismissal watching Tushy tonight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 07, 2019, 11:33:29 PM
Stokes will do this...again... called it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 08, 2019, 06:57:48 AM
98 overs. Australia may shit themselves a bit if we're 250 for 4 or 5 at tea time.

Likelier outcome we are all out for 140 an hour and a half after lunch
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 07:56:49 AM
Be surprised if we make lunch.

Whatever happens today Root needs to fall on his sword and give control of the final test to Thuglife. He’s been an Ebola-tier captain. Bayliss, Wankprakash and the selectors just please fucking go now too.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 08:05:32 AM
And now we’ve won the World Cup and proved we’re good at that nonsense there needs to be a total focus on proper cricket. Test cricket needs to be protected and developed at all costs. Even if in 20 years time we’re the only ones playing it and ECB has no money don’t care. Test cricket above all else.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 08:39:14 AM
we certainly won't win. the reality is we are more likely to be 4 down in the first 30 minutes with Denly and Roy (WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THESE TWO?). I'll be generous and say they'll make it to just before tea as someone pointless has a rear-guard that makes the beersnake brigade whoop it up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 08, 2019, 08:43:52 AM
There's always someone who'll put in pointlessly good but not enough performance. Stoke can't do it for us again though. And honestly he's earned the right to paed it up for a match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 08:46:28 AM
Ashley Giles has to be fair said that test cricket will ”come to the fore” now he’s in charge.

I’d have an easier time trusting him were it not for the fact that next summer’s main event is the HUNDRED.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 08:47:03 AM
There's always someone who'll put in pointlessly good but not enough performance. Stoke can't do it for us again though. And honestly he's earned the right to paed it up for a match.

Jofra 64* off 23 balls

Lyon 7-42

Lose by 150
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 09:01:54 AM
Jase is likely to take it away from them this morning. Positive cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 11:16:12 AM
Absolutely no idea why I'm parked in front of this. Full masochist.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 11:18:19 AM
Ashley Giles has to be fair said that test cricket will ”come to the fore” now he’s in charge.

I’d have an easier time trusting him were it not for the fact that next summer’s main event is the HUNDRED.

Why on earth is that Hundred nonsense even a thing, christ
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 11:49:32 AM
next time I see Mal Loye I am going to have a word with him for innovating the slog sweep
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 12:22:36 PM
good ball by Cummins there, not even going to blame Roy as heavily as normal.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 12:22:45 PM
Bye Jason, back in your one-day box now please.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 12:43:22 PM
and that's the game. Stokes walks, truly he is a friar.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 12:44:58 PM
Oh well. Stokes can’t be blamed for this mess.

Bairstow, he’ll definitely see us through the day.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 12:52:59 PM
you can't trust someone who chooses to go by Jonny to look after the shop when they could be called John.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 02:02:40 PM
Denly out. Not sure how I feel about it. Still a bit miffed about his first innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 02:03:11 PM
Denly gone

But only after edging 53 which will secure him another 10 games in Ed Smith’s bed the side.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 02:03:23 PM
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line


Denly departs for 53.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 02:04:29 PM
Over before tea
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 02:05:10 PM
Joshua to smash a double and then commit seppuku at the crease
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 02:15:47 PM
Hiring Gary Glitter as batting coach seems foolish in retrospect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 02:17:09 PM
Hiring Gary Glitter as batting coach seems foolish in retrospect.

To be fair Gadd came across quite well on TMS I thought.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 02:27:32 PM
To be fair Gadd came across quite well on TMS I thought.

played against Aggers in the 1970s for Minor Counties
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 02:39:44 PM
Buttler and Bairstow looking reasonably comfortable here, which will make the embarrassing collapse all the better
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 02:51:44 PM
They’ll get to tea, lull us into a false sense of security and then go fully Bangkok when the bromide wears off.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 08, 2019, 02:53:18 PM
Massive shipment of colouring books, Haribo and sacks being delivered to the England dressing room in an hour or so.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 02:57:13 PM
I find Labuschagne's face quite interesting, and oddly quite attractive. I could look at him for hours.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 03:00:11 PM
he's a bit of a chirper, Labussskhhhkhhhagne, and a big one with God. goes to one of those churches where they do Coldplay type songs and donate half their earnings to building walls in Israel.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 03:02:52 PM
Yeah, heard rumours of his Godliness. I reckon I could get him to forget all that nonsense and come with me for a bunk up to Whitstable though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 03:03:34 PM
Bairstow clearly not wanting to miss out on Sunday night youth club.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 03:03:50 PM
Bairstow out after a rumour came out with drinks that they're having a great type on the MAOM in the dressing room.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 08, 2019, 03:11:13 PM
Hey guys: I'd like to throw Overton through a window!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 03:16:21 PM
I'd like to take Marnus for fish and chips, just sit on the beach with it.
"Marnus, do you have a dishwasher, is it worth getting one? I don't have one"
"yeah look it's pretty useful, especially after a party"
"Mmmm"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 03:22:48 PM
Amazed we’re still in
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 03:23:26 PM
I’d love to get a little cottage in the lakes, on a whim for a few days after all this cricket nonsense has finished if you’re reading Marnus
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 03:26:00 PM
Marnus I still don't like you very much. Steve Smith, however, if you fancy a day in Manchester talking about bat grips and flicking nips.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 03:26:32 PM
Yes that'd be nice. Although I can really picture sitting on a beach with him, we both have ice creams.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 03:42:26 PM
Ok fine you have Marnus, I’m gonna take Woakes geocaching in Northumberland.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Old Thrashbarg on September 08, 2019, 03:56:32 PM
If the impact had been inline on that Overton review there'd have been a riot. Unbelievable that they didn't just use the very clear visible evidence that he middled it into his pad just because there was noise from the bat hitting the pad as well, so the point of impact couldn't be seen on that output.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 08, 2019, 04:04:55 PM
Maybe the third umpire doesn’t like tall cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 04:11:57 PM
Aggers and Magraaaaaaa about to go shirts aff in the TMS box....but in banter
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 04:16:50 PM
Is it coming hame?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 04:21:55 PM
turns out the AIDS was the hope we had all along
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 04:32:22 PM
Buttler to win it with 30 consecutive sixes in the final minutes of play

Or collapse to 192 all out in half an hour from now

Both equally likely I reckon
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 08, 2019, 04:36:13 PM
God imagine if Root and Burns hadn't fucked it last night. Well we'd still lose to be fair.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 04:51:27 PM
And now the death of 3 cuts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 04:54:57 PM
On the positive side, the psychological abuse of Garry by the crowd is relentless.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 05:01:09 PM
Is Broad crocked, whys he batting so low?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 05:05:23 PM
Is Broad crocked, whys he batting so low?

I guess they think Leach is actually better?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 05:05:56 PM
Is Broad crocked, whys he batting so low?

Leach is a better blocker.

Which in turn of course doesn’t explain why Leach is batting below Roy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 05:39:33 PM
Scrumpy Boys making me poor 'eart go like the clappers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 05:42:49 PM
This is fucking bananas. What a ridiculous sport
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 08, 2019, 05:44:10 PM
Do like that for a few more seconds at least (at Leach) I can imagine how beyond fucking hilarious it would be if we levelled the series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 05:44:19 PM
I haven't got this in me today, too much work to do, unfortunately. If they pull it off, it'll be amazing but sadly not for me this time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 08, 2019, 05:47:25 PM
^^ Sorry I mean keep it level for a decider
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on September 08, 2019, 05:50:02 PM
really should be bowling more yorkers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 05:50:53 PM
Anyone got a massive black parachute we can hang over Old Trafford?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 05:52:20 PM
really should be bowling more yorkers.

sshhh! everyone knows Justin Langer posts here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 05:53:44 PM
FUCK WORK LETS CRICKET
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 05:58:08 PM
It is Leach's Ashes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 05:58:47 PM
England have been shite this Ashes but fuck it’s entertaining.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 06:03:54 PM
Really good bowling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 06:06:12 PM
LEACH YOU PRICK
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 06:06:35 PM
right Broad, time to shine. I know you can't bat and your gradual demotion from 7 to 11 is entirely deserved and you've dined out on a ton-fifty you didn't deserve, but if you can survive this i will never criticise you again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 06:07:18 PM
Drown the speccy cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 06:09:10 PM
Once again, it's all on Root. Worst batting performance of the innings on when they needed to just stay in for the draw. He didn't even burn up a few deliveries. In and out like a life over burns victim at speed dating
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 06:11:12 PM
Overton's Cowan up. Near 3hrs of blocking. Still, drop him for ineffectual bowling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 06:12:53 PM
Anyone but Broad. Well, anyone except Root, Roy, Bairstow or Buttler....
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 06:14:29 PM
If only wraith Jr had batted like the fucking captain of his country at cricket when they most needed absolutely anything from him instead of rushing back to the dressing room to get on the dark web.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 06:14:50 PM
Bastard.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: imitationleather on September 08, 2019, 06:16:12 PM
Boo-urns.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 06:16:18 PM
Dammit. You tried your best and it was nowhere near enough.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 08, 2019, 06:18:44 PM
Thank god that’s over.

Root relinquish captaincy NOW

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 08, 2019, 06:19:31 PM
Captaincy? Life.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 08, 2019, 06:20:29 PM
Evening lads. My preddos were wrong. Sympathies
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 06:21:16 PM
Deserved defeat really.

Nonces.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Moonshine on September 08, 2019, 06:23:16 PM
Jeffrey Epstein, Jimmy Saville, Paul Gadd your boys took a hell of a beating!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 06:27:23 PM
on merit it should be 2-2 (we were winning the second test. you could argue 3-1 as we were dogshit in the third test but we won it) but there is no way to argue anything other than we are a worse team. the whole "our middle order is far better" thing has proven to be the stupidest advance prediction since Pele said Colombia would win the 1994 World Cup and they got knocked out in the group and their centre back shot dead in the street.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 08, 2019, 06:31:33 PM
England were shit but it was fun for a while. Who’s following Wales in the RWC? See you in that thread for more sporting despair.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 08, 2019, 06:37:25 PM
All in all we didn't make a terrible go of it today. If Root had lasted even a few overs into today it could have been different. Stokes fucked it, but he gets a pass and he shouldn't have had to come on before luch. But King Nonce had other ideas.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 08, 2019, 06:38:10 PM
England were shit but it was fun for a while. Who’s following Wales in the RWC? See you in that thread for more sporting despair.

Yeah not looking forward to it after that display against Ireland.

Might beat Uruguay in their group.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 08, 2019, 06:40:28 PM
Mad thing is if you take Smith out we'd be seeing Garry and chums starring in a remake of Philadelphia
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 06:41:50 PM
Poor selection, poor coaching, poor tactics, poor captaincy, poor batting. Fighting for one day of a test isn’t enough and Australia deserve the win. Their quick bowlers, Smith and Labyschagne do at least. For England, only Burns, Stokes, Broad and Archer performed at anything like test match level.

Two really bad series in a row from England and little sign that the necessary changes will be made.

But hey, the HUNDRED, right?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 08:11:24 PM
maybe a little early to think about such things but in my cricket chat group on FB i named a sixteen man squad for the NZ/SA tours. i threw pragmatics out of the window and just went purely with my own dumb heart.

BATSMEN
Rory Burns, Dom Sibley, Olly Pope, Eoin Morgan (c), Sam Northeast, Hassan Azad, Ben Foakes (wk), Joe Root (SA only)

ALL ROUNDERS
Ben Stokes, Moeen Ali, Chris Woakes, Sam Curran

BOWLERS
Jofra Archer, Stuart Broad, Jamie Porter, Toby Roland-Jones, Jack Leach

rationales
- Root to be dropped as captain post-haste and rested for New Zealand to mend his brain.
- Morgan is a better leader and cannot possibly do worse captaining and batting at #7 than Buttler has.
- assuming he does not pick up the phone (apparently he is not a cert. to stay in the ODI role because of his back) then give the temporary captaincy to Stokes for NZ ("his home tour, yuk yuk").
- major rebuilding in the batting here. it's a new era test team and the old ones weren't just bad in one series. they were fully deficient in the head and wanting technically. you think Boult wouldn't be chortling his chops to see Jason Roy stroll out against him, red ball in hand? would be suicide.
- I have assumed Anderson steps down. He's 37. We could keep him, we're good bowlers and there seems to be a production line (or: a never-ending vista of bad batsmen to face) but I think maybe now is the time to commit to a title push at Lancs.
- TRJ comes back having never done bad enough to be dropped.
- Porter is a horses-for-courses selection, the Overton choice to do the donkey work to give Archer the best chance of hitting top gun speed.
- Azad is a Div 2 gun but he's had an unusual road to the game and I think it shows a resilience that the public school->19s tour->Lions tour haven't. Good average too.

I don't think Bairstow, Denly, Overton J, Overton C, Curran T, Gregory, Hain, Bess, Parkinson, or Tom Bailey should be considered scrapheap or never-wills, but they just have to pump out some serious performances and they could get in next summer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 08:27:22 PM
That looks eminently sensible*. Some thoughts:

Smart as Morgan is, his injury issues mean he might not even be available for the one-dayers let alone a test return, so give someone with county experience like Burns or Northeast the captaincy and make Stokes-Broad vice-captains for their experience and fire, and call up whoever out of Hain or Clarke is doing best with the bat at the latter end of the season. Or Bairstow but only as a batsman, and he's only in if he shows that he's making progress on his issue with straight fast bowling.

Azad is perhaps too raw: he's 25 but he's only played about three games. He might get nothing the rest of the season.

It's time, I think, to move on from Moeen. Bess is doing OK as a spinning all-rounder so he can go as backup to Leach.

Porter and Toblerone might be nice picks for swingy-seamy NZ, but someone quicker is needed for SA so hope Stone or even Wood is fit again then. Or work with Coad to add a few mph to his pace.

A couple of other things: tell the new guys that this is very much a transitional period, and that what they need to show is that they have the attitude, the technique, the brain for test cricket. Give them time to bed in but be firm and decisive too if it's clear someone isn't up to the task. We could all see a month ago Roy wasn't going to make it, for example; there was no need to stick with him so long.

Completely with you on Root. The guy obviously has all the ability, but his head hasn't been right for a good couple of years. Leave him out of the one-day side as well, there's Alex Hales waiting on the sidelines there and Root needs to get his red-ball game back on track.

And most importantly: fix the county game. Enough knobbing around with fads. Make sure England have a good mix of players of different types coming through. Give them plenty of red-ball cricket outside the test arena, or make them specialists.

It won't happen, though, will it? We'll go to NZ with the same bunch who lost here.

*so totally against standard practice with the England set-up
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 08, 2019, 08:52:34 PM
Hales isn't getting back in the one day squad though is he? Good as he is, the rest of them think he's a cunt, and he's probably one piss test away from a big ban.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 08, 2019, 08:55:39 PM
Hales isn't getting back in the one day squad though is he? Good as he is, the rest of them think he's a cunt, and he's probably one piss test away from a big ban.

Oh well in that case fuck it, Jason Roy and Shahid Afridi to open for England in the next test series
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on September 08, 2019, 09:45:24 PM
Morgan was never a good test player and he doesn't seem bothered about it recently. The last thing England need is another dasher ODI type player in the middle order.

Nonetheless majority of the other ideas suggested I can get behind.

Captain wise, give it to Stokes. I don't know if tactically he is shrewd but heh nor is Kohli and he leads by example.

12 months time if it ends in tears Burns would the obvious choice, its to early for him now though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 08, 2019, 09:54:12 PM
my thought process for Morgan was simply that he's a very good captain and a good leader and people respect the hell out of him. he fronted the Hales decision and it didn't once figure in the World Cup. no regrets. compare/contrast previous high-profile droppings and frictions. he doesn't seem overly-encumbered by responsibility and generally makes the right decision at the right time. If he never improved his average and went in at #7, in today's cricket that would be fine. clearly this is fanciful thinking as he is gravitating toward being a T20 guy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: ArtParrott on September 08, 2019, 10:39:28 PM
give someone with county experience like Burns or Northeast the captaincy

Thats fucking mental.

Not a fan of Root as a captain but he’s basically had his hands tied from the beginning. He inherited a bunch of these batting problems from the Cook era along with a head coach who isn’t interested in test cricket, the whole system being geared towards winning the World Cup and selectors (Ed Smith) showing themselves not to be up to the job.

I’m not arguing that there’s not a huge rebuilding job to do, but for me, I don’t see how they can burn Root as a captain while moving forward as a team.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 08, 2019, 10:41:52 PM
Captaining England at Test cricket is clearly a poisoned chalice and whoever it falls to sees their game turn to complete shit a few months later so why would we give it to Stokes, one of our few genuinely brilliant players? Give it Denly or someone. If it does drag their game down, who would even notice, and whoever we gave it to would clearly be better at it than Root.

Personally I’d leave Stokes free to just be Stokes for now. A few years down the line then maybe.

EDITed for unending autocorrect issues
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 09:17:06 AM
Root's average has plummeted with the captaincy, it's not just a normal drop. He's about to go full Mourinho at Man Utd.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 11:28:39 AM
STAT ATTACK

He has made as many ducks in the first four tests of this series as he did in his entire pre-captaincy career.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 09, 2019, 11:33:18 AM
Fuck it I say we bring the World Cup trophy to The Oval and hand it round the crowd at lunch
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 11:36:43 AM
Fuck it I say we bring the World Cup trophy to The Oval and hand it round the crowd at lunch

I say send it out to bat at number four, can't do a worse job than the guy there now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 09, 2019, 12:27:52 PM
Unchanged squad for the final test. Jesus fucking wept.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 12:33:49 PM
Unchanged squad for the final test. Jesus fucking wept.

in a way the worst decision with the series still to be drawn, and in a way it keeps the disease off anyone with potential.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 12:46:48 PM
Thats fucking mental.

Not a fan of Root as a captain but he’s basically had his hands tied from the beginning. He inherited a bunch of these batting problems from the Cook era along with a head coach who isn’t interested in test cricket, the whole system being geared towards winning the World Cup and selectors (Ed Smith) showing themselves not to be up to the job.

I’m not arguing that there’s not a huge rebuilding job to do, but for me, I don’t see how they can burn Root as a captain while moving forward as a team.

By persuading him that right now, he needs to focus on getting back to his best. Convince him, as they should, that he has the talent to be up there with Smith, Kohli and Williamson as he once was: remember 2014-16, when he was playing comfortably in all conditions against all attacks, finding fluency and flawless technique in every match? He looked just as good as those guys then: he undoubtedly has the technique but his head has gone thanks to captaincy and the increased ODI focus. The old Root would not have been bombed out the way he was in this series, he wouldn't have struggled and scraped his fifties the way he did here.

Captaining your country is obviously a huge honour and no, not an easy one to relinquish. But good managers and coaches would be able to show him that he is regarded as a key player whoever is captain, and it's the world-beating batsman that the team needs, not the wet blanket he has been as a leader.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 12:49:48 PM
LOSING PERCENTAGES OF THE ENGLAND TEST CAPTAINS OF MY LIFE
Alec Stewart 53.3%
Graham Gooch 35.2%
Michael Atherton 38.8%
Nasser Hussain 33.3%
Michael Vaughan 21.57%
Andrew Flintoff 63.6%
Andrew Strauss 22%
Kevin Pietersen 33.3%
Alastair Cook 37.29%
Joe Root 41.9%

Yes more cricket has a definite result and his winning percentage is also solid. But in tandem with the crash of not just his batting but LITERALLY EVERYONE'S I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 01:06:22 PM
I do like wasting time on Statsguru to make scathing points about England's weaknesses that will only be read by four people on a messageboard, two of whom will disagree with me anyway.

Today, for example, I have found that all of Jonny Bairstow's test centuries and half his fifties have come in the first innings when England have batted first. In other words, perhaps when the least scoreboard pressure is on and when the pitch is at its most docile.

Bairstow in the first innings of the match: 38 innings, 6 100s, 10 50s, average 52.00
Bairstow in the second, third or fourth innings of the match: 81 innings, 0 100s, 11 50s, average 27.78
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 09, 2019, 01:12:03 PM
I do like wasting time on Statsguru to make scathing points about England's weaknesses that will only be read by four people on a messageboard, two of whom will disagree with me anyway.

Today, for example, I have found that all of Jonny Bairstow's test centuries and half his fifties have come in the first innings when England have batted first. In other words, perhaps when the least scoreboard pressure is on and when the pitch is at its most docile.

Bairstow in the first innings of the match: 38 innings, 6 100s, 10 50s, average 52.00
Bairstow in the second, third or fourth innings of the match: 81 innings, 0 100s, 11 50s, average 27.78

Would the vast majority of those be as wicketkeeper? Maybe his batting capability is reduced after a long session of squatting and concentrating on his keeping.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 01:21:42 PM
further analysis of Bairstow's centuries

- 150 vs. SA. Made while Stokes was tonking it around. Eng made 629, SA declared on 627 in reply. VERDICT: road.
- 140 vs. SL. On home ground but the only centurion in a score of 298. Won by an innings. VERDICT: matchwinner.
- 167* vs. SL. Man of the match performance, taking team from 84/4 to 416. Match drawn. VERDICT: deserved better for effort.
- 119 vs. Aus. Supported Malan ably but Eng's 403 still saw them lose as Smith scored 239 and Mitch Marsh 181. VERDICT: good knock deserved more.
- 101 vs. NZ. top-scored in a teetering top order performance. Match drawn. VERDICT: kept us in it.
- 110 vs. SL. MOM, top scored, promoted to 3. VERDICT: matchwinner.

Was expecting them to be milky easy centuries but he has come good once a year.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 09, 2019, 01:26:08 PM
I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.

Don’t bother with the watch and smash him over the head with the tankard.

He’s genuinely an awful captain. His batting can still be saved and absolutely should be his main focus. I think most of the blame lies with Bayliss, Smith and the ECB. Joe’s not a good captain, it happens. He bravely gave it a go - failed miserably, so move on. But the whole test team has been lurching from one disaster to the next for years now and nothing gets done about, in fact it seems a point of principle to carry on in the same lackadaisical, brain dead manner. The amount of embarrassing batting collapses we’ve seen is criminal. Not just against good attacks either, we got bundled out for nothing by Ireland.

