Great heckles of the 20th Century (and 21st Century, but that's not quite so snappy a title. Snappier than it would have been without this, though.)

[Utter Shit]

Anyone able to recall any particularly fantastic heckles that they would like to share? Often they're pretty generic and terrible (GERROF, YOU'RE FAHKIN' SHIT!), but the true skill of a wit can be shown in delivering an improvised killer line that can shut some twat up and bring the audience back around to his storyy.

Omad Djalili on Room 101 last night noted a particularly fantastic one, a guy was on stage delivering crap jokes, when a voice pipes up, "You're not funny, and no one likes you, you should have learnt that from when you were at school." This was great, just so demeaning and funny, really got me.

Another one which I heard retold (might have been on Room 101 again, actually) was a guy being heckled by a blind man, and the comedian is white...so anyway, the blind guy is giving him some stick, so the comedian just goes "This is all because I'm Indian, isn't it!", and the blind guy shut up. Brilliant, because it made the blind guy look like a tosser, despite using a usually taboo subject (laughing at disabilities) against him.

Anyone? It's oh...so...quiet...

[Gavin]

Another one which I heard retold (might have been on Room 101 again, actually) was a guy being heckled by a blind man, and the comedian is white...so anyway, the blind guy is giving him some stick, so the comedian just goes "This is all because I'm Indian, isn't it!", and the blind guy shut up. Brilliant, because it made the blind guy look like a tosser, despite using a usually taboo subject (laughing at disabilities) against him.

I think it was Frank Skinner who told this story. The blind man shouted, "Get  off! Has he gone yet?"

[I Am The Walrus]

"You're not funny, and no one likes you, you should have learnt that from when you were at school."

I'm sure I've heard David Baddiel say that.

[dirkfunk]

best heckle i've ever heard of was someone shouting:

"wheres all this going"

to a bemused stand up


a fine example

[Pinball]

Bill Hicks being heckled in Chicago - and the great video clip of it! He completely loses the plot (or at least gives the illusion of so doing), calls the heckler a "drunk cunt" etc. Classic.

[sick as a pike]

A friend of mine who used to do stand up said the most deflating heckle he ever received was a heartfelt and depressed "that's enough."

[Utter Shit]

Bill Hicks being heckled in Chicago - and the great video clip of it! He completely loses the plot (or at least gives the illusion of so doing), calls the heckler a "drunk cunt" etc. Classic.

Not dissimilar to a George Carlin one where some guy  shouts some inane crap and Carlin flips, goes into an unfaltering minute-long diatribe against the guy, including saying that he hopes the guy's children die in a car fire.

"Lovely stuff".

[Whug Baspin]

Not a great Heckle, but went to see Bill Bailey last night and it went something along the lines of:

Bill Bailey: "has anyone ever been swimming with Dolphins?"

Heckler: "yes"

BB: " where?"

Heckler: "In the sea"

Less of a heckle and more of a smart ass really, and not even that good, so a bit off topic I guess.
It got a laugh, but Bill Bailey managed to turn it into something fantastic which had me laughing very hard,,

[Utter Shit]

Not a great Heckle, but went to see Bill Bailey last night and it went something along the lines of:

Bill Bailey: "has anyone ever been swimming with Dolphins?"

Heckler: "yes"

BB: " where?"

Heckler: "In the sea"

Less of a heckle and more of a smart ass really, and not even that good, so a bit off topic I guess.
It got a laugh, but Bill Bailey managed to turn it into something fantastic which had me laughing very hard,,

Is he still doing the same set as Bewilderness, then? If that area of his show was to do with dolphins being sneering creatures 'mocking the humans pathetic attempts to swim' then he's just lifting great chunks out of an old show.

Speaking of which, the Bewilderness show has a bit on hecklers which I recall being great, but I can't remember any of it other than Bailey saying that the usual British heckle is "FUCK OFF, GET YOUR HAIR CUT!".

[Jaffa The Cake]

At our student union bar, there was a really shite comedian on (can't remember his name). Anyway, me and a couple of mates went round to the union shop and bought 3 copies of the financial times, returned to our table (near the stage) and had a good read.

There was a comedian on afterwards. He was very funny, there was a guy sitting in the front row who was looking half asleep...

