Favourite football tropes

[buttgammon]

Someone conspicuously placing the ball outside the quadrant before taking a corner

[phantom_power]

A player clearly looking for the foul, the foul not being given, but the player having to keep up the act of being hurt and limping for a few seconds.

The flipside is a player going down like a sack of shit screaming and clutching their leg, only to jump up like nothing happened when the ref blows for the foul


Wanker signs at corners and throw-ins

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Someone scoring a goal and then doing that heart symbol thing with their hands. Fuck is that supposed to mean, I love you? Peace and love?

[Mwnger]

A player scoring and whirling away to perform the most egregiously contrived "in-your-face-opposition-fans!" goal celebration only to notice that none of his teammates are celebrating with him - which everyone immediately realized was disallowed except him - and then sheepishly walking away like a twat

[Glebe]

"At the end of the day..."

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Player scoring against their old team and then performatively refusing to celebrate

[buttgammon]

Player scoring against their old team and then performatively refusing to celebrate

'Weird, I didn't remember him playing for them.'

*Looks it up on Wikipedia*

Five first team appearances, two starts, both in the League Cup.

[Brian Freeze]

Someone conspicuously placing the ball outside the quadrant before taking a corner

There's a clip recently of an apparently renowned shithouse from Dorking FC taking this to the next level. Will try and find it for you.

[buttgammon]

There's a clip recently of an apparently renowned shithouse from Dorking FC taking this to the next level. Will try and find it for you.

Lovely, thank you! Is this it?

[Brian Freeze]

That's the fella/twat.

[Maureen Brontë]

See Dan Maier's brilliant Footypedia book for more of this sort of thing. Similar to Meaning of Liff, but with footballers' names instead of places. (Eg 'CROWL (v): of supporters, to generously applaud an opposition player in the naive belief that this will persuade him to join your club in the future'.)

[bigfatheart]

A crowd shout of 'HANDBALL!' followed by the ref not giving it followed by an angrier, more insistent'HANDBALL!!'

I like when the opposition crowd then sarcastically shout 'handball!' for every pass played.

With the perfect topper being when the opposition crowd then genuinely appeal for a handball - the modulation from the sarcastic "handball!" to the earnest "HANDBALL!" is lovely.

[Kankurette]

A team from Sheffield communally shits itself on the pitch.

Crowd chanting swears at a televised game. Commentator forced to awkwardly apologise.

Non-Anglophone manager/player swears in post-match interview.

Yet another goalie one: goalie wanders out of his territory when his team get a corner. Bonus points if the goalie scores (eg Alisson).

[mippy]

The referee who looks like Billy Corgan.

All young players having either massive amounts of hair or, if white, that Hitler Youth/bowlcut hybrid that the kids apparently like now.

Scoring, then pulling up their shirt to reveal a message (not 100% sure if this still gets you a booking these days?)

[Maureen Brontë]

The twitter account https://twitter.com/bryansgunn has loads of clever player/pundit cliché mash-up videos.

https://twitter.com/bryansgunn/status/1764343655039373723
https://twitter.com/bryansgunn/status/1761305717884047698

(Don't have to be logged in to see those.)

[mippy]

"Those are scenes we don't like to see" during scenes that everyone at home absolutely does.

[Kankurette]

The flipside is a player going down like a sack of shit screaming and clutching their leg, only to jump up like nothing happened when the ref blows for the foul

Otherwise known as doing a Neymar.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Keepers are always 'eccentric'.

In the post-match interview one of the team-mates always did 'ever so well'.

[badaids]

He's got good feet for a big man.

Crowd shouting 'she fell over' when someone has just taking a proper hard core GBH challenge.

Crowd singing 'shit ground no fans, shit fans no ground'.

Crowd singing 'see you then' and waving after a sending off.

Crowd shouting 'olé' every pass when their shite team strings more than a dozen together.

[Quote]

Defender giving a striker a nice shoulder barge into the ad hoarding's. Bonus points if he hurtles over the ad hoardings and ends up in the front row of the stands.

Manager's squaring up to each other.

Spending three minutes setting up a freekick, getting the angles correct, surveying the wall, chatting with teammates, placing the ball correctly, replacing it ... then booting it straight into the wall.

Scorer giving it loads to the away/home fans, then the goal gets ruled out.

Missing from three yards out.

Shots hitting photographers.

Someone scoring with a diving header.

Disastrous bicycle kick attempts.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Goalscorer who's been getting stick from the other side's fans for being 'fat' gesturing to his stomach and puffing his cheeks out as they celebrate.

Fresh-air kicks and their off-balance aftermath, particularly where a player with the ball at their feet raises their head to expertly scan the scene in front of them for options, but the ball bobbles away before they kick it and they take a swipe at nothing.

[DrGreggles]

Trying (and failing) to be a flash bastard

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Cheapskates outside the ground trying to find a place where they can see in.

In the old days in games with big crowds (and free-standing floodlight pylons), fans climbing the floodlight pylons and perching on them like roosting birds.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Woke and PC 'health and safety nonsense' has ended scenes like these.

[Quote]

A goal going right in the corner and sending the keeper's water bottle flying.

Crossbar wobbling like crazy after a particularly violent strike rebounds off it.

Old biddy asleep as the camera scans the crowd.

[bigfatheart]

The inevitable back-and-forth of:

"I wanna go home/I wanna go home/[Home team]'s a shithole/I wanna go home"

and

"I'm glad we're at home/I'm glad we're at home/[Away team]'s a shithole/I'm glad we're at home"

Even better when one of the team's names isn't really a place name (Port Vale, for example), but the opposition presses on regardless.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Woke and PC 'health and safety nonsense' has ended scenes like these.

If you look at the lower right hand side of the pylon, it appears we have a jumper. His last words as he careened towards the earth? "Footbaaaaaaaaaaallllll"

[Psybro]

Goalie giving it big time to the opposition fans behind his goal when his team scores far too early on, and the inevitable consequences thereon

Unused sub booked for preventing a throw

Players who actually aim a set piece ball at their keeper when he's gone up for it in stoppage time

[notjosh]

Cutaway shots to a player on the bench who everyone thinks should be playing, who then sees themself on the big screen and has to pretend they're not bothered.

[Kankurette]

Goalscorer who's been getting stick from the other side's fans for being 'fat' gesturing to his stomach and puffing his cheeks out as they celebrate.

Or if he's a goalie, looking at his belly and laughing.