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March 28, 2024, 12:47:00 PM

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Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021

Started by canadagoose, April 04, 2021, 03:22:41 PM

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dex

Had a mad thought today at work. Morale is really low at the moment and the daft thought of suggesting we all just have a mass brawl came into my headspace. Kick fuck out of each other and just laugh about it afterwards. But then it would be gross misconduct and there could be serious injuries etc. There's a lady on my team that could probably have us all if she wanted. She grew up on a farm. Meh.

Cold Meat Platter

Quote from: dex on July 15, 2021, 06:31:49 PM
Had a mad thought today at work. Morale is really low at the moment and the daft thought of suggesting we all just have a mass brawl came into my headspace. Kick fuck out of each other and just laugh about it afterwards. But then it would be gross misconduct and there could be serious injuries etc. There's a lady on my team that could probably have us all if she wanted. She grew up on a farm. Meh.

Custard pie fight then. Like at the end of Carry On Loving.

Endicott

Go paint balling. Nah I'm just messin' about.

Replies From View

One Peter's Mad Thought I routinely have is the idea of giving up my job - which despite being badly paid and stressful nevertheless uses my strengths, is skilled and feels rewarding - going through all the business of handing in my notice and saying goodbye to everyone, telling them it's so I can move on to something that feels like a progression in my life....  and then taking on the kind of job I had two decades ago that I hated, stocking shelves for a corporation and being treated like absolute shit. 

And instead of at least having a positive sense that it was something I was only doing while I was studying, or while I got my shit together to make the next step, just accepting that would be it for the rest of my life.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Cold Meat Platter on July 15, 2021, 06:44:38 PM
Custard pie fight then. Like at the end of Carry On Loving.

Towards the end of my first year at university there were minor tensions between some of my housemates, but one huge food fight later and we all felt a hell of a lot better, so I think you might be on to something there.

Echo Valley 2-6809

Coming home from a late evening walk just now in the dark there were quite a few houses along the way with ground floor windows wide open in the heat and curtains drawn shut as people watched TV. 
Kept getting the urge to pop my head through an open window to say "Good evening!" in Kenneth Williams's 'Snide' voice from Hancock's Half Hour.

Custard

Pretty old looking gentleman getting off the train in front of me yesterday. Briefly thought about what would happen if I suddenly dropkicked his back, as the doors opened

Maybe the people waiting to get on would break his fall? Maybe he'd take them out too? Maybe he'd go headfirst into the concrete, as people scream?

Anyway, have a great day everyone!

Paul Calf


Custard

Not very. Bit wrinkly and stern faced. Not even a hint of exposed flesh

Icehaven

A few years ago when I was a few weeks into my new job I was chatting with my new boss and a few other people, and the subject of divorce/couples separating up came up. My boss mentioned how his marriage had ended a few years earlier when his wife had left him for a mutual friend, and how the friend had been at the wedding and everything and how awful it had all been etc. I had an overwhelming urge to say "Well maybe you shouldn't have been such a fucking prick then", despite hardly knowing him and having no reason to think he was a prick at all, he seemed OK, and knowing nothing else about the circumstances of his marriage.

In the event it turned out he was a bit of a prick anyway so maybe I'm just psychic.

The Mollusk

Working as a property inspector I find myself often very high up in buildings. Many times I like to go out into the communal stairway and look down the gap down the middle of the stairs spiralling down tens of storeys and think about jumping down. Could flail out and just let yourself get absolutely annihilated by the banisters, panging off this way and that, but ultimately you'd get chucked off at some point onto the stairwell which sort of feels like a failure. What I really want to do is french fry drop right down and see how far I can get without touching anything. Imagine zooming down like a torpedo, arms and legs zipped in tight, eyes ablaze with the thrill of it. Thirty-odd handrails whizzing inches from your nose. Imagine if you passed someone on the stairs, totally silent, a blur of human come and gone in a