Shittest pub experiences

[MidnightShambler]

It is short on tourist attractions that aren't climbing up stuff, but if you count Trakai, which isn't far away, you still have

- Two castles, a lake and many outdoorsy activities
- The 'Republic of Uzupis' which is at least diverting and a nice area
- City walls and bastion
- A semi abandoned stadium (nr the castle)
- Pretty much every denomination of Christianity represented, a little bit like Lviv in that respect
- One of the larger old town areas to enjoy architecturally
- The 3 Snekutis pubs serving farmhouse ales (and the Uzupis one in particular is one of the best bars in Europe)
- Aside one or two Estonian and Latvian craft breweries I think it has the best beer scene in the baltics
- The occupation museum (which has a bigger recreated prison area than the Terror House in Budapest)
- The cathedral catacombs tour is pretty good
- If it snows then you're in for a treat, it's one of the the most beautiful cities in the snow
- Loads of good walking routes, hills, parks, Tower climbs
- If you know where to go it's still really cheap, old Europe cheap.

Along with Wroclaw, Lviv & Nuremberg, I'd say Vilnius is one of the most undeservedly overlooked cities in Europe.

And just so it doesn't seem like I am constantly gushing about everything, I'd say, by contrast, Liege, Cluj and Debrecen, which I recently visited, are no more than OK, the former almost entirely due to the pubs and giant staircase.

Yeah I know all that mate, I've been.

I suppose we've clearly got different ideas about what boring is then, that's all. To the point that I don't really know if you were joking or not with that list!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

What do you want to do on holiday then?

[bgmnts]

Shag dogs.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Shag dogs.

They got that

Bar DOG
Ankštoji g. 1, Vilnius 01109, Lithuania
+370 676 12708
https://maps.app.goo.gl/dEeLFbSXApgMwbvF9

'Šaukite šunį'

[Jockice]

Cobden
Princess
Closed Shop
Hallamshire

...then a bit of a gap to:
Grindstone
Ball
Springvale Tavern
Noah's Ark
Punchbowl

I think I've been in all of these pubs at least once. I have no strong opinions on any of them except for the Closed Shop, which is where I first met the woman who led to me being single for 17 years. So that can fuck off. The Hallamshire's more accessible anyway, and although their 'disabled' bog is crap at least it doesn't backfire on you when you flush it after a shit and cover your jeans in dirty water. These things are important you know.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I went to The Auld Triangle in Finsbury Park a few months back, where they were playing the football ridiculously loud, the whole place smelt of piss, had barely any seats, two blokes were loudly shouting about the fight there'd nearly been in that day, and how they definitely would have ended up in prison if they hadn't walked away, and when we went up to the bar there were large hand written "Cash Only" signs everywhere. So we walked out straight away and found somewhere that didn't look like it hadn't changed since the 1970s.

[Blue Jam]

Is The Auld Triangle that one that has a coded lock on the toilet door and a landlord who looks really suspicious of anyone wanting a wazz, even if he's just witnessed them buying a drink?

[Small Man Big Horse]

I don't know as we didn't stay, but they did look at us oddly just for walking in to the place.

[kngen]

The Boston Arms in Kentish Town is a fucking belter for bleakness. I've been in a few times as it's next door to two local gig venues and the pints are cheap as balls. It's a massive disconcertingly open space, and it's fight central.

Oh, indeed it is. Was hanging out with American friends of mine who'd just played next door, and they were stunned when a rammy kicked off (just a few pints spilled, a table knocked over and some shoving, so pretty inconsequential by Boston Arms standards) and one of the main antagonists was huckled out of the door. Five minutes later, my mates were just calmed down enough to have a bit of a laugh about what they'd witnessed when - SMASH! - a traffic cone crashes through one of the windows, hurled by the bloke who'd been ejected beforehand, prompting the bar staff and half the patrons to bolt outside and chase the fella down the street.

My suggestion that it might be time to move on was immediately accepted by the rest of the group, somewhat ashen-faced.

[Jockice]

Is The Auld Triangle that one that has a coded lock on the toilet door and a landlord who looks really suspicious of anyone wanting a wazz, even if he's just witnessed them buying a drink?