Seems like we just don’t identify the players who can potentially become test match batsmen anymore, all of our picks over the past few years have failed. Burns is doing okay and might make the grade but otherwise it’s been like cattle to the abattoir. I’m sure there’s still some potential test match players out there, batsmen with solid techniques and brain’s not riddled with AIDS. Until we get a top order capable of setting a platform for them our fabled ‘lower order batting strength’ is irrelevant anyway - if Bairstow, Buttler and the rest can even be called a strength based on recent displays.

Scour the counties, the academies and where ever else for solid top order batsmen and then work on helping them get their game to the required level. Spending the next three years trying to convert Jason Roy into Mike Atherton is doomed to failure.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: greenman on September 09, 2019, 01:38:12 PM
LOSING PERCENTAGES OF THE ENGLAND TEST CAPTAINS OF MY LIFE
Alec Stewart 53.3%
Graham Gooch 35.2%
Michael Atherton 38.8%
Nasser Hussain 33.3%
Michael Vaughan 21.57%
Andrew Flintoff 63.6%
Andrew Strauss 22%
Kevin Pietersen 33.3%
Alastair Cook 37.29%
Joe Root 41.9%

Yes more cricket has a definite result and his winning percentage is also solid. But in tandem with the crash of not just his batting but LITERALLY EVERYONE'S I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.

Honestly though how much of this is down to Root himself and how much a general shift in focus towards the one day game? England have arguably shifted from picking test players in one daye teams to picking one dayers in test teams.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 01:41:26 PM
I'd argue it's certainly more because of the ODI blindness, but Root's sogginess has been the final touch. One of the best players of his generation has been turned into David Brent.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 01:43:22 PM
Solid burial by George Dobell here.
https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27571263/england-not-good-think-are
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 09, 2019, 01:44:36 PM
Seems like we just don’t identify the players who can potentially become test match batsmen anymore, all of our picks over the past few years have failed. Burns is doing okay and might make the grade but otherwise it’s been like cattle to the abattoir. I’m sure there’s still some potential test match players out there, batsmen with solid techniques and brain’s not riddled with AIDS. Until we get a top order capable of setting a platform for them our fabled ‘lower order batting strength’ is irrelevant anyway - if Bairstow, Buttler and the rest can even be called a strength based on recent displays.

Scour the counties, the academies and where ever else for solid top order batsmen and then work on helping them get their game to the required level. Spending the next three years trying to convert Jason Roy into Mike Atherton is doomed to failure.

They found Hameed three years ago, then tried to turn him into a one-day player and now he works at Currys in Chorley.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 09, 2019, 01:50:27 PM
He was doing great until exposed to the England team. He did look good for that one match.

He should have been handled correctly and supported, then he might not be flogging phones.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 09, 2019, 03:30:17 PM
Ha ha straight in with an unchanged side for T5.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 09, 2019, 04:24:26 PM
Ha ha straight in with an unchanged side for T5.

Yeah it's great never mind that we have been the second best team in nearly every session of the series.

Perfect chance to shitcan the dross, and yes I am singling out Bairstow, Roy and Buttler whose approaches have demonstrably failed.

Pick patient tough backs to the wall players against such a good bowling attack, and that will provide the platform for Root and Stokes to play fluently.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 09, 2019, 05:45:29 PM
Interesting interview with Cook in the guardian where he states his belief that Australia ball tampered during the last Ashes series. Also says after a couple of post test beers Warner let slip that he’d ball tampered during a first class game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 09, 2019, 05:46:37 PM
Root's going to stay captain, so for the love of God put him back to number 4. The logic that had him moving to number 3 doesn't really seem to make sense when the whole top 3 has been so unsettled anyway, Root does seem to have been effected by the order, whereas the rest of them, it doesn't seem to matter anyway.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 09, 2019, 05:52:45 PM
Interesting interview with Cook in the guardian where he states his belief that Australia ball tampered during the last Ashes series. Also says after a couple of post test beers Warner let slip that he’d ball tampered during a first class game.

Oh yeah that whole SA tour definitely cast a whole shadow over the whole 'leadership group'. I believe they were cheating at every possible opportunity especially in their most important test series when they were wanging a famously dead ball around corners!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on September 10, 2019, 10:17:45 AM
Legend Sir Geoffrey https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49639222
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 10, 2019, 10:48:19 AM
Legend Sir Geoffrey https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49639222

As I read down the list Sir Geoffrey's boyhood nearly seems the least egregious of the lot (well at least half). A debate for elsewhere but May's opposition party saboteur John Mann also being offered some sort of qualified peerage. Yuck.
 
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 10, 2019, 11:18:38 AM
https://twitter.com/sturdyAlex/status/1171331525373308934

And he voted Leave because he was convicted of domestic abuse in France when he reckons he wouldn't have been in England (?)

It's literally the 'bring back our plucky paedophiles' from the Armando Iannucci Show
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 10, 2019, 04:49:25 PM
Kevin Pietersen has been slagging off Jack Leach.

How fucking dare he criticise OUR bald speccy paedophile? The fucking cunt. I'll kill him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 10, 2019, 05:41:51 PM
I think I speak on behalf of the forum when I say I’d take a fucking bullet for that fucking slaphead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 10, 2019, 05:53:25 PM
just read the piece - https://blog.betway.com/cricket/kevin-pietersen-betway-blog-fourth-and-fifth-ashes-tests/ - I think he's more worried that people are treating him in this jokey club cricketer way and that maybe he lets that happen when he could/should be taking wickets. Leach hasn't quite performed with the ball (averages 30 so not awful either) but he's not really the guy who you should be blaming.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 10, 2019, 06:54:42 PM
As much as I’m loathe to admit it I actually agree with pretty much everything KP says there. I also found that whole “reenacting the run” thing odd at the time and ripe for it to come back and haunt old leachy boy, as it did when Smith decided to reenact his no ball after Old Trafford.

Anyway announcing exactly the same squad for the last test makes me wonder why I bother wasting my time following this absolute shower of sexual offenders. Every time I hear Joe Root “taking a lot of positives” out of anything other than a prescription of PrEP I wanna kick a fucking window in. Anyway I’ll be there at the radio for the first ball like the stupid cunt I am.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 10, 2019, 07:24:47 PM
Still the best threaded of the year. Bravo today all concerned. I really feel like we've been a part of something here, in the same way that the England team have all shared in an immunodeficient en masse transfusion fuckdown.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 10, 2019, 07:35:32 PM
I honestly think we'll get blown away inside 3 days in the final game. They might rest one of their guns but still they've got the good Patto. Warner century. England are still mentally on the canvas and the guy attempting to light a fire under them looks like a Boys Brigadeer trying to find a drunk girl to finger at an indie night.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 10, 2019, 09:12:31 PM
England should get properly hammered in the final test. I’ll be TMSing it to fuck and back though, like a stupid cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 10, 2019, 09:14:08 PM
It's okay now I want us to get destroyed. I don't want a crack-papering win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 11, 2019, 06:16:50 PM
Roy & Overton out
Woakes & Curran in

Guess Stokes at 4 as batsman?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 11, 2019, 10:53:51 PM
Quote
Joe Root said the planning for England’s next Ashes tour to Australia begins right away, after dropping Jason Roy for Thursday’s fifth Test and telling others they are playing for their futures

Telling OTHERS they're playing for their future?! Fucking brass neck on this guy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 09:15:37 AM
listening to Root on the TMS preview, he sounds like he's gone full Kurtz
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 12, 2019, 09:36:32 AM
England team for today:

1 Nonce
2 Paedo
3 Fiddler
4 Savile
5 Short Eyes
6 S. B. Regarder
7 A. I. D. Syphilis
8 KING FUCKING JOFRA
9 Gadd
10 Leach
11 H.R.H. Prince Andrew
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 09:40:02 AM
Sibley, Pope, Northeast, Livingstone and Hain have all made 50s in the latest round of Championship games.

Jason Roy is reportedly not going to play any more cricket this season.

Wonder who'll be going to New Zealand?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 10:24:31 AM
Please win the toss, Joe

Can't bear the thought of Australia batting first and Smith still being there 42,858* on Monday afternoon
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 12, 2019, 10:31:02 AM
At least if we win the toss he won’t be in until mid-afternoon.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 10:34:20 AM
Aus win and bowl. Interesting call. They want to get it over with quickly and get on the booze I assume.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 11:16:39 AM
Found a way to watch it on my phone at work lol

I wish Sky would display how many overs have been bowled

Burns you nob
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 11:18:08 AM
Oh well, saved again
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 12, 2019, 11:19:59 AM
I don’t think England have done enough in this series to deserve referrals, maybe in the future.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 11:24:12 AM
Denly poking and prodding like a 13 year old boy let loose on a resigned and disappointed girlfriend
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 11:24:28 AM
The only time Denly has ever middled a ball in a test match and he actually tried to leave it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 11:36:31 AM
Both openers over 10 runs without loss! Incredible stuff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 11:37:28 AM
This is weird
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 11:40:16 AM
It was never going to last
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 11:41:00 AM
haa
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 11:41:07 AM
It was never going to last

Much like Denly's test career
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 11:42:15 AM
Ahh that's more like it

Root for 0 now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 11:42:20 AM
Here Lies Oh No Joe
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 12, 2019, 11:42:57 AM
'Mr Denly? This is Operation Ore...'
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 12, 2019, 11:59:36 AM
Denly’s appetite for explicit images of children is quite something. You almost have to give the guy credit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 12:00:49 PM
Better than the Aussie openers though. Let's not forget how shit they are at batting without Smith.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 12:07:24 PM
Yeah true. If we can take nothing else from this series, at least there should be a compilation of Warner batting like a twat
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 12:45:03 PM
Oh dear Poider, bad drop there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 01:13:55 PM
In real terms that's Root out for 24 and a duck
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 12, 2019, 01:19:38 PM
Post lunch dysentery from the AIDS paeds

Odds on, bang a grand on it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 01:22:25 PM
Steve Smith if he gets dropped off a dolly when on 24: passes Tendulkar by close, passes Alpha Centauri by tea on third day
Joe Root if he gets dropped off a dolly when on 24: lobs one to mid-off on 37 at about 14:22 today
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 02:16:53 PM
Burnsy lad, what were you thinking
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 02:40:16 PM
Burnsy lad, what were you thinking

TMS were not only saying how good he looks but that commentators curse was rubbish just before he got out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 02:49:45 PM
Stokes you dild
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 12, 2019, 02:59:57 PM
🎼Well I can dance with ya honey
       If ya think it’s funny
       But does your mother know that you’re out?
🎼

Stokes back in the sheds for 20.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 03:43:18 PM
TEA with only 3 down?!

???
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 03:51:59 PM
Stokes needs to watch himself. We're willing to turn a bit of a blind eye because of past services, but there's  limits.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 04:19:39 PM
FFS. Root drying up and getting out when well-set once again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 12, 2019, 04:21:49 PM
What do we reckon, ~230?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 04:22:22 PM
So 24, 1, 5 and 27 for Root
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 12, 2019, 04:36:55 PM
He’s gone completely mentally ill. Take him out the back and shoot him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 04:38:13 PM
Jonny Bairstow can fuck off. Seriously. No way whatsoever he should be going on tour this winter. He is actually shit at cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 04:42:48 PM
Pathetic, ulcerated scrota. I hope they get fucking blammed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 04:43:08 PM
Haha Curran, second ball BOSH
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 04:44:01 PM
HAHA 4th ball OUT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 04:44:38 PM
Fully back on the ward now lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 04:45:29 PM
No ball beeereeeeehhhh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 04:50:23 PM
threw my earphones out in disgust at that Curran wicket. some mild bleeding stemmed. had my prostate checked earlier and thought things could only get better.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 05:01:40 PM
WELL YOU CAN THROW THEM OUT AGAIN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 05:04:55 PM
Mitchmarsh test bowling average 44. England getting bowled out by Darren Maddy here.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 05:06:34 PM
Fuckin ell he's taken THREE wickets?!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 05:10:12 PM
Fuckin ell he's taken THREE wickets?!

no mate. four.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 05:11:29 PM
JeSUS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 05:12:30 PM
https://youtu.be/M64u7i_EemM
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 12, 2019, 05:12:39 PM
Roll up Roll up, play against England and get career best figures - double hundreds? You'll get em! 5 test wickets? No problem!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 05:13:50 PM
plenty of time for Smith to beat that Bradman record now. Go for the world record, fuck it. Rub it in.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 12, 2019, 05:14:41 PM
Can we just abandon the game now? We get it, England are an absolute shower. No need to waste three more days on them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 12, 2019, 05:16:08 PM
Mitchmarsh test bowling average 44. England getting bowled out by Darren Maddy here.

Looks well set up for a Dedee Pfeiffer
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 12, 2019, 05:19:33 PM
Evening ladies, forgot this was on. England 300 all out not bad i reckon
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 05:23:39 PM
Bad is good. We need a new team.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 05:35:20 PM
hate watching Jos sputter along like this
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 05:45:02 PM
alright here we go!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 12, 2019, 05:56:29 PM
Well it looks as if Marsh isn't quite Alicia Witt enough in his bid to get a Dedee Pfeiffer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 05:57:32 PM
briefly flipped radio over to hear Lancashire secure promotion by beating Derbyshire by an innings and we didn't lose a wicket in the meantime. perhaps this summer just turned a corner.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 12, 2019, 05:59:43 PM
Come on the boys!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 12, 2019, 06:00:49 PM
‘Kinell, Michael Vaughan’s amusingly named chicken anecdote. These are dark days for English cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 06:04:47 PM
‘Kinell, Michael Vaughan’s amusingly named chicken anecdote. These are dark days for English cricket.

that was really pathetic radio. he's done the animal naming bit twice today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 12, 2019, 06:06:47 PM
‘Kinell, Michael Vaughan’s amusingly named chicken anecdote. These are dark days for English cricket.

VaughnyLOLoBants3000@hotmail.com
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 12, 2019, 06:33:00 PM
82 overs on a day without rain. Absolutely PATHETIC.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 12, 2019, 06:47:18 PM
Got an exponential stiffy off Jos' hooked six. Just another fifty of them and we're in this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 12, 2019, 06:47:48 PM
Don't know what anbody is complaining about. Couldn't even get us out after a whole day! Still 2 left. Incredible resilience!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 12, 2019, 06:48:27 PM
Buttler to SIX Smith in his cuntsucking face, even though Smith is the other side of 2 walls at the time

Smith has to recall Khawaja and Head to be his brain damage substitutes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 12, 2019, 07:20:45 PM
As per usual, one half decent top order partnership, collapse, then scrape to 300. And that's when things go well.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 10:13:03 AM
just seen lanky Barbadian nurdler Kraigg Braithwaite getting into his car outside where I work.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 10:23:50 AM
What is it with you and Kraigg Braithwaite. Why don't you just marry the cunt?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 10:25:19 AM
the last time I saw a cricketer in that exact same spot (it's the hotel where away teams stay) it was Haseeb Hameed. Hope Kraigg doesn't meet the same fate.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 13, 2019, 10:55:05 AM
Congrats to Joe Denly, who became a father last night (Stevetta, his daughter is called. Stevetta?!?).

Now will he take paternity leave allowing England to field a substitute batsman in the second inning?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 10:59:01 AM
No need for paternity leave, he's not allowed near kids.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 11:00:37 AM
Congrats to Joe Denly, who became a father last night (Stevetta, his daughter is called. Stevetta?!?).

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:03:09 AM
Stevetta! For real?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 11:04:32 AM
Stevetta! For real?

yeah that is really the name that he called his baby girl, I didn't realise the illness went into the brain
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:06:46 AM
He shouldn't be allowed in the team for that, if nothing else.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:08:43 AM
Leach desperate for the strike here, the balls on this guy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:11:58 AM
Jos is still a nailed-on selection for me. I love him. We just need a top order that can give him the stage to go properly apeshit in tests.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:18:56 AM
Jos!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:20:33 AM
Hmm, bit of a hoick
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:21:12 AM
Drop him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:22:26 AM
5-fer for Woakes. Calling it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:23:48 AM
How have I only just noticed that Broad bats left-handed and bowls right-handed?!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:25:27 AM
Limp as fuck.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 11:26:34 AM
Why aren't these people in prison, where they belong?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:27:10 AM
Oh well, could be a good total

ha ha

ha
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 13, 2019, 11:29:08 AM
Mitchell Marsh

Five wickets

Five wickets for Mitchell Marsh

The England cricket team

Five wickets for Mitchell Marsh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 13, 2019, 11:30:52 AM
Mitchell Marsh

Five wickets

Five wickets for Mitchell Marsh

The England cricket team

Five wickets for Mitchell Marsh

He's not going to be that pleased, is he?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 11:31:01 AM
How have I only just noticed that Broad bats left-handed and bowls right-handed?!

I do that. Think it means right dominant as your left hand is just relegated to steering. I was about as wank as post-brainball Broad at batting too.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:32:51 AM
Mmm, my dad writes left-handed but plays guitar and swings rackets/bats with his right
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 11:33:32 AM
Mmm, my dad writes left-handed but plays guitar and swings rackets/bats with his right

Me too.

Yes. I am your father.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:34:16 AM
:(
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:36:14 AM
Watch Woakes now. I think he's gonna take all 10.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 11:38:42 AM
Every time Vaughny talks about anything not cricket its fucking excruciating.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:40:27 AM
Watch Woakes now. I think he's gonna take all 10.

Watch Root fail to give him the ball
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 11:44:41 AM
LOL Warner.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 11:46:13 AM
Haha! Looked a shocking review, seemed to be clear daylight between bat and ball there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 13, 2019, 11:49:18 AM
Warner definitely doing his best to offset Smith's run footprint.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 11:50:12 AM
Mate.

Warner.

Mate.

No.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Norton Canes on September 13, 2019, 11:50:44 AM
Ultra Edge picked something up. Maybe he did a tiny fart as he was lunging for the ball.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 12:05:23 PM
the Archer Express is fired up. hope it doesn't get waylaid in Smith Parkway.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:06:22 PM
Archer being a massive LAD again, as usual
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:08:07 PM
Smith and Labuschagne in to bat for 50 million hours
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 13, 2019, 12:08:37 PM
Two wickets down with a mere 14 runs haha.

Labuschagne and Smith now in. Oh, ok. Will come back after tea to see if a wicket will fall by then.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 12:13:53 PM
BAT AND BALL KING ARISE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 12:15:07 PM
270-2 close of play
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 12:25:04 PM
one of these two will drop before 50.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:37:27 PM
Curran bowling quite nicely to Smith here
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 12:39:13 PM
Woakes blowing on his nails as Archer goes into the 13th over
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:39:46 PM
Curran bowling quite nicely to Smith here

So saying he wangs out a shitty wide full toss and gets punted for four
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 12:45:22 PM
is that another drop of Labuschagne? book him in for dinner.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 12:49:47 PM
oof, Woakes bowling turboshit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:55:19 PM
Curran causing Smith all sorts of issues on the other hand
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 12:57:55 PM
My god Strauss is bald. Always surprises me just how bald he is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 13, 2019, 01:11:49 PM
Quote
Azweer: "Whom do you feel is the Man-of-the-Series..!! Mine is not Steven Smith... It's Jack Leach... Anyone else???" He's the people's choice. But the people are usually wrong when asked to make big decisions .

Cricinfo getting all political there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 01:56:13 PM
Collective CJD when it comes to creep-o-cheat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: ersatz99 on September 13, 2019, 02:24:23 PM
Smith looks the sort to be consumed with Peter's Mad Thoughts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 02:35:22 PM
Bloody lad Archer, wallop
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 02:57:03 PM
Bowling figures for Archer are so much better than the others it's embarrassing.

3 wickets for him, 0 for the other 3.
6 maidens for him, 5 for the other 3 put together.

We have missed Anderson, tbh he would have done much better than Woakes.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 03:14:33 PM
Wade. Kind of sounds a bit like...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 03:40:51 PM
YES! SMITH GONE!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:06:53 PM
Nicely poised in regular circumstances but I can see Smith big-dogging Mitch Marsh to a 50.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:09:30 PM
Since Smith was banned, the second highest run scorer for Australia is Smith.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 04:23:02 PM
Argh, thought that was Smith out, rather than Marsh.

Archer still slaying the rest
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:27:52 PM
20 for Archer now. Guy is god. He could piss on my brother at Christmas and he'd be fine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 04:29:00 PM
FINALLY! ABOUT TIME! GONE!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 04:31:25 PM
Urgh Root drops Smith

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:31:38 PM
Oooofffffff nearly
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:32:13 PM
Oh god it was a full on drop wasn't it.

Bell end.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:34:12 PM
I literally cannot believe that. Root has been abysmal. I know he scored 57 but it was really 57/4.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:34:35 PM
What would Smith's series average be if England had actually held on to some catches?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 04:35:45 PM
What would Smith's series average be if England had actually held on to some catches?

Only 74,000
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:42:55 PM
What would Smith's series average be if England had actually held on to some catches?

both his centuries in the first test were famously chanceless so 144 & 142

4th test not only was he done by a no ball on 118, Archer dropped him on 65
5th test dropped on 66

so still good but it might have swung one game
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:43:47 PM
Mmmm
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:46:55 PM
get in Curran. absolute shocker that he wasn't in this series when it was more alive.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:47:47 PM
Ha my stream must be a bit behind.

Yeah thought he's bowled well today
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:49:35 PM
he's a little battler, sometimes you have to think "what would an Australian least like to face" and in a toss-up between the elegant nice guy Woakes and the guy who got into cricket to stop him doing knock-a-door run Curran there's no choice.

GET IN AGAIN CURRAN (review pending)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:50:28 PM
Legend Curran
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 04:50:38 PM
Love Curran the feral little shit
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 04:51:34 PM
He's been absolutely hammering the stumps all day, relentless
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 13, 2019, 04:51:46 PM
Every cunt in England had Curran in their test side from the off. Every cunt bar Root and the selectors.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 13, 2019, 04:52:09 PM
get in Curran. absolute shocker that he wasn't in this series when it was more alive.

Nah the selectors were totally justified going with Roy and Overton ahead of him. Totally.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 04:54:29 PM
Every cunt in England had Curran in their test side from the off. Every cunt bar Root and the selectors.

Well I think most started with Anderson/Broad/Archer/Stokes with Woakes coming in and Curran next and depending on form and injury.

