Semi-Laughable News: Death By Chalk

[Ambient Sheep]

Gardener jailed for murdering lover in Surrey woods

A gardener has been jailed for life for murdering his lover in woods after he found out she was seeing another man.

The body of Linda Casey, 54, of Coulsdon, south London, was discovered in Banstead Woods, Surrey on 13 August.

Peter Ling, 50, from Wallington, south London, had admitted killing her with a lump of chalk but denied her murder.

Old Bailey Judge Giles Forrester told Ling he would have to serve a minimum of 18 years in jail, saying: "You were jealous, jealous beyond measure."

The court heard Ling attacked and killed Ms Casey, who was a horticultural lecturer, with a lump of chalk after he found out she had been seeing another man.
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Mr Coffey, defending, said: "Something inside him snapped and he went crazy. He picked up whatever was lying around and hit her with it. "

How the FUCK do you kill someone with a lump of chalk?  After the initial amusement at the thought of it involving some ninja-style move with a classroom writing stick, one starts to ponder it more seriously.  How big actually was it?  The stuff's so crumbly that I'm thinking it must have been of Life Of Brian Stoning Scene Punchline proportions.

I can only imagine that he must have hit her somewhere vulnerable with it and got (un)lucky - he was happy enough to be up on a manslaughter charge it seems, but denied murder.

[Blumf]

I'm guessing that it's chalk rock (White Cliffs of Dover stuff) not blackboard chalk:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chalk

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

They shouldn't lock him up. Waste of time.

[Saucer51]

Gardener jailed for murdering lover in Surrey woods
he was happy enough to be up on a manslaughter charge it seems, but denied murder.

I bet he was happy to admit to manslaughter. A nice little system that has enabled men to get away with killing partners or ex partners for decades. Women don't have the strength to kill men with their bare hands, we need a weapon, which is the apparent legal difference between premeditated murder and I Just Snapped. I'm guessing the use of a weapon got this man sent down. Had he strangled or beat this unfortunate woman to death, he'd probably be free in a year.

[Treguard of Dunshelm]

I bet Women don't have the strength to kill men with their bare hands, we need a weapon

[Jemble Fred]

Women don't have the strength to kill men with their bare hands

Wow, you've met them ALL? Who was the weakest?

[Ambient Sheep]

I'm guessing that it's chalk rock (White Cliffs of Dover stuff) not blackboard chalk:

Yup, those notoriously crumbly cliffs, bits of which keep falling into the sea, yes.

Where I grew up we used to have lumps of chalk in our garden soil, and you could pick them out and crumble them between your fingers (as well as writing on the garage wall with them and getting into bother for it).  Seen larger lumps when out and about walking too, seemed about the same consistency.

Obviously if you have a large enough lump and use it just right, I'm sure you can do damage to a person with it, but it just seems so unlikely (especially as the opening paragraph made me think of a little piece of blackboard chalk) that I did wonder just how big it was.  I'm happy to accept that I'm no chalk expert, but in my experience of it, surely a lump you could hold in your fist would just crumble if you smacked someone about the head with it?


Ambient Sheep does not condone the murder or manslaughter of women, or anybody else, as a solution to a bad relationship, or anything else.


EDIT:

Who would think a dense rock could be a weapon?!

But that's my whole point, surely chalk isn't a dense, hard, rock, but a soft and crumbly one?

[boki]

Women don't have the strength to kill men with their bare hands

Technique usually wins over brute strength in such matters.

[Uncle TechTip]

It may crumble but it's still going to hurt, surely.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I've seen lumps of chalk that you could easily knock people out with. Hell, you could probably do the same with blackboard chalk if you caught someone right on the temple.

[Ambient Sheep]

It may crumble but it's still going to hurt, surely.

Hurt, yes.  Crack skulls and induce death?  Well obviously it did, but I'm surprised.

(Note: I'm assuming he smacked her around the head with it, I don't actually know as the article doesn't say.)


WHOAH, it's all changed!!!  The BBC news story has expanded, and in the process has changed all mentions of "chalk" to "flint" or just "rock"!!  Well, that would explain it then, wouldn't it?  Bloody BBC.  The equivalent bits of the new version go like this, differences bolded:

A gardener has been jailed for life for murdering his lover in woods after he found out she was seeing another man.

The body of Linda Casey, 54, of Coulsdon, south London, was discovered in Banstead Woods, Surrey on 13 August.

Peter Ling, 50, from Wallington, south London, had admitted killing her with a rock but denied her murder.

Old Bailey Judge Giles Forrester told Ling he would have to serve a minimum of 18 years in jail, saying: "You were jealous, jealous beyond measure."

The court heard Ling attacked and killed Ms Casey, who was a horticultural lecturer, with a lump of flint after he found out she had been seeing another man.
::
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Mr Coffey, defending, said: "Something inside him snapped and he went crazy. He picked up whatever was lying around and hit her with it. "

Well, well, well!  Thanks, BBC, for fucking up my thread.  :-)


<sub><sup>Cue conspiracy theory that the whole story is some kind of bizarre setup, and that "chalk" was changed to "flint" when the BBC realised that it didn't make any kind of fucking sense.

No, I don't really believe that.  But it is strange.  Presumably some sort of junior reporter who knows fuck all about rocks misheard what was said in court.</sup></sub>

[Ambient Sheep]

I've seen lumps of chalk that you could easily knock people out with. Hell, you could probably do the same with blackboard chalk if you caught someone right on the temple.

Well it's all a bit academic now, but I think I covered the latter point (blackboard chalk to temple) with the bit I said about "a ninja-style move" in my opening post.  :-)

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

You could easily kill someone with a lump of chalk rock. As a child I used to pick it up on the beach all the time to draw cartoon knobs on the promenade, and it might be full of holes but that shit's still hefty. Imagining getting thumped with a big piece of it is not a pleasant thought.

Edit: oh apparently it's irrelevant now. But I still think you could kill with it.

[Ambient Sheep]

You could easily kill someone with a lump of chalk rock. As a child I used to pick it up on the beach all the time to draw cartoon knobs on the promenade,...

Tut, tut, and you look so innocent as well.

...and it might be full of holes but that shit's still hefty. Imagining getting thumped with a big piece of it is not a pleasant thought.

No, I guess not.  Really, if you go back and read my original post, I wasn't so much doubting it was possible, as saying "Y'know, how fucking big WAS this bit of rock and just how hard / where did he hit her with it?"

That, and trying to draw some rather dubious amusement from the whole ridiculous-sounding blackboard angle, which was what occurred to me when I read the opening paragraphs of the story.

RIP Linda Casey.

[Blumf]

Flint can be deadly:

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Damn good tailoring.

[mjki5gs2]

He did up my Aunt's garden, and she found his arrest very shocking at the time, mjki5gs2 fact-fans.

[Ambient Sheep]

He did up my Aunt's garden, and she found his arrest very shocking at the time, mjki5gs2 fact-fans.

Thank you for that.

_{^{<opens database>}}

[Santa's Boyfriend]

What's the point of wearing a bra if you've got manboobs?  It just looks silly.

[rudi]

Mans laughter can be deadly in the wrong hands...

[Cerys]

Flint can be deadly:

Thinnest ankle ever.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Flint can be deadly: