Dating Apps

[gmoney]

I met my partner through here, in a roundabout way. Just do that.

[momatt]

Bumble is good mate, I'd recommend that.  If I can succeed, then anyone can.
Got a fair few dates.  But it did involve a lot of messing about and swiping.
Met my lovely partner on it three years ago and we now have a baby who is nice too.  Life is good.
Thanks Bumble.  Thumble.

[dissolute ocelot]

It's a few years since I was single but before then I spent a lot of time on dating apps, and basically all of my relationships were through them. My suspicion is that it doesn't matter much if you're on a good site or a shit site, it's more about just finding someone with whom there's that initial flash of interest or commonality. (Although it certainly helps if they have people in the general area in which you live or are willing to travel.)

And of course there's a ton of heartbreak and feelings of futility, finding someone who seems so perfect but just isn't at all interested in you, casual cruelty, and total randomness. But everyone else is going to die alone and miserable too.

[Icehaven]

I was also given a tip related to this stuff when I was having counseling. These apps are not designed to create relationships: lots of the people on them are dysfunctional in various ways and so keep returning to them after failing again with a new partner. Those that are capable of forming relationships do so quickly and so don't need to keep coming back to them. 

Yep it's much like the dieting industry in that respect, if customers using it successfully means they won't be customers anymore then there's not much incentive for the industry to actually make it work.

[drummersaredeaf]

It's depressing, but makes a lot of sense doesn't it. I've met a few people on them who I thought I could have something long term with but the two that immediately come to mind did some very odd things. One was a serious head worker and was blowing extreme hot and cold, while another fucked off back to America and kept in touch over text about eventually hooking up again. That isn't bad in itself and we didn't part on bad terms. I finally had enough when she hadn't text for three months then in the same evening told me she had dreamt she miscarried my baby, and was seeing a guy but when she inevitably fucked it up we should just go for a green card visa.

The success stories I know are very attractive, and one met his partner within a day of her being on the app. When I'm ready I'll probably have to jump back on them because I don't meet new people often otherwise, but I think my sanity has been better for binning them off for a couple of years.

[Huxleys Babkins]

I met my partner through here, in a roundabout way. Just do that.

You approached them from the right?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

It only took me a month, but I finally signed up to one of these. I opted for Hinge after a friend said a few of her friends had been successful on it. Having the various details upfront is handy (especially whether they have/want kids, because I hate children) but it's bizarrely sparse when it comes to relating any actual personality. I've probably skipped past dozens of suitable matches, because "I like wine" and "I'm looking for someone honest" aren't interesting character traits.

[Stigdu]

My dad uses Plenty o Fish, and my best mate met his wife via match.com so they might be worth a try?

[flotemysost]

It only took me a month, but I finally signed up to one of these. I opted for Hinge after a friend said a few of her friends had been successful on it. Having the various details upfront is handy (especially whether they have/want kids, because I hate children) but it's bizarrely sparse when it comes to relating any actual personality. I've probably skipped past dozens of suitable matches, because "I like wine" and "I'm looking for someone honest" aren't interesting character traits.

Hinge is what I've been using for my (thus far pitifully abortive) forays into dating women, but like you say, quite a lot of people on there (of all genders) do seem to favour one-word replies that don't really give you a huge amount to go on. I'm sure it's great that the key to your heart is "be yourself" and your typical Sunday is "Netflix", but come on, my chat is abysmal at the best of times, give me a bit more material to work with!

And lots of people (well, mostly men if I'm honest) don't seem to actually read my profile either - lots of "likes" from Conservatives who want children. I also find the "Not Political" option oddly sinister, and it instantly casts the person as a QAnon type in my head (probably grossly unfairly, I know).

Plenty o Fish

I can't not read this as your dad meets potential partners in a local chippy. Which would be quite suave actually, if successful.

[bgmnts]

Tried eharmony as a last resort and swiped right on almost every woman on the site within 150 miles, basically the whole of great Britain, and maybe have one date on Saturday perhaps. Not the best strike rate but what can you do.

Speaking to a nice lady in Edinburgh who hasn't ghosted me yet so I'm happy enough.

I would suggest eharmony if you're looking for something serious, as the fees are very serious!

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Also, any profile photos taken in the mirror get an immediate rejection from me. It speaks of a dull mind.

[Joe Qunt]

Also, any profile photos taken in the mirror get an immediate rejection from me. It speaks of a dull mind.

I'm starting to get a clearer picture of what your problem is.

[Misspent Boners]

Also, any profile photos taken in the mirror get an immediate rejection from me. It speaks of a dull mind.

Extremely effective way of filtering out the Vampires though...only after one thing the lot of them!

I've been on and off them over the last year since being single; namely Tinder and Bumble, with massively fluctuating results. Nowadays they do intentionally restrict your access to those who've swiped right on you, letting you know you've received likes but obstructing your ability to swipe right back, hoping you'll fold and pay the sometimes extortionate fees for the extra features. I bit and paid the 15 quid for a week on Bumble a couple of times and it was worth it, but anything more is just too costly, Tinder gold in particular seemed like a ludicrous price

It can be exhausting and I don't know how people manage to consistently use them for an extended amount of time. My approach was transitioning to WhatsApp with 3 or 4 girls I was getting on with before deleting the apps...then either orchestrating dates when it felt right, or inevitably sometimes having people just suddenly go quiet with no reason. Not worth stressing over...then if none of the dates went anywhere I'd leave it a month or 2 before reinstalling and going through the rigorous routine again; it was too draining for me to do it any other way...

Met up with around 5 or 6 girls through doing this but none of them stuck...one thing I got extremely wary of was a recurring thing wherein I'd fall into almost faux relationships with different girls via messages, voice notes, pictures and even long calls...but I learned this could all amount to absolutely nothing when you met in real life. So it's definitely best to propose a meeting sooner rather than later if you're getting on with someone!

