The King, King Charles, has Cancer

[Butchers Blind]

Looks fucked, sounds fucked, dead soon.

[Underturd]

Is he extending his sausage fingers to let poor starving people have a nibble? That's nice.

What about the vegetarians though, doesn't he care about them, the entitled prick?

[Blue Jam]

What about the vegetarians though, doesn't he care about them, the entitled prick?

Probably not, but at least his sausage fingers are organic.

This year's recipients received £5 coins with the image of a Tudor dragon, a 50p marking the The Royal National Lifeboat Institution's 200th anniversary and specially minted silver Maundy coins

...a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. Ooooooh, it's a good paper.

[Ferris]

Gouty's missed the Maundy church service due to being "too fucked to worship"

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68678904

Still, he might have missed Maundy, but he'll no doubt soon be enjoying Mourn-Day, eh readers?

These AI voice generators are improving all the time.

[Underturd]

Probably not, but at least his sausage fingers are organic.

I don't want to think about what organs they've been manipulating.

[Blue Jam]

Hard to get the full horror of this to register on my phone's camera. It looks like Metro sent a photographer to the afterlife.

[Underturd]

Looks like he's morphing into a desiccated  Eamonn Holmes.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Fucking hell, it must be bad if it's audio only, and audio recorded back in mid-March at that. I wonder if they got him in to do a whole bunch of messages to cover the next year or two so that if he does pass on they can pretend he's still alive.

[Ferris]

Fucking hell, it must be bad if it's audio only, and audio recorded back in mid-March at that. I wonder if they got him in to do a whole bunch of messages to cover the next year or two so that if he does pass on they can pretend he's still alive.

"Merry Christmas 2027, I'm feeling absolutely great but still need a bit of rest..."

[Huxleys Babkins]

Fucking hell, it must be bad if it's audio only, and audio recorded back in mid-March at that. I wonder if they got him in to do a whole bunch of messages to cover the next year or two so that if he does pass on they can pretend he's still alive.

This picture was supposedly taken yesterday:



Perhaps he couldn't make it to church because his hands are now utterly gone due to an over-enthusiastic handshake.

[Blumf]

That'd explain the distinct series of five loud 'pops' I heard in the distance yesterday.

[Small Man Big Horse]

This picture was supposedly taken yesterday:



Perhaps he couldn't make it to church because his hands are now utterly gone due to an over-enthusiastic handshake.

I now refuse to believe any images unless he's holding up a copy of today's newspaper.

[Better Midlands]

Hang on a minute

[close]

[BlodwynPig]

"Merry Christmas 2027, I'm feeling absolutely great but still need a bit of rest..."

"To my people, the defeat of Vladimir Putin is a signal that even in despair, good will eventually triumph. I wish all our servicemen and women a safe journey home."

backup

"Today I have been asked by President Putin of Europe to step aside from my role as King of the Western Prussia. I wish my successor well in his rule and will return to my greatest passion, gardening."

[Blue Jam]

Maybe Chuck couldn't appear on camera because his doctors couldn't find a leg and a wing in time.

[Blue Jam]

Fucking hell, it must be bad if it's audio only, and audio recorded back in mid-March at that. I wonder if they got him in to do a whole bunch of messages to cover the next year or two so that if he does pass on they can pretend he's still alive.

If he's getting systemic effects that may rule out bladder cancer and him getting the chemo shot directly up the eleventh sausage.

[SpiderChrist]

In his message, the King reaffirmed his coronation pledge "not to be served, but to serve" with "my whole heart".

Where's that fucking cup of tea, Chaz? CHAZ! Workshy cunt.

ETA yeah he looks mad fucked in that photo.

[robhug]

they'll just put electrodes in his corpse like they did with her maj and get him to wave from a balcony every few months to throw people off the scent that he's been dead a while

its normally the scent that does it tho

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

the pizza we ordered, camilla
gave me mcgregor's syndrome

[imitationleather]

I don't understand why they'd pretend he's alive. Surely when he dies they're going to be dancing a jig that it's not King Assault on the Eyes anymore.

Oh hang on I just remembered who is next in line yeah nevermind.

[George White]

Hard to get the full horror of this to register on my phone's camera. It looks like Metro sent a photographer to the afterlife.

Like Phil, like son.

[gilbertharding]

I was in a seminar today, given by a manufacturer of things to cure cracking in brickwork, and the guy delivering it made a passing reference to 'Prince Charles's sausage fingers' - which got a sort of gasp-laugh from some people in the audience...

I think the guy had it a bit wrong though, because he was picturing these massive fat hands being immensely strong, rather than prone to spontaneously bursting.

[Butchers Blind]

"Don't squeeze too hard they'll bloody burst!".

[Theoretical Dentist]

Hard to get the full horror of this to register on my phone's camera. It looks like Metro sent a photographer to the afterlife.

Even if he holds up today's front page in a photo to prove he's still alive it's not going to help his cause.

(He might also want to avoid holding up that Metro front page next to his face because the main headline is 'Totally failed', but I think it's already been established that the royal PR departments aren't too hot at picking up on these things).

[RottonRaddish]

Fucking hell, it must be bad if it's audio only, and audio recorded back in mid-March at that. I wonder if they got him in to do a whole bunch of messages to cover the next year or two so that if he does pass on they can pretend he's still alive.

I think even with the shit royal PR machine, it would be quite sick to pretend he is alive when he has passed.  I imagine his dad would step in to put a stop to distasteful stuff like that.  He's a cheeky racist, but he knows when banter becomes too much.

[BlodwynPig]

On that note, where the hell is Prince Phil!!?

Hasn't been seen since Monday at that charity event, flirting with Babs Windsor and having a cheeky dig at that 'foreign muck' served by the Brick Lane Bangladesh community.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

i just saw phil on the palace webcam, going at it on the swings in the garden. full of the joys of spring

[kalowski]

Going at it with who? One of the nannies, the randy old sod!?

[Alberon]

Audio only message from Chuckles, so literally too fucked to show?

He seems to be having heavy treatment for something that was 'caught early' and he seems to doing all these staged appearances in one room like the CoD was in her last few months.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Rumour has it he's pissed out his bladder but it's still attached via an inside-out urethra. Lackeys are trying to push it back up with a gold stick.