Overton's selection was totally baffling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 13, 2019, 04:55:12 PM
Ed Smith should pelted with all the shite in Kent.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 04:58:11 PM
I might have gone with him ahead of Leach to be honest. Not on every deck.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 05:10:57 PM
Curran's going to run out of puff with all these appeals
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 13, 2019, 05:23:38 PM
This is why I wanted us to play Curran before. Technically he's too young to be a paedophile
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 13, 2019, 05:26:34 PM
WOAKES HAS SMITH ON TOAST
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 13, 2019, 05:27:22 PM
CUZZA CHAMP
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 13, 2019, 05:27:42 PM
Oh my game on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 13, 2019, 05:28:32 PM
Smith been spending too much time around the peads cos he bats too much. Noncemosis.


Ultimate long con from peads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 13, 2019, 05:28:58 PM
He's still pissed off his tits after Old Trafford.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Moonshine on September 13, 2019, 05:29:56 PM
Was tipped off about Langer's random laptop searches and needed to get back in the shed sharpish
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 13, 2019, 05:43:54 PM
Conceding too many runs now. Fucked it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 13, 2019, 05:52:43 PM
Fuckinhh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 13, 2019, 05:53:09 PM
Put your glasses on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 13, 2019, 05:56:25 PM
Was enjoying SPIDERCHAT on TMS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 06:01:21 PM
Archer with some beautiful shade noncery there, couldn't have bowled that better if he molested some altar boys in a layby
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 06:02:30 PM
Another fucking Root drop as he slides into the HiV AIDS trans
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 13, 2019, 06:03:26 PM
Eng to lose 3 in 20 balls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 06:03:53 PM
ARCHER

IS

GOD

*nice catch by Burns victim.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 06:05:33 PM
Old England would have piled on the hurt, probs all out for 110
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 13, 2019, 06:36:16 PM
Eng wobbling. Like the buttocks of an overfed boy.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2019, 09:29:59 PM
Hard to see what lows England will have to plummet to not at least have a fighting chance of winning this test.

Anyone know what the hell Paine was doing at the toss!
?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 09:51:51 PM
Who knows. Apart from Smith no one seems to know what the hell they're doing out there this whole series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 13, 2019, 09:58:21 PM
Paine is captain in name only, so maybe they told him he was allowed to choose once the Ashes were safe.

And he chose....unwisely.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 14, 2019, 09:01:56 AM
Wow that Burns catch - take of the summer?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 14, 2019, 09:24:00 AM
I've said it once before but take out Smith and double the score of the next highest scoring Aus and England would have cunted the Ashes. Even now, we probably should have won because of the rained off Test. Had Anderson not been sent to a rehabilitation facility after four overs and we played another bowler in the first Test, we might never have contracted anything irreversible. Curran for Bairstin Boys and we'd have taken these third world dogshit eating wackos out the back and skulled them into C19.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 14, 2019, 10:01:14 AM
2-2 will be pointless though because absolutely nothing will change. A 0-5 drubbing might have sorted something out. I know there’s no known cure for what we have but you can manage your symptoms and live a fairly normal life these days. Unless Burns starts sharing needles with the rest of the lads surely he’s now nailed on as the next captain when Root eventually goes the same way as Freddie?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 11:21:00 AM
Point is we've played shit, but might have got away with it if it hadn't have been for some bad luck, and against anyone else we very well might have anyway, and there probably will be a focus on improving our test batting after this... also Archer and Curran are young and will hopefully just get better.

So in spite of so much aids this series, things will hopefully improve.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 11:52:27 AM
50-run opening partnership. These are the glory days lads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 14, 2019, 11:53:26 AM
Nice platform for Jos to go for the quickest ever test half century
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 11:55:06 AM
Flew too close to the sun.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 11:55:30 AM
Collapse starts here
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 14, 2019, 12:01:12 PM
We’ll find a way to lose this test. It’s the only thing we’re genuinely good at.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 12:05:10 PM
Root and Wade having a bit of verbals. Wade no doubt unimpressed by Joe’s unhealthy interest in a underaged niece or cousin.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 12:13:19 PM
Australia reprimanded by the umpires for going over the top with their sledging.

In today’s other major story, bear dung discovered in forest.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 02:13:28 PM
Denly’s already sick of sleepless nights and nappy changes so he’s playing out of his skin to seal his place on the winter tour.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 02:44:35 PM
To be honest if Paine wasn't so bad at reviews, Australia would have this series 5-0
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 14, 2019, 02:52:19 PM
In Rakim Cornwall news the big fella smacked 75 off 30 balls in a CPL t20.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on September 14, 2019, 03:07:33 PM
Following the game via BBC Sport and noticed Stephan Shemilt and Amy Lofthouse have reporting roles which essentially is to provide online whimsy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 14, 2019, 03:37:28 PM
Pissed
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 03:38:26 PM
Denly’s going to be stinking out our team for another couple of years on the back of this isn’t he?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 03:42:13 PM
Yes, I was just going to say, this has been Australia's plan.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 14, 2019, 04:09:44 PM
I don't know what to do with myself, bored
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 04:27:23 PM
Strong position in this game now, feels weird dad

What

Feels weird daddio
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 04:33:15 PM
Denly wisely getting out, don't want anyone accidentally thinking he is any good.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 04:41:07 PM
‘Ashes century scorer’ would make him sound far better than he actually is.

Nothing against him, good lad no doubt but we should be aiming higher. The time wasted keeping him in the team would be better spent on blooding a talented youngster with a higher potential ceiling.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 04:43:22 PM
Problem is, the more we score, the more whatever we set for Australia seems obtainable. A good Smith and Labuschnge partnership is all it'll take to break the highest 4th innings run chase.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 04:44:45 PM
Siddle going to pieces here. Finally time for Buttler to go full Barnes Wallace?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 14, 2019, 04:48:37 PM
Time for Jos to show that he is attracted to and regularly beasts the best MILFs around.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 04:52:19 PM
Yeah Buttler really needs to prove he fucks and fancies HiV negative adults with pubes
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 04:53:29 PM
First time Buttler’s actually been able to do what he’s there for, come in with a good lead established and the opportunity to go Mesopotamian on the Aussie bowlers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 04:54:03 PM
Still don't get Starc being dropped and Paine not batting first. Cheers for that guys.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 14, 2019, 04:59:47 PM
Johnny Paedow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 14, 2019, 05:00:42 PM
Fuck off Bairstow

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 05:02:33 PM
Yet another failure for Bairstow.

First name on the teamsheet in NZ isn’t he?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:00:04 PM
Cummins looks fucking knackered. Keep batting until after lunch tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:06:28 PM
No point in Bairstow, is there. Buttler can keep.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:13:03 PM
Oh Woaksey lad
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 06:14:26 PM
Woakes has gone full Broad with the bat. Used to be so solid too.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:15:04 PM
BUTTLER!!!!!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 06:15:45 PM
That was really stupid, Buttler. Loads of time left, no need to go nutty when you’re in with the tail.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 14, 2019, 06:16:18 PM
You just know those two catches wili now inspire Australia to a crushing victory.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:16:51 PM
Didn't need loads of quick runs nor nothing, just time, take time, dildo
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 06:17:43 PM
Leach to grind them down with a 12 off 300 balls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 14, 2019, 06:54:20 PM
What the fuck am I gonna do when this test finishes? No more cricket, may as well kill myself. I’ve loved this thread lads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 14, 2019, 07:06:36 PM
surprisingly good knocks today, christ. i might cancel the guillotine. not for Bairstow though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 14, 2019, 07:09:44 PM
head to 2.19 to see some Rakheem Cornwall explosions in a MOM performance for St Lucia in the CPL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u64VM5jpxaY
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 14, 2019, 07:15:47 PM
What the fuck am I gonna do when this test finishes? No more cricket, may as well kill myself. I’ve loved this thread lads.

Amen, superb performance mate. See you down the old Japanese suicide forest.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2019, 07:22:35 PM
Well New Zealand in November won't be that far away, but it won't be the same with their stupid timezones. They need to sort that out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 07:37:48 PM
head to 2.19 to see some Rakheem Cornwall explosions in a MOM performance for St Lucia in the CPL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u64VM5jpxaY

My god he's magnificent. It hardly seems fair.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 14, 2019, 08:08:18 PM
What the fuck am I gonna do when this test finishes?


Rugby World Cup Skype wanx
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 14, 2019, 08:18:09 PM
You fucking wash your cunt mouth out. Rugby union world cup? Fuck off back to Eton, Boris Johnson.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 14, 2019, 09:24:01 PM
Hah. Sorry, Welsh - that argument just doesn’t apply!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 14, 2019, 09:29:06 PM
Fair enough, I'll let you off.

This time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 14, 2019, 09:34:10 PM
I’d just like to apologise for my lack of recent contribution. I think being at Old Trafford led to me catching AIDS and I also let some of the England players use my laptop which has led to some police questioning.

I’d have taken 2-2 at the start of the series. No ashes but they haven’t won here since 2001 and that would be a cunt of a record to lose.

Feel like Smith might still score 250 though, breaking Bradman’s record whilst single handedly leading Australia to victory in England.

Should know by close of play tomorrow where this is headed. 300-4 or all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2019, 10:25:13 PM
Smith to get a duck, you heard it here first!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 14, 2019, 11:20:54 PM
Warner to score 800
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 14, 2019, 11:42:48 PM
Warner is a hands down, uncle-you-never-invite-because-you- know definite paed.

I hope Broad destroys his life today,
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 09:58:31 AM
10-fer Leachy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 15, 2019, 11:07:36 AM
One thing about Jofra Archer, he’s been absolute guff with the bat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 11:10:00 AM
He just needed to hang around whilst Leachy flailed them to all parts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 11:19:43 AM
Wouldn't be surprised if those 2 sixes turn out to be absolutely crucial.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 11:21:06 AM
Aggers going mental forgetting if runs on a caught ball count there.

To be honest I'm furious we haven't set a total of over 400
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 11:29:31 AM
Wouldn't be surprised if those 2 sixes turn out to be absolutely crucial.

Hah yeah was thinking that
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 11:33:31 AM
One more hilarious failure pls Dave
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 11:52:38 AM
Come on, Warner might actually kill himself in shame if we can keep him from getting too many more.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 11:53:44 AM
I think we all know that man feels no shame.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 15, 2019, 12:00:22 PM
Eat Broad's shit, Warner!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 12:00:39 PM
HAHA YES! Stab yourself right now with the stumps!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 12:00:42 PM
END OF DAVE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 12:02:02 PM
Why not just have Smith and Labuschagne as openers?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 12:03:32 PM
See you in 5 hours when we get Labuschange out
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 12:08:18 PM
7 for 35 for Broad against Warner. Just beautiful.

Fucking hell it would be good to keep that cunt from ever being part of an Ashes winning team in England.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 12:09:40 PM
Anyway now the aids begins. Would take getting at least one of these two milf fuckers out before tea.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 12:10:00 PM
Jack Leach officially better at batting than Warner.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 12:22:39 PM
Jack Leach officially better at batting than Warner.
Bald fuck needs to bowl us to victory though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 15, 2019, 12:25:24 PM
Can we just get this twat out cheap for once? Nobody’s technique can cover every dodgy bounce or extra movement, he has to get a grubber sooner or later.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 12:44:20 PM
Slaphead coming hard at them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 12:49:48 PM
Hahaha Warner's series.

Like whoever's head Vinnie Jones was crushing in that car door.

Safe flight back to the committed family man
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 12:58:18 PM
Warner to score 800

The ghast of misery is buried under the pile of Warner's voided bowels.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 01:43:03 PM
Archer to extend Smith's tour of England with a 4 week stay in intensive care.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 01:58:52 PM
I'd quite like to see this mouthy twat Wade get his brain case obliterated.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 01:59:44 PM
Broad's got it going mental
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 02:06:29 PM
Game over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 02:06:57 PM
Yeeeeeeeessssss fucking yessssssssssss
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 02:07:37 PM
HE'S GORRIM
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 02:07:55 PM
Fair play to him though he’s been a joy to wa...

Haha fuck off
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 02:08:26 PM
Stokesy lad great catch boy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 02:10:42 PM
Warner averaging 10 for the series and Smith out for 23 to leave Australia staring down the barrel of no series win in England for 23 years.

If so, then Cheers Tim Paine, grateful for the assistance, true sportsmanship from the committed family men, New Australia
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 15, 2019, 02:14:09 PM
I'd quite like to see this mouthy twat Wade get his brain case obliterated.

A lot of sledging and ”banter” stays on the field and you get the impression the players will have a drink and a laugh together after the game and get on well.

But you also get the impression that everyone hates David Warner and Matthew Wade.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 02:15:25 PM
I remember Wade being a weedy gobshite last time around but now he has been to the gym, yet not in the personality.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 02:17:10 PM
MEIN FUHRER I CAN BOWL
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 02:28:57 PM
Poor old Woaksey.

It's not likely to matter but still.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on September 15, 2019, 02:30:08 PM
A lot of sledging and ”banter” stays on the field and you get the impression the players will have a drink and a laugh together after the game and get on well.

But you also get the impression that everyone hates David Warner and Matthew Wade.


Gary I doubt is that popular the bald mouthy cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 02:30:39 PM
woakes ya daft cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 02:36:27 PM
I still don’t understand this reverse stump cam that gives us a permanent close up of Johnny Bairstow’s bollocks.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 15, 2019, 02:39:43 PM
Wadey windpipe ball when

Gazza pead reg when
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 15, 2019, 02:40:15 PM

Gary I doubt is that popular the bald mouthy cunt.

I imagine they put up with him because they understand he’s just being gobby to compensate for his baldness.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 02:49:27 PM
Aww yes Gazza, that’s noice Gary, lovely Gary, bowling mate, yes Gary, bowling Gazza.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 15, 2019, 02:53:04 PM
Can't wait for Paine to be sacked. Hate his voice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 03:01:26 PM
I’ve watched a lot of cricket and I know that it’s absolutely fucking ridiculous to even be slightly worried when they are 130-4 with their best two batsmen out.

And yet...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 03:02:41 PM
Yeah not good sonics for the Committed Family Men.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 03:03:24 PM
still feels like a matter of time for me, though drops and no ball catches are a ballache. would like this wrapped up by 5pm.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 03:03:45 PM
Tons for these two would leave 150 for Paine and the tail to get. Both combined, extremely unlikely. Enough chances being created.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 15, 2019, 03:09:14 PM
Lets have some split boxes. Penis music.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 03:25:54 PM
Thanks for that curse, Maxwell, I think he knows we'd all rather get this over with tonight.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 03:27:18 PM
Root - a divinely inspired captain
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 03:27:28 PM
From side on Leachy looks quite like the stereotypical Jew in a Nazi propaganda film.

Marsh out, clumsy fool that he is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 15, 2019, 03:28:32 PM
Hope this goes on til tomorrow, want something to get me through Monday
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 03:39:59 PM
Putting £1000 on Australia winning this
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 15, 2019, 04:16:16 PM
As much as TMS etc like to ignore all but Ashes cricket when is Pakistan’s next opportunity to hang, draw and quarter England on moderately turning tracks? Always a favourite series.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 04:20:05 PM
Pissed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 15, 2019, 04:21:17 PM
Agnew and racist dog names.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 04:25:16 PM
“I’ll be going home to Lincolnshire of course. Be good to see Emma again, the horses and that lovely old boy Rodney King...”
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 04:31:45 PM
As much as TMS etc like to ignore all but Ashes cricket when is Pakistan’s next opportunity to hang, draw and quarter England on moderately turning tracks? Always a favourite series.

next summer
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 04:34:49 PM
Hate this boil Wade more than Smith
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 04:35:37 PM
gone a bit flat hasn't it? not bowling like a team about to snatch a heroic draw.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 04:37:55 PM
Getting quite worried now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 04:39:45 PM
Paine’s reviewed it. Must be out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 04:40:57 PM
Phew. Was genuinely unable to piss until that went down.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 04:43:35 PM
Yee haw

Well, even if Wade adds 100 to his score that still leaves the tail needing to get 25 each.

Unlikely
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 04:44:37 PM
Archer needs to start killing people now
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 04:47:23 PM
Getting quite worried now.
I’m taking credit for that one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on September 15, 2019, 04:48:43 PM
Beam Cummins knackers out through his anus.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 05:00:51 PM
haha love it Archer get stuck into the cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:12:40 PM
Wade won that battle.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:13:17 PM
Fucking hell this will be brutal to lose. Forgot what losing the ashes at home feels like but even the thought of it is gut wrenching.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 05:13:33 PM
He needs to eff off sharpish
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:28:29 PM
Question is whether Wade is capable of doing what Stokes did. If smith was there I’d be shitting it.

I still am but I at least know that I shouldn’t be as I can’t ever remember seeing England lose from this sort of position and the only time I’ve seen any team lose from this sort of position was two tests ago.

I’m going to nuke Australia if we lose this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:32:32 PM
New ball will cunt them, just get through the old ball without too much damage and we are fine.

I don’t know why I’m absolutely fucking terrified because there’s no need to be.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 05:32:54 PM
Wade still needs 200 pretty much given what's left of the batting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 15, 2019, 05:36:40 PM
England have fucked it I reckon.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:38:16 PM
Logically I know we have this in the bag. But my emotions aren’t listening to that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 05:40:20 PM
Should have actually put that £1000 on Australia
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 05:45:26 PM
Never in doubt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 05:49:52 PM
And that's why you don't burn your reviews guys
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 05:59:54 PM
How does Leach know where he’s bowling without glasses put the glasses on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 06:02:00 PM
Thank fuck
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:02:35 PM
Hahahahaha fuck off you gobby cunt, no away ashes win for you lad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 06:03:58 PM
Keep Root in squad as bowler
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:05:21 PM
Fuck off and stick your pointless 100 up your arse, you cunt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:06:26 PM
Fuck off and stick your pointless 100 up your arse, you cunt
Difference between him and Stokes with how they celebrated their centuries was job done for Wade but meaningless for Stokes at that point.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:06:46 PM
Keep Root in squad as bowler

Root in as a tail-ender and Leach in at no.3
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 15, 2019, 06:07:18 PM
Still waiting for a sniper to take out ten of the England team. Root can live, it’s crueller on his family. The nitwits.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 15, 2019, 06:07:37 PM
W-aids
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 06:07:44 PM
Hope Gary hangs on until the new ball and Jofra gets the chance to end his career (and life).
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 06:11:33 PM
Right fuck off back down under you bunch of aids riddled cheating cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:11:38 PM
Never in doubt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:12:23 PM
Seriously though, I was still nervous 10 minutes ago.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 06:12:43 PM
Weeyyy you bald bastard
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 06:13:14 PM
Hollow victory in a way but stopping them from winning outright is nice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 06:15:17 PM
Yeah much better than NOT winning and going down 2-1
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 06:20:23 PM
Warner averaging less than Leach in the series lol
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:24:47 PM
We would have won at Lords, so actually, in real terms we won. Fuck all this "Australia played better over the series shite" we won 2, they won 2 and one was 75% rain.
They get to hold onto a shit urn, because they won in Australia last time because the ground staff  there actually create conditions to favour them.

Fact is Australia failed to beat a bunch of aids-ridden dogshit paedophiles and were lucky not to lose.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 06:30:49 PM
To think there were people on here calling for Broad to be dropped. Just goes to show deep down inside, we’re all paedophiles.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:35:54 PM
Top series though. Glad Stokes’ heroics meant something. Best chance Australia have had to win over here for a long time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 15, 2019, 06:36:44 PM
2-2 playing like cock wands. Result.

Fantastic entertainment. Brilliant summer of cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:40:02 PM
Smith man of the series? Pussy had to sit out a test with a headache. Death of ashes cricket.

He did alright in the matches he played I suppose.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 06:41:36 PM
Depressed now. Probably kill myself later
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2019, 06:42:03 PM
England had some anus moments, Australia had some anus moments. Smith aside, I think 2 all is probably about right.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 06:44:57 PM
Their star batsmen turned into a genuine world beater whilst ours turned into a kiddie fiddler. On such small details a test match series can be decided.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:47:40 PM
Root doesn’t sound like he’s even convincing himself to stay in the job. He’s going to look silly in two and a half years. Again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 06:53:02 PM
Haha never seen a team so happy to win something by default. Or at least since the World Cup.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 06:58:32 PM
Imagine if England had just drawn in Australia to retain the ashes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 15, 2019, 07:08:51 PM
That one Ashes win in Australia still seems like a fever dream, something you're not quite sure actually happened. Utterly humiliated every other time we've been there in my lifetime.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 07:09:56 PM
Imagine if England had just drawn in Australia to retain the ashes.
Yeah it wouldn’t have been close to the same feeling. Far better than losing but not the sort of thing you remember years later.

Drawing would be a “lol you didn’t beat us at home we have urn haha” type banter but not the orgasmic ecstasy of an away Ashes win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 15, 2019, 07:49:48 PM
The greatest summer of cricket I've ever experienced and I personally thank each and every one of you. Best laughs on this forum in years. Boiling piss pot of hate and scorching endorphin flood tug of ecstasy, often at the same time. Some moments I actually thought my heart was going to stop. I need to do more cardiovascular exercise.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 08:17:47 PM
Belter of a thread. Feel genuinely sad. We’ll all be there for the New Zealand series though won’t we? Won’t we dad? Jimmy will be back and, and Archer will bowl fast again won’t he
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 15, 2019, 08:31:36 PM
10pm starts for the Tests. That'll give us at least a couple of hours to throw AIDS at that bunch of paeds who are getting fucked dry by a gang of hobbit molesting inbred wannabe Australians.