I think if it hadn't worked out with the last date I went on I would have had to have packed it in for a long time; although all the dates I went on were pleasant enough with no complete car crashes, non-event after non-event was internally waring me down. Luckily it went amazing and we've been really happy in the last month, and it's made all that came before extremely worth it

Definitely worth trying different profile pictures and bios etc, see what illicits more responses, seemed to work for me

[MojoJojo]

I've used them a bit, thinking about going back on. Actual app doesn't matter too much, since most people end up on several.

I think the main thing to do is to not take it too seriously. Don't think of it as searching for the ONE, just enjoy judging people on their appearance and occasionally chatting with someone and even more occasionally meeting up with someone for a nice meal or <insert activity here>.

As a man, be prepared not to get many matches, and matches not responding. It's just the way it works.

I'd suggest trying to make your profile funny. It won't be, but it stops it becoming an awkward confession of your personal faults or boastful. It also helps with the not taking it too seriously part.

Don't chat with people for ages before meeting up. It's too easy to get connected to an imaginary version of someone.

[bgmnts]

I've used them a bit, thinking about going back on. Actual app doesn't matter too much, since most people end up on several.

I think the main thing to do is to not take it too seriously. Don't think of it as searching for the ONE, just enjoy judging people on their appearance and occasionally chatting with someone and even more occasionally meeting up with someone for a nice meal or <insert activity here>.

As a man, be prepared not to get many matches, and matches not responding. It's just the way it works.

I'd suggest trying to make your profile funny. It won't be, but it stops it becoming an awkward confession of your personal faults or boastful. It also helps with the not taking it too seriously part.

Don't chat with people for ages before meeting up. It's too easy to get connected to an imaginary version of someone.

I did the very ballpark guesstimate maths on this this morning and fucking hell I almost wanted to throw myself in front of a car this morning.

[MojoJojo]

It's a self reinforcing thing. Men get frustrated at not getting matches, so just starting picking everyone. In turn, women get so many likes they get really picky with who they choose. And so it continues.

As I say, it's important not to take it too seriously. It's particularly bad if you already spend too much time on the internet, so probably best to use them in conjunction with other ways of meeting new people, like hobby groups, fitness things, meetup groups etc. to remind you have worth,

[drummersaredeaf]

.one thing I got extremely wary of was a recurring thing wherein I'd fall into almost faux relationships with different girls via messages, voice notes, pictures and even long calls...but I learned this could all amount to absolutely nothing when you met in real life

Username scans.

[Dr Rock]

I'm out of the game now but got my last two relationships through bumble. I'd recommend a fucking funny profile, don't seem thirsty. Hope that helps x

[Memorex MP3]

It's insane how much better I do on hinge than bumble. Could be nearly the exact same profile and I'll get 20 times as many matches with most of them responding.

The only things I can think of are:
1. the swipe action is so instinctively reflexive that bumble results in a lot more instant rejections if you look like shit whereas people are more pressed to read a prompt or two on hinge
2. Bumble leaves tons of long dead profiles

[Dr Rock]

Never tried Hinge

[Joe Qunt]

Never tried Hinge

If it's minge you be wantin'...

[flotemysost]

Men get frustrated at not getting matches, so just starting picking everyone. In turn, women get so many likes they get really picky with who they choose.

To be fair, it's not necessarily picky in the sense of "Bahaha, I'm FAR too good for these repulsive worms!", more "I'm 99% sure that I'm going to have very little in common with this person, so I'm just not going to waste either of our time" (e.g. my earlier comment about inexplicably getting lots of traffic from Tory breeders, when my profile makes it fairly clear that's not my jam). Maybe that's just my own cynicism, but I've had enough hilariously excruciating evenings where it's transpired early on that I'm very obviously not what the other person's after at all - seems best to just not go there in the first place.

I did also realise quite recently that the Hinge app is pretty inconsistent in sending push notifications, at least on my Android phone; there I was thinking "oh well, at least everyone else is as awkward/shit at making a move as I am!", but turns out it looks like I've been ignoring a couple of people for days now, it just didn't notify me that they'd actually messaged.

But yeah, a lot of these experiences seem fairly universal by the sound of it.

[bgmnts]

I made the executive decision to delete all my apps and remove myself from as many online spaces and social medias as possible.

So online dating is officially a thing of the past for me. Should have done it half a decade ago I lose 9 years of my life. If I were a normal person able to learn skills I could have learnt 6 languages, learnt to play the flute and watched the Lord of the Rings extended editions alone by myself crying a thousand times.

[drummersaredeaf]

Thing is bgmnts, everyone else spent that time swiping anyway, and no one wants to shag a flautist.

I remember when I was on some of these apps in a big way and I described as like having a second job. Occasional bursts of joy amongst the misery, but I should have learned the flute to make myself repellent instead of just letting my body rot.

[Joe Qunt]

All the ladies/lads love a trumpeter. Get with it, grandad.

[chip]

lots of "likes" from Conservatives who want children. I also find the "Not Political" option oddly sinister, and it instantly casts the person as a QAnon type in my head

Plenty of Fash

[Joe Qunt]

My main takeaway from this whole thread is that you're all a bunch of fussy bastards.

[Sex Wax]

You'll understand in a decade or so when your endocrine system has turned into a collection of shrivelled prunes

[bgmnts]

My main takeaway from this whole thread is that you're all a bunch of fussy bastards.

I'm the least fussy human on the planet.

[Joe Qunt]

You'll understand in a decade or so when your endocrine system has turned into a collection of shrivelled prunes

I don't have endocrine, I'm a fella.