Oi - keep your hands to yourself!

[Cerys]

Or not, as the case may be.  Two events today prompted this thread. 

The first involved an elderly gent who, when I smiled and said hello to him on my way across town, reached out and very gently brushed a stray strand of hair back from my face.  It was only in retrospect that I thought some people might be freaked or intimidated by something like that.  At the time it was just unexpected, but sweet.

The second was a woman who, when I stopped at the side of the road to let a car pass before I crossed, asked if I was all right:

Me: Yes, I was just waiting for that car to go past.
Her: What's the matter with your daughter's face?
Me: Oh, she's got eczema - she's scratched it.
Her: Can you get cream for it?
Me: We've tried loads _{[here we go again.]}
Her: What does the doctor say?
Me: Different things, depending on the doctor _{[you're about to suggest yet another herbal remedy, aren't you?]}
Her: Can I pray for her - would that be all right?
Me: Um - well, yes - we're not Christians, but I appreciate your offer _{[okay, wasn't expecting that].}
Her: Is it okay if I say a quick prayer for her now, and perform a laying on of hands?
Me: Er - yes _{[would certainly cause less harm than if I were to make a fuss about it in front of an impressionable three-year-old.]}
Her: What's her name?
Me: Bethan.
Her: Oh Lord Jesus, heal Bethan of her eczema and draw her to you, and help Bethan and her mother accept that they are yours, so they can be saved.
Me: ... _{[Bethan please stop struggling to get away, it's not the most tactful of responses.]}
Her: ...
Me: Thankyou.  As I said, we're not Christians, but I appreciate and respect the thought.


So - what would you have done or felt in either case?  Both times, although they were unexpected, I came away with no feeling of having my (or Bethan's) personal space intruded upon.  The second encounter was a bit strange and hard to deal with, mostly because I feel like such an imposter when people offer to pray for me or mine, but the first was just ... I don't know.  Lovely.

We don't tend, as a society, to take being touched by random people in the street as an everyday or even positive occurrence.  I know people who would find both events intimidating, laughable, or just downright weird.  Are you one of them?

[falafel]

"Fuck off"

"Fuck off"

...


I would probably flinch and then submit to the first, and then considering the context of the second just sort of politely decline the religious lady - I don't think I could tolerate indulging such a facile fantasy, I really couldn't, although I would be openly grateful for her kind thoughts.

My general response - as quoted to a friend of mine a year or so back, and which doesn't just apply to strangers - is "if you touch me unexpectedly, I'll punch you in the tits."

[wherearethespoons]

The second was a woman

How old would you estimate this woman to be? It just sounds a bit too fantastic to be true. You could have said Bethan was a leper or spawn of the devil.

I don't like being touched by anyone. If I'm drunk it's not unusual to find me snogging the face of some bird I've just met though. That would make a better song Tom Jones you big poof.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

People usually tend to bump into me or feel me up so the strand of hair thing would feel less of an invasion of privacy. It's still very much a 'err...what are you doing?' moment though.

I would've got really snooty about the prayer thing and probably tried to get out of there ASAP.

[hpmons]

I was tempted to make a similar thread a few weeks ago, for a really minor reason...Just a supervisor touched my shoulder. That makes me sound really weird, that I'd even think about such an occurrence, he just briefly touched my shoulder while talking to me, in a manner which I guess is perfectly ordinary.  I guess I'm not used to physical contact much, especially with strangers.  It's happened a few other times at work, and somehow I just find it...noticeable.  I can remember someone touching my waist several months ago, and someone else tapping me on the head, and I feel like I shouldn't remember such things, because presumably that happens all the time to people.

As a teenager I actively disliked hugs, I didn't understand them.  Friends would try to hug me (as teenage girls do) and I'd just tense up and stand there with my arms by my side, looking like an idiot.  Eventually they gave up trying.  Its something I've become used to now and don't have a problem.  Sometimes its even nice.

In the first case I'd smile awkwardly, in the second case I'd try my best to rush off and/or politely decline.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Oh Lord Jesus, heal Bethan of her eczema and draw her to you

That is just one colossal sanity-fuck of a sentence.

