Bliss

[small_world]

I've been happy twice.
I don't mean smiley happy happy. I mean totally content and, just, happy.
It's hard to describe, but I'll try my best.

The first was years ago. I think I must have been 21.
I was driving home (I was living with my parents at the time), I'd just picked up a chinese, after dropping my girlfriend at her house for the night. It was a summer's night, about 9pm. And the sun was just going down.
It was hot. One of those rare summer nights, when everything is quiet, like when there's a big football match on, and everyone's at home.
And I was just driving. Had some music on, and for a few seconds, I felt the absolute shit.
Totally happy.

Then, just tonight.  I had the same feeling.

I've been at work all day, and had a pretty busy week. We're buying our second house and were a bit worried about some of the legal stuff. And I've had loads on at work, and have a really busy week coming up, with trips to London and Poland, before a really important meeting next weekend. I've had loads to do for it, and no time.
But today, I had a great meeting, where it was decided to just put off a lot of the work. We also got a call from the solicitors and everything's going to be fine.
After work - which was really hard, physical, doing DIY type stuff out in the cold, In Middlesbrough, an hour from where I live - I'd had a bit of a sing in the car.
I was close to home, and Elbow[nb]Soz haterz[/nb] where on the CD that was in. And in the distance there was a building with it's big windows un-curtained, With the lights on inside.
As I got closer I could see it was an elderly people's home's main hall.
And all the old folks were having a dance.
And I just pulled over and watched them for a bit.
Their lives almost over, dancing away.
And I was fucking happy.

But yeah, I'm sure there have been more. But I don't just mean being happy, I'm happy loads of the time. But there's always something there. I never get that moment of real clarity, where everything's calm. And I realise I'm happy.
Well, I have. But only twice[nb]Sating that, on holiday this year, with my waterproof mp3 player and a beer in my hand, on a lilo in the pool. Blazing sun. I must have been fucking happy. Or very pissed not to remember.[/nb].

Does anyone else ever get like this?

Of course it's totally temporary. Lasts maybe 10 minutes, then there's something.
But when it happens it's bliss.

[Treguard of Dunshelm]

I've been really happy and content for the last year or thereabouts. There's little niggles, but I really love my life at the moment, and the imperfections just seem to throw the good things into relief. Not very many years ago I was unemployed and in the grip of crippling depression and anxiety, now I have a job which is challenging but not too difficult - I'll never get rich doing it but it pays enough for me to be comfortable and more importantly, it feels worthwhile doing it; I've got some really great friends; and I get to spend my spare time reading, playing games and making / listening to music. The only thing missing is someone to share it with, but even then, the feeling that I can be complete on my own is a substantial compensation. Without wanting to sound wanky (while knowing that I will), I'm even finding that I'm making considerable "spiritual" progress within my own weird system of thought and belief. I'm either really easily pleased or very lucky, if I believed in a personal deity I would give thanks.

Of course, it can't last. But even that thought doesn't scare me, it's the tough times in life that force you to grow.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've been lucky enough to experience it a fair few times, but the most vivid memories are these:

1) I was fourteen, and institutionalized due to going a bit mental several months prior. I'd had a nasty toilet related OCD, which had led to agoraphobia, and the need for much psychological help. But my time at the hospital had been a pretty fantastic one, where I'd gained a lot of great friends, and mostly got over the issues I'd had. Then one gloriously hot summer afternoon, the most gorgeous girl there told me she had feelings for me, and we lay on the grass, talking and holding hands. It may not sound much, but for the first time in years I felt totally calm, and utterly utterly happy.

2) Fourteen years later, and I'd just made love to the first woman who I'd ever told that I loved her, and she'd reciprocated in kind. We held each other, and it's the happiest I've ever been.

Of course it went horribly wrong (as did the situation with the first girl), but I'd sacrifice all the pain (of which there was much) for just one moment like that again.

3) Watching my friend Mark dance around in a silver dress, on the second night of Reading '95.

[garbed_attic]

Really liked your post small_world... it's a hard thing to place exactly, but I know what you mean - a feeling of absolute peace and the surprise of 'there is nothing nagging - no anxiety behind this'. Just the simple realisation of contentment. I have a poor memory for childhood and whether I had that kind of experience when I was so young, but I have two clear memories of being older and experiencing this:

1.) With my first girlfriend standing on a bridge outside this little cinema that's next to an old railway station, in the dark, but with a glowing illumination from surrounding lights and us just dancing up there spontaneously. Probably the only time in my life when I have danced and been completely at ease while doing so.

2.) Walking through a naked maize maze a couple of years ago in perfect summer heat, with a friend I'd just met, who I'd later date. Just the feeling of warmth on my body, the company I was enjoying, though at the time having no particular interest in turning the friendship into anything more than that and just the fact that I have loved mazes since I was little, all combined into a lovely feeling of peacefulness and warmheartedness.

Both those memories were connected with a feeling of love, I think, but somehow the sensation was more holistic than that. Being-in-the-world, perhaps. Meditation + love might = this feeling, but then it's also the simplest thing in the world.