Bring it on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 15, 2019, 08:41:58 PM
Plus if anyone on here ever feels like genuinely killing themselves just have another read through pages 25/26 of this thread. Even just reading them now still gives me a rock hard member. They’ll never take that away from us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on September 15, 2019, 08:58:00 PM
I never felt we’d win that Headingley test, always looked like a stunning innings on the way to a defeat. It sort of was I suppose but it did stop them beating us. If we’d drawn 2-2 years ago I would be pleased to retain the urn but it would have felt like such a missed opportunity for greatness. Does retaining the Ashes rather than winning them go down as greatness? First time it’s happened for fifty years so I don’t think anyone knows.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: DolphinFace on September 15, 2019, 09:41:59 PM
I've contributed nothing but been an avid reader all summer. Thanks for the memories.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 15, 2019, 09:47:59 PM
Looking forward to Boult and Williamson tearing these PC World avoiders a new one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 15, 2019, 09:54:23 PM
cracking thread everyone, pat yourselves on the back.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 15, 2019, 10:37:01 PM
Quote
Fact is Australia failed to beat a bunch of aids-ridden dogshit paedophiles

I laughed
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 15, 2019, 10:39:35 PM
Proud to have been a part of it, it's been like a release valve where I can let out pure bile. Theraputic in a way. Doctors would recommend it.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 15, 2019, 11:23:10 PM
I am actually hard thinking about this thread kicking off again at the back end of November.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 08:48:58 AM
SEVENDAUGHTERS' OFFICIAL PLAYER REVIEWS

England

Rory Burns (390 runs @ 39) a starched run-grafting marionette at the crease and a near absence of media commitments make this opening LEDGE a minor hero. 8

Jason Roy (110 runs @ 13.75) the worst named opener I have ever seen in an England test match side, and yet the third best opener in the series. 1

Joe Root (325 runs @ 32.5, 3 wickets @ 40.6) his captaincy isn't just a detriment to his batting; it's a detriment to his team. 4 digs of 50+ and 3 ducks kind of spells it out. And all the shelled catches. 4.5

Joe Denly (312 runs @ 31.2) batting at 4 he was James Vince Mk 1.1.2, flashing at anything and often getting an extra life before inevitable death. As an opener...he was good? Decent at least? Done enough to stay his execution? Though against what passes for Aussie buffet bowling, does it count? 5

Ben Stokes (455 runs @ 55.12, 8 wickets @ 45.25) big series from the one authentic big game working class throwback all-rounder we have, 'cos guys like this usually end up playing rugby league or something (and I am really surprised with his dad that young Ben didn't follow suit). could have coasted off the World Cup and didn't and I'm even going to forgive him some slightly lacklustre bowling and a couple of brainfarts. 9.5

Jonny Bairstow (214 runs @ 23.77) that average is propped up by a not out. Mentally weak, zero application. He's not as stupid or as easy to set up as Denly; to his credit he throws his wicket away in a plethora of new and exciting manners. Dolt. 3

Jos Buttler (247 @ 24.7) showed signs of something but his average is ultimately sub-Jack Russell, sub-Alan-Knott. Sure he didn't get the ideal Jos platform to bat from. That's test match cricket, love. 4

Sam Curran (32 runs @ 16, 3 wickets @ 22.66) showed a tantalising hint of what we could have had. Maybe slightly bought into his own hype with the bat, looking to be home-track hero. Love his bowling though. 7

Chris Woakes (120 runs @ 20, 10 wickets @ 33.10) don't remember him making even that many runs at any point. Did a big-hearted job at Edgbaston with one bowler down then promptly treated like royal shit. Could have done better, but most teams would kill for a Woakesey. 6

Jofra Archer (48 runs @ 6.85, 22 wickets @ 20.27) beautiful beautiful beautiful. a superstar in the making. his up and down pace is a light worry (not sure I believe the McGrath/Agnew racism axis of 'it was cold at Old Trafford') but his best spell was the Lord's 6-for where he bowled like a classy county bowler and still ruined them. 9

Jack Leach (54 runs @ 13.5, 12 wickets @ 25.8) helped his bowling average in the dying minutes, the Taunton trundler seems to be the big hero with the basics. And why not? I just hope sentimentalism can be shown the door when a better tweaker turns up. 6.5

Stuart Broad (61 runs @ 12.2, 23 wickets @ 26.65) also batted better than Warner. Some amazing first spells and just to have their most hated player over a barrel is enough for me. Seemed to have diminishing returns without the new ball. But ultimately our leading wicket taker (in one more game than Jof). 8.5

Craig Overton, Moeen Ali, James Anderson: N/R

Australia

David Warner (95 runs @ 9.5) some great catches mate. 1

Marcus Harris (58 runs @ 9.66) errr not even good catches. 1

Usman Khawaja (122 runs @ 20.33) harshly dropped given the context, but also not a great return. Looks like a good club player. 3.5

Steve Smith (774 runs @ 110.57) sore back from carrying the team. best single series from a player I've ever seen. put that on a mug. 10

Marnus Labuschagne (353 @ 50.42) can't score a century can he, shit bastard. As great an off the bench performance as you'll see in cricket. Chippy and Christian, a potent base for him to build on us hating him next Ashes. 8.5

Travis Head (191 @ 27.28) even his stat line is boring. 4

Matthew Wade (337 @ 33.7) one century against declaration bowling, another that began in the spirit of 'OH FUCK IT' and collapsed when the stakes were raised, Wade is the lucky/cocky Head and nothing more and was arguably more shite for the middle three games. 5

Peter Siddle (84 runs @ 28, 7 wickets @ 42.14) Australia's 4th best bat and 7th best bowler. Not the job he was brought in for. 5

Pat Cummins (71 runs @ 10.14, 29 wickets @ 19.62) heroic bowling performance. By rights I should hate him and his big Aussie face and his knack of banging the short one into are brave boyz but I just love him steaming in for 10 overs to completely spoil the game for us. If Jof was this consistent he'd be the best ever. 10

Josh Hazlewood (9 runs @ 9, 20 wickets @ 21.85) does a lot of the hard yards and is tight and quick 99% of the time. Occasionally he'll lose his head and get smeared all over the planet, but that only makes him flawed and therefore likeable. 9

Nathan Lyon (80 runs @ 16, 20 wickets @ 33.4) series to forget for Garry. Mostly milked around (not quite 'targeted') and his bluster all felt a bit flat. 5

Tim Paine (180 runs @ 20) a stat line in-keeping with his test history. The weak link in a potentially great team, if Alex Carey can show red ball form. Rallied them well after that humbling in Leeds though. Can't have been easy. That the Australian captain wasn't a poker-faced run machine was refreshing, but I don't seem him lasting beyond their next summer. 4

Starco, Patto, and Banno N/R

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 16, 2019, 10:23:07 AM
Winter tour starts the day the RWC finishes, which is nice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 10:28:08 AM
EVERYONE HERE: RENDER INSENSATE THESE VICIOUS BRUTES FROM THE ANTIPODES

players: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEiOKG5WkAAmUoL?format=jpg&name=4096x4096
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 16, 2019, 11:20:54 AM
I will always love and remember Broad for turning Warner into a ghost.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 16, 2019, 11:28:06 AM
I agree with almost all of that, sevendaughters, decent roundup.

Lyon deserves a 6 or 7 if he hadn't HAHAHAHAHAHA if he hadn't HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TOTALLY FUCKED UP AND COST AUSTRALIA A TEST AND A SERIES WIN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 11:34:10 AM
It occurred to me (of no use to anyone) that Woakes should have been given the new ball. Archer will bowl rapid whenever he's handed it. Woakes needs that shine. It seemed to make sense as Archer was hitting 90mph, give him the nut and let him kill, but it did not help the donkey workers at all.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 16, 2019, 11:37:17 AM
Yeah I would have thought a new ball pairing of Broad and Woakes with the truly terrifying spectre of Archer coming on and giving you brain damage when you least expect would have been good.

But then I'm not England captain am I
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 16, 2019, 11:55:54 AM
It occurred to me (of no use to anyone) that Woakes should have been given the new ball. Archer will bowl rapid whenever he's handed it. Woakes needs that shine. It seemed to make sense as Archer was hitting 90mph, give him the nut and let him kill, but it did not help the donkey workers at all.

I think everyone was screaming for this. Woakes was royally fucked over this series. New captain ASAP pls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 16, 2019, 12:22:20 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEiOKG5WkAAmUoL?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

Revolting that, Woakesy should have smashed that beer bottle on the table and be threatening the Aussies with the jagged stump, whilst Stokesy lobs patio furniture through the windows of their hastily departing teambus. No wonder we didn't win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 16, 2019, 12:52:00 PM
I agree with those ratings but would subtract 1 from Smith's for having a tiny, tiny head.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 01:14:57 PM
Mullaney's smashed 90 for already-relegated and winless Notts before lunch. It's the end of the season buffet spectacular where magical things happen in front of 250 fleece-clad pensioners.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 16, 2019, 01:16:36 PM
If you take sevendaughters player ratings and multiply by 2, you get the age that player says their ideal partner would be.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 16, 2019, 01:31:18 PM
It occurred to me (of no use to anyone) that Woakes should have been given the new ball. Archer will bowl rapid whenever he's handed it. Woakes needs that shine. It seemed to make sense as Archer was hitting 90mph, give him the nut and let him kill, but it did not help the donkey workers at all.

I was screaming that - admittedly into the void - at the time.

Root's relentless tactics off giving the first two bowlers 12 overs then switching both at the same time regardless of match position to the next 2 weaker bowlers is guile less on rails shit that an 11 year old playing a computer game would do.

Woakes should be new ball guy in England, you need to give your next best bowlers a fair chance as someone like Archer with a wider set of skills can perform even when the going gets tougher. Even Curran arguably should bowl new ball as that's where the swing will work for a medium pacer.

This doesn't mean excluding Broad or Archer.

Eg.

Overs 1-8 - Broad and Woakes
Overs 8-16 - Archer or Curran depending on swing & Whoever of Broad or Woakes Bowled the best
Overs 16-24 - 4th bowler to replace Broad or Woakes

I mean that literally didn't happen in 10 innings
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 01:34:19 PM
Don't know how I only had that thought today, a full day after the series concluded.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 03:36:54 PM
43 year old Darren Stevens smashing it all around Headingley for Kent, 188* off 182, 138 runs in boundaries. I absolutely love meaningless end of season county cricket, anything can happen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 16, 2019, 03:44:00 PM
He did well with the ball the other day.

Shows the amount of dreck on show that he could get anywhere near being able to compete.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on September 16, 2019, 04:45:02 PM
I think most decent pros could go on until their mid 40s. The only reason more internationals don't stay longer in county cricket is they've made enough dosh not to bother.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 16, 2019, 04:47:31 PM
It's a bonkers scorecard. Kent elected to bat, fall to 39-5 and are now 388-6.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 16, 2019, 04:47:48 PM
How do you all keep on top of county cricket? Obviously now's not the best time really, but what would a cricket casual who might want to go deeper do to fill the void do next?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 16, 2019, 04:49:30 PM
A lot of the counties (or maybe not lots, but several certainly) live stream their games on youtube. Static camera pointing at the batsman, but still.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 05:17:18 PM
i just have cricinfo tabs open on a couple of games. i'm not going deep, i do actually have some work to do. normally I'd have Lancs and whatever internationals were on, but not arsed about Scotland v Netherlands in a T20 so going around the grounds and dipping in to matches where no promotion or relegation is in play so people are just punting it about like a beer match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 16, 2019, 05:27:15 PM
I went to day 2 of the Roses game at Headingley in 1998 and got Glenn Chapple’s autograph so I am a qualified expert on county cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 16, 2019, 05:31:02 PM
I went to day 2 of the Roses game at Headingley in 1998 and got Glenn Chapple’s autograph so I am a qualified expert on county cricket.

I saw Boris (Chapple's nickname for those not acquainted with Lancs minutae) just outside work a few months ago. Genuine chills. A real hero of mine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 16, 2019, 06:55:37 PM
Still puzzled by Root’s treatment of Woaksey this summer. Further to the points everyone else has made once Anderson retires surely it’s the big man that’s gonna step up and become the new ball swing bowler for us so what better way than to blood him into that role over the Ashes. It’s not like he’s a nervous debutant. Archer is not and should not be a new ball bowler. I’m also puzzled as to why no journalists have bothered to ask Root why he barely fucking bowled him all summer. There was talk of him carrying an injury at some point but that discussion seems to have disappeared.

TL:DR Root’s captaincy has been absolutely dreck this summer. Can anyone think of one moment out of five tests where he’s done something that’s made you think “fucking hell thats inspired”?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 16, 2019, 07:43:31 PM
He was quite good at DRS calls to be fair. I mean... at least in comparison.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Pranet on September 16, 2019, 09:12:42 PM
A lot of the counties (or maybe not lots, but several certainly) live stream their games on youtube. Static camera pointing at the batsman, but still.

BBC do radio commentary as well.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 16, 2019, 09:44:32 PM
Quote
TL:DR Root’s captaincy has been absolutely dreck this summer. Can anyone think of one moment out of five tests where he’s done something that’s made you think “fucking hell thats inspired”?

Brought himself on and got a wicket I guess.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 16, 2019, 09:47:36 PM
Next Wednesday when he finally realises and walks in front of a car going just fast enough to finish the job.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 17, 2019, 11:39:15 AM
Ben Stokes sticks the boot in on The Sun
https://twitter.com/benstokes38/status/1173893834377441280

(the story so you don't go giving them clicks - before Ben was born, his mother's previous husband murdered their two children - Ben's half-sister and -brother)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 17, 2019, 04:20:59 PM
back in the maniac end of season County Championship, Kyle Abbott takes 9-40 in a meaningful match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 17, 2019, 06:53:13 PM
Genuinely, I hope the staff of the Sun newspaper actually do die of AIDS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 17, 2019, 07:45:57 PM
They’ve never been anything less than awful though have they?

Maybe ‘the barmy army’ or whoever might go down the Merseyside route of organising some kind of boycott.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on September 17, 2019, 08:34:16 PM
It's always nice when The Sun does something that crosses political boundaries in making everyone think, "Wow, what a bunch of absolute cunts"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 17, 2019, 08:51:10 PM
their justification ("it was in the public domain") is so flimsy. like, you could imagine a future Ben Stokes piece in a quality outlet written by someone with sensitivity that mentions the tale as part of his history but doesn't let it overshadow anything (because he wasn't fucking alive!) - so you can 'justify' retelling the story. but going and stirring it all up, fucking hell, what a low bunch of bitter bastards.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 17, 2019, 09:43:32 PM
I saw that England Cricket posted a supportive message on Instagram and a lot of international cricket fans have seen it and are posting their support for Stokes and hatred of a paper that they don't even have in their countries.

Apart from a few Indians who are still crying about not winning the World Cup that is.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 17, 2019, 10:10:10 PM
Still, at least they can eat their feelings with a big bowl of dogshit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 17, 2019, 10:13:36 PM
in terms of cricket I hate India way more than Australia. Hell, I quite like Australia if truth be told. They play hard and they're good foils for us. I'm not actually as partisan about cricket as I might come across online. But India's team and India's fans are spectacularly annoying.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on September 17, 2019, 10:21:56 PM
Completely agree. I didn't want the WC, didn't care about the Ashes, I just wanted India cricket to fail and they did. Our flukey insane final win only made their failure even more agonising. Cunts are still choking on it. Gonna revel for the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Pranet on September 17, 2019, 11:59:52 PM
It's always nice when The Sun does something that crosses political boundaries in making everyone think, "Wow, what a bunch of absolute cunts"

Unfortunately it isn't everyone, I wish it was. The people who hate the Sun will continue to hate it, the people who buy the Sun will continue to buy it.

It would perhaps be good if the ECB did something like stop Sun reporters access to the England team or something, (I know it isn't the sports team doing this but hey life is hard) but they won't.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 18, 2019, 10:42:02 AM
Unfortunately it isn't everyone, I wish it was. The people who hate the Sun will continue to hate it, the people who buy the Sun will continue to buy it.

It would perhaps be good if the ECB did something like stop Sun reporters access to the England team or something, (I know it isn't the sports team doing this but hey life is hard) but they won't.

I know we all have to make a living but I’ve often wondered what John Etheridge’s justification for working for The Sun is given he always comes across as being reasonable and affable whenever he’s been on TMS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Pranet on September 18, 2019, 11:32:13 AM
I had a similar thought.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: EOLAN on September 18, 2019, 11:37:29 AM
in terms of cricket I hate India way more than Australia. Hell, I quite like Australia if truth be told. They play hard and they're good foils for us. I'm not actually as partisan about cricket as I might come across online. But India's team and India's fans are spectacularly annoying.

One of the best sporting atmosphere's I was at was a 20/20 game between India and Ireland in Malahide. As for best/maybe different would be more accurate. A few fights breaking out between fans and the absolute biggest cheer and celebration was when India lost a wicket so that they could get MS Dhoni come in to bat.
Not sure if England fans would be as fanatically delighted to ever see Jason Roy get out so that Ben Stokes could stride majestically out to the middle.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 18, 2019, 12:07:51 PM
sadly my one experience with an India crowd was a bit more subdued. 2014 test at Old Trafford, day 3. we hoofed it around for a session and then we knocked them over in their second innings for piss all to win by an innings. I even said to my pal when their first wicket went down (think it was Vijay trapped by Woakes) got  "we'll win this today" and the grumpy Indian dad in front of me seemed to agree.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on September 18, 2019, 01:23:51 PM
sadly my one experience with an India crowd was a bit more subdued. 2014 test at Old Trafford, day 3. we hoofed it around for a session and then we knocked them over in their second innings for piss all to win by an innings. I even said to my pal when their first wicket went down (think it was Vijay trapped by Woakes) got  "we'll win this today" and the grumpy Indian dad in front of me seemed to agree.

Was that the game where Broad got his nose rearranged?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 18, 2019, 02:31:37 PM
Interesting Bayliss interview on Cricinfo.

Confusing contradictions really. Loads of opinions on county cricket, never watches any. Says things we were all screaming at the TV but didn't have any effect on them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 18, 2019, 02:33:01 PM
Was that the game where Broad got his nose rearranged?

yeah. saw it live. rough from my side-on view. he still ended up MOM.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 18, 2019, 02:46:53 PM
Bayliss is off to work in that steak guy's restaurant

(https://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fi%2Fcricket%2Fcricinfo%2F1193858_1296x518.jpg&w=660&h=264&scale=crop&cquality=80&location=center&format=jpg)

Also Sibley's just about to go to his second 200+ of the season, the only Div 1 bat over 1000 runs. Maybe end of season cash-in happening, but think he should be on the plane to New Zealand with this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 18, 2019, 02:59:09 PM
There's a kid playing for Ireland in the T20 against Netherlands called Harry Tector.

Must be a joke name.

Yours sincerely, Metal D. Tector
Yours sincerely, Smoke D. Tector
Yours sincerely, Carbon Monoxide D. Tector
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on September 18, 2019, 03:28:00 PM
Dick Pro Tector
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 18, 2019, 04:08:25 PM
Kyle Abbott takes 17/86 in the match to enact Somerset's Devon Loch mode. Title is a straight shoot-out between Somerset and Essex, who play next week.

Sibley finished on 215*.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 18, 2019, 04:10:18 PM
Yeah Sibley next cab off the rank but who will have the guts to drop the underperforming dreck?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 18, 2019, 04:59:44 PM
Dick Pro Tector

Lovely stuff
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 18, 2019, 11:37:06 PM
Who do we want to coach then? 

I’d like Jason Gillespie or Alec Stewart. I’m drunk though
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on September 18, 2019, 11:55:42 PM
Freddie Flintoff and the rest of the lads from Top Gear.

I dunno really, Stewart always seems a nice bloke on TMS. Hard to say whether that will translate into results.

They really should get separate one day and test coaches in but it’s probably all too much effort. I reckon we need an old fashioned arse kicker for the test job. Root’s reign of good humoured, banterific cricket needs stamping out with a heavy combat boot.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 19, 2019, 12:25:15 AM
Dad?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 19, 2019, 06:59:52 AM
They should be pulling out all the stops to get Morgan to be player-coach of the limited-overs sides, or just accept that his back's playing up a lot and make him coach full stop.

They should then appoint a separate coach for the test side, with the brief to look for players who are specifically suited to red-ball cricket. If it has to be a former player then Hussain might be a good one, or Gillespie is proven to be a good coach if they are willing to have another Aussie. Stewart has overseen a lot of good players at Surrey but that might just be a combination of luck and resources rather than his own qualities - take a rain check on him.

That would mean paying two wages instead of one. But with all this extra dosh rolling in thanks to THE HUNDRED, that won't be a problem, right?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 07:31:26 AM
Not Stewart. Get the failure era cunts out, fuck off Thorpe, fuck off Ramprakash
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 19, 2019, 10:11:34 AM
Gillespie wouldn't be a bad appointment and he lives here now. That said Sussex aren't doing much. Anthony McGrath could be about to win back to back titles with Essex, who were shite before he turned up. Outside chance of Boof? He was over here this summer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 19, 2019, 11:58:13 AM
Alan Mullally
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 19, 2019, 12:03:01 PM
Big Daz Stevens now taken 5 wickets in the rapidly crumbling Yorkshire second innings to add to his 237 in the first innings, second oldest player to do so since WG Grace.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: ArtParrott on September 19, 2019, 12:06:27 PM
Gillespie wouldn't be a bad appointment and he lives here now. That said Sussex aren't doing much. Anthony McGrath could be about to win back to back titles with Essex, who were shite before he turned up. Outside chance of Boof? He was over here this summer.

On one of the Ashes debates on Sky during the last test Gillespie did say he was very settled at Sussex & Adelaide and splitting his time between Uk and Aus. Obviously that's what they always say but he does seem like quite a chilled dude and maybe not someone who's keen to dive into the England circus.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 19, 2019, 03:49:08 PM
Sibley up in the second dig. Warks chasing 271 off 58 overs. Currently 103/0 off 27, setting themselves up for a late dart. Sibley 55*, giving him 270 unbeaten this game. If they make it then send him his England jersey today.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 19, 2019, 04:12:03 PM
Called for him at the start of the summer. Are England selectors not following this forum??!! FFS!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 19, 2019, 04:55:59 PM
Called for him at the start of the summer. Are England selectors not following this forum??!! FFS!

went to the same school and from the same town as Burns, this is written in the stars!

about to notch his second century in the game, 312 unbeaten in the match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: finnquark on September 19, 2019, 06:40:15 PM
From a cricinfo article on the Hundred:

Quote
One or more men's Test players may be appointed as a 'non-playing player' for The Hundred, seemingly at the ECB's discretion. They will be used in promotional material, but will not train or play.

Sorry, what?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 19, 2019, 07:03:06 PM
just when you think "ok, let's give it a chance, I'm so high on cricket that I'll take anything" they come up with shit like this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: mikeyg27 on September 19, 2019, 07:23:48 PM
From a cricinfo article on the Hundred:

Sorry, what?

So… a mascot?