[boxofslice]

The first one sounds a little creepy - beware of old men and their wandering hands.  As for the second one that sounds bizarre, if it was just me I might have gone along with it for the laugh but with a child, no.

[falafel]

TBH the first one just sounds condescendingly pessimistic regarding your own motor-control capabilities.

[falafel]

As for the second one that sounds bizarre, if it was just me I might have gone along with it for the laugh

That would certainly be a lot more fun if you tried to out-do the religious woman and ended up running off into traffic screaming about casting off your accursed skin.

[greencalx]

I get offended by people who insist on placing their hands on my shoulders and moving me out of the way so that they can get to the bar or toilet in a busy pub. Yes, I can understand the concept that I might be blocking your path to where you want to go. But you could say "excuse me, please" and I'd move. I once pointed out to someone that I thought this was rude, and the guy came up to me later in the evening and told me that I should take life less seriously. Grump.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

I had severe eczema on my arse as a child- I wish I'd met those Christians then.  You were far politer than I would have been in that situation.  Even social workers aren't allowed to lay hands on children, but Christians can, tsch.

I HATE being touched by strangers.  My favourite coat is a fluffy leopardprint one.  Yes, it does look dashedly inviting, but so does a giant chocolate cake in a shop window.  It doesn't mean you walk in and stick your hands in it.  People always come up and stroke my coat, oblivious to the fact I'm clearly bristling with discomfort and about to tell them to fuck off.  It pisses me off because I'm not an unfriendly person at all, but if someone's introduction to me is rubbing their fucking hands up and down my arm, then when I shrug them off and fight the urge to rub my hands over their face to see if they like it, then I don't come across as the friendliest of people.

I also hate people lifting me up.  People who are very close to me, fine, I don't like it, but I tolerate it.  But people who barely know me think I'm so small and "cute" (I hate that, I'm not cute) that I'm easy to pick up, so they grab me and do so.  Then, of course, everyone is fucking looking, and I'm a lot heavier than they'd think I am, so they can barely hold me, and my kicking isn't helping, they drop me and I say, "See?  Don't lift me!  I'm heavy! I don't like it!" and it's embarrassing. 

Er, yeah.  At a CaB meet I reacted quite aggressively to someone rubbing my coat.  Apologies to them, but it had been done about 30 times that week already and I was on the verge of burning my fluffy coats and wearing macs made out of dog shit instead.

[Cerys]

As for the second one that sounds bizarre, if it was just me I might have gone along with it for the laugh but with a child, no.

It was one of those split-second decisions - would it be worse for Bethan to have some woman's (mittened) hand on her head for a moment, or to be imprinted by her mother telling someone not to touch her?  I just figured that accepting it as the kind gesture the woman presumably intended was better than upsetting her by refusing, and then having to explain it all to Bethie.  As it is, Bethan hasn't asked me about it at all, so I don't think there's a problem there.  If she does, I'll explain.

[Danger Man]

Bethan, etc

Blimey. I'm really going to pull my punches on your husband after reading this.

Umm......is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

[Cerys]

I don't get it.

[Danger Man]

I don't get it.

Global warming humour....for what it's worth.

[Cerys]

Heh - there are many threads I don't read.

[Danger Man]

Heh - there are many threads I don't read.

Probably for the best...you might end up getting a divorce if you knew what a BULLY your hubby is.

There. I've said it.

[El Unicornio, mang]

A woman on the bus the other day gave me some Christian calender thing with bible passages on it and started talking about what a great man Billy Graham is. She was a sweet old lady so I just went along with it. It's kind of pointless to get all disagreeable about it, regardless of my own beliefs, it would upset her and make me more angry.

[Cerys]

Um - can we not go down the whole religious debate (again) please?  The point of the thread's supposed to be physical contact, not whether or not we agree with each other's beliefs.  Apologies if my original post implied otherwise.

[Danger Man]

Um - can we not go down the whole religious debate (again) please?  The point of the thread's supposed to be physical contact, not whether or not we agree with each other's beliefs.  Apologies if my original post implied otherwise.

