Artists who were naff and stayed naff

[Mr Banlon]

It's also a place in Rio.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copacabana,_Rio_de_Janeiro
So it would not be wildly inappropriate as a soundbed for a travel program showing you the beaches of Rio.

Copacabana and Ipanema are the most famous districts of RJ. At least The Girl From Ipanema is about a girl from Ipanema. Travel shows should stop getting Copacabana wrong.

[CaledonianGonzo]

I got teargassed by the police on Ipanema Beach, but I can confirm that Tom Jobim never wrote a song about it.

[Dr Rock]

The girl from Ipanema is from Ipanema. That doesn't mean the song stating her activities mentioned in the song are taking place in Ipanema. She could be in Margate.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Perhaps she's in the same nightclub as Lola.....

....down in North Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, etc.

[Dr Rock]

Perhaps she's in the same nightclub as Lola.....

....down in North Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, etc.

No, because she looks at the sea. Unless there is a North Soho somewhere that's by a beach, then it could be near Club Tropicana too.

[Dr Rock]

The two Lolas could be the same person though. Nowhere in the song Copacabana does it say Lola is not trans. And between Tony being shot by Rico, and Lola going mental, she could've spent some time in London.

[Mr Banlon]

https://twitter.com/DailyMirror/status/954147645584486402

[CaledonianGonzo]

That doesn't mention anything about a nightclub.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Go West - King of Wishful Thinking, that's a naff song with a very naff video. It fuckin rips though.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Just because something is naff doesn't mean it can't also be a banger.  The Bump by Kenny isn't on the bleeding edge of the avant garde but it's still a jam.

[wosl]

Band brought up in another thread, which got me thinking about them in this context: Embrace.  Can't say with complete certainty, since I've only been spottily exposed to their output, but this doesn't feel wrong.  Oasis-y, anthemic chorus-mongering and soggy balladeering put to the service of a flat-footed, never-give-up-there's-a-brighter-day-ahead earnestness that perma-nobbles them.  They're like a Christian meeting group's idea of defiant fist-waving Brit-rock (indeed, their attendant fans devotion registers a 'cult-faith' meter reading).

[dr beat]

Got a copy of Manilow Magic here that's done many a shift on the turntable in the wee small hours of the morning when the vibe gets a bit boozy and sentimental.

Another one for the Baz camp here.  If thats the right way of putting it.

[kngen]

There is, of course, the irredeemably naff bargain-basement Manilow: Rupert Holmes, who is unlikely to receive the kind of career reappraisal that Barry is due. I mean, look at the state of this:



But that album (Pina Colada Song not included) has a dear, drunken place in my heart after me and my best mate found it in his parents' record collection - and I probably can recall the its lyrics with more accuracy than those of most of the bands I've been in.

Oh, and even better, he includes a little essay in the liner notes that is not a million miles away from Monty Burns' Will There Ever Be A Rainbow? epilogue ('What? Me? Thanking you?')

Just listen to the unearned grandiosity of this stone-cold naffbanger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVjWgh_S7sQ

[Twed]

Go West - King of Wishful Thinking, that's a naff song with a very naff video. It fuckin rips though.

Yeah, I'll hear no ill word towards this. It's just joyful and without cynicism. Same with Earth, Wind and Fire. How dare.

[Phil_A]

There is, of course, the irredeemably naff bargain-basement Manilow: Rupert Holmes, who is unlikely to receive the kind of career reappraisal that Barry is due. I mean, look at the state of this:



But that album (Pina Colada Song not included) has a dear, drunken place in my heart after me and my best mate found it in his parents' record collection - and I probably can recall the its lyrics with more accuracy than those of most of the bands I've been in.

Oh, and even better, he includes a little essay in the liner notes that is not a million miles away from Monty Burns' Will There Ever Be A Rainbow? epilogue ('What? Me? Thanking you?')

Just listen to the unearned grandiosity of this stone-cold naffbanger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVjWgh_S7sQ

"Him" is total passive-aggressive classic, I love it. Especially with the super-creepy spoken-word intro on this version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rui30alanCs

He really does have a face that seems to be auditioning for it's own mugshot.

[Oops! Wrong Planet]

I always liked that chorus to 'Him'.

'Who, What, When, Where, Why' is along similar lines https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrowuiXAnf0 .   Not much luck keeping his women faithful, but pronouns were putty in his hands.

[kngen]

"Him" is total passive-aggressive classic, I love it. Especially with the super-creepy spoken-word intro on this version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rui30alanCs

He really does have a face that seems to be auditioning for it's own mugshot.

Dear god, that's fantastic - compounded by the 'Rupert Holmes' neon light backdrop - and is the perfect example of his icky 'Me Generation therapist turned sex pest' vibe that he exudes like a choking fog.

Not much luck keeping his women faithful, but pronouns were putty in his hands.