"You ok there? You're just kind of staring through me... Do you come here each week to watch the curtain and people like me get in your way? In fact, is that what you all do? It would explain what happened to the last guy..."

Lots of laughter and the crowd were back with him.

[Whug Baspin]

Hi yes, bits and pieces of bewilderness in there, but a fair bit of relevent "topical" stuff in there too. I've heard the New York Bewilderness recordings and almost all of the songs, and still found the majority to be laugh-out-loud funny. I heard myself let out an incredibly girly high pitched laugh at one point, which was a bit embarrasing..

[Tom Rad]

A few years ago I saw Paul Foot (the comedian) in Brighton. He was the first act on and he completely bombed (which I thought was a shame, as I'd really loved his act when I'd seen it before). He was duly heckled throughout his act, but the greatest heckle came during the last act of the night. I can't remember who that was, but he was getting the audience to suggest more suitable jobs for well-known people. Someone shouted: "Paul Foot - comedian!".
Oh well, maybe not such a great heckle, but I thought it worked quite well at the time.

[Dark Sky]

When I saw Tony Robinson talking about politics (boring), as I arrived a drunk, one eyed heckler (wearing a pirate eye patch) was being removed from the audience.

"Robinson, you remain a tosser!" he cried as he was escorted from the lecture theatre by some burly security men.

Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

[neveragain]

Not a great Bill Bailey: "has anyone ever been swimming with Dolphins?"
Heckler: "yes"
BB: " where?"
Heckler: "In the sea"

Was the show you saw the one in which he asked what some of the effects of cocaine were and someone roared a magnificent 'PARANOIA!!!', by any chance? It's just because I think I remember that heckle you mentioned and if you remember mine then we both went to the same show, which was in Newcastle. I also remember that slightly later on in the same routine, someone else shouted out 'Paranoia' and the original bloke screamed 'THAT WAS MINE!!!' or something along those lines. Bill just collapsed onto the stage, it was brilliant. My uncle actually voiced something at that performance as well. Bill had asked what foods you could eat drugs in, or something, and adopting a posh throat my uncle added 'A rather nice fondue' which was pleasant.

[Whug Baspin]

Was the show you saw the one in which he asked what some of the effects of cocaine were and someone roared a magnificent 'PARANOIA!!!',

The show I saw was last night, just goes to show how generic the answers to drug questions are, someone shouted PARANOIA at the show last night in answer to the negative effects of marajuana. Seems like he is running of a lot of the same material, but the laugh it got was massive. I would have loved to be there for the "nice fondue" brilliant!!

[mikeyg27]

I suppose that this is quite unrelated, because it didn't happen at a comedy gig but on a cricket pitch. But it remains perhaps my favourite comeback of all time.

Eddo Brandes, a  chubby zimbabwean player, is facing the wrath of the mighty Austarlian bowler Glenn McGrath.

McGrath: Hey, Eddo. Why are you so fat?
Brandes: Because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.

Apparently all the Australian fielders collapsed with laughter.

[Dr David V]

Eddie Izzard in Circle (paraphrasing)

"What? Oh shut up, will you? I know some people have heckled, but I will kill you later".

[RHX]

Bill Hicks being heckled in Chicago - and the great video clip of it! He completely loses the plot (or at least gives the illusion of so doing), calls the heckler a "drunk cunt" etc. Classic.

Not dissimilar to a George Carlin one where some guy  shouts some inane crap and Carlin flips, goes into an unfaltering minute-long diatribe against the guy, including saying that he hopes the guy's children die in a car fire.

"Lovely stuff".

Which Carlin show is that? I'd love to hear it... unless it was one of the unreleased shows. Then I can't.

[slim]

Was the show you saw the one in which he asked what some of the effects of cocaine were and someone roared a magnificent 'PARANOIA!!!',

The show I saw was last night, just goes to show how generic the answers to drug questions are, someone shouted PARANOIA at the show last night in answer to the negative effects of marajuana. Seems like he is running of a lot of the same material, but the laugh it got was massive. I would have loved to be there for the "nice fondue" brilliant!!

Well that's weird. I saw Bill Bailey in Nottingham and got the "paranoia" and "in the sea" answers in that show too. Either Bill's using audience plants, or we're just terribly tired and predictable. I suspect it's the latter.