There's a pub on the council estate I lived in as a kid in Scotland that apparently you need to use a code number to actually get into. I've never been in it. I know i did used to have windows but has them no longer. The Keep. Dumbarton's premier nightspot.

https://www.google.com/maps/place/The+Keep,+Castlehill+Rd,+Dumbarton+G82+5BL/@55.9492038,-4.5868713,3a,75y,265.77h,87.72t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sSF4aFhK_pNQbzeaX0yjtpw!2e0!7i16384!8i8192!4m5!3m4!1s0x488852adc8a0e35f:0x822e36a3844f5192!8m2!3d55.9488097!4d-4.5870484

[king_tubby]

What is it with Scotland and those fucking grey houses? Every time I go up I'm always like, ffs, it's grey enough anyway, WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

In terms of lack of atmosphere or even the feel of a pub I have to say that ones I visited in nowhere towns in the USA were the worst. Just  dull, quiet enjoyment vacuums even on a weekend. Australia has big pubs like these too but at least they have more people in them and feel more lively.

[dex]

Shag dogs.

I'm still laughing at Jobotic's post from page 1 -not at animal cruelty mind, just the absurdity of expecting a dog to know what the fuck to do when some noise comes out of a box with hoomans looking at it.

Livingstone Arms (The Livvie) in Gillingham, now gone, serving out of date bottles of stout and Fosters. There's some boxing on the TV and the national anthem comes on. Bloke sitting at the bar kicks his bulldog that is laying at his feet, up the arse and shouts "you stand up for the Queen's song, cunt dog!".

[Jockice]

What is it with Scotland and those fucking grey houses? Every time I go up I'm always like, ffs, it's grey enough anyway, WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?

You should try living there mate. Although admittedly I haven't since 1973. But I still had relations on that estate up to a few years ago. And it got shitter and shitter everytime I visited them. I ended up feeling like some sort of posh anthropologist. Especially the time I asked for a Guardian in that paper shop just down the road. I might as well have asked for the original copy of the Bible for my chances of getting either.

[phes]

Portsmouth and surrounding areas getting a well deserved mention. The 'Spoons in Havant (The Parchment makers) is indeed absolute, compound, cats crawl into it to die, desolation.

On the subject of pubs and pets, The Milton Arms had a local (now long gone), a weather-beaten semi-mute called Pete Two-Dogs and it was pretty bleak in there after one of his dogs died in the pub

[Yussef Dent]

It's an embarrassment to the area, as is/was the Punchbowl, a very apt name.

Crookes, like a lot of Sheffield is a pretty enlightened, friendly place, even down to the ex-steel workers.

Didn't True North acquire the Punchbowl a few months ago? I'll give them their dues on being very good at refitting and turning pubs around (The Broadfield especially), but apparently they really are not a good company to work for.

[Birdie]

Portsmouth and surrounding areas getting a well deserved mention. The 'Spoons in Havant (The Parchment makers) is indeed absolute, compound, cats crawl into it to die, desolation.

On the subject of pubs and pets, The Milton Arms had a local (now long gone), a weather-beaten semi-mute called Pete Two-Dogs and it was pretty bleak in there after one of his dogs died in the pub

Last time I went 'home' I walked past a pub near st Mary's- The Florist, maybe? It had a warning sign saying there were loose dogs inside.  Thought that was a bit grim.

[dr beat]

The Boston Arms in Kentish Town is a fucking belter for bleakness. I've been in a few times as it's next door to two local gig venues and the pints are cheap as balls. It's a massive disconcertingly open space, and it's fight central. I remember one night when we went to see Andrew Jackson Jihad at The Dome and I got the dates wrong and they had actually played the night before so we just hit up the Boston and got lashed. A little old Chinese lady came up to us peddling bootleg porn DVDs, which I honestly thought was the stuff of rumour, made even more grim when my extremely lewd friend went through her catalogue and bought a few off her. Another time there was a fight between two blokes and it ended with both of them unscathed, both crying their eyes out, and exiting through separate doors. At weekends they have karaoke on and it's usually open till about 2am. I feel lucky that I've been there so many times and haven't randomly had my face twatted off the rim of a urinal yet.

I agree the Boston Arms is bleak but eh lads its bang right in Tufnell Park *actually*. I know cos I lived close by 10 years ago.  Didn't drink there very often, and never had any problems, but I have a story about the place next to TP Tube Station which I believe is now Aces and Eights.  But before you ask I'm not saying owt.