Christ, me....Biggy...S?S!...SNG...all in a huddle formation...........back in 10 minutes.

[rudi]

The first is a wee bit presumptious, the second I'd have refused, politely at first, less so if that didn't work. Touching me is fine but I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable arranging for someone else to be touched (says the unmarried marriage counsellor here!).

I get a little depressed on here sometimes reading how many people here hate touching, talking to strangers, harmless terms of semi-affection and so on. Cook'd and Bleedin' Aspergers, I swear.

Greencalx: surely it depends on the business (busy-ness?) of the bar? I touch people on the shoulder if they haven't moved after I've tried saying excuse me, some people even respond better in a busy place as they can just carry on talking and lean out of the way; it has to be better than someone asking louder and louder until the first time you hear them they're bellowing at you.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I don't mind it as long as I can see it coming, but a former boss would often stand behind me chatting, and then suddenly start massaging my shoulders. He was a really nice guy, but after about a month I almost jumped out of my skin each time he touched me, I just wasn't that comfortable with it.

I remember recounting the tale on here of how once a man came up to me in the street and asked if he could have a hug as he'd just had some awful news, and everyone presumed he was attempting to pickpocket me or get some sort of a sexual thrill. But it was actually quite a touching moment, the poor sod looked a complete mess, and if that tiny little bit of human contact makes someone's day even slightly more barable, then I'd do it again in a second.

[Serge]

I'm not very good at physical contact at all. My family aren't in any way touchy-feely, so I never grew up with the habit of hugging, etc. I have friends who obviously come from families where they're obviously all over each other and are a lot more at ease with the laying on of hands. If someone hugs me, I tend to stand there very stiffly and my return hug comes out more like a consoling pat on the back.

[An tSaoi]

I now imagine you as Herr Flick.

_{I'm the same.}

[Guy]

Come on and touch me. Touch me, touch. Come on and touch me. Come on and, come on - come on and touch me. Touch me, touch. Come on and touch meeeeeeeeee-ee-ee-eee.

[Serge]

I now imagine you as Herr Flick.

_{I'm the same.}

My only memories of 'Allo Allo' are all Arthur Bostrom - related, so I'll have to take your word for the Herr Flick comparison. I'm thinking Mark Corrigan again myself, but I don't remember any specific hugging incidents from 'Peep Show'.

[Saucer51]

Just today as I waited for my bus from the trainstation, it started to drizzle and another woman took my arm and gently tugged me into the shelter, explaining that I would get wet otherwise. I had been standing outside because I wanted to have a proper view of an approaching bus and after a long week it was strangely liberating to have cold pizzly rain on my face. Had I wanted to stand inside the shelter I would have done. Yet I felt unable to go against her concern for me and meekly stayed in the shelter. What a coward I am.

I really hate the hugginess that seems to have crept into the national character. My colleagues hug at the drop of a hat and I get suckered in out of a need to conform. When I asked a builder recently where a particular road was, he drew me into a hug just to point the way ahead.

If we're to go "continental", can we have the climate and the siestas too?

[An tSaoi]

The worst one is when people ruffle your hair. I am not 6.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I don't like that either. I want to fix it straight after because I don't want to look like Mr Majeika for the rest of the evening, but I don't want to appear vain so I tend to leave it a bit, then pretend I'm scratching my head or something to fix it. Then I stab the person who did it.

[kngen]

One of the less expected side effects of being tattooed is that your arms (or whatever other exposed body part you have adorned) suddenly become public property. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been chatting with someone in a pub/gig etc when I suddenly feel one of my arms being yanked away - sometimes by an acquaintance, sometimes by a complete stranger - to be pored over and groped by a group of people who have temporarily taken leave of the basic tenets of social interaction to the point that they seem quite taken aback when I make it quite clear that I'd prefer to be asked before being passed around for inspection.

(Serves you right for doing something so stupid to yourself, I hear the more pious say. Yes, but the upside is the surfeit of wierd, scary but definitely memorable sex you get to have with emotionally unstable people who are drawn to tattooed folk like highly excitable flies to otherwise quite-normal-really shit.)