Dating Apps

[Sonny_Jim]

I wanna get involved

Got back onto Tinder after a break for some months.  After a day it politely informed me that I had viewed every single applicable profile within a 100 mile radius and I wouldn't be able to filter by distance.  I live in a metropolitan city.  I found it really depressing.....

I've never used anything but Tinder, any other apps peeps can recommend?

[MojoJojo]

Hinge seems to be what everyone uses around Cambridge way. Although it varies a lot by region, and most people are on several different platforms.

[lauraxsynthesis]

I've had good dates off Hinge in the past and if I ever go back on the apps that's the next one I use.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Hinge does seem to be the best in my (limited) experience. It doesn't hobble the free version in order to bilk money out of you.

Ultimately, of course, they're all only as good as the people using them.

[the hum]

Got back onto Tinder after a break for some months.  After a day it politely informed me that I had viewed every single applicable profile within a 100 mile radius and I wouldn't be able to filter by distance.  I live in a metropolitan city.  I found it really depressing.....

I've never used anything but Tinder, any other apps peeps can recommend?

You may have been shadow-banned. Happened to me after I reset my account last month and it basically became unusable. You'll have done nothing wrong, but the Tinder algorithm is by all accounts incredibly twitchy, but will let you carry on thinking you're still active even if you're essentially invisible, even if you're actually paying for the godforsaken thing. Hinge is probably a better option anyway.

[imitationleather]

When I paid for Tinder (and it was not cheap, it was like £35 or something ridiculous) I didn't match with a single person. You'd think they'd have someone setting up fake profiles at Tinder HQ to message people like me so it didn't seem like a complete waste of money but apparently not.

[Sonny_Jim]

Oddly, after my 'no matches you ugly pleb' moment Tinder started showing me profiles again.  It's always been a bit weird, I think because I initially setup and used the account in another country and now every so often it thinks I'm 1,511 miles away, which would also be limiting my matches.

On the plus side, got a date with a Psychology undergraduate tomorrow night.  BRB reading up as to what a Plato is.

[phes]

When I paid for Tinder (and it was not cheap, it was like £35 or something ridiculous) I didn't match with a single person. You'd think they'd have someone setting up fake profiles at Tinder HQ to message people like me so it didn't seem like a complete waste of money but apparently not.

Both tinder and bumble completely die for me if I pay. I'm fairly sure you get shunted behind everyone they haven't yet extracted money from. Key with both these apps is to build up your matches on a free account and either work out how to find them or get a sub when they're half price/or for one week (bumble). Last time I paid for bumble for a week to get my matches, I didn't get any further matches that week, and within thirty minutes of my sub lapsing I had 10.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Fuck me I'm going to have to get back on these aren't I. Jesus Christ it sounds like they've gone shit beyond belief

[chip]

You find stronger and more lasting connections on apps where you're forced to put a bit more effort into your profile, such as OKCupid. Though that one in particular is bad for an influx of SE Asian women putting their location as 'UK'. You just have to sift through.

[imitationleather]

You find stronger and more lasting connections on apps where you're forced to put a bit more effort into your profile, such as OKCupid Cook'd and Bomb'd.

[The Crumb]

My experience of using the free version of Bumble was fine, but also mercifully brief. In my case the Spotify linking thing seemed to be a big help in giving matches a conversation starter.

[imitationleather]

A few conversations began with them inquiring why thoroughly cancelled musicians were in my top artists. "It doesn't update very often!"

[The Crumb]

A few conversations began with them inquiring why thoroughly cancelled musicians were in my top artists. "It doesn't update very often!"

Tbf still more to work with than 'hi'

[Sonny_Jim]

WLTM Little & Large

[Huxleys Babkins]

A few conversations began with them inquiring why thoroughly cancelled musicians were in my top artists. "It doesn't update very often!"

"A Rock and Roll Christmas is still the greatest Christmas song of all time and I will take that to my grave."