Incidentally, did the dolphins bit stretch out to a phenomenal length in either of the shows you two attended? It was a magnificent night all over when I saw him, but the dolphin bit was particularly great as the woman in the box shouting down at him was a bit tipsy, stoopid and up for it. It went on for ages and Bill had the audience in stitches with his mock exasperation.

I did see a great heckle at an anonymous comedy night at Komedia in Brighton a while ago, but I'll be buggered if I can remember it at the moment. Pschaw.

[Angst in my Pants]

Veering massively off-topic, in that it's not a great heckle but an awful one, and that it's not a comedy gig but a music gig...

I recently saw Ray Davies in concert in Liverpool.  Ray said something along the lines of "I'm sure you'll be expecting some Kinks songs" to which some idiot shouted "You really shot me" which visibly shook him.  He admitted that he'd been thrown off by it, poor lamb.  

Grr.

[greencalx]

Not so much a heckle, but part of the comedian 'getting to know' (aka 'slagging off') the audience set-piece.

Comedian: What do you do for a living?

Girl: I'm a mass spectrometrist.

(Big pause)

Comedian: And what does that mean?

Girl: I weigh molecules.

Comedian (in slightly smug tone of voice): So what does hydrogen weigh?

Girl: (Dramatic pause) One.

(Biggest laugh of the evening, comedian wisely moves on...)

[JesusAndYourBush]

One time at a Ted Chippington show someone shouted "Your face looks like a cunt."  Ted told him not to be so rude, and after a pause the same guy shouted "Your face looks like a furry split" and Ted just cracked up laughing.

[skibz]

"You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak"

From Brass Eye, "Animals".

[Jemble Fred]

Was the show you saw the one in which he asked what some of the effects of cocaine were and someone roared a magnificent 'PARANOIA!!!',

The show I saw was last night, just goes to show how generic the answers to drug questions are, someone shouted PARANOIA at the show last night in answer to the negative effects of marajuana. Seems like he is running of a lot of the same material, but the laugh it got was massive. I would have loved to be there for the "nice fondue" brilliant!!

Well that's weird. I saw Bill Bailey in Nottingham and got the "paranoia" and "in the sea" answers in that show too. Either Bill's using audience plants, or we're just terribly tired and predictable. I suspect it's the latter.

Can't see Bill using plants (well not that kind of plant) but the paranoia thing is definitely on the DVD – it's not a bad release, really – worth it just to see them rehearsing the Kraftwerk dance.

[dirkfunk]

just found this one, and i think it is the greatest of all time

Kirk Douglas's lesser known son Eric came to England to try his hand at stand-up a few years ago. He was dying on his arse and he got a bit narky, grabbed the mic and shouted "Don't you people know who I am? I'm Kirk Douglas's son!"
A stunned audience stared at him blankly for a second and then someone at the back stood up and shouted "No! I'm Kirk Douglas's son!",
which was quickly picked up until nearly the entire audience were standing up, shouting!

[m...wW(wwMww)Ww...m]

Kirk Douglas's lesser known son Eric came to England to try his hand at stand-up a few years ago. He was dying on his arse and he got a bit narky, grabbed the mic and shouted "Don't you people know who I am? I'm Kirk Douglas's son!"
A stunned audience stared at him blankly for a second and then someone at the back stood up and shouted "No! I'm Kirk Douglas's son!",
which was quickly picked up until nearly the entire audience were standing up, shouting!

Teehee, that's fantastic if it's true.

[Uncle_Z]

Cameras pointing to stage, monitors around the place.  Comic has been struggling so decides to have a go at a bloke who is looking away from the stage.  Bloke points at monitor and says "Give me a minute mate, I'm just watching this twat die".

[Amos Keato]

deleted

[Lumiere]

To which, Adam Bloom claims he responded  "I bet that was no picnic."

What a twat.

[Aidian]

When I saw Tony Robinson talking about politics (boring), as I arrived a drunk, one eyed heckler (wearing a pirate eye patch) was being removed from the audience.

"Robinson, you remain a tosser!" he cried as he was escorted from the lecture theatre by some burly security men.

Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

Bizzarely, I was at the same lecture, sat next to Crazy One Eyed Guy, and I was thoroughly relieved when he got kicked out, couldn't hear a thing Robinson was saying.

Lecture was a bit of a let down though, I was led to believe he'd be talking about Blackadder (although I was pleased when he talked briefly about Maid Marion).