Hard to express!

So, the lesson for my life at least seems to be, that I should dance and be naked in public more!

[small_world]

I'm glad I managed to get across the type of thing I'm on about.
I wouldn't want to single out the thing that does it as it's the best thing in the world and totally takes you by surprise, and I think that it'd be impossible anyway. But, today I was outside most of the day, and while it's winter, I've caught enough sun to slightly redden/burn my face.
So, there's sunlight/vitamin D. And also, a general contentment/having achieved something.

There is something about being out in the sun though, I always feel far better after being outdoors and having done something a bit physical.
So, more of that for me is the medicine.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Every time ive done ecstasy. That stuff is fucking amazing.

[Goldentony]

Pure unabashed fucking happiness maybe once? Probably over a period over a few months but definitely a couple of specific months. Once certainly. It may have slipped a way a bit but it's never fucking unattainable.

[Smeraldina Rima]

I don't like the sun very much, Small-World, but I'm glad it does so much for you (and my family and friends and weather forecasters, who shouldn't really broadcast their opinion if they're working for the BBC). I think Huzzie addressed not liking the sun and the heat very much once. Apart from him and one or two others, I'm alone in appreciation of a nice grey day. I did once meet a girl who loved the freezing cold and the night but she went off with a younger man who liked to wear a tie on a bare chest.

One misty day I went with someone else to Bempton cliffs but we couldn't see the birds very clearly, so we went back through the field over hills and sat at the top of a valley and then clumsily descended into the small woods, then after growing bored of that went back along the cliffs with wet hair without rain but from the misty air, then I got duck eggs and left some money in an honesty box on the way back through the village to the station, where seeing the train to Hull wouldn't be for another hour we decided to walk to Bridlington which took another two hours during which journey she started making filthy comments and getting sparkly eyes with mischief in them which I hadn't seen before but now know is a very good sign in anyone you want to shit on you[nb]These sparkly eyes reappeared the other evening, when I had the best kiss I've ever had in a yellowy goodnight sweetheart lighted alley, but it's early days, so don't buy a hat yet Paddy.[/nb]. By the time we got to Brid it was getting dark, we had fish and chips and mushy peas by the high tide which she was slightly afraid of - but then I was afraid of barking dogs so didn't take the rise - then waited for a train in the Cricketer pub, which I wouldn't recommend as Bridlington has a very good station cafe pub I didn't know about (with old chocolate advertisement posters, railway memorabilia and golliwogs), then got the train exhausted with her head sleepy on my shoulder between kisses. I then had happily to walk her home for another hour, have a very sloppy goodnight kiss with her standing on a curb with tiptoes to give her the height advantage and walked home for the returning hour. My feet would have found the pavement quite painful by now so it was lucky that I was walking on air and that I couldn't feel my feet anyway because all the blood had rushed to my erection. To top off the feelings of the day I felt at the time, Small-World, she later told me that when she had got home, while I was walking home feeling your feelings of bliss, she ran upstairs at once, to ignore her housemates (one of which she would later dump me for, not important at the moment in the context of this bliss story) and go straight to bed because she didn't want anything, a hello or a goodnight, to step into the day we had had.

That was good, but how about after Santa Claus crashed into the Trinity Road roof at half time and Arsenal were so shocked they let their two goal lead slip, and Dion Dublin got the winner for John Gregory's Claret and Blue Army? At that point our title challenge - don't laugh - was still on track and the Holte End was full of sparkly eyes.

[ThickAndCreamy]

I've been getting the feeling of intense bliss rather regularly lately. Just looking down at my life from an external perspective just makes me realise how content I have become. The greatest moment was probably a few weeks back, going to watch Pantha Du Prince live. A mixture of an incredible live set, meeting a few excellent strangers and a little too much ecstasy made me feel an overwhelming sense of delight and wonder to just be alive. It's truly hard to articulate just how beautiful and human the whole experience felt, especially as I was with a mate who I feel is having an astonishingly positive impact on my life.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I enjoy being away,though sometimes its tinged with loneliness so bittersweet feeling. It still feels great being free.

I think happiness is when you're distracted from everything else and thats why it usually so fleeting. Being with someone gives you many more of those moments.

I think one of the greatest feelings Ive had was the first weeks of university. New friends, great nights, escape from a small town and it people. That felt amazing and lasted a long time.

[Buelligan]

Those moments usually come to me when I'm alone.  The day I left Britain for the last time, it was an early October morning.  Dressed in bike clothes, heavy boots, drank a coffee and smoked a roll up in the garden as the sun rose.  It was misty, all the grass white and sparkling wet.  I slung on my rucksack, strapped my helmet, swung onto the saddle and heard the fuel prime.  Then, pressed start.  Felt the bike wriggle, its big heart growling with the need to go, eased the clutch and we left.  Me and my bike together, dancing up and down through the gears, out onto the open road.  Leaving everything, swooping, banking, dancing our lives away.  The sun rising.  No one else.