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

You find stronger and more lasting connections on apps where you're forced to put a bit more effort into your profile

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it write a decent dating profile. As per all my moaning, there were countless no-effort profiles on Hinge, even with all the prompts.

[Sonny_Jim]

So I've been chatting to a few people, gone out on coffee dates with some of them and now I'm getting more serious with one of them and don't really want to lead anyone else on until I figure out where this current one is going.

What's the protocol now?  Do I send the ones I'm not really interested in a 'sorry, I think I've found someone so I'm going to uninstall Tinder'.  What's a nice way of saying that?  I'd rather not just ghost as that seems rude.

[Dex Sawash]

Got a lot on at the moment, possibly moving away*







 * omit the phrase "from further communication with you"

[dissolute ocelot]

So I've been chatting to a few people, gone out on coffee dates with some of them and now I'm getting more serious with one of them and don't really want to lead anyone else on until I figure out where this current one is going.

What's the protocol now?  Do I send the ones I'm not really interested in a 'sorry, I think I've found someone so I'm going to uninstall Tinder'.  What's a nice way of saying that?  I'd rather not just ghost as that seems rude.

Just tell the truth. I can tell you from experience the etiquette is to say something like "I've been going on dates with another guy at the same time, and we've decided to take it more seriously." Or else say you're getting back with your ex.

[lauraxsynthesis]

Hinge is going rather well this time with enough fanciable dudes and the odd decent match. Had a first date on Thursday with a lad I actually fancy for the first time since 2022 and we're probably having our 4th date tonight which I think is the most anyone's ever wanted to/been able to meet up within 6 days. Rather promising. Most importantly, when I said my favourite TV show was Stella Street, he came straight back with a quote. It's all made me much less pessimistic and I'm thinking there probably was something odd going on with Tinder's algorithm when I was last using it.

[imitationleather]

Good to hear you are on the verge of "getting some", laura. I like all my people on CaB to be doing it. I have tried to explain what Stella Street is to people on dates (not that I go on them anymore) and then I run out of puff and it looks like I am making it up. But I'm not. Because that'd be mad. And obviously Stella Street does exist. We wouldn't be talking about it otherwise.

[Zetetic]

- Sometimes someone that you've had a horrific crush on for years, a pain in your soul whenever you were near them, messages you to say that they always felt awkward around you because you were so pretty. (Still think they might have confused me with someone else tbh.)

First date, three weeks or so ago, lasted 25 hours. They set their phone background to a photo I took while we were together. We ended up with matching temporary tattoos.

Still trying to convince myself that they like/d me. Seeing them again on Saturday, assuming I've not broken it with my fucking wittering.

Between this and the whole dying mother thing, and a bunch of other shit, really managing to feel the whole anxious attachment stuff with the sort of depth that makes you want to tear your face off and your heart out. Such a fucking fool.

[Sonny_Jim]

So I did the whole 'hey, sorry I haven't been in contact but I've started a new relationship and didn't want to ghost you'.  Two took it well and gave me 'aw that's great, good luck'.  The other insta-blocked me.  So I guess it's better to do that than just ghost people?

Also one thought that keeps on rattling around in my head is:

Don't confuse loneliness and good sex as the basis of a relationship.  Pretty sure I've said that before in this thread but I think it is worth repeating.

[phes]

i've had some properly joyful and exciting times (and disappointing ones too) discovering whether written word chemistry translates to real life. Times that in their own context were equally as thrilling as what people describe as being more spontaneous or organic

I do find that whole spontaneous olden day thing a bit of a fantasy tbh, given that for 95% of people, once you've connected with someone irl, it will quickly move to a irl/online mix of direct communication/stalking via various other social media and messaging platforms 

[the hum]

Learned today that my best pal has split up with his partner of 13 years, and there was me near continually ruminating about my break-up in January with a woman I'd been seeing for a mere 5 months (met via Tinder). Certainly gave me a boot in the brain as far as perspective is concerned.