Create a T-Shirt slogan for me to wear

[boki]

WILL LEER FOR BREASTS

[Old Thrashbarg]

I'd like to lick Bruce Forsyth's unwigged scalp.

[Mary is not amused]

These eyes intentionally left blank.

[Mary is not amused]

Depending on your age:

+----------------+--------------------------------+
|  ###   #####   |                                |
| #   #  #       |   Contains strong language     |
|     #  #       |   and moderate sex.            |
|   ##    ####   |                                |
|     #       #  |                                |
| #   #       #  |                                |
|  ###    ####   |                                |
+----------------+--------------------------------+

[Small Man Big Horse]

I really like that, and funnily enough I am 35 right now too. But the only downside would be that in five months time it wouldn't apply any more.

[Zero Gravitas]

Claim it's 'retro' for mass appeal.

[Mary is not amused]

I am 35 right now too. But the only downside would be that in five months time it wouldn't apply any more.

In five months you expect to be a better, more vigorous, lover?  Pfft!

[Small Man Big Horse]

Oh no, quite the opposite infact.

[actwithoutwords]

IF YOU LIVED HERE, YOU'D BE HOME BY NOW

With an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

[HappyTree]

I don't have a light
I don't have any fags
I don't have skins
I don't want any hash
I don't have a watch
I don't want to sign
I can't give you any money
I don't want your flyer

Other than that, feel free to
engage me in conversation :)

[samadriel]

ADOLF NAMBLA PAEDOPHILE 2000

I also refer you to my avatar.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Would Almost Certainly Go Gay For You

Tagger ID 5715

This t-shirt was funny the first eleven times I wore it but now it's wearing a little thin

SALE

and, of course,

Daddy's
Little
Princess

[Papercut]

'like Lady Gaga watching Tron and misunderstanding what is good about it'

Nice, stupid and pretentious.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'Is the world's 2nd greatest t-shirt gay?'

[weekender]

"In 100 years' time every one of us will be dead"

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

This t-shirt was funny the first eleven times I wore it but now it's wearing a little thin

Fantastico!

[boki]

YOUR MUM WAS HERE

With an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

[rudi]

Maddie

With an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Your mum was here, with an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

[actwithoutwords]

I'M WITH STUPID

With an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

Though this must surely exist already?

[Semi Rotten Tomato Boy]

While children starve, I buy ironic T-shirts.

[weekender]

NO I DON'T WANT ANY CHOCOLATE WITH MY DVD
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU
WHEN THE MAGIC STEPS STOP MOVING, MOVE AWAY FROM THEM OTHERWISE OTHER PEOPLE WILL BE FORCED INTO YOU, TWAT
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY
WALKING IN ZIG-ZAG FASHION IS NOT NORMAL
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

_{weekender has been shopping today.}

[Small Man Big Horse]

Right then, the time limit's up, and the following are sadly disqualified:

The word 'Heart' on the sleeve.

As Cafepress don't offer that option, alas.

Front: I'VE HAD YOUR MUM
Back: 'S LOVELY APPLE CRUMBLE

Front:N0,I DON'T HAVE A LOYALTY CARD
Back:ALTHOUGH I CLIP COUPONS WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING

As back prints aren't something they offer either.

You were the lead in my last wet dream.*
*it was 1987 and you were four.

Likely to get me punched.

The news of Stephen Gately's death was deeply shocking. It was not just that another young star had died pointlessly.

Through the recent travails and sad ends of Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger and many others, fans know to expect the unexpected of their heroes - particularly if those idols live a life that is shadowed by dark appetites or fractured by private vice.

There are dozens of household names out there with secret and not-so-secret troubles, or damaging habits both past and present.

Robbie, Amy, Kate, Whitney, Britney; we all know who they are. And we are not being ghoulish to anticipate, or to be mentally braced for, their bad end: a long night, a mysterious stranger, an odd set of circumstances that herald a sudden death.

In the morning, a body has already turned cold before the first concerned hand reaches out to touch an icy celebrity shoulder. It is not exactly a new storyline, is it?

In fact, it is rather depressingly familiar. But somehow we never expected it of him. Never him. Not Stephen Gately.

In the cheerful environs of Boyzone, Gately was always charming, cute, polite and funny.

A founder member of Ireland's first boy band, he was the group's co-lead singer, even though he could barely carry a tune in a Louis Vuitton trunk.

He was the Posh Spice of Boyzone, a popular but largely decorous addition.

