Star Wars ep IX: The Rise Of Skywalker

[evilcommiedictator]

Was tempted to suggest that Solo might be the worst, but then again, they didn't have a massive fleet of Star Destroyers with Death Star lazers on them, nor a MacGuffin that worked only when standing on one exact place on a planet

[St_Eddie]

(box #27: "There should be more new worlds to visit")

The actual whiteboard from Lucasfilm's Kennedy faction suggestion pitch for their new Star Wars: The High Republic multimedia spanning IP, there.  State of it.  They actually thought that posting this photo would reflect well on them.  No wonder the franchise is in the state it's in.

[popcorn]

What lovely handwriting.

[Johnny Textface]

The actual whiteboard from Lucasfilm's Kennedy faction suggestion pitch for their new Star Wars: The High Republic multimedia spanning IP, there.  State of it.  They actually thought that posting this photo would reflect well on them.  No wonder the franchise is in the state it's in.

"Story" is a given presumably.

[Blumf]

"Actual ending"

Steady on there!

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Was tempted to suggest that Solo might be the worst, but then again, they didn't have a massive fleet of Star Destroyers with Death Star lazers on them, nor a MacGuffin that worked only when standing on one exact place on a planet

Solo's just boring. It's impossible to create any suspense when you know all three main characters are going to live for many many decades after the movie ends.

Rise of Skywalker is so bad that I can explain why it's bad to people who don't know anything about Star Wars.

[bgmnts]

If Solo had a sub plot where Han would almost get caught by - or generally be in confict with - Greedo but constantly stay one step ahead and lose him, with Greedo shaking his fist and shouting "this isn't over Han!" I'd have loved it.

Also, if the main story was about his early dealings with Jabba the Hutt, a character we actually know and give a shit about.

Basically, if the film was almost completely different, it would have been ace.

[St_Eddie]

Solo's just boring. It's impossible to create any suspense when you know all three main characters are going to live for many many decades after the movie ends.

I've never really fully bought into this argument.  I mean, yeah, Solo is boring and it's true that on that initial viewing, there's no real suspense, partially because you know that Han, Lando and Chewbacca are guaranteed to survive and you know that Han will make the Kessell Run and you know that he'll win the Falcon in the bet and so on, so forth.  However, that's only an issue for that initial viewing.  There's no reason that a well told film won't invite subsequent viewings, even with the knowledge of how things play out, simply because the individual scenes of the film are engaging.

Nobody is complaining that the original trilogy, or any other well crafted film, is pointless to watch more than once because you know that the characters will survive and that you know how events will play out.  It's still enjoyable to revisit well made films from time to time because the experience is captivating.  Whereas with Solo, nobody wants to revisit it because it's boring at a fundamental level, far beyond the mere audience knowledge of how events will play out.  Solo is boring, not because the viewer knows the story already, but because it's a disposable, forgettable, mediocre story with horrendously dull, flat and extremely brown cinematography.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Solo was not remotely revolutionary but perfectly passable for some dumb action methinks. Rather liked the space trench war environment bit.

When actual

Spoiler alert

Darth Maul

[close]

appears in the last few seconds I yelled NO FUCKING WAY at me local theatre. That was pretty hilarious come on

[popcorn]

Yeah I don't buy the "oh but you know they won't die so there's no suspense" argument either. The possibility of a character dying is not the only mechanism of suspense available in storytelling.

[phantom_power]

99% of heroes don't die in their films

[St_Eddie]

99% of heroes don't die in their films

Indeed.  I seriously doubt that anyone has ever sat down to watch a James Bond flick and thought "oh my god, maybe it will be curtains for Bond this time!".

[Thomas]

You've clearly never seen the opening five minutes of The Spy Who Loved Me.

[Ant Farm Keyboard]

You mean, From Russia with Love? The Spy Who Loved Me opens with the sky chase and the Union Jack parachute.

[St_Eddie]

You've clearly never seen the opening five minutes of The Spy Who Loved Me.

Touché.

You mean, From Russia with Love? The Spy Who Loved Me opens with the sky chase and the Union Jack parachute.

_{Psst.  It's an I'm Alan Partridge reference.}

[Thomas]

You mean, From Russia with Love? The Spy Who Loved Me opens with the sky chase and the Union Jack parachute.

And thank God for it.

[popcorn]

Indeed.  I seriously doubt that anyone has ever sat down to watch a James Bond flick and thought "oh my god, maybe it will be curtains for Bond this time!".

I've developed a habit of saying "James Bond's going to die!!" whenever I'm close to defeat in a video game and this caused my flatmate's girlfriend to look at me pitifully and say: "You call yourself James Bond?"

[dr beat]

'You think you're James Bond! Well you're not!'

'I am James Bond'.

[St_Eddie]

I've developed a habit of saying "James Bond's going to die!!" whenever I'm close to defeat in a video game...

I did a similar thing, but with James Pond.

[phantom_power]

I don't mind Solo. It is perfectly adequate, which is not exactly what you want from the film. Rise of Skywalker is fucking dead dog's shit though, and I liked the other 2 sequels

[Replies From View]

Is that better or worse than an alive dog's shit?


Or is this one of those instances where the shit was done by an alive dog that has since died.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Or is the shit dead, but the dog is alive?

[St_Eddie]

The Force Awakens = A shameless nostalgia baiting rehash of A New Hope, but with potential to develop into something interesting within the next two sequels.

The Last Jedi = Awful.  Simply awful.  Genuinely one of the worst sequels to any major movie franchise that I've ever witnessed.  It goes out of its way to do its darndest to utterly destroy the Star Wars universe, by way of smug mythological deconstruction, ridiculous subversions of decent storytelling and groan worthy jokes straight out of Spaceballs.

The Rise of Skywalker = A laughable, incoherent and pitiful end to a terrible sequel trilogy.  When the end credits finally rolled around it was like shooting a mercy bullet into Old Yeller's demented head.

[popcorn]

Excuse me I think this has been settled

Force Awakens - fine
Last Jedi - fine
Rise of Skywalker - shite

Sequel trilogy final score: fine

[phantom_power]

The deconstruction and subversion might worked (for others, I loved it regardless) if it had been part of the plan and the third film had the balls to carry it through. Part of good fiction is deconstruction and subversion. But we have danced this tango before so not sure there is much more discussion to be had

[St_Eddie]

But we have danced this tango before so not sure there is much more discussion to be had

Indeed.  You love the movie, I despise it.  Nobody will be changing anyone's mind on the matter, so it's a pointless endeavour to even entertain the notion of embarking upon any further debate.

[kalowski]

Let me tweak your views, St Eddie, to get mine.

The Force Awakens = A shameless nostalgia baiting rehash of A New Hope, but with potential to develop into something interesting within the next two sequels.

The Last Jedi = Best of the three. Sagged in the middle but the Luke story arc was great and the final battle really enjoyable.

The Rise of Skywalker = Literally the worst thing that has ever appeared under the Star Wars title. An insult. Lazy filmmaking that was just a collection of unlinked scenes leading to a joke of a final battle.

[popcorn]

Let me tweak your views, St Eddie, to get mine.

Fucking hell I didn't know we could do that.

[bgmnts]

I like how Rise of the Skywalker is worse than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

[kalowski]

I like how Rise of the Skywalker is worse than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

And the Ewoks movies.