 Fuck it, make them dress up in the giant costumes too.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 07:35:53 PM
More centuries for Sibley this year than the rest of his career combined.

Not sure what to feel about that
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 19, 2019, 08:11:48 PM
Aroused.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 20, 2019, 12:29:46 PM
If they make it then send him his England jersey today.

Speaking of which, Bairstow and Buttler awarded central test contracts for 2019/20.

Decision taken by, um, which head coach exactly?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 20, 2019, 12:32:44 PM


ECB contracts for 2019-20 (for 12 months, begin 1 October 2019)
Test and ODI/T20 contracts: Jofra Archer (Sussex), Jonny Bairstow (Yorkshire), Jos Buttler (Lancashire), Joe Root (Yorkshire), Ben Stokes (Durham), Chris Woakes (Warwickshire).

Test contracts: James Anderson (Lancashire), Stuart Broad (Nottinghamshire), Rory Burns (Surrey), Sam Curran (Surrey),

ODI/T20 contracts: Moeen Ali (Worcestershire), Joe Denly (Kent), Eoin Morgan (Middlesex), Adil Rashid (Yorkshire), Jason Roy (Surrey), Mark Wood (Durham).

Incremental contracts: Tom Curran (Surrey), Jack Leach (Somerset).
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 01:06:13 PM
Buttler and Bairstow are just going to keep getting picked aren't they. 3 guaranteed lock down batting spots in the top 6 that average 35. Fucking great. YJB will never admit it, at least Jos might have the sheer decency to throw in the towel and be a odi/t20 guy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 20, 2019, 01:08:28 PM
I bet Liam Plunkett's poor cat has had a right shoeing this morning.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on September 20, 2019, 01:09:19 PM
As soon as the Ashes finished:

Jonny Bairstow’s role in the middle order is key to England’s future (https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2019/sep/15/jonny-bairstow-england-australia-ashes)

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on September 20, 2019, 03:22:26 PM
Give them both a knife and tell them whoever survives is the next captain. Make sure Bairstow gets the plastic one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on September 20, 2019, 03:38:53 PM
Wonder if Jimmy's contract is more in hope than expectation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 03:51:20 PM
Huh, I don't think this injury is career ending is it? I can see him bowling in New Zealand and next summer anyway
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 20, 2019, 03:55:56 PM
Jimmy's said he isn't done and NZ should be very much his type of conditions. He doesn't even need to bowl fast anymore.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 20, 2019, 03:57:19 PM
think Leach should have got a proper test contract. send him a message, make him confident, it's not like anyone is knocking on the door.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 09:36:40 PM
Especially if FUCKING DENLY has one
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 09:41:35 PM
Heh, Sibley's first class average has gone from 39 to 41.55 in the space of 1 championship game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 20, 2019, 09:42:18 PM
I see from the Tweets that Plunkett isn't happy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 09:45:39 PM
Thanks for all the mid-innings cross seam AND GOODBYE YOU FUCKING OLD CUNT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 20, 2019, 10:19:16 PM
Nic Lyndhurst once again passed up for selection.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 10:28:53 PM
Any news on whether committed family man made it back to Australia safely
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 20, 2019, 10:49:33 PM
He’s back safe in Australia. Where Stuart can’t get to him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 10:51:07 PM
Excellent, his family who love him must be relieved to know his commitment will be present in the months ahead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 11:12:27 PM
https://www.cricket365.com/alex-bowden/which-stuart-broad-seven-david-warner-ashes-dismissals-most-enjoyable/

Pure fucking shithousery

Relive the best times
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 21, 2019, 02:39:41 AM
https://www.cricket365.com/alex-bowden/which-stuart-broad-seven-david-warner-ashes-dismissals-most-enjoyable/

Pure fucking shithousery

Relive the best times

Three’s my favourite as I love watching anyone get fucking castled. Hard to think of a bigger beasting from one bowler to a batter in a long long time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 21, 2019, 08:04:14 AM
Harris in the last test where the stump did a beautiful loop out of the ground was a fave, but as Harris was a vacant sack of fuck all in that series it didn't have anything riding on it particularly.

Anderson to Gambhir and McGrath to Atherton are the ones that spring to mind as rivals to Broad and Warner. Warner had done OK against Broad up to now which made this all the more surprising and enjoyable.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 21, 2019, 11:11:35 AM
I like the leg before where Warner puts his hand up almost to review it before the ball has gone dead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 21, 2019, 07:55:20 PM
Just watching some highlights of the 1984/85 Melbourne test vs. West Indies and the (Aussie of course) commentator, in reference to Marshall attacking the spinner used the phrase "that's the thing about these people".
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 21, 2019, 07:59:50 PM
Christ. It was only until recently they'd advertise Pakistan tours with billboards saying THE PAKIS ARE COMING.

Just been for a walk listening to the T20 final. Not a huge fan of T20 but I really like finals day. Nearest thing we have to old Antigua test atmosphere.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 21, 2019, 10:51:42 PM
https://youtu.be/jWN_aVZ0hQU (https://youtu.be/jWN_aVZ0hQU)

Still the best watch. Fucking hell man. Listening to an away series Ashes win is still one of my greatest life experiences. Will take 10/11 TO THE GRAVE with me
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 22, 2019, 09:29:41 AM
yeah, unreal series. Cook was imperial there. His forward defensive made souls leave bodies. His strike rate through the tests remains at like 55 all the way, eerie as hell, just a man in his zone.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 11:10:33 AM
Just amazing listening to the remorseless fake positivity of the Aussies commentators. Shane Warne is reduced to having to talk about the Xmas presents he got for his shit kids while the stadium slowly empties of Australian fans.


Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 22, 2019, 11:21:06 AM
Muscles-era Tremlett, as brief as it was, was as joyous as healthy Simon Jones.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 12:39:32 PM
Yeah not as brutally pacey as Harmison but great bounce on those Aussies wickets. You can see why they brought him back even though he was in a fuckin wheelchair.

Simon Jones is still my favourite ever England bowler I've seen. Just total threat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on September 23, 2019, 02:54:34 PM
Bairstow 'person of interest in ongoing investigation' so neither him or his hard drives are allowed out to NZ.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/49796580

They've got some n00bs in to do a bit of bowling in the nets and carry the drinks on, maybe one of them will get a go at fielding if Anderson or whoever gets the shits from eating a dodgy hobbit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 23, 2019, 02:57:24 PM
interesting selections. Sibley was nailed on and Crawley might be a find.

The two Lancs bowlers are obviously being chosen with the future in mind, as Saqib was probably our 4th best quick (but he is actually quick) and Parkinson didn't play a lot what with 4 day cricket not being played in the summer where a leg spinner might prosper.

been watching some vids of Sibley bat. without the exaggerated tics and wild flourishes, he has a kind of Smith thing going on. moves right across and dares you to bowl at his pads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on September 23, 2019, 03:15:21 PM
Bairstow set to spend the winter working “offshore” it seems.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on September 23, 2019, 03:44:18 PM
Mahmood is another one who seems to be there by virtue of being fast rather than being particularly good thus far, his record is unspectacular and he seems to leak a fair number of runs. Ideal replacement for Mark Wood then. Shame Ollie Stone (test bowling average 9.66) is made of dry tagliatelle.

And is Parkinson the new Mason Crane?

Strange that Foakes doesn’t go as a second keeping option but on the other hand he’s actually been bobbins this summer.

Otherwise Sibley and Pope are obvious calls, people talk up Crawley despite another uninspiring record, and well done to Giles/whoever for having the balls to drop Bairstow. It’ll be interesting to get up at 7am and find that Boult and Southee have bowled us out for 54.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 23, 2019, 04:17:40 PM
just feels like Parko is on a hiding to nothing in NZ. he's a good bowler but leggies need time in the middle. he'd be better off signing up for a Ranji Trophy team.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 23, 2019, 06:47:40 PM
Agreed on the above thoughts. Some of these should be playing the Lions games at least, I'd have thought? Be a chance to see if they are any cop.

What about Gregory or T. Curran, or Ball or Porter or TRJ? We seem to churn through fast medium bowlers like no one's business.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on September 26, 2019, 10:31:40 AM
slightly anti-climactic end to the season and the career of Trescothick. would love to have someone like him aged 24 now. near 44 test average and never moved his feet.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on September 26, 2019, 11:10:41 AM
https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27689794/jasprit-bumrah-south-africa-tests-stress-fracture

Sad news.

Bumrah is  a cheeky scamp, but clearly is not built to play all formats.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 01:15:56 PM
Great stuff, thanks for the painful memories and goodbye

Archer might go down next but he is 21st century's Hercules so probs not
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on October 01, 2019, 08:47:35 PM
Kirsten to replace Bayliss, eh? Might help with the batting...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on October 01, 2019, 08:52:57 PM
Word coming through from Johannesburg that the residence of Gary Kirsten has been raided by police late last night. Sources confirm there’s several hard drives and a “concerning” cache of adult material. Further analysis will be needed to establish whether or not this type of pornography is legal in England.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on October 07, 2019, 08:33:44 AM
Kirsten innocent! Silverwood now 'helping with enquiries'.

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/oct/06/england-expected-to-name-chris-silverwood-as-new-head-coach
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 07, 2019, 12:23:43 PM
I hope Paul 'I'm sure another big score is right around the corner' Fabrace is also going.

Not sure about Silverwood. Instinctively, appointing a dour but brutally effective ex-batsman seems to be to be where England should have gone.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 07, 2019, 05:01:10 PM
I have no real reaction to Silverwood. He's done well so far and I guess he interviewed well (which could mean he was impressive, or a yes man).

To fill the sports breach I just started playing Cricket Captain 2019 on my phone. Nice start to the WI domestic season with Guyana, 3 wins from 3 in the List A cup. Two of those against WI 'B' (uncontracted players) and Canada though.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on October 07, 2019, 07:25:02 PM
I have no real reaction to Silverwood. He's done well so far and I guess he interviewed well (which could mean he was impressive, or a yes man).

To fill the sports breach I just started playing Cricket Captain 2019 on my phone. Nice start to the WI domestic season with Guyana, 3 wins from 3 in the List A cup. Two of those against WI 'B' (uncontracted players) and Canada though.

Is it good? I might have a go.

Kirsten released with no further action, unfortunately Silverwood’s kids are going to have to adjust to a life where his father works “offshore” for the next few months.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 08, 2019, 08:36:12 AM
Is it good? I might have a go.

It's alright! The phone version is free to try and you'll get enough of a sense of it to commit to the £8 it costs. As an extra incentive - Woakes was unselected for England so was available to sign for an overseas league so I picked him up, he's smashing it with bat and ball.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 08, 2019, 10:50:17 AM
Cheers, needed a game and just purchased it.

Spent an unholy amount of time on a previous iteration of the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on October 08, 2019, 04:51:11 PM
edit - ignore
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 09, 2019, 02:44:49 PM
Thuglife adds wife manhandler to his list of "ECB look the other way 'cos ENGLISH HERO"

Guy needs help or prison
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 02:47:58 PM
She says it's bollocks though, and bystanding woman appears to be smiling. All innocent fun.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 09, 2019, 02:58:28 PM
She says it's bollocks though, and bystanding woman appears to be smiling. All innocent fun.

He has form. Nasty stuff. Role model for young kids.

'appears to be smiling'

'appears to be assaulting wife'
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on October 09, 2019, 03:01:05 PM
Those photos do not look good.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 09, 2019, 05:42:10 PM
the tabs are gonna be against him now after he took a shot at them, he is our Princess Diana and must be protected
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 09, 2019, 07:17:19 PM
I'm definitely not siding with the tabloids.

If Stokes is a cunt his natural cuntishness will get him into more trouble, a la Joey Barton, and adjust from there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 09, 2019, 07:31:42 PM
I'm definitely not siding with the tabloids.

If Stokes is a cunt his natural cuntishness will get him into more trouble, a la Joey Barton, and adjust from there.

Its not about sides, its about a proven thug being anointed as a ledge because he can entertain with a bat and ball
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 09, 2019, 07:32:14 PM
I braved the Mail Online's splurge of photos of it. The one photo out of context makes it look kind of bad (though his wife doesn't look distressed at all) but in the wider context it is really hard to make a case for, particularly if you look at the pic of them half-sozzled and smiling in a taxi 5 mins later. The most shocking thing is Stokes smoking a tab!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7553291/Ben-Stokes-hits-people-making-stuff-claims-choked-wife-Clare.html
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 07:33:28 PM
He's only done proven violence against homophobes so far, so he is woke
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 09, 2019, 07:34:11 PM
Its not about sides, its about a proven thug being anointed as a ledge because he can entertain with a bat and ball

I think you can admonish for acting thuggishly on a night out, think they're great at sport and really love them for that, and also think there's an agenda against them. These are not mental gymnastics.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on October 10, 2019, 06:28:09 AM
He punched a guy in defence of two lads getting gay bashed and was EXONARAED in the eyes of the law. One gay basher had a bockle.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 10, 2019, 06:59:11 AM
He punched a guy in defence of two lads getting gay bashed and was EXONARAED in the eyes of the law. One gay basher had a bockle.

No problem then. Bottle?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on October 10, 2019, 08:33:26 PM
Yeah, a lickle bocky :(
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 10, 2019, 08:44:50 PM
Gavel pls

Verdict:

EXONERAED IN COURTS OF LAW
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on October 10, 2019, 10:07:15 PM
Its not about sides, its about a proven thug being anointed as a ledge because he can entertain with a bat and ball

For the second time he’s not a “proven” thug is he? He was found not guilty.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 10, 2019, 10:13:34 PM
For the second time he’s not a “proven” thug is he? He was found not guilty.

Ive seen the fucking light, ive bought a tea cosy with his gurning face on it and the words “thumped a git” embroidered underneath. Ive joined the cricket ladz bantz club at lazt
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 10, 2019, 10:14:25 PM
OJ was also not proven and i have an OJ buffet stool
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on October 11, 2019, 12:28:12 AM
No-one’s backtracked on Stokes being a cunt though right? That’s baseline....

Stuff with his wife looked great and fun..
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 11, 2019, 09:39:01 AM
India and South Africa showing how fucking boring test cricket can be when you have a flat wicket and the favourites/home team bat first.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 11, 2019, 10:57:20 AM
possibility of Kohli going for the test WR here? knocking the Saffers around at 9 an over this session, 240*. they'll probably declare. be a good story, one for the comments page wankers to dine out on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on October 11, 2019, 11:02:52 AM
I mean part of what's going on here, is Bloodwyn wants to be able to sneer and take the high ground. Truth and morality isn't actually what he cares about.

The rest of us don't know for sure what the exact truth is, it may be that he's an abusive arsehole, but I also don't know whether to trust the tabloids on this one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 11, 2019, 11:13:06 AM
possibility of Kohli going for the test WR here? knocking the Saffers around at 9 an over this session, 240*. they'll probably declare. be a good story, one for the comments page wankers to dine out on.

declared on 254* the bast
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 11, 2019, 11:13:21 AM
I mean part of what's going on here, is Bloodwyn wants to be able to sneer and take the high ground. Truth and morality isn't actually what he cares about.

The rest of us don't know for sure what the exact truth is, it may be that he's an abusive arsehole, but I also don't know whether to trust the tabloids on this one.

I don't take the high ground. I'm right in the mire, just keeping your GODS in check.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on October 11, 2019, 11:38:10 AM
Ranking the toughness of winning a minimum three test series away from home

India
England
New Zealand
South Africa

Not much between the rest, UAE used to be a fortress but retirements mean the test team is poor right now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 11, 2019, 11:44:25 AM
can't wait for the NZ tour. first test in just over a month. would love to go as a tourist, the two tests aren't even that far from each other.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on October 11, 2019, 11:59:40 AM
'We knew it was right': cricketers Nat Sciver and Katherine Brunt get engaged (https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/oct/11/we-knew-it-was-right-cricketers-nat-sciver-and-katherine-brunt-get-engaged)

Ah, that's nice isn't it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on October 11, 2019, 12:35:01 PM
very nice. reminds me of the judo couple who first met as opponents in an Olympic final.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on October 11, 2019, 12:38:40 PM
Women's sports in general seem to have a large amount of gay participants. Women's rugby at uni was well known for it, women's football clearly is too, likewise cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on October 12, 2019, 01:48:34 PM
No kiddin sport is gay as fuck
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 01, 2019, 12:51:28 AM
And we’re off.

Aggers is a cunt but I love him
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 01, 2019, 12:55:11 AM
HERE COMES LOKI.

Aggers and coney. Strap yourself in boys.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 01, 2019, 08:22:47 AM
Aggers is a cunt but I love him

Pervert.

BBC Sounds 5 live sports extra for the replay. Wanking to Jeremy Coney's voice in your grief cubicle at work.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 01, 2019, 10:11:34 AM
Decent win that, OK NZ had no Kane or Boult but England had no Roy, Buttler or Stokes. Quite nice to see Vince do well even if I’m down on him generally, there’s a place in T20 for strokeplayers rather than big hitters and he can get runs at this level where luck often trumps judgement and patience.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 01, 2019, 10:14:59 AM
Ranking the toughness of winning a minimum three test series away from home

India
England
New Zealand
South Africa

Not much between the rest, UAE used to be a fortress but retirements mean the test team is poor right now.

Don’t have the stats to hand, can pull them tomorrow, but if a team win the toss at home their chance of winning is something like 74%, over the last 5-10 years. India have something like a 97% win rate.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on November 01, 2019, 10:24:37 AM
Decent win that, OK NZ had no Kane or Boult but England had no Roy, Buttler or Stokes. Quite nice to see Vince do well even if I’m down on him generally, there’s a place in T20 for strokeplayers rather than big hitters and he can get runs at this level where luck often trumps judgement and patience.

What can Lewis Gregory take from today? A cap and a win? The problem with T20, and likely too with the Hundred, is that a player can not contribute anything. That must suck a bit for a pro sportsman. It's worse than being twelfth man.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 03, 2019, 08:55:06 AM
What can Lewis Gregory take from today? A cap and a win?

It was a bit odd that they didn’t use him, even if the other bowlers were doing a good job, as the point of these games was supposedly to take a look at the fringe and new players.
This morning Gregory did get a bowl and took a wicket with his first ball, and went at less than 6 an over, but still only got the two overs, while Mahmood got four despite going all round the park. Someone in the England setup just has a ”thing” for guys who can bowl really fast, I think.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 03, 2019, 10:25:18 AM
Still obsessed with pace, aye due to all the drubbings down under. I don't recall our attack of Anderson / Tremlett / Bresnan being express pace exactly, and Anderson has been our best bowler last few times out, but there you go.

In fact going down through history we have routinely failed in that department by picking expensive wayward but fast bowlers when someone who could hit a line and length 95% of the time would have been better.

For the record I reckon these guys are worth a try, but it is slightly diluting international cricket to Lions standard.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 03, 2019, 07:34:47 PM
Mahmood - and I say this as a blind defender of anything Lancastrian - is not an international T20 bowler.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on November 03, 2019, 10:45:09 PM
What’s worse, being an international T20 bowler or not being one?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 04, 2019, 09:53:08 AM
see you when the real cricket starts
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 05, 2019, 07:12:15 AM
Mahmood shiter again
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 08, 2019, 08:10:37 AM
Another game, another chance for Gregory to stand around on the boundary for a bit.

Seems they’ve picked him for his batting rather than his bowling, in which case send him in higher.

Or indeed in which case pick someone who’s a genuine batsman.

Brutal from Malan and Morgan earlier. Now watch them drop Malan when the big names come back.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 08, 2019, 12:06:28 PM
being circumspect on Parkinson even though I like him. when you're chasing a mammoth you'll have to hit anything tossed up above the eyeline. I'd have fancied myself to take one wicket with a miscued slog today. Still, he took 4/46, so good stuff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 08, 2019, 05:41:55 PM
Always likely to take a few wickets with that level of scoreboard pressure. Christ, like you say, most of us might be able to toss some grubbers that get lbw or caught in the deep. Shit format.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on November 08, 2019, 08:50:23 PM
I have always had a theory that Jeremy Snape's 'moon ball' was an accident, and then he bowled it deliberately afterwards, then he became a sports psychologist to further argue the science behind the delivery.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 09, 2019, 08:39:12 AM
My least favourite cricketers are dour 'spinners' who bat just about well enough to get in the side. T20 seems to give oxygen to these slugs as they plow away with their dreck.

Snape, Yardy et al, get tae fuck.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 10, 2019, 05:26:14 AM
Jordan squeezing these third world cunts in another super over.

Two balls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 10, 2019, 05:51:39 AM
Hahaha to lose one super over in a year is unfortunate.

De Grandhomme dairy farming. Neesham Cabs. Southee sports bar and grill. Make it happen. You got lucky enough to get paid well for getting beat badly by England many times over, we done you a favour letting you flounder in our wake. Now it's time to move on. Cricket NZ is finished. Rugby NZ is over. Let the country sink into the ocean. Bring on global warming ASAP as a favour
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 10, 2019, 09:14:50 AM
NZ aren't massive grandstanding dicks at cricket, if anything in this rivalry WE'RE the dicks. That said very funny stuff.

Bit miffed about Bairstow weaving his way back in. Even Aggers was giving it "well he's back in form". AT WHITE BALL CRICKET.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 10, 2019, 09:15:54 AM
ugh Banton sounds like every dreary public schoolboy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 10, 2019, 01:32:51 PM
Quote
De Grandhomme dairy farming. Neesham Cabs. Southee sports bar and grill.

I laughed.

One of the least meaningful series of cricket for both sides though. Other than the fringe players and those out of form everyone else must feel like it's burnout.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 12, 2019, 09:50:32 AM
NZ aren't massive grandstanding dicks at cricket, if anything in this rivalry WE'RE the dicks. That said very funny stuff.

Bit miffed about Bairstow weaving his way back in. Even Aggers was giving it "well he's back in form". AT WHITE BALL CRICKET.

Looks like he’s being packed off home now, though, with Denly set to return in the next mickey mouse game and Crawley scoring a ton today. A top seven of Burns, Sibley, Denly, Root, Stokes, Pope, Buttler has been set, with Crawley as twelfth man.
Silverwood talking a lot about old-fashioned test batting and Sibley taking 50 balls to reach double figures before accelerating today, so cue getting bowled out for 8 by Boult-Southee-Wagner next week.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 12, 2019, 11:04:05 AM
Oof just over a week now. I know it won't be the same, with the timing of the matches, but still. The best thread is coming back.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 12, 2019, 11:45:05 AM
gonna begin adjusting my bodyclock accordingly.

pair of centuries against buffet bowling is still a good intro to red ball cricket. report i read said Sibley's was pure quality, while Crawley gave a couple of chances early. Burns flapped a bit and did a Denly/Vince to get out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 12, 2019, 09:59:33 PM
didn't realise Whangarei is 13hrs ahead, nice to hear the aimless commentary of red ball cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 14, 2019, 03:23:36 PM
Stokes' Ashes Heroics Motivated By Great Personal Hatred For David Warner
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/50422835
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: dontrunyoullfall on November 14, 2019, 03:39:23 PM
Too similar to get on?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 14, 2019, 05:30:47 PM
There must be some way of harnessing the hateful energy generated by merely looking at David Warner.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 14, 2019, 09:55:29 PM
Archer has already GRAVED one of the NZ A players 6 overs into this warm up game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 15, 2019, 10:45:26 AM
sounds like the wickets at Whangerei are pretty road-like. probably best for practice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 15, 2019, 12:54:07 PM
Aye, batsmen are so awful technically and mentally these days that anything less than a road seems to require Kohli/Smith levels of talent.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 16, 2019, 10:30:32 AM
Runs for Denly, Pope and Buttler in the last tour match, against a pretty strong New Zealand A outfit.

Joe Root, ready to ”make some big runs” after apparently working on his technique and approach, out lbw for 2. I think he should have been rested, really, but hope the move back to no 4 helps him prove me wrong in the games that matter.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 17, 2019, 07:24:41 PM
Over in Australia, James Pattinson was caught throwing homophobic abuse at an opponent.

His punishment? A SENSATIONAL and MERCILESS one-game suspension, from a game he was unlikely to be picked for anyway.

Cricket Australia's new "clean cut good guys" image gets stronger every day.

ELITE MATESHIP.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 17, 2019, 11:22:44 PM
Fuckim

Just been relieving the Stokes innings as there were elements of it that I felt went beyond normal sport. I don't know if you guys recall moments where he has a sort of wide eyed watchfulness in his eyes. Non-aggressive, just keenly observing and totally watchful.

The level of talent that went into that onslaught, not just the technical body movements in response to the ball but the awareness of the situation as it morphed from unlikely to achievable really ranks it higher than cricinfo have repeatedly asserted it does not.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 18, 2019, 08:09:40 AM
the wider context of Stokes' innings as World Cup saviour and as redemptive figure marks it as special, but yeah, the way he did it marks it out as otherworldly. combined, wow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 19, 2019, 10:54:25 AM
Possibly the most talented kev in the world.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 19, 2019, 04:23:41 PM
All time best sporting moment for me. It wasn't even about winning. It was about the ultimate last stand fuck you. If img going down immediately going down fighting, except I ain't goin down mother fuckers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sponk on November 19, 2019, 04:32:55 PM
All time best sporting moment for me. It wasn't even about winning. It was about the ultimate last stand fuck you. If img going down immediately going down fighting, except I ain't goin down mother fuckers.

https://youtu.be/Zic3FtoWkp8
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 20, 2019, 07:31:50 AM
I saw the date Wed 20 Nov on Cricinfo and thought the game was starting last night (last night being the morning of Wed 20 Nov over in NZ for those of you who need everything spelling out). Gutted to have to wait another day to have my breakfast ruined by reading about England’s shambolic batting collapse.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 20, 2019, 09:07:39 PM
Predictions anyone? NZ only lost 3 matches at home since 2013/4 and won most of their series without taking an L (12 series, won 10).

Feels like we never quite pull it out in conditions that should be approximately even steven.

That said, England have a couple more world class talents at their disposal and reason to think the batting problem might be on the way to being fixed. But NZ play as a team better than nearly anyone in world cricket, and Latham is in great form.

NZ have decided to keep Lockie Ferguson in the freezer for now.

1 Tom Latham, 2 Jeet Raval, 3 Kane Williamson (capt), 4 Ross Taylor, 5 Henry Nicholls, 6 Colin de Grandhomme, 7 BJ Watling (wk), 8 Mitchell Santner, 9 Tim Southee, 10 Neil Wagner, 11 Trent Boult.

England hand Sibley a debut and recall Ollie Pope to his favoured place at 6. Root slides back to 4, Denly moves to 3 despite success opening. Curran is favoured to Woakes.

1 Rory Burns, 2 Dom Sibley, 3 Joe Denly, 4 Joe Root (capt), 5 Ben Stokes, 6 Ollie Pope, 7 Jos Buttler (wk), 8 Sam Curran, 9 Jofra Archer, 10 Jack Leach, 11 Stuart Broad.

I say 1-1.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 20, 2019, 09:21:59 PM
As long as Jof smashes some helmets and caves in some skulls who cares, eh?

Take a draw. Doubt we’ll win the series but NZ aren’t utterly hateful so losing to them isn’t that bad. Lots of positive sounding talk from England in the build up, largely about sticking around for more than half an hour when batting. No Bairstow, no Roy. Things can only get better.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 20, 2019, 09:32:32 PM
ENG bat first.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 09:45:09 PM
Gives a chance for England to kill all my enthusiasm by being all out by lunch.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 10:06:58 PM
This is it lads, the good shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 20, 2019, 10:17:51 PM
Englan get out quickly so Jof stick a few of these hobbit cunts in saurons fuckin eye. Send these backwards bastards into the dark age.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 20, 2019, 10:18:42 PM
Fucking barmy army Jerusalem singing cunts fuck off and go back to molesting piles of dog shit, making me want NZ to tear these jabronis a new arsehole then shit in that arsehole and force the barmy army to eat the shit that comes back out of the arseholes which are full of shit.

Evening lads!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 20, 2019, 10:19:16 PM
Steven Finn has a nice line in self-deprecation here, I expect him to be cricket's Crouchy within the year
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 10:20:37 PM
Four overs without loss! Wow! They weren't kidding when they said about trying to bat for longer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 20, 2019, 10:21:31 PM
Cgi Jackson wanks


Really looking forward to some cosy evenings of cricket. Love it. Enjoy, gents.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 20, 2019, 10:21:53 PM
Ali, Roy and Bairstow fucking hell that was suicidal

Hoping Sibley gets 5 runs off 200 balls. Redefine mind numbing wank. Kill the entire game singlehandedly. Drive teenagers to footy and drugs. But be Not the fuck Out
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 20, 2019, 10:24:05 PM
Amen. Death by a thousand cuts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 20, 2019, 10:30:31 PM
Distinct lack of booming cover drives so far. Very nice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 20, 2019, 10:31:14 PM
Burns should have been out but they failed to review. More evidence that the Antipodeans cannot understand reality.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 10:32:17 PM
Ali, Roy and Bairstow fucking hell that was suicidal

Hoping Sibley gets 5 runs off 200 balls. Redefine mind numbing wank. Kill the entire game singlehandedly. Drive teenagers to footy and drugs. But be Not the fuck Out

2 runs per over at the moment. Bit much that. Time to play with a bit more caution.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 10:34:59 PM
Which they are, good.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 20, 2019, 10:57:30 PM
Not sure about Burns’ new tache.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 20, 2019, 10:59:07 PM
Movember mate. Why do you hate charity? Sicko.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 20, 2019, 11:11:43 PM
He looks a right seedy little cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 20, 2019, 11:38:43 PM
Here we go.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 21, 2019, 03:03:24 AM
Lovely sound to wake up to, lovely sound to fall asleep to.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 21, 2019, 06:12:59 AM
Decent score to wake up to, that. Another failure for Root, though. I want him to do well but there’s a distinct ”told you so” feeling there.

Meanwhile just across the water, Australia are cheating again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 21, 2019, 06:28:50 AM
Root should go back to schoolboy cricket and the Smiths Crisps Cup.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 07:07:41 AM
Oh well that'll do. Root needs time to remember how to bat at no.4 I'll allow this one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 21, 2019, 08:54:32 AM
Amazing start, for England.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 09:39:26 AM
very proud of our lovely lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 01:32:27 PM
watched the highlights. doesn't seem like anyone really threw their wicket away. Root got bogged down by a good spell, Sibley maybe was a bit quick to accelerate against de Grandhomme. they've clearly been told to value their wicket and it shows. they can switch on. it makes the last few years of Bayliss really frustrating. they could have stuck around but instead...chose not to?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 07:09:51 PM
Best not to get too excited after one day on a flat wicket, but it is promising, and does make it all the more bizarre if it was all just choice.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 21, 2019, 08:25:54 PM
Good to hear Steve Finn continuing the TMS tradition of being a young ex-international player staking a claim of being the most boring communicator alive.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 10:02:42 PM
Stop singing Jerusalem you cunts.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 10:06:28 PM
Good to hear Steve Finn continuing the TMS tradition of being a young ex-international player staking a claim of being the most boring communicator alive.

I've heard worse. And think about the anecdotes about sponsored tiny cars he's got lined up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 10:09:46 PM
Greta Thunberg is shitting herself if she's listening to TMS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 10:14:28 PM
Yes good call, Stokesy, he even stops other batsmen from getting out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 10:21:25 PM
Salt slag heap bantz is poking my boner right oot the tweeds
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 10:25:59 PM
they're really making a lot of audio hay out of Mt Manganui having nice bits and industrial bits
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 21, 2019, 10:30:44 PM
Keep thinking of Dave Warner’s face, Stokesy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 21, 2019, 10:42:34 PM
Balls.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 10:44:28 PM
SAKE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 10:44:38 PM
good catch. these NZ bowlers are like T2000, just gonna keep coming, they won't let you cut loose.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 10:51:06 PM
400 still on.

Ramprakash can fuck off TMS right now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 10:55:38 PM
All out 301.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 10:56:41 PM
It's all over. The series is over.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 10:58:52 PM
I love a good shame-induced review.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 11:00:16 PM
HAHAHAHAH YOU TWATS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 11:00:52 PM
All out 301.

Optimistic
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 11:06:53 PM
All out 300
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 21, 2019, 11:13:45 PM
At least we avoided a top order collapse, admittedly we did suffer a massive middle order one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 11:15:21 PM
Come on Leach. He seems to have a basic grasp of not swinging madly at wide shots at least.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 11:16:50 PM
no one has done massively shit who you'd expect to do much better except Root, who is clearly still in dire need of brain tabs. just all happened at once. sucks for Buttler to be stuck at the other end while everyone fucks up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 11:27:13 PM
Finn not as dull as James Taylor.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 21, 2019, 11:30:12 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EJ7u5W7XkAAmVfP?format=jpg)

It's like how toilets go the other way in the Southern Hemisphere.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 11:37:12 PM
daresay that is how a scorecard should look in New Zealand. though the pitch is definitely flatter than the average, and the weather better.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 21, 2019, 11:45:49 PM
Coney sorting the salt bollocks out. As you would expect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 21, 2019, 11:58:24 PM
Coney sorting the salt bollocks out. As you would expect.

it frustrates me how Aggers and the English lot will go on about it and when Coney sets them straight they make funny noises like lol what a nerd you are for knowing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 22, 2019, 12:06:14 AM
I could listen to Jeremy Coney talking about how he wants to pull my bowels out through my arse and I'd just nod.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 12:09:25 AM
Coney and Waddle are great. Sky get stuck with Ian Smith too. Ouch.

Wonder if this 16 year old kid will get Smith out down under.

Good hour of solid work from Leach there. Fighter.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 22, 2019, 12:46:24 AM
Wonder if this 16 year old kid will get Smith out down under.

Got 300 grand on him for a going 0 for 123.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 22, 2019, 01:04:56 AM
Haha dickhead.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 22, 2019, 01:09:26 AM
Dick head.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 01:09:48 AM
Goodness me.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 01:10:52 AM
"Oooh got lucky there with that dropped catch, I suppose I should use this letoff to continue to slog at it."
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 01:13:14 AM
Leach and Broad to take us past 400 for the banter.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 01:23:19 AM
Oh well, Leach remains undefeated again.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: PowerButchi on November 22, 2019, 02:47:51 AM
Athers has been hilarious today.

"The Dilmah lunch break has a special guest. Ramps. He won Strictly Come Dancing, got a hundred hundreds, but always struggled in test cricket. Anyway, he's a batting coach isn't he now? *BEAT* Mark Ramprakash is the special guest for the Dilmah lunch break."
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 22, 2019, 05:17:56 AM
What a nice Test Match.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 22, 2019, 05:47:15 AM
Went to bed 274-4 and England looking set for a big one.

Woke up and lads, it’s England.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 22, 2019, 07:49:30 AM
Grim as fuck for Pakistan. They were always gonna get smashed but the inexperience really showed. Warner doing the flat track bully job with aplomb.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 07:55:10 AM
Got 300 grand on him for a going 0 for 123.

Could get him yet!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 09:38:02 AM
Where do I watch Highlights for this without sky? Or even just the wickets?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 11:34:21 AM
Where do I watch Highlights for this without sky? Or even just the wickets?

Sky post them to youtube
here's yesterday - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne49NdRNMOY

waiting on tomorrow
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 22, 2019, 11:38:24 AM
Jeremy Coney is great. Am I making this up or did he once get embroiled in a bizarre race row involving Ross Taylor?

Anyway has Archer killed anyone yet?

Aggers: Brexit Party
Finn: Tinge U.K.
Mann: Lib Dem
Coney: Labour
Waddle: Labour
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 12:13:34 PM
day 2 highlights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmJ2H1rYQ8I
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 12:42:04 PM
both Pakistan AND East Pakistan playing like club shite I notice
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 01:31:18 PM
Thanks sevendaughters

In all honestly, the collapse while being frustratingly England perhaps wasn't all that bad.

Stokes - reckless, but it was a good catch, and it came at a point where you wouldn't really begrudge him going for a few like that.
Pope - genuinely bad
Curran - Should have been able to deal with it, but it was a good ball, and those things just happen sometimes.
Archer - I don't expect anything else from him at the bat.

But there was a minor recovery after that. 350 is below par, but just within the acceptable range of being below. Made a good start on the bowling, we just need Archer to kill a few of them tonight, and we'll be in a good position.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 01:42:43 PM
what the highlights didn't show was Archer rattle Nicholls' helmet pretty roughly near stumps.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 02:28:14 PM
Holy shit, Warner at 151 not out. They need to give Broad a phone call, just for a few pointers.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 04:21:59 PM
Holy shit, Warner at 151 not out. They need to give Broad a phone call, just for a few pointers.

unreal isn't it, gone past his Ashes total. also makes me worried what Smith might do when he walks out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 22, 2019, 10:16:58 PM
Hope King Jofra 'accidentally' brains that trumpet cunt.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 11:01:24 PM
I want to go on that climbing wall.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 22, 2019, 11:14:00 PM
Looking forward to waking up tomorrow and seeing the score at NZ 487/6
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 22, 2019, 11:27:50 PM
Christ
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 22, 2019, 11:32:58 PM
Joe Root settling nicely into his new role as bits ’n pieces all-rounder.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 22, 2019, 11:49:02 PM
Might have been a track for Parkinson to make a debut here. Feels like outright pace is neutralised while all the sloths are getting wickets.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 23, 2019, 02:32:13 AM
Pitch has turned into absolute fucking tubbins but we needmore helmets shattered please Jos.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 23, 2019, 08:02:39 AM
The death of entertainment.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 23, 2019, 08:07:17 AM
Looking forward to waking up tomorrow and seeing the score at NZ 487/6

Well nearly

Shouldn’t really surprise anyone that NZ are ahead. On paper they’re a much better batting side.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 23, 2019, 08:29:34 AM
Well... at least the run rate has been slower. Seems like the thing to do at this point is to keep their run rate as slow as possible. Drag the game out so they can't get a win. This is what cricket is all about.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 23, 2019, 08:42:15 AM
Two days is plenty of time for them to get a 200-run lead and watch New Serious Test Match England panic, try to bunt every ball into the Cook Strait and disintegrate to 73 all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 23, 2019, 08:54:01 AM
Yeah it's optimistic, but they'll be needing another session before they get to a 200 run lead, and even this England might just scrape to that. It'll probably be New Zealand chasing 27 in the 4th innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 23, 2019, 08:55:24 AM
haha absolute shite LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 23, 2019, 09:29:59 AM
Pitch is dead, draw.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on November 23, 2019, 11:56:47 AM
On the trajectory our batting is going, compared with the Australians, I think escaping from the next Ashes with anything other than another 5-0 will have to be seen as a success.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 23, 2019, 01:21:54 PM
The death of entertainment.

Nah this is an actual test match versus the total and complete jokes going on in India and Australia.

Definitely possible to skittle them if we get Big Man and BJ out early tomorrow, and England can then build a lead.

Fully accept we could be staring down an innings defeat by end of play tomorrow.

But at least there's that much jeopardy. Take a look at the men vs. Boys competitions elsewhere.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 23, 2019, 01:25:09 PM
Afternoon everybody.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 23, 2019, 02:19:59 PM
Someone on TMS made the remarkable revelation that stump mic had caught Jofra screaming “TEST CRICKET” in a New Zealand players face. That’s Partridgeon.

Anyway the bowling tactics were shocking yesterday. Silverwood sounded boring as fuck and slightly rattled at the end of play and Ramprakash made the observation that this group of England players are so personally boring that there’s near silence on the pitch every session, save for Ben Stokes trying to gee our brave boys up every now and again. Aggers even suggested bringing back Bairstow essentially for the sole reason that Jos says absolutely fuck all behind the stumps all day and this is a team lacking fire or direction. It’s got to be bad when even Brexit Party says you’re boring.

Bodes well.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 23, 2019, 02:57:22 PM
Can’t we just send on a substitute fielder to do the shouting?

“Come on you cunts, let’s fucking get into them!”
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 23, 2019, 10:04:16 PM
No iamcoop, born winner Ashley Giles says Silverwood is a born winner so must be true. Looking forward to all the wins.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 23, 2019, 10:29:36 PM
What’s the world record for the most consecutive dot balls?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 23, 2019, 10:30:30 PM
Oh look, some runs. Might make 450 by close of play at this rate.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 23, 2019, 10:48:00 PM
Someone on TMS made the remarkable revelation that stump mic had caught Jofra screaming “TEST CRICKET” in a New Zealand players face. That’s Partridgeon.

Anyway the bowling tactics were shocking yesterday.

Saw a good comment that England's tactics would have been very good at getting an England batting side out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 23, 2019, 10:58:49 PM
Can England please get a wicket please?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 23, 2019, 11:52:05 PM
Tortuous. Same tactics, same incurable blood disease. Mind you this is what I was longing for during the T20s so I’d better shut the fuck up and swallow my medicine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 24, 2019, 12:00:34 AM
Coney secretly rubbing his penis against Aggers leg.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 24, 2019, 12:05:38 AM
There’s test cricket and there’s mind-numbing tedium.

I suspect that the groundsman who produced this fucking patio for the ground’s maiden test match will be getting called in for a ”chat” with his bosses some time this week. If England throw their wickets away and lose on this pitch they want shooting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 24, 2019, 12:08:00 AM
And now over to Jim Maxwell...Likely wanking.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 24, 2019, 12:12:16 AM
More evidence of Root's dismal captaincy here, as well. Archer has now bowled 38 overs in this innings. Nothing is happening for him other than his getting knackered for the second test and the SA tour. I have no idea why we haven't just got Root and Denly bowling unchanged at this point.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on November 24, 2019, 12:16:34 AM
Root is not a captain. He's an intermediary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 24, 2019, 04:28:20 AM
Turn for Santner and a little bit of uneven bounce in the wicket. Another away loss beckons.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on November 24, 2019, 06:36:39 AM
Rooty milk monitor

Jos form captain

Prefect Burns

Sibley adding up the house points

Jof parents always moving around kid

Bogwashed Leachy
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 24, 2019, 07:29:37 AM
LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 24, 2019, 08:22:31 AM
Truly pathetic. I'd been hoping they were taking a bit of time out from the paedo scene. But they just couldn't help themselves.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 24, 2019, 09:22:01 AM
Wait, so Leach didn't review even though he should have?

Stupid lad, he's England's most important batsman in this situation.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 24, 2019, 01:24:59 PM
We let Santner score 126?

Fucking hell.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 24, 2019, 04:01:12 PM
We let Santner score 126?

Fucking hell.

We let both Santner and Watling make the highest scores of their careers. Their entire careers, not just their test careers.

Reminds me a bit of the Windies series earlier this year when Jason Holder hit 202* against England. The only other team he's even scored a first-class century against is Zimbabwe.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 24, 2019, 04:22:49 PM
There's something seriously wrong with England if that wasn't obvious already. It was a fucking miracle we drew with the Aussies, they deserved to win comfortably and probably would have if that moron captain hadn't put England into bat in the last test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 24, 2019, 04:29:56 PM
There's something seriously wrong with England if that wasn't obvious already. It was a fucking miracle we drew with the Aussies, they deserved to win comfortably and probably would have if that moron captain hadn't put England into bat in the last test.

Or if Lyon hadn't dropped that run out. Don't forget that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 24, 2019, 09:17:47 PM
Garry done a ball dozy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 24, 2019, 09:44:17 PM
but we were going to win the drawn game! it's the series of the biggest what-ifs ever. like if we hadn't bowled flat turd for some reason in the first test we had them over a barrel!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 24, 2019, 09:52:49 PM
anyway I don't think that a draw is beyond the realms of fantasy here. the quicks looked toothless yesterday. just stuck some dinner on and am here for the first session at least (if it goes pear-shaped then fuck that)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 24, 2019, 09:54:42 PM
I'm an hour ahead and have to get up at 7:30 because I have a job and that, but I'll watch an hour or so which should be more than enough time for England's batting lineup to demonstrate the remarkable range of different ways in which they can needlessly edge to slip.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 24, 2019, 09:58:38 PM
oh yeah I have to get into work at 8 but i'm kind of become cricket crazy again, not given much of a toss about footy this season
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 24, 2019, 10:55:52 PM
Hopeless twat.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 24, 2019, 10:56:58 PM
grim
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 24, 2019, 10:58:46 PM
Seriously. If you can't even manage an hour before throwing it away then just fuck off out of the team and don't come back. "Captain" my arse.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 24, 2019, 11:14:15 PM
Put Root in prison.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 24, 2019, 11:22:36 PM
For his own good, just stage some kind of intervention to stop him putting himself forward for every single game of cricket, anywhere in the world.

