Ron

[Better Midlands]

Ah, I never knew it was 100 days, I assumed he'd just watched one film and was objecting to paying a small £3 or whatever pay per view fee on principle.  This puts a new slant on things!

Also note that it happened in 2009, 2012 and 2014, the classic photos are from the 2014 new stories.

In this news report from 2009 you can see that the sofa is under the window.

The mum-of-five said: "It was funny when the first bill came. Our sons were laughing and joking about it, but it's beyond a joke now.  Over the course of 36 days, 56 films were ordered on our account. They were all in the early hours of the morning when we were both in bed. On one occasion six had been ordered at exactly the same time, how is that possible?  I think someone must be hacking into the system, but Virgin just won't have it. I am absolutely furious.

[dead-ced-dead]

Over the course of 36 days, 56 films were ordered on our account. They were all in the early hours of the morning when we were both in bed.

Fifty six films!? I bet one day someone's going to tell Ron that he could be watching all the grot he wants online for free and he's going to kick himself.

[Blumf]

What if Ron's innocent and it was Mrs Ron getting her grot on?

Anybody who has studied the matter knows this to be the truth.

Biggest double-bluff in history!

[idunnosomename]

the video is worth watching some of

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/virgin-media-sex-porn-movie-6949174

fuckin look at him. guilty written on his face, horny old cunt

[Fambo Number Mive]

Looking at that link, I suspect the papers partly love stories like that because it does wonders for their SEO.

[JamesTC]

Fifty six films!? I bet one day someone's going to tell Ron that he could be watching all the grot he wants online for free and he's going to kick himself.

I think he gets off on watching it on Pay Per View and then getting to lie about it. The grot itself is secondary.

[Hand Solo]

To be fair:

On one occasion six had been ordered at exactly the same time, how is that possible?

Is this exactly possible, I've never used Virgin Media or ordered grot? If it's not a hack or a mistake I imagine you don't have to watch each film as you order it? Could he have just got carried away and ordered six films in a row ready for an all-night sess?

Trying to work out how many hours of wanking that would be, I tried googling 'average porn length' and got some fairly distracting unrelated results. So I merely imagined about 60 minutes to be a fair length of the modern porn movie, seeing as they don't focus much on justifying plot since the 1980s. So that's 6 hours, supposing Ann and Ron are typical pensioners, they get to bed by about 11pm at night, which gives Ron from say midnight to make sure Ann is sound asleep to about 6:30 - 7am to get all his wanking and cleaning up done before climbing back into bed before Ann wakes up. So that gives him a comfortable 30 mins to an hour each way to get such an extreme session through without detection. Easy peasy denim squeazy.

[BlodwynPig]

Also note that it happened in 2009, 2012 and 2014, the classic photos are from the 2014 new stories.

In this news report from 2009 you can see that the sofa is under the window.

Did the 2014 article mention 2012 and 2009? No? tsk Journalists these days.

[Hand Solo]

Did the 2014 article mention 2012 and 2009? No? tsk Journalists these days.

Makes me think Ron goes into some kind of supernatural husk-like hibernation period (as show in the photos) where he can reign it in for about 2 years before being forced into having to manifest into his true ravening form and feed, like Stephen King's It.

[idunnosomename]

might explain why he wanks for like two weeks straight to eight films at a time

[PlanktonSideburns]

Notice as well the un-drunk cup of tea to punctuate the shot, which at that point (after waiting for however long to get their tat in order and for the photographers to set up) must be stone cold.

Rons mum brought it up last night

[monkfromhavana]

To be fair:
Is this exactly possible, I've never used Virgin Media or ordered grot? If it's not a hack or a mistake I imagine you don't have to watch each film as you order it? Could he have just got carried away and ordered six films in a row ready for an all-night sess?

Trying to work out how many hours of wanking that would be, I tried googling 'average porn length' and got some fairly distracting unrelated results. So I merely imagined about 60 minutes to be a fair length of the modern porn movie, seeing as they don't focus much on justifying plot since the 1980s. So that's 6 hours, supposing Ann and Ron are typical pensioners, they get to bed by about 11pm at night, which gives Ron from say midnight to make sure Ann is sound asleep to about 6:30 - 7am to get all his wanking and cleaning up done before climbing back into bed before Ann wakes up. So that gives him a comfortable 30 mins to an hour each way to get such an extreme session through without detection. Easy peasy denim squeazy.