Genuine LOL - and it did occur to me that I couldn't think of one Rupe composition where he actually finds some kind of romantic success, but then I remembered Blackjack, where he conveys the joy of finding new love via the language of the popular casino staple.

I'm a sailor of fate and fortune
And I go with the cards
If I turn up a Queen of Hearts
I send regards
You're the lady that luck has sent me
And I've finally won
Took one look at my hand
And knew the game was done
Before it had begun

Blackjack. Don't you dare push me
Blackjack. Stay with this hand
Your touch makes me a winner
Blackjack. Let the deal stand

It actually gets worse, but you get the general idea. I think 'Why has my ex-wife put a restraining order out against me?'-style ballads are definitely more his forte.

[Mark Steels Stockbroker]

Abba were fine. However Chess (the musical Bjorn and Benny worked on with Tim Rice, which spawned the hit singles "I Know Him So Well" and "One Night In Bangkok") is massively naff, and I speak as someone who still owns the double cassette release of it from 1984.

[Kane Jones]

"I Know Him So Well"

Naff as all hell, but does feature a chord change that always gives me goosebumps. During the first and last chorus, after the 'he can't be mine' bit.

[Dr Rock]

I really like I Know Him So Well. Naff? My system is if I like it, it's not. But probably considered naff by many, even those who like ABBA.

[CaledonianGonzo]

I'm also quite fond of I Know Him So Well - Two Thirds The Way Through The Two Ronnies Weepy Naffbanger.

One Night In Bangkok is a bit more marmite, I'll grant you - though I did actually put it on the other day for the first time in about a decade.

[wosl]

Chess (the musical Bjorn and Benny worked on with Tim Rice, which spawned the hit singles "I Know Him So Well" and "One Night In Bangkok") is massively naff

When Terry Wogan finds you naff, etc.  When One Night In Bangkok was doing the rounds, Wogan used to - have to - play it on his morning show, and on more than one occasion I heard him lay into the line "I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine!" and into Murray Head's hard-boiled delivery of it.

[boki]

Dear god, that's fantastic - compounded by the 'Rupert Holmes' neon light backdrop - and is the perfect example of his icky 'Me Generation therapist turned sex pest' vibe that he exudes like a choking fog.

If you like Pina Coladas,
And getting caught in the rain,
And don't mind waking up in cornfields,
Without a kidney to your name...

[Blue Jam]

Have we had Bond yet? Manufactured "modern" sexy string quartet for the dads:





I had no idea Mike Batt was partly responsible for them until now. That figures.

[George White]

There was also either Escala or Cascada, can't be bothered to google, who were on Britain's Got Talent, and were the exact same, yet being hailed as "unique". They even did a James Bond theme medley.

[Blue Jam]

There was also either Escala or Cascada, can't be bothered to google, who were on Britain's Got Talent, and were the exact same, yet being hailed as "unique". They even did a James Bond theme medley.

Thing is, you could easily find a string quartet that plays popular stuff by putting "wedding bands" into Google. I know Simon Cowell knows fuck all about music but as someone with a knack for creating hits rather than good records, surely even he can spot unoriginality?

I bet Alan Partridge fancies all of Bond.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

On a similar note, all of those bands where 3 hunky tenors belt out versions of hit songs are naff fresh meat to the post menopausal demographic.

[checkoutgirl]

I bet Alan Partridge fancies all of Bond.

He's only human!

[TheMonk]

I always liked that chorus to 'Him'.

'Who, What, When, Where, Why' is along similar lines https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrowuiXAnf0 .   Not much luck keeping his women faithful, but pronouns were putty in his hands.

I borrowed his other album Partners In Crime. from the library and loved it's shitness.
With Lunch Hour.
Lyrics: Lunch hour, lunch hour, lunch hour, lunch hour
How do you find time to eat?
Well, there are so many people on the street
All of them are hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry
https://youtu.be/p62q187Hft8

And Answering Machine. I had the chorus as my message for a while.
Which left lots of confused messages. (This was pre everyone having that George Costanza "Believe It Or Not" message, you see.)
Lyrics:
I'm so sorry you have just reached my answering machine,
I'm not in at present, I'm sure you know the whole routine.
Leave your name and number, and I'll try to get back to you;
You have 30 seconds to talk to me before you're through."
https://youtu.be/nVf0DpcrCeI

[Blue Jam]

On a similar note, all of those bands where 3 hunky tenors belt out versions of hit songs are naff fresh meat to the post menopausal demographic.

Yep, Il Divo and all that cynical Simon Cowell-type stuff. EDIT: Fuck me, check out this video and then what happens at 2:10, just as you think it can't get any more naff:

https://youtu.be/GYMLMj-SibU

Is it a bit harsh to call Angelis naff? Not as harsh as this, I guess:

In early 2007 Simon Cowell fired the six children, partly as a result of complications with a planned overseas tour.

Come to think of it: horrible novelty records, childrens TV tie-ins, naff pop/classical crossovers- was Mike Batt the proto-Simon Cowell?