Gately came out as gay in 1999 after discovering that someone was planning to sell a story revealing his sexuality to a newspaper.

Although he was effectively smoked out of the closet, he has been hailed as a champion of gay rights, albeit a reluctant one.

At the time, Gately worried that the revelations might end his ultra-mainstream career as a pin-up, but he received an overwhelmingly positive response from fans. In fact, it only made them love him more.

In 2006, Gately entered into a civil union with internet businessman Andrew Cowles, who had been introduced to him by mutual friends Elton John and David Furnish.

Last week, the couple were enjoying a holiday together in their apartment in Mallorca before their world was capsized.

All the official reports point to a natural death, with no suspicious circumstances. The Gately family are - perhaps understandably - keen to register their boy's demise on the national consciousness as nothing more than a tragic accident.

Even before the post-mortem and toxicology reports were released by the Spanish authorities, the Gatelys' lawyer reiterated that they believed his sudden death was due to natural causes.

But, hang on a minute. Something is terribly wrong with the way this incident has been shaped and spun into nothing more than an unfortunate mishap on a holiday weekend, like a broken teacup in the rented cottage.

Consider the way it has been largely reported, as if Gately had gently keeled over at the age of 90 in the grounds of the Bide-a-Wee rest home while hoeing the sweet pea patch.

The sugar coating on this fatality is so saccharine-thick that it obscures whatever bitter truth lies beneath. Healthy and fit 33-year-old men do not just climb into their pyjamas and go to sleep on the sofa, never to wake up again.

Whatever the cause of death is, it is not, by any yardstick, a natural one. Let us be absolutely clear about this. All that has been established so far is that Stephen Gately was not murdered.

And I think if we are going to be honest, we would have to admit that the circumstances surrounding his death are more than a little sleazy.

After a night of clubbing, Cowles and Gately took a young Bulgarian man back to their apartment. It is not disrespectful to assume that a game of canasta with 25-year-old Georgi Dochev was not what was on the cards.

Cowles and Dochev went to the bedroom together while Stephen remained alone in the living room.

What happened before they parted is known only to the two men still alive. What happened afterwards is anyone's guess.

A post-mortem revealed Stephen died from acute pulmonary oedema, a build-up of fluid on his lungs.

Gately's family have always maintained that drugs were not involved in the singer's death, but it has just been revealed that he at least smoked cannabis on the night he died.

Nevertheless, his mother is still insisting that her son died from a previously undetected heart condition that has plagued the family.

Another real sadness about Gately's death is that it strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships.

Gay activists are always calling for tolerance and understanding about same-sex relationships, arguing that they are just the same as heterosexual marriages. Not everyone, they say, is like George Michael.

Of course, in many cases this may be true. Yet the recent death of Kevin McGee, the former husband of Little Britain star Matt Lucas, and now the dubious events of Gately's last night raise troubling questions about what happened.

It is important that the truth comes out about the exact circumstances of his strange and lonely death.

As a gay rights champion, I am sure he would want to set an example to any impressionable young men who may want to emulate what they might see as his glamorous routine.

For once again, under the carapace of glittering, hedonistic celebrity, the ooze of a very different and more dangerous lifestyle has seeped out for all to see.

For obvious reasons.

ADOLF NAMBLA PAEDOPHILE 2000

Ditto.

Maddie
With an arrow directed tastefully towards your crotch.

Also likely to see my beautiful face being beaten.

I KILLED JILL DANDO

Ditto, again.

Apart from that, all the others are acceptable (though obviously some terrify me).

VOTING OPENS...NOW!

[mook]

Just get mook printed on the fucker - but have it done backwards, so when you look in the mirror for a fleeting moment you can pretend to be me. Wouldn't that be nice.

[switchbitch]

Late entry!

[ziggy starbucks]

I vote for my

R.I.P.
Bruce Forsyth
1928-2010

[buntyman]

I vote for

'THAT WAS SOME COLD SHIT THROWING MY MAN LEROY OUT THE WINDOW!!"

even though I don't get the reference.

[boxofslice]

I vote for

even though I don't get the reference.

I believe it's a Shaft reference.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Come on you bastards, vote! You've only got till 7pm tomorrow night to radically alter my life. Or have me getting the odd bemused look. Either way, surely life doesn't get any more exciting than this?

[weekender]

Either way, surely life doesn't get any more exciting than this?

Once one is resigned to the fact that one's life is fundamentally worthless, one doesn't care, like.