Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => Picture Box => Topic started by: wooders1978 on February 28, 2020, 10:43:53 PM

Title: Masterchef is back!
Post by: wooders1978 on February 28, 2020, 10:43:53 PM
So here is a theory - they tell them to over exaggerate the trembly hands for the close up shots dont they?

Anyway - no one seems to have made an absolute cunt of themselves yet, mores the pity
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: monkfromhavana on February 28, 2020, 10:50:22 PM
Will catch up on this tomorrow with the missus, before probably losing interest before next Tuesday.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Bazooka on February 28, 2020, 11:36:19 PM
So here is a theory - they tell them to over exaggerate the trembly hands for the close up shots dont they?

Anyway - no one seems to have made an absolute cunt of themselves yet, mores the pity

Just caught 5 min of it, raw chicken fiasco, MasterEcoli more like.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Wonderful Butternut on February 28, 2020, 11:39:41 PM
Just caught 5 min of it, raw chicken fiasco, MasterEcoli more like.

Did they let Jack Scalfani on or something?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on February 29, 2020, 01:08:58 AM
What's going on with that fella with the huge cheeks? Implants? Or have we got a Robert Z'dar situation?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Neomod on February 29, 2020, 01:12:15 AM
Any scallops and black pudding bon bons on a bed of pea puree yet?

Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: bgmnts on February 29, 2020, 01:13:43 AM
Any scallops and black pudding bon bons on a bed of pea puree yet?

Thats what we like to see.

Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: WestHill on March 01, 2020, 12:17:47 PM
Drinking game: drink whenever John says 'really'.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on March 01, 2020, 01:04:31 PM
Whenever a contestant says the phrase "Over the moon". Instant liver failure.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Twit 2 on March 01, 2020, 04:03:30 PM
Dev’s shit looks well manky.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: monkfromhavana on March 02, 2020, 01:38:30 PM
Binge watched all 3 yesterday. Nowt really to right home about, Egg is still gurning away, was surprised posh boy got kicked out.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Blue Jam on March 02, 2020, 02:15:30 PM
I can only handle MasterChuff in small doses. I had thought it's because it's a bit too repetitive for my liking, but this week I realised that it's simply because I find Egg Wallace annoying. It'd be more bearable it if only featured John Torode, Monica Galletti and that psychopath who looks like a shit Jedi.

Got the MasterChuff Kitchen Bible as a charity shop b@rgain last week and did the boeuf Bourgignon recipe, and it was rather nice, I must admit. I think there's only one small photo of Gregg The Egg in the whole thing, which is a plus.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: monkfromhavana on March 03, 2020, 01:19:06 PM
Is it time, as is customary in the tradition of all Masterchef threads, to question exactly why Egg is a judge on this show? What talent does the man have? What do people like Jay Rayner or any chef judges actually make of him?

If he is a fruit and veg "Expert" what right does he have to judge meat dishes given that for all we know his meat knowledge might only extend beef pot noodles?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: gilbertharding on March 03, 2020, 03:39:40 PM
Is it time, as is customary in the tradition of all Masterchef threads, to question exactly why Egg is a judge on this show? What talent does the man have? What do people like Jay Rayner or any chef judges actually make of him?

If he is a fruit and veg "Expert" what right does he have to judge meat dishes given that for all we know his meat knowledge might only extend beef pot noodles?


Wasn't he once billed as an Ingredients Expert? I'm sure I once saw 'Seasoned Diner' too.

His job USED to be very simple: barking 'Cooking DOESN'T get TOUGHER than THIS!' on the titles - but now they seem to have ditched that, no-one knows why he's there.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Bazooka on March 03, 2020, 05:06:46 PM
Is it time, as is customary in the tradition of all Masterchef threads, to question exactly why Egg is a judge on this show? What talent does the man have? What do people like Jay Rayner or any chef judges actually make of him?

If he is a fruit and veg "Expert" what right does he have to judge meat dishes given that for all we know his meat knowledge might only extend beef pot noodles?

Each contestant is chosen because they don't know any fruit and veg names, so they ask Gregg as he is the green grocer maestro,

"Gregg what's this, is it a cabbage?"

 Gregg: "No it's an egg".
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: wooders1978 on March 03, 2020, 08:32:20 PM
Definitely referred to as a seasoned diner in the pros type of masterchef

I don’t mind Greg and it dies often seem that his opinion is secondary to johns more often than not
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on March 03, 2020, 10:53:42 PM
I'm still praying for a series of Celebrity Masterchef where Loyd Grossman is one of the contestants and all his meals are made with his own branded jar sauces.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 04, 2020, 03:40:16 PM
First week was a generally lower standard than usual I thought. It is repetitive and the whole "I need to get an apron" thing is just piling the overwroughtness even higher than usual.

Still, may as well watch it.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: gilbertharding on March 04, 2020, 03:43:30 PM
First week was a generally lower standard than usual I thought. It is repetitive and the whole "I need to get an apron" thing is just piling the overwroughtness even higher than usual.

Still, may as well watch it.

I missed it on Friday - the posh secret ginger one got the elbow, did he?

The apron thing is totally bogus. Will they earn one of those white chef's smock things if they get to the semi finals?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 04, 2020, 08:09:38 PM
Ginger guy got the boot for serving undercooked chicken. He was only sticking to gastropub classics anyway.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 06, 2020, 09:00:39 PM
WHY IS JON DRESSED LIKE KIM JONG UN?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 06, 2020, 10:07:37 PM
Nathan from tonight's show is the breakout star of the series. Shame he was eliminated.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on March 15, 2020, 06:56:28 PM
Glad I saved these up until the Coronofappening took place. I would say that the quality is higher than usual, but as I always impersonate Egg's freeze-frame gurns, my cheeks are fucking killing me.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Gurke and Hare on March 15, 2020, 07:35:47 PM
I've only watched the first episode today - I note that the dill oil spun through some kind of creamy sauce is entry level for this now.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Excellent_Biscuits on March 15, 2020, 08:58:09 PM
There was a very interesting sauce that a lady made and glooped over her dish.

They kept saying it "looked like glue" "oh no it's like glue"

It didn't look like glue, but y'know watershed and all that.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on March 15, 2020, 09:18:25 PM
You certainly understand flavour, and the potatoes are delicious, but this hot cock sick just isn't working for me.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 17, 2020, 09:13:00 AM
gotta say I think the standard has been way down in terms of "basic skills executed". last night's episode made me feel like I could get at least to the guest judge round.

there's been 2 or 3 very good ones though.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on March 17, 2020, 09:45:55 AM
i am not bothered by this but i think there's been two rounds where they've got rid of a decent if unspectacular bloke to put through a lesser female competitor. everything marla made last night looked like sick from a harridan's toilet but genial marathon runner pete got the boot.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on March 17, 2020, 10:59:57 PM
I think that John the Toad this series might actually be fatter than Gregg the Egg for the first time.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on March 18, 2020, 02:35:05 AM
I'm going to defend gurning Egg - I prefer his analyses to the Toad, whom I am also fond of (fondant - like a bird's fondant)

I just watched hot spunk sauce episode and there are just too many people trying too hard. Grace Dent's brief was pretty fucking good no?
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: monkfromhavana on March 18, 2020, 01:06:48 PM
Ravioli man missed a trick by not just cooking ravioli twice again.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on March 27, 2020, 09:20:00 PM
Big fan of Beverly in this. She seems like great fun.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: WestHill on March 28, 2020, 09:43:10 AM
Big fan of Beverly in this. She seems like great fun.

She smiles as if she’s trying to hold it in. Like it’s a guilty pleasure.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: wooders1978 on March 28, 2020, 10:10:58 AM
I started off being a bit irritated by her but she’s massively won me over and I’m a confirmed bev-head now
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Gurke and Hare on April 01, 2020, 09:29:46 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUizl3LWoAIvG84?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Blue Jam on April 09, 2020, 09:05:44 PM
Tom Kitchin has a very annoying face. He looks like a crap Willy Wonka. If he had a factory it wouldn't make chocolate, it would make Spam, and it would have Egg Wallace walking round in a mobcap shouting about Spam.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: dr beat on April 09, 2020, 09:06:27 PM
I really dislike Tom Kitchin.  He's the Steve Fleming to Gordon Ramsay's Malcolm Tucker.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on April 10, 2020, 01:20:56 AM
I just assumed it was Charlie Drake.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Ray Travez on April 10, 2020, 04:03:47 AM
His name bugs me. Like being called Terry Cooking or Freddy Four-Ring-Hob.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Jittlebags on April 15, 2020, 11:49:51 PM
Shame I didn't start this game from week 1 rather than Finals Week, but I'm amusing myself working out which contestant may have a clit ring, Prince Albert, or indeed a meatotomy. I suspect Greg has the later.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on April 16, 2020, 10:51:26 AM
Quite surprised that hangover man is still in this - my money is on the serious bloke to win.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: wooders1978 on April 17, 2020, 08:29:27 AM
Sorry to see emperor Ming go out

Laaandaan geezer clearly going to win but hope my little crush on Sandy will see her raise the trophy
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Gurke and Hare on April 17, 2020, 09:35:03 AM
Sorry to see emperor Ming go out

That was total fucking bullshit. Bloke's semifreddo "could be lighter" and isn't raspberry ripple like he promised. Lass's is all absolutely delicious, but they'd prefer the bits to be in different parts of the plate, so she's out. WTF?

Yeah, I'm #teamsandy too.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on April 17, 2020, 11:48:42 AM
Yeah, I have to say that my natural inverted snobbery meant I didn't like Posh Lady at first, but she really has proven herself to be an excellent cook. The complaint about things being on different parts of the plate seemed an especially shite reason to kick her out. I actually thought she was the only one to challenge Sullen Man so I assume he will romp home with this tonight.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: thugler on April 17, 2020, 08:34:57 PM
Fucks sake.. Fish and chips is not a final winning dish ffs
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: sevendaughters on April 17, 2020, 08:54:36 PM
Tom Kitchin has a very annoying face. He looks like a crap Willy Wonka. If he had a factory it wouldn't make chocolate, it would make Spam, and it would have Egg Wallace walking round in a mobcap shouting about Spam.

Poundstretcher Marco Pierre White
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Gurke and Hare on April 17, 2020, 10:52:37 PM
Fucks sake.. Fish and chips is not a final winning dish ffs

Especially when you forgot to do the fucking chips.

And his tart had a soggy bottom. Mary Berry would have fucked him straight off with that.

They both agreed the pastry wasn't cooked properly, which was the only issue they found with his three courses. John didn't like the pears on Sandy's main course, but Gregg did, so on average there was half an issue with her three courses. What a fucking swizz.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Ray Travez on April 18, 2020, 02:07:01 AM
I think that win says more about Egg and Torode and their expectations than it does about the chefs. They're ultimately pretty conservative in their tastes.

I'm often amused when they say a dish is "interesting" when they're in a restaurant- I reckon it's a polite and coded way of saying they think it's wacky and shit.

For me, they chose the least interesting trio of dishes, but ones that conform to a certain set of expectations about what fine dining should be.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: beanheadmcginty on April 18, 2020, 05:34:41 AM
My flatmate asked me why I insisted on making up silly nicknames for all the contestants (as most people on here have done) instead of calling them by their actual names as she does. I explained that I'm utterly shit with names and if they're not literally written down in front of me I'm extremely unlikely to remember them. "BUT IN THIS CASE THEY LITERALLY ARE WRITTEN DOWN. THEY HAVE THEIR ACTUAL NAMES SEWN ON THEIR APRONS. LOOK."
I have to admit, she had a point. Got me wondering - Is the name forgetting thing some unconscious wilful act? If I've been deliberately forgetting everyone's names all these years without realising it I'm going to be furious, because it's really inconvenient.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: wooders1978 on April 18, 2020, 09:40:27 PM
Seriously, how adorable was Sandy and her grub looked great (in the final, for the blue soup she served up in a previous round I’m with John and Gregg)

Laandan geezer basically served up versions of stuff he’d done before and I must agree it all seemed very billy basic.

I can’t help but feel Sandy was robbed however the fat on her lamb didn’t look very well rendered to me, I reckon John and Gregg may have said so too but it was edited out for fear of seeing them going on about it
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Puce Moment on April 19, 2020, 12:52:49 PM
Yeah, not sure his dishes were up to the quality of a Masterchef final, but it seemed like he had it bagged very early on. I don't think he would have won against the last three winners. He may not have even reached the final.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Smeraldina Rima on April 21, 2020, 02:27:29 AM
I was asking chocolate_teapot if John and Gregg are best friends and apparently they're not. This goes all the way back to 2007.

John speaks:
Quote
“It’s funny, we’ve never been friends. We’ve not been to each other’s houses.

“If we do go out for a drink, I’ll invariably be at one end of a big old table and he’ll be at the other.”

This is a funny image. I suppose he meant there's lots of other people there though.
Title: Re: Masterchef is back!
Post by: Twit 2 on May 03, 2020, 12:56:11 PM
Just caught up with the final.

I think Gastrowank deserved the title. Ultimately, food is for people to eat and everything he cooked through the whole competition was intended to be fucking delicious. Sandy was interesting and quirky with by far the widest range of cuisine, almost the polar opposite of Pubstodge City Trader.
But I’d rather eat a pie than a weird blue sauce. Northern Bloke had incredible presentation skills but ultimately I think Bankwank Pie & Pint Cunt had the winning mix of consistency with heart and soul. He won me over as the competition went on. But can’t remember a final recently that was such a close call with three contestants who are so different and you could easily argue the case for any of them.