[phes]

Last time I went 'home' I walked past a pub near st Mary's- The Florist, maybe? It had a warning sign saying there were loose dogs inside.  Thought that was a bit grim.

The Rose in June, on St Mary's road?

The pub scene on the stretch of road from St Mary's to the seafront was decimated this century. Mr Pickwick, The Travellers Joy, The Brewers Arms, The White House, The Cumberland Arms, The Mayflower, The Royal Marines Artillery Tavern. Pretty crazy for about 1 kilometre

[Birdie]

The Rose in June, on St Mary's road?

The pub scene on the stretch of road from St Mary's to the seafront was decimated this century. Mr Pickwick, The Travellers Joy, The Brewers Arms, The White House, The Cumberland Arms, The Mayflower, The Royal Marines Artillery Tavern. Pretty crazy for about 1 kilometre

Just checked it out here http://portsmouthpubs.org.uk/ - it's The Florist on Fratton Road just before the Lake Road lights I think.

So many boarded up pubs around the place.  Still quite a few though!

[phes]

That whole area is deso central for pubs. The Battle of Minden just around the corner was famed amongst friends as being the least welcoming pub anyone had been into

[jonbob]

. The one in my local claimed 'teachers can't say blackboard these days' which is one on the bingo card for a start.

isn't this because schools have whiteboards these days, which you would thinknis what they want

[dr_christian_troy]

The Chaplin in Elephant & Castle (deceased).

You walk in on sticky wooden floors in a low lit area. No air-con in the midst of Summer. You sit down on the broken sofa and a hundred bar flies appear. You look to the menu on the wall - everything is £4.25 and underneath the menu is a battered and filthy microwave. You order a cider and it is both flat and warm. The landlord produces a ferret and it runs around the bar, chased by a large black dog.

[The Culture Bunker]

Was sat in the Waterhouse in Manchester one Saturday night, meeting up with friends before moving elsewhere, when this well-dressed old chap came over looking to raise our awareness of the council planning to move the cenotaph in nearby St Peter's Square.

Now, this was to accomodate the nearby tram stop being extended but he wasn't having it and told us it was disrepectful to the dead. Nothing too extreme, we were all "fair enough, it's a point of view" in our responses.

Until the point where - I guess we'd earned his trust - he leaned in and said "of course, you know who is really to blame, don't you?". He paused for dramatic effect before adding "The Jews". As the papers used to say, we made our excuses and left.

And that, dear readers, is how I met Jeremy Corbyn. Not really

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

What I want to know is, if there's a thing where all races take care of each other at each others expense, why are their so many poor downtrodden whiteys?

Oh, it's political correctness isn't it? How silly of me.

[nw83]

More strange than shit. At a pub in County Sligo, asked for scampi and chips and a pint, got my pint and sat down. Twenty minutes later, the landlord put down *two* plates of scampi and chips on my table. As I explained I only ordered one (I don't look like a man who could eat two), he bellowed 'TWO ... FOR THE PRICE ... OF ONE' in my ear, and the two old drunks at the bar laughed loudly, clearly 'in' on the joke. I ate one of them and nervously left.

I double-checked and there was no sign advertising 'two for the price of one'; it was just the oddest, least economical, practical joke I've ever been on the receiving end of.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I bet the chef misheard the order and the weirdo cunt just kept being weirdo cunt.

I'd have eaten them both and looked at them while I was doing it.

[Cuellar]

Sigh... kids these days.

He was WAITING for you to invite him to join you, and then you sit down and have a lovely scampi supper with a new friend.

This country.

[Norton Canes]

Played Power Grid at one of the pubs in town on Sunday night and the tables were so sticky we had to peel our power station cards off to move them around, I mean it's just NOT ACCEPTABLE in this day and age. They won't be getting our custom again. No, no.

[SteveDave]

I'll probably show my naivete here, but do pubs do lock-ins much now?

My wife used to run a hip Hackney pub and every Saturday night I would go to bed at 10pm and set an alarm for 3:30am. Upon awakening, I'd walk there and arrive just as she was dealing out the "bouncer bounty". We'd be there til 9 or 10 in the morning and then we'd sleep all of Sunday. Glory days.