He needs a break, he’s a complete fucked up mess out there.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: leighhart on November 25, 2019, 05:27:27 AM
after those world cup shenanigans that was sweet, pretty gutless effort from the English
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 25, 2019, 08:24:40 AM
impressively bad. Wagner was huge for them but it was dross by us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 25, 2019, 09:40:06 AM
LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 25, 2019, 10:58:59 AM
gotta say 3 x away innings losses in the 3 test matches this week is a pretty piss poor look for cricket, however deserved these pastings were.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on November 25, 2019, 11:41:19 AM
Joe Root should be on Newsnight explaining his paedophilia.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 25, 2019, 12:10:33 PM
Afternoon lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 25, 2019, 12:25:08 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/50543623

Bet this was a 'barmy' 'army' type. Brexit gammons, the lot of 'em. Probably dressed up as Prince Andrew.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 25, 2019, 12:42:36 PM
Still utter AIDS wraiths then

I love the totally misplaced optimism every time we are set the task of surviving 4 sessions at the end of a test.

Let's face it, we are crap, arguably worse than we were in 1999 in terms of personnel at our disposal, just masked by our bowling at home.

I don't give Silverwood more than a year. I would like him to prove me wrong.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 25, 2019, 02:45:46 PM
We did win the World Cup, different format sure, but would usually suggest a team is quite good.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 25, 2019, 04:57:53 PM
Need a skipper who's gonna bark at these fucktoids and threaten violence for acts of peading. Need Thuglife.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 25, 2019, 05:20:08 PM
In ‘99 there was a determination and a plan to improve English test cricket, but with the money to be made via one day/T20 cricket and the fact we’ve actually become quite good at it, I wonder if we’ll see the same willingness to work on the test team.

Reducing Root back down to a humble batsmen would obviously help, Cook was an uninspired captain but Root’s outright incompetent.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 25, 2019, 05:57:57 PM
Day five and you're batting to save the test match

https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=81 (https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=81)

https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=273 (https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=273)

https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=421 (https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=421) (OK, he's inexperienced but what the absolute fuck???)

https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=470 (https://youtu.be/vlkseIaA4oE?t=470) (at least he was trying to leave it, I guess)

And don't give us any of that "oh there's a new coach, it takes time" bollocks. This isn't even schoolboy stuff.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 25, 2019, 06:10:02 PM
We did win the World Cup, different format sure, but would usually suggest a team is quite good.

This is exactly the sort of thinking that's dangerous because it is based on old assumptions that no longer exists. That's even more irrelevant a comment than it would have been 15 years ago.

One day sides have totally different demands and pitches nowadays. The divergence even since 2010 has been utterly extreordinary and the more we tried to play tests like one dayers the more we lost.

Part of the problem is simply a personnel one. We have the best stock of number 7s and 8s we have ever had (partly due to that being the role of a ''3D cricketer'' yet virtually no-one who qualifies to bat above that position. We either dropped them rashly and mistreated them or they weren't up to it. Meanwhile our bowlers, never amazingly effective abroad, are getting old and the new ones are worse.

Remember when our worst problem was that Collingwood was only averaging 40. One of the grittiest motherfuckers ever, one of the best fielders in the world, a brilliant team man, perma motivated and one of the best test records vs first class records going... and handy part time bowler was our big problem.

He would have scored a century on that deck. Slow, rewarding of patience and a straight bat. He would have laughed his way to a ton.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 25, 2019, 06:54:59 PM
Yeah fair enough really, I'm not a cricket expert, just here for the bantz innit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 25, 2019, 06:58:00 PM
I'm not a cricket expert

New England batting coach in shocking admission
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 25, 2019, 08:36:40 PM
whilst Watling did indeed hit his best ever score, he has a similar average as Sangakkara when playing as a wk/batsman (Sanga averages 66 as a batsman) and ranks only a little under the best ever wk/bats of all time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 25, 2019, 09:07:54 PM
just seen the wickets. Pope scores the most amount of FUCK OFFs possible
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 25, 2019, 09:15:27 PM
Root's was utterly abject too. Saw it in passing on the news and didn't realise it was Root, just seen it again.

What the fuck was he thinking.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 25, 2019, 09:21:43 PM
haha although just seen Pope's, yeah, hahhaha
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 26, 2019, 09:51:44 PM
whilst Watling did indeed hit his best ever score, he has a similar average as Sangakkara when playing as a wk/batsman (Sanga averages 66 as a batsman) and ranks only a little under the best ever wk/bats of all time.

Yeah the 'little old me!?' act is too much like false modesty. Blow Job is a fucking awesome cricketer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 26, 2019, 09:59:28 PM
on Cricket Captain 2019 I am currently playing this series as NZ - having crashed out of the World Cup in the group. Interestingly England have stuck with Dom Bess and gave Lancs keeper Alex Davies a debut. there's also been a much faster run rate.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 26, 2019, 10:01:19 PM
I drew that series and drew the SA one so already one up on shithead Silverwood (currently back in Blighty with a family bereavement)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 27, 2019, 01:23:38 PM
also drew that series, got caned in the 2nd test.

anyway, back to real cricket - CaB favourite Rakheem Cornwall just took 7-75 against Afghanistan in a test on neutral ground in Lucknow. must be a raging bunsen as WI are playing 3 spinners.

highlights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3FBzRq-amw
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: ArtParrott on November 28, 2019, 07:53:28 AM
Jos Butler injured and Ollie Pope to keep wicket for only the sixth time in a first class match later today...in his 2nd test match.

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/nov/28/jos-buttler-injury-puts-pope-on-call-to-keep-wicket-for-england
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 28, 2019, 09:09:07 AM
Didn't realise these were back to back. Nice one.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 28, 2019, 10:07:56 AM
also drew that series, got caned in the 2nd test.

anyway, back to real cricket - CaB favourite Rakheem Cornwall just took 7-75 against Afghanistan in a test on neutral ground in Lucknow. must be a raging bunsen as WI are playing 3 spinners.

highlights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3FBzRq-amw

He's got another two in the second innings! Guy's a machine. My brother is going to get us tickets to see the West Indies against England at the Oval, Cornwall had better be playing. I simply have to see this man in the flesh.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 28, 2019, 10:10:03 AM
And another!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 11:34:55 AM
10 wicket Rakheem Cornwall. If you threw in a lusty 18 ball 40 to go with that you're basically talking perfect cricket.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 11:35:49 AM
oh hey I watched The Edge yesterday. didn't like it! all surface, no depth.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 28, 2019, 12:32:36 PM
Yeah, it was a bit. I did find it quite compelling though, and watching Trott at the end in tears was hard going.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 12:38:29 PM
Fucking UNIT doing the business.

Ah, you thought I meant Cornwall. I mean Roston. Rosto. The Roston Crab. 3-10.

That's it Afghanistan, fuck off back to your cave complexes and lift some weights you no marks.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 01:10:48 PM
Yeah, it was a bit. I did find it quite compelling though, and watching Trott at the end in tears was hard going.

yeah that was clearly the best bit/subject but glossed over a bit quickly for me.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 28, 2019, 09:09:17 PM
A year ago, England had three specialist wicketkeepers in their side.

Now, they have none.

There are people being paid large amounts of money to choose these teams.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 28, 2019, 09:15:16 PM
Crawley in. Modest career record, but Dobell points out that his home ground is Canterbury, typically a horrible seaming nightmare of a pitch.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on November 28, 2019, 09:22:01 PM
We’re fucked. All reports point to an absolute mess of a team. Nice one Gilo. Should’ve heeded the warning when the ECB bought that job lot of Smash Hits magazines off eBay and had them freighted over to New Zealand.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 28, 2019, 09:28:05 PM
Might watch half an hour before bed then not be able to get to sleep because we've slumped to 17/6 already and my brain is frazzled

Decisions decisions
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 09:59:45 PM
Woakes in for Leach, attack feeling very mid 90s.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 10:00:14 PM
Joe Root has just made two pronouncements, 1 that a return to form is just around the corner, 2. that Bairstow will become one of the worlds best test batsmen.

While we recover from laughing at 2, it is noticeable that virtually every gee-up PR Root has ever attempted has resulted in the inverse outcome.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 10:20:05 PM
20 mins in and Aggers and Finny, after declaring Archer the right choice for the new ball, have waffled for 10 mins about bantering with the lads in a manner suggestive that the game is doing naff all.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on November 28, 2019, 10:29:18 PM
NOW THEN
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 28, 2019, 11:02:51 PM
Woakesy strikes, Williamson out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 28, 2019, 11:09:18 PM
Latham is a quality player. NZ have got a 3 match series in Aus straight after this, would love to see him do well.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 29, 2019, 12:00:58 AM
Why do they always keep celebrating after it's going to DRS. Look silly now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 29, 2019, 06:23:35 AM
Good morning.

*Looks*

"Yessss!"
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 29, 2019, 09:28:06 AM
Bowling first looks like another inspired decision from milk monitor Root there
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on November 29, 2019, 09:40:27 AM
Went to bed just after Broad took his wicket, just checked score. Standard.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 29, 2019, 10:52:38 AM
uninspiring stuff last night.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 29, 2019, 05:38:25 PM
just seen the Aus/Pak score, pathetic
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 29, 2019, 06:54:59 PM
So did I read 9:30pm start today?

They should have been doing that anyway really. Lazy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 29, 2019, 09:41:34 PM
ok, scoreboard looks a bit less terrible now Latham is gone.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 29, 2019, 09:53:17 PM
can't decide if Finn's cultural void routine is brilliant or infuriating
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 29, 2019, 10:11:54 PM
ok, scoreboard looks a bit less terrible now Latham is gone.

A dismissal worthy of the England skipper as well, doing all the hard work brilliantly then having a massive brainfade next morning.

Oh now Nicholls is out too. Suddenly this looks a lot better for England

I call it 427/6 when I wake up
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 29, 2019, 10:30:07 PM
Inspiring ad hoardings there:

GLORIOUS SOUPS! BOWLS OF ADVENTURE
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 29, 2019, 10:35:43 PM
Quite like the look of New Zealand as a place to live to be honest. Can I escape there once we get an overwhelming Tory majority?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 29, 2019, 10:39:56 PM
lol going to regret that review later
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 29, 2019, 11:00:23 PM
yeah I'll be honest I'd consider visiting if it wasn't so far away, seems nice and boring in the best way possible ie. stable and good scenery
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 30, 2019, 04:59:06 AM
Woke to check score, Sibley out first ball I heard, Denly out now, this is real England fandom.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Moribunderast on November 30, 2019, 06:50:10 AM
I haven't followed the cricket very closely for years but have been watching a bit of this Australia vs. Pakistan test. Pakistan seem to have the most un-threatening, limp bowling attack I can recall seeing. All the pace bowlers seem slow and the spinners completely ineffective. No wonder David cunt Warner is setting a ludicrous score against them. Frustrating too, as an Australian, seeing his shows of emotion being met with adulation from the crowd. He's a fucking cheat! If there's anything us Aussies love it's hating foreign cheaters but making excuses for our own and then celebrating their "redemption".
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 07:54:57 AM
This is the worst batting lineup England have assembled since 1999 and we are going to get absolutely killed.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on November 30, 2019, 08:04:40 AM
Cunts.


LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 08:09:19 AM
Warner's celebrations are like watching a grown man patting himself on the back for beating up a small child.

It is on the same level as that Nev Southall/Michael Owen clip.

The crowd should have been chanting CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT or even DIE DIE DIE the grovelling set of hypocrites and bullies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 30, 2019, 08:21:28 AM
Shaheen's bowling figures, considering the calamity around him, are impressive.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 08:59:44 AM
Warner's celebrations are like watching a grown man patting himself on the back for beating up a small child.

It is on the same level as that Nev Southall/Michael Owen clip.

The crowd should have been chanting CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT or even DIE DIE DIE the grovelling set of hypocrites and bullies.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2x_DI7tzNQ
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 12:42:07 PM
Arrived in England with an actually meaningful assignment in the most important series of his career and averaged 9 across 5 tests.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 12:50:25 PM
9


Seriously.


335no after the event is like having an epic wank after already tearing your foreskin to shreds midway through.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 12:56:55 PM
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you needed was any kind of meaningful contribution to your team's crucial away Ashes tour.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 09:47:58 PM
For goodness sake, Root hits 17 and they're getting incredibly excited on TMS.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 09:48:53 PM
I mean admittedly 17 is good for Root at the moment.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 30, 2019, 10:10:25 PM
nice patient accumulation so far in the freebie half hour.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 10:26:43 PM
Maybe... too slow?

Let's try and smack a few sixes for a bit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 10:47:54 PM
Good work Burns, you earned that 50. Now you can start smacking it about.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 30, 2019, 11:05:06 PM
All very calm and controlled today, stage beautifully set for Root to reach 76 then lob a cut straight to deep point provoking a collapse from 178/3 to 244 all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on November 30, 2019, 11:20:32 PM
All very calm and controlled today, stage beautifully set for Root to reach 76 then lob a cut straight to deep point provoking a collapse from 178/3 to 244 all out.

36 Times England Spaffed A Promising But Not Even That Great On The Face Of It Position (And We Are Here For It)
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on November 30, 2019, 11:30:54 PM
I quite like Burns (facial hair aside), his technique is repulsive obviously but he’s got some grit and determination about him.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on November 30, 2019, 11:31:48 PM
Root's just short of 50 at the moment. Prime fuck it territory.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 30, 2019, 11:41:57 PM
I quite like Burns (facial hair aside), his technique is repulsive obviously but he’s got some grit and determination about him.

He doesn’t strike me as a potential Hall of Famer but certainly looks like a job-doer for a few years, an effectively scratchy prodder and poker: the kind of guy who strains and wrangles runs rather than scoring them.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on November 30, 2019, 11:52:39 PM
VAR to the rescue
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 01, 2019, 12:02:29 AM
extra half hour of course but over 100 in a morning session, good bedrock performance but do hope to wake up find we did well at a sliiiiightly better clip.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 01, 2019, 07:48:10 AM
went even slower and added a couple of comedy dismissals.

never hope.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 01, 2019, 08:37:21 AM
Imagine the power if we could have Root and Stokes being competent at the same time.  Oh well if this is Root going some way towards fixing his brain, before the main series against South Africa I'll take it.

It's impressive we can lose 3 wickets in a day and still come out looking stupid.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 01, 2019, 08:40:41 AM
To be fair the reports suggest Stokes looked in good nick but got a jaffer from Southee, which can happen.

Well played Root and Burns but a lot of hard work left. Root needs to maintain his focus and not give it away limply now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 01, 2019, 08:46:30 AM
if they can stick around for a little bit you'd probably say draw was likely. forcing the win from here is hard.

that said my faith is back to near zero. Yasir Shah is outbatting us.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on December 01, 2019, 12:46:12 PM
You've got too many batsman playing for careers, this side looks so unsettled compared to NZ. Remember the gold old days when a debutant could come in almost without pressure?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 01, 2019, 02:25:31 PM
Remember the gold old days when a debutant could come in almost without pressure?

No, actually, I don't. There might have been a month or two in 2013.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on December 01, 2019, 04:00:31 PM
Under Strauss, even in the heat of an Ashes series the likes of KP and Trott strolled in. They knew someone in the top 6 would hit a ton. In fact mostly under the Flower the batting unit were like a machine.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 01, 2019, 04:20:04 PM
I quite like Burns (facial hair aside), his technique is repulsive obviously but he’s got some grit and determination about him.

Clearly better than the dreck that went before him. If he averages above 35 that will be an improvement.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 02, 2019, 01:27:56 AM
Great way to get 200 there.

Anyway congrats on finding your brain, root. Please keep it this time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 02, 2019, 08:01:08 AM
Can’t really complain with a double ton and the team’s highest total in years, even if the pudding of a pitch means a draw is on the way.

Just read they’re looking at recalling Jennings for the Sri Lanka tests. Because he can play spin, which makes sense, but better surely to give Sibley a proper run rather than having that hanging over him whatever happens in SA?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 02, 2019, 08:15:06 AM
Please no. Jennings was shit anyway besides 1 innings.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 02, 2019, 08:21:43 AM
Averages 44 on the subcontinent apparently. So yeah, give him a central contract to play three tests every other year.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 02, 2019, 08:27:55 AM
Sibley should get the full SA tour, this shouldn't be his go. He was BY FAR the best domestic batsman last year and I thought he showed a fair bit in the first innings of the first test.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 02, 2019, 01:30:57 PM
Bit annoying that we fucked a chance to hit 500 runs for the first time in zonks, but I suppose just 400 is enough of a target hit. I suppose we arguably would/could have if we hadn't hit circumstances where we had to start playing recklessly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on December 02, 2019, 02:10:16 PM
I watched 'The Edge', the cricket documentary on the Flower era yesterday and despite missing a decent top three to set the foundation in the current test team, it's really apparent how good players like Bell, Collingwood and Prior were in the middle order. Players like that might've helped Root set a bigger score.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 02, 2019, 06:04:00 PM
think Collingwood is my favourite England player of the century so far.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 02, 2019, 10:33:39 PM
Hilarious drop by Denly.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: king_tubby on December 02, 2019, 10:34:22 PM
ffs
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 02, 2019, 10:47:00 PM
Something about 'The worst drop in test history' seems quite appealing.

If we left Denly out of the team that wouldn't be the worst drop in test history.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 02, 2019, 11:11:57 PM
https://t.co/2Q7kQgVSK8

FLYING AIDS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 02, 2019, 11:16:40 PM
Poor lad. Honestly, it is appalling, but I just feel bad for him really, because I can completely imagining it happening to me.

Admittedly, I'm not a professional cricket, but still.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 02, 2019, 11:23:54 PM
https://youtu.be/qWtCUKwaTgU

This drop was about a thousand times more difficult to fuck up.

Much funnier two given it was rotund full AIDS era apartheid rebel Gatting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 03, 2019, 10:11:41 AM
only excuse I can give is that the game had zero intensity and he was probably half asleep.

still: shite.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 03, 2019, 12:06:10 PM
thought this was a fairly terrible test series actually. NZ and England have been really closely matched in all forms for about a decade now and the T20 series was a great igniting of the battle that left off in the World Cup. the 2015 NZ tour of England was probably my favourite non-Ashes home summer of cricket (and the 2013 tour was pretty great too). two solid teams with decent quicks and a couple of star bats apiece and some flaky fucks. perfect recipe.

just shows how important it is to have a decent strip to play on. we gave the Aussies 4 results wickets (Old Trafford is always a bit slow and low) and to hell with the consequences regarding how many days it goes or who might win.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 03, 2019, 05:12:18 PM
Yeah the NZs aren't thick. They know how much we struggle to make inroads on flat surfaces and weren't going to give Archer any help. They rightly concluded their batting is better and they were always gonna edge it at home.

It did make for a dull couple of tests, but why should they care. It's not like they were packing out stadia, and the Barmy Army were locked in to attending.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on December 04, 2019, 10:16:49 AM
LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on December 04, 2019, 10:31:36 AM
https://youtu.be/qWtCUKwaTgU

This drop was about a thousand times more difficult to fuck up.

Much funnier two given it was rotund full AIDS era apartheid rebel Gatting.
Gatting at least had the excuse of sun in his eyes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 04, 2019, 01:39:10 PM
It was a bit of an old-fashioned win by NZ. Make sure you can't lose rather than going for attacking wins.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 04, 2019, 04:21:48 PM
RIP Bob Willis

He’ll be moaning in heaven now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 04, 2019, 05:24:16 PM
RIP Bob Willis

He’ll be moaning in heaven now.

It’s a shame. People took the piss out of his dour style but once Boycott dies as well will there be any pundits left that are willing to stick the boot in when England play Aids-tier cricket? Vaughan does it occasionally but I think we’re gonna be left with mundane “take the positives” style commentary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 04, 2019, 05:40:37 PM
Yeah, I didn't mean to slag him off.

He was usually correct in his lambasting of braindead play or lack of application. Wasn't afraid to upset big names by pointing out they were playing poorly either.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 04, 2019, 07:26:30 PM
RIP Bob.

Wish I could remember his bowling heyday and not his dull negativity.

In the 1981 Headingley test he always is described as bowling like a man possessed, mainly by people unaware that he always ran like that and bowled with that cranky action.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 04, 2019, 09:38:30 PM
love that he added the middle name 'Dylan' because he was such a fan. Wonder if he was later in life. You usually don't turn on Bob.

his List A bowling record is very good. slower game then but averages 20.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 04, 2019, 11:10:02 PM
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/dec/04/bob-willis-obituary

Decent sporting obit, or Bobituary.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 10, 2019, 12:15:10 PM
Between 30p and £5 for most seats at Pakistan's comeback home test.

Really hammered home how long the absence was when I read Azhar has played 0 of his 75 tests in Pakistan.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 10, 2019, 12:17:35 PM
would love to go and see a test in every country. a mate of mine has, except Pakistan and Afghanistan.

spotted the USA were back playing alright again the other day and at least 4 of their lads were homegrown.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 10, 2019, 02:14:32 PM
So it appears Moeen has decided to fuck off test cricket for the foreseeable future. Complete AIDS with the bat but that’s fucked us for a half competent spinner no. As much as I love the fucking slaphead he can’t bowl spin very well can he?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 10, 2019, 02:37:38 PM
I think Moeen is just happier on the T20 and county circuit. He was meant to be burned out when he dropped out of the test side and then he went and smashed and bowled Worcestershire into another major final. Let's face it, whatever lessons we've apparently learned from The Edge, the England dressing room is still one that favours militaristic public schoolboys or those with colossal self-esteem.

Leach and Parkinson in Sri Lanka could be good, I think. Parky gives it a rip while Leach is a good control bowler.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 10, 2019, 10:36:22 PM
So it appears Moeen has decided to fuck off test cricket for the foreseeable future. Complete AIDS with the bat but that’s fucked us for a half competent spinner no. As much as I love the fucking slaphead he can’t bowl spin very well can he?

