Bad wording

[Underturd]

In a news story about Anne Hathaway having a miscarriage,

"It was too much to keep it in," she said.

I got to say I laughed.

[touchingcloth]

Seen on a friend's Facebook about one of their friends (unknown to me) who died young

RIP Gary. He had the biggest heart :(

I laughed because he died of a heart attack.

[iamcoop]

In my old job somebody once asked me where the disabled toilets were and before I could even realise what I was saying I blurted out 'Opposite the normal toilets'.

It's haunted me for decades.

[Underturd]

Made me chuckle :-)

[Magnum Valentino]

In a news story about Anne Hathaway having a miscarriage,

I got to say I laughed.

Have you wondered at all why you laughed at that?

[Underturd]

Because of the unfortunate metaphor probably?

[Cleveland Steamer]

yeah maybe I'm just a snowflake but that Anne Hathaway thing is horrible.

[Magnum Valentino]

yeah maybe I'm just a snowflake but that Anne Hathaway thing is horrible.

Don't think you need to qualify your reaction to something like that tbh

[Underturd]

I agree it really is, which is why the thread is called bad wording instead of hilarious wording, even though I laughed. Laughing can be a way of responding to negative shit too, like a cat purring when it's in pain.

[Magnum Valentino]

Can't be bothered

[Underturd]

Sorry that post was a reply to Cleveland Steamer, sorry if it looked like I was answering you

[touchingcloth]

Have you wondered at all why you laughed at that?

I think it's because of the dual meanings of "to keep it in" - one relating to information, the other to a foetus. The meanings were confounded and from thence the humour arose.

[Underturd]

We have a winner :-)

[Vodkafone]

There was a nasty train crash (lots of crushing and squashings and death) back in the good old days of Jarvis Engineering, before track maintenance had to be renationalised because, incredibly, profiteering and passenger safety turned out to make unhappy bedfellows. My boss at the time had the Mail or Express delivered and I would sometimes read it out of boredom on a wet lunch break. Someone had written a letter about how it was sad that it took a tragedy like this to 'weld people together in a human bond'. Probably Legend Gary, in hindsight.

[Underturd]

Oof, now that's unfortunate!

[touchingcloth]

My grandad reckons he once got confused and told a nurse that he had had a "titanic erection" when he went on holiday but meant to say "tetanus injection". This wording was so bad that he is now dead.

[madhair60]

hey you know that dark thing you let out an involuntary laugh at despite it being something you would agree isn't actually a funny situation? Well you shouldn't have done that, fuck you.

[Underturd]

I don't think anyone here is laughing at the situations, they're laughing at the choices of words used, so it's only fuck anyone if it's consensual and involves chocolates or similar.

[Butchers Blind]

I mean, it's hardly the worst thing someone's laughed at.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Had a convo about beer and had to stop myself saying I've got a thing for Belgian blondes, for fear it would come across as a somewhat misogynistic deliberate double entrendre

[Underturd]

Sounds like me, saying I've like minors, and having to add that I was talking about music.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

i told you all this thread was going to happen but none of you believed me

[touchingcloth]

In the first week of my first job out of university, I was sat with my older colleagues having coffee. One of them said they were going on holiday with their family to the Lake District, and I said "lovely - hotel-ing? B&B-ing? Cottaging?"

Fuck knows why I phrased it that way. I've never made a verb of "hotel" before or since.

[greenman]

"Robert Lewandowski scores, of course he does.

Little dummy, Danny Ward goes the wrong way."

Rather harsh on Ward

[Huxleys Babkins]

hey you know that dark thing you let out an involuntary laugh at despite it being something you would agree isn't actually a funny situation? Well you shouldn't have done that, fuck you.

And to admit to it on the Chris Morris and Peter Cook fansite forum, of all places???

[flotemysost]

In the first week of my first job out of university, I was sat with my older colleagues having coffee. One of them said they were going on holiday with their family to the Lake District, and I said "lovely - hotel-ing? B&B-ing? Cottaging?"

Fuck knows why I phrased it that way. I've never made a verb of "hotel" before or since.

Haha! Perfect example of the form.

Some of the meeting rooms in my office are named after famous authors; recently had a mix-up (courtesy of the cryptic booking system) where we got ousted at the last minute, meaning five of us had to bundle into a smaller room. I kicked things off by addressing the "remote" attendees with a garbled "Sorry we're a bit late, one thing led to another and now we're all rammed inside [author name]" and then heroically struggled to hold it together for the next hour or so.

Also years ago had an internal job interview which was more an "informal chat in the work canteen" type situation; as things were drawing to a close, conscious I probably needed to get back to my desk so as not to raise suspicion, I awkwardly said something like "Well thanks for meeting me, but it's probably time for me to... [brain does that thing where it can't decide whether to say "shoot off" or "head up"] ...shoot up" ah yeah great first impression there, smashed it.

[touchingcloth]

"Get to Faulks, pal".

I was once in a meeting where senior manager was asked to provide a sketched example of something he was trying to describe, before he said "sure - I'll just knock one out" and the rest of us, as you say, heroically struggled through the rest of the meeting.

[Dex Sawash]

Our work card payment terminal makes you do signature on a recessed 2" screen which is difficult to do if your signature is a legible one or you are precious about it. It causes people a lot of distress. We've developed a script "after the circles on screen go away, you'll need to do a fingertip signature right on the screen, as well as you are able, anyway" trying to let them know it is difficult to do and head off the frantic search for a non-existant stylus while the terminal shrieks at them.

Recently there was an older person fitting the stereotype we have of one who takes signatures very seriously and they got an expanded calm version of the speech and then went to sign, revealing they had a significant impairment to hand function of which we were previously unaware. And we all laughed and laughed wanted to die.

[Cleveland Steamer]

I was once sitting opposite a colleague on our lunch breaks, having our sandwiches, messing around and she was saying how she bet she could eat her sandwich faster than me and I go "I'll eat you under the table". Unfortunately the office joker/wanker was sitting next to me and chimed in with a "WaHEEY" before the moment could be hastily moved on from.

[non capisco]

Years ago one summer when my nephew was about four and playing in the park dressed in his Batman costume I heard my lovely innocent mum shout across to him "COME ON, BATTY BOY! WE'RE LEAVING!"

I mean, I hope the many, many other people in the park saw that he was dressed as Batman, put two and two together and didn't assume my dear old mum was a virulent bigot partial to shouting culturally appropriated homophobic slurs at the top of her voice, at a child.