He doesn't need to watch them solely at night either, I'm sure Mrs. Ron has an active social life, does all the shopping etc, giving Ron plenty of chance to close the curtains and settle in to his favourite films.

[TrenterPercenter]

It's known as having a "cheeky Ron off the wrist"

[buzby]

To be fair:
Is this exactly possible, I've never used Virgin Media or ordered grot? If it's not a hack or a mistake I imagine you don't have to watch each film as you order it? Could he have just got carried away and ordered six films in a row ready for an all-night sess?

Virgin Media have had problems with their boxes being hacked to unlock all the premium channels - a bloke in Birmingham got 5 years in 2010 for selliing unlocked set top boxes and another bloke in Leicester got sent down for it in 2016 too. There is a remote possibility that Ron's account details got cloned onto one of these hacked boxes.

[Thomas]

There is a remote possibility that Ron's account details got cloned onto one of these hacked boxes

, which Ron had upstairs in the spare room.

[DrGreggles]

Just realised that middle-aged Ron was on my Teams meeting.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Virgin Media have had problems with their boxes being hacked to unlock all the premium channels - a bloke in Birmingham got 5 years in 2010 for selliing unlocked set top boxes and another bloke in Leicester got sent down for it in 2016 too. There is a remote possibility that Ron's account details got cloned onto one of these hacked boxes.

Is cloning onto the boxes something that happened before or after card sharing? Some bloke I used to work with had a cheap third party combined sattelite and cable receiver that would soft-cam either, but based on what he was telling me Sky had twigged the card sharing code for their system wasn't aware of newer transponders, so they shuffled all their HD and premium stuff there, and Virgin were updating to a newer cardless version of Nagra. It apparently even had a custom UI that was a clone of Sky's then new Sky-Q menus, making navigation better than the stock Virgin system.

Of course IPTV is the rage now, but I heard somewhere it was card sharing that made that viable and it's now relying on some older Irish cable systems that still use cards.

[touchingcloth]

Apparently Ron has started popping the set top box up his arse while he wanks.

[idunnosomename]

I hope Ann makes an account here to say how lovely it is that her Ron has brought so much joy to a blue forum

[Better Midlands]

Apparently Ron has started popping the set top box up his arse while he wanks.

It's a shame, Ann's collection of snow globes haven't seen any action in years.

[touchingcloth]

I'd like it if someone found out their phone number and called them pretending to be Richard Branson and demanding payment for all of the latest gape porn Ron has been watching and record it and put it on soundclouds. Cheers.

[dead-ced-dead]

I hope Ann makes an account here to say how lovely it is that her Ron has brought so much joy to a blue forum

Ron's basically this forum's mascot.

[touchingcloth]

It's a shame, Ann's collection of snow globes haven't seen any action in years.

They're too spherical. Ron enjoys the jaggedness of the boxes, and has recently moved onto inserting them sideways. You can't do that with snow globes unless you put the base in, but they're often on a layer of baize and you don't need me to tell you how much of a nightmare it is to remove the bouquet of bum from the baize base of a blizzard balloon.

[JamesTC]

Apparently Ron has started popping the set top box up his arse while he wanks.

One Ron, One Jar

[Sherringford Hovis]

Ron's basically this forum's mascot.

Ron's also the patron saint of Angry People In Local Newspapers and about to be immortalised in titular award-form as The Ronnies.

[Marner and Me]

Tom Cornish at school racked up £250 on his parents Sky Bill with Red Hot TV

[JamesTC]

When a kid, I set a reminder on my mate's Sky TV for "Anal Cream Pie" at 9pm. I like to think his parents were watching when the reminder popped up.

This programme is about to start
Anal Cream Pie   9.00pm XXX TV

[touchingcloth]

Ron's basically this forum's mascot.

[dead-ced-dead]

Well, that settles it. There is no God, goodness is an illusion and we're living in Lovecraftian Hellscape where the world is plagued by cosmic horrors.

[dex]

When a kid, I set a reminder on my mate's Sky TV for "Anal Cream Pie" at 9pm. I like to think his parents were watching when the reminder popped up.

This programme is about to start
Anal Cream Pie   9.00pm XXX TV

A classic puerile act but made me snigger anyways. Well played.