Stats wise, one of the worst records of English all rounders to have played so many tests. Fooled a few sides with his spin at home, started off OK with the bat. But been toilet for a long time.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 10, 2019, 10:39:24 PM
also Leach averages under 30 thus far and considering he's had no gimme opponents it bodes well. he's like a better Ashley Giles - a team man who can hold an end and take wickets.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 11, 2019, 02:00:37 PM
decent start to home life again for Pakistan. When I had a look at lunch Sri Lanka were coasting. seems that the 16 year old Shah is a real talent. was looking up averages and wickets in the recent PAK domestic season and he was the dominant quick. there was an old left arm orthodox bowler who took tons of wickets, but it seems like the entire tournament was played on roads and two of the top bats were Salman Butt and Kamran Akmal.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 11, 2019, 02:25:22 PM
Leach did OK in SL last time, starting his early career in South Africa and NZ is a tough assignment though.

Generally he is quite far ahead of guys like Bess, Parkinson and Virdi, and we really shouldn't go back to Dawson type cricketers. He has got bottle and as said above, decent holding bowler if he gets a chance. Will get lots of 2-56 and 3-80 type performances but won't often run through sides.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 11, 2019, 02:28:59 PM
Leach's worst return as a bowler came against Ireland (admittedly didn't have much to do).
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 11, 2019, 07:40:53 PM
Stats wise, one of the worst records of English all rounders to have played so many tests. Fooled a few sides with his spin at home, started off OK with the bat. But been toilet for a long time.

He picked up a lot of wickets, but leaked like a toddler with rotovirus, and on far too many occasions was ineffective when he should have been key.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on December 11, 2019, 07:45:05 PM
Glad for Moeen that he's been put on retroviral leave, guy has been covered in lesions for years. Maybe now he can get the treatment he deserves for his years of service and the chemical castration necessary for having so much time around this squad and their...tendencies.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 11, 2019, 10:32:51 PM
Basically for tests we should fuck that generation off and move on. They're already old, no improvement is likely. No more Ali or Bairstow making palliative care strata decisions. Get em gone. Out.

Start the tests with the approach we took with the one day side. Take a few losses but build up resilience and work out the best players capable of churning out a gameplan without having pant shitting AIDS tremors. Build around Burns Victim, Root, Stokes and Archer.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 11, 2019, 11:46:26 PM
Cricinfo are putting out the call for test team of the decade. I went for

Cook
Warner
Williamson (c)
Smith
Sangakkara
Stokes
de Kock (wk)
Cummins
Rabada
Anderson
Herath

subs: Gayle, Amla, Pietersen, Ryan Harris, Ajmal, Tremlett, Philander, Kallis, Watling.

Some notes: the best average by a proper test opener this decade, min. 1000 runs? Chris Gayle.

Jacques Kallis is a better player than Stokes but I also want to watch this team play.

Also I don't like Virat Kohli.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: The Boston Crab on December 12, 2019, 05:16:57 AM
Love your no Indian approach. Respect.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 12, 2019, 08:41:19 AM
Pretty weak tail there, Philander in for Rabada might help even if he’d be injured every other game.

Watling in for de Kock too or give Sangakkara the gloves and hold your nose and pick Kohli.

de Villiers and Steyn disappointed not to be there. The latter raising his eyebrows at being left out in favour of Tremlett.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 12, 2019, 10:22:21 AM
yeah I am picking a very specific image of Tremlett in 2010/11 over the consistent peril of Steyn.

weak tail but with Smith and a Sangakkara that averages 66 when unburdened by webbed gloves you've got a rock.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 12, 2019, 11:14:09 AM
Swann for Herath might be a decent call if you wanted to boost the lower-order batting.

I definitely remember Swann's batting style being called a "wasp-like nuisance" or something similar in the Guardian. He was a world-class bowler too, although his career was too short really.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on December 12, 2019, 11:21:32 AM
Labuschagne gets another 100. Solid lad.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 12, 2019, 11:29:41 AM
I like Swann but he'd upset this dressing room of solid Head Boy types.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on December 12, 2019, 11:32:12 AM
Labuschagne gets another 100. Solid lad.

And just signed up for another two seasons with my beloved but AIDS-riddled Glamorgan.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Cuellar on December 12, 2019, 11:37:56 AM
I like Swann but he'd upset this dressing room of solid Head Boy types.

With his epic banter
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 12, 2019, 11:40:18 AM
Wagner strikes with the old ball again after like 9hrs of trying, this guy is an inspirational figure to any bowler imo. line. and. fucking. length.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 12, 2019, 11:50:15 AM
Wagner strikes with the old ball again after like 9hrs of trying, this guy is an inspirational figure to any bowler imo. line. and. fucking. length.

Interesting to read that it was a short ball down the legside, just like the one England finally got him with in summer. Seems like he might have a weakness!
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2019, 12:24:40 PM
No fucking way Warner is in my team. Flat track bully, cheat and twat.

And Keaton Jennings scored more runs in his last series in England than Warner did.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2019, 12:47:39 PM
OK so I am going on achievements and performance over the course of the decade rather than just a great 00s player who just straddled the decade for a couple of years.

Cook
Smith 
Sangakarra
Williamson (c)
Smith
De Villiers (wk)
Shakib Al Hasan
Herath
Boult
Steyn
Anderson

2nd opener was a tough call. Smith hung around for 5 years this decade without setting the world alight, but a tough bastard and 2nd innings specialist. Elgar has taken over that role but taken a while to turn it into his own. Karunaratne is doing well for Sri Lanka the last few years but not long enough. Gayle and Sehwag and Warner would seem to be more obvious selections but they are in turns feckless, selfish and despicable.

Spinwise, Swann only had a couple of effective years at the start of the decade whereas Herath has dominated.

Likewise Kallis misses out for Shakib who has played the decade and been the best all rounder, overall better than the underrated Jadeja.

Chanderpaul retired in 2015 so was sorely tempted to crowbar him in.

Kohli just misses out as has only really been a class test player for the last 3 years vs Smith and Williamson who have done it for longer. Root misses out as he doesnt cash in as often.

As we have 2 spinners and 2 right armers I am gonna pick a left armer, and who better than Trent Boult? Mitchell Johnson or Mitchell Starc? Well fuck off! Fuck right off!

There we go. A shit tail but enough grit at the top to salt the fucking trans canada highway.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 12, 2019, 12:57:23 PM
Labuschagne has overtaken Smith for most Test runs this calendar year:

http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/records/batting/most_runs_career.html?class=1;id=2019;type=year
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2019, 02:42:56 PM
Yeah he's a beast. Australia are gonna be unbeatable with those two and the bowlers staying fit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 12, 2019, 03:18:31 PM
Those England averages (Stokes apart). No wonder we're shit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2019, 03:41:33 PM
Warner with about 75% of those from 2 innings, one of which was about 200 more runs than was needed given the ridiculous margin of victory.

They should have a consistency/crucial moments score rater. I know some of the long stats heavy articles look at that but you would think a lot of this could be utomated nowm
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on December 12, 2019, 05:50:11 PM
Yeah he's a beast. Australia are gonna be unbeatable with those two and the bowlers staying fit.
Aye. Not sure we'll have to wait 16 years again to regain the Ashes but it's going to be a while the way they're shaping up.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 13, 2019, 11:32:12 AM
presume hyped Kiwi tyro Lockie 'Blackshoes' Ferguson is crocked? 11 overs and a load for Jeet Raval?

fascinating test though so far.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 14, 2019, 02:08:55 PM
Starc was unlucky not to get more Ashes action: 36 wickets at 20.44 this year

http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/stats/index.html?class=1;spanmin2=1+Jan+2019;spanval2=span;template=results;type=bowling
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 15, 2019, 05:40:53 PM
Windies won a one dayer in India.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 15, 2019, 05:41:25 PM
presume hyped Kiwi tyro Lockie 'Blackshoes' Ferguson is crocked? 11 overs and a load for Jeet Raval?

fascinating test though so far.

Was it?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 15, 2019, 05:48:34 PM
Was it?

soon as I wrote that it turned into a massive damb squib
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: druss on December 15, 2019, 09:17:53 PM
Good to see a cricketer winning SPOTY, real redemption arc for hero legend, Stokes.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 15, 2019, 09:23:24 PM
it was this thread wot won it
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 15, 2019, 09:27:04 PM
Wish he'd just said "Fuck Homophobes and Fuck The Sun" and walked off.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 16, 2019, 09:35:53 AM
A thug in the White House, a thug in No. 10, a thug* wins sports peronalityless of the year

*apparently not a true thug life
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 18, 2019, 11:27:41 AM
Anderson bit expensive early doors but then it seems everyone was. Radar since found, wickets for Woakes, Curran, and Jimmy. Only heard of one of their lot so no telling how useful a guide this.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 19, 2019, 06:19:18 PM
Pat Cummins is 26. 26.

Another 8 years of the cunt to come.. Arrrggh
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: sevendaughters on December 19, 2019, 07:17:14 PM
probably the best quick this century including Jimmy if he stays fit.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Villa_Gorilla on December 22, 2019, 03:02:33 PM
Just to share a recent TV find with the cricket lads, Pakistan v Sri Lanka test series is live on sky channel 715 (Sony Max HD) , India v WI ODI is on channel 717 (Star Gold HD) now.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 23, 2019, 07:00:21 PM
Last series for Big Vern. If that guy laid off the cakes and applied himself he might have had a good r... Oh.

Well done Big Vern.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 24, 2019, 11:37:17 PM
Should be a good series this. It’s nearly upon us. Half the bowling attack have upset bummies and Stokes’ dad is gonna cark it anytime. Optimum opportunity to see just how much child pornography is needed by the backroom staff  to really inject a bit of pep in this dressing room’s step.

Test kicks off about 9am Boxing Day doesn’t it? CANS CANS CANS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 24, 2019, 11:51:17 PM
8am.

It'll work well for me this series, since my work days start at 8am
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 25, 2019, 01:32:59 AM
England have a decent record in South Africa, whose batting can cave to accurate bowling. Wouldn't think England's batting can withstand a fully fit SA attack, however.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 25, 2019, 07:03:35 AM
I understand South Africa are a side in transition but they are still at home and England are a fucking wretchedly awful side now - especially away. Laden with dreck, paed-load critical.

And their increasingly Brexity band of followers should be rechristened AIDS Army.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 25, 2019, 10:14:22 AM
Pope has the mystery bug. Bairstow in line for a return.

Seriously lads, we know you love him but infecting half the team with norototorovirus just to create a convincing excuse to recall him is a step too far.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 25, 2019, 09:44:18 PM
Hopefully Stokesy’s da will get the grim reaper in a headlock and beat the shit out of him, leaving his son free to concentrate on the cricket (and being one of few members of the team not on the sex offenders register).
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 07:38:00 AM
England win the toss!

... and bowl.

I have a horrible feeling that will turn out to be another black mark against Root’s ”fresh and funky” captaincy.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 07:40:35 AM
And there’s Bairstow. He’s earned his place by playing exactly 0 first class games since getting dropped.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on December 26, 2019, 08:06:18 AM
Alright lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 08:34:45 AM
What a start by Anderson making a real statement about preferring adults to children. Let's see if the rest of his actions live up to that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Dr Trouser on December 26, 2019, 08:49:43 AM
We chose to bowl first? - fucksake.

What’s the black armbands for now?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on December 26, 2019, 08:58:34 AM
No TMS? Fuck Talksport. Dodgy Sky streams all the way down.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 09:02:31 AM
We chose to bowl first? - fucksake.

What’s the black armbands for now?

Bruce Willis
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on December 26, 2019, 09:04:12 AM
BUY ANDREX BOGROLL.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 09:20:03 AM
No TMS? Fuck Talksport. Dodgy Sky streams all the way down.

I don't understand this "cricket social" thing they do and why they do it instead. Just interminable.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 26, 2019, 09:28:14 AM
Fuck off to the cordoned off AIDS area YJB
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 26, 2019, 09:47:52 AM
Some good references on cricinfo commentary to the sheer amount of shitting and vomiting the England players have been doing.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on December 26, 2019, 09:53:54 AM
I don't understand this "cricket social" thing they do and why they do it instead. Just interminable.

Yeah but you can listen to Trotty and then try and stop shouting INSERT IT INTO YOUR ANUS when he's talking to Finny.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Mr Eggs on December 26, 2019, 09:56:43 AM
Oh fuck. I'd forgotten about ‎Andy Zaltzman.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 10:08:47 AM
Oh fuck. I'd forgotten about ‎Andy Zaltzman.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 26, 2019, 10:17:00 AM
^ antisemitism of the intolerant Marxist left
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 26, 2019, 10:55:11 AM
Why did we put them in. Batting on this 4th innings is gonna be a right fuck on. Oh well at least there’s BANTER GOUGH and KEVIN PIETERSEN to talk me through it. Oh and JARROD KIMBER get innnnnn
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 11:03:21 AM
Did they reckon Stokes might want an extra day before batting? Only reason I can think of.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 11:26:53 AM
Why did we put them in. Batting on this 4th innings is gonna be a right fuck on.

You're assuming we'll avoid the follow on.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 26, 2019, 11:28:36 AM
Curran still AIDS-free at this moment but under attack
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 11:49:42 AM
Curran still AIDS-free at this moment but under attack

With Curran, it's like he's in year 11, but you see him chatting to this group of girls from year 9 sometimes and it's a bit weird.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 12:11:00 PM
de Kock aiming for the world record for the most runs off edges in one innings here

Captain Decisive Root reacts by putting a man at long-on
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 12:15:43 PM
Actually quite a common issue for England: wipe up the top order then lose it when a couple of blokes start swinging.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Harry Badger on December 26, 2019, 01:58:55 PM
Archer has clearly spent the post-Ashes period in an early 1980s San Francisco bathhouse.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 02:03:20 PM
It's a shame, but the culture of the England cricket team has clearly rubbed off on him, normalised it. Can't really be avoided.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: rjd2 on December 26, 2019, 02:14:27 PM
Where is crab?

shocking lack of COCK gags when Quinton is batting.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 26, 2019, 03:46:08 PM
Honours even there. England have done pretty well considering Stokes’ absence and the lack of match practice for the other seamers. Root’s poor field placings cost them: half of SA’s runs came from edges through third slip.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 26, 2019, 03:50:37 PM
Root’s poor field placings cost them: half of SA’s runs came from edges through third slip.

Baffling. He has to be one of the worst captains tactically I’ve ever seen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 26, 2019, 03:58:10 PM
One of those days where you think we've done alright, but then still every chance we'll take ages to get this last wicket and then be all out by tea tomorrow.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 26, 2019, 07:37:47 PM
Still, positive to see England stick to their ambition of turning Archer from a potentially world class bowler into a distinctly average one through a solid combination of poor tactics and bad management.

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 08:18:54 AM
Trying to picture England hitting 400 here, and I just can't. Even 300 seems unlikely.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 08:26:31 AM
Can only read the live text updates today. Brilliant
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 08:39:43 AM
Here we here we here we fucking go
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on December 27, 2019, 09:47:11 AM
Survive Philander and Rabada and you face the County Trundler Kolpak wish list for Northants and Leicestershire.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 27, 2019, 12:05:58 PM
Bairstow.

*shudders*
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 27, 2019, 12:12:54 PM
Bairstow was so late on that one that the next batsman had reached the wicket by the time he’d got his bat down.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 12:20:16 PM
People in THE ENTIRE WORLD who didn't see that Bairstow dismissal coming:
Joe Root
Ed Smith
Jonny Bairstow
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on December 27, 2019, 12:20:24 PM
LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 12:21:41 PM
Oh good, time for a collapse
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 27, 2019, 12:47:39 PM
Quote from: Chris Silverwood
“One thing we’ll look at is building a batting group that can bat long periods of time, stack the runs up and put pressure on the opposition....”
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 01:43:45 PM
Last 7 wickets fell for 39 runs there.

The same mistakes and failures over and over again, isn’t it?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 27, 2019, 01:48:18 PM
Last 7 wickets fell for 39 runs there.

The same mistakes and failures over and over again, isn’t it?

Yes.

Sibley sadly looking totally out of his depth
Denly limited, actually frightening that his 50s are the highlight
Buttler not a test player
Bairstow an absolute joke - aids vortex
Archer underperforming with the bat

It's basically Curran and a load of diarrhoea paedophile aids wraiths

Stop trying to work around Root's delicate ego and replace him. Clear the decks.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: billyandthecloneasaurus on December 27, 2019, 01:56:00 PM
Fuck off bairstow
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 01:56:28 PM
Remember that first session in New Zealand. That was something.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 02:00:46 PM
The problem is our idea of test batting, is to play defensively for a few overs, and then start swinging madly...there's a bit more to it than that.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 02:20:56 PM
The problem is our idea of test batting, is to play defensively for a few overs, and then start swinging madly...there's a bit more to it than that.

Worked for South Africa yesterday to be fair
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 02:23:06 PM
Yes.

Sibley sadly looking totally out of his depth
Denly limited, actually frightening that his 50s are the highlight
Buttler not a test player
Bairstow an absolute joke - aids vortex
Archer underperforming with the bat

It's basically Curran and a load of diarrhoea paedophile aids wraiths

Stop trying to work around Root's delicate ego and replace him. Clear the decks.

Denly's limited but at least he's showing some fight and guts at the moment. The rest of them just seem to be sitting around hoping Stokes does something.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 02:38:54 PM
Make as good a start as you want. It'll just be more disappointing later.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 27, 2019, 02:46:19 PM
England need to bowl them out for under 100 to have any hope.

Hope we will just regret when they themselves manage to get bowled out for a minus number.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 27, 2019, 03:14:04 PM
Can’t wait to catch up on all today’s fantastic play with the BBC’s brilliant The Cricket Social.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 03:24:16 PM
Lots of wickets, but lots of runs too. Not really that useful.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Quote on December 27, 2019, 03:35:49 PM
Loving Root’s tactics of forcing his bowlers to bowl endless bouncers straight over the batsmen’s heads.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 27, 2019, 11:09:59 PM
More reason to hate these aids paedos

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50840254
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 28, 2019, 09:30:10 AM
So what we needed this morning was a couple of quick wickets to get in amongst the tail.

Instead the nightwatchman is gunting our guys all around the park and two of our batsmen are having the last rites administered.

And we’re right back where we were six months ago with Bairstow installed in the middle order and behind the stumps. ”When the storm is ended shall we find / How softly but how swiftly they have sidled back to power / By the favour and contrivance of their kind”.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 28, 2019, 10:13:06 AM
Sky pundit squad absolutely ripping into England's tactics and approach here.

Shaun Pollock trying to keep a straight face.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 28, 2019, 11:28:58 AM
I would say in fairness everyone's been ill and injured, but yeah doesn't seem like that would excuse the shitshow tactics.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 28, 2019, 11:47:46 AM
Imagine as a captain in the first test of an away series with a poorly squad (particularly bowlers) and knowing you're shitter than South Africa, knowing that bowling them out for anything higher than 150 will likely lead to a defeat, winning the toss and choosing to field.

Are the coaches like George W Bush's speech writers? Just feeding him some lines and seeing if he'll say them...
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 28, 2019, 12:35:44 PM
Not arsed...arise Sir Thuglife

One Show

Strictly

Celeb in Jungle

Top Gear

Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 28, 2019, 01:18:15 PM
Roger Taylor turning into Mike Gatting:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-50840254
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 28, 2019, 01:41:41 PM
Very decent opening stand for once.

Now taking bets on when the collapse will come. Spread is 120/1-150/6.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 28, 2019, 01:45:29 PM
Yeah this is a thing we often do, an unusually good start so you start to think "maybe" for a moment.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 28, 2019, 02:42:40 PM
Here we go then
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 28, 2019, 03:35:19 PM
So... first ball tomorrow?
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 28, 2019, 03:43:20 PM
Spend 120 overs getting bowled out for 180 instead of 80 overs.

New England

BORN winners
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: confettiinmyhair on December 28, 2019, 04:03:59 PM
Get the lemsips in tonight and smear the Vicks vapour rub on those whites. There's some batting to be done.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 28, 2019, 04:16:13 PM
All over by lunch tomorrow surely
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 29, 2019, 11:10:56 AM
Ah, there you are. 246 all out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Inspector Norse on December 29, 2019, 11:41:43 AM
New ball taken

Rabada bowls wide outside off stump

Do you
a) leave it so you can have a look at how it's behaving
b) have a big old swing and get out thus losing England the game

????????

Anybody who ever tries to pick Jonny Bairstow for the England test side again should be TAKEN OUTSIDE AND SHOT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 29, 2019, 12:53:21 PM
Thing is, cheap wickets have been given away there, but this was... okay for a 4th innings.

That really could have played out so differently if we'd batted first.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 29, 2019, 01:09:06 PM
Quote
Jonathan Agnew
BBC cricket correspondent in Centurion
England will take some positives away from this, but there are still some issues in that camp. Pope has been ill; people won't like the shot that Jonny Bairstow; Joe Root's finger - is that going to be alright?

Moments later

Quote
Daniel Fenton: If in the post match interview/autopsy I hear from anyone in the England camp talk about "taking positives from the game" I am going to combust into flames

Agnew is an imperialist clown
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 29, 2019, 01:10:44 PM
England appear to be unable to get them in singles and twos. A block, a boundary or out are their three options.

Yes, the wickets were largely self-inflicted but South Africa applied pressure and England don't have the skills to grind these games out.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 29, 2019, 03:34:38 PM
Hand those NYs honours backs, ill lads
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: iamcoop on December 29, 2019, 03:49:01 PM
THUG gets the SHITS
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 29, 2019, 04:27:05 PM
I suppose it's not surprising that the paedo team got honours from the queen.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: gilbertharding on December 29, 2019, 05:14:48 PM
Thing is, cheap wickets have been given away there, but this was... okay for a 4th innings.

That really could have played out so differently if we'd batted first.


Well, not really - England would just have collapsed embarrassingly at a different point of the game.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Thursday on December 29, 2019, 06:14:59 PM

Well, not really - England would just have collapsed embarrassingly at a different point of the game.

Well true, but it would have felt different if South Africa were chasing at the end.
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: poo on December 29, 2019, 06:29:34 PM
LOVE IT
Title: Re: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 29, 2019, 07:32:02 PM
England appear to be unable to get them in singles and twos. A block, a boundary or out are their three options.

Yes, the wickets were largely self-inflicted but South Africa applied pressure and England don't have the skills to grind these games out.

Sibley and Denly scoring too slowly to make big scores at test level with their technique, and putting pressure on Burns and Root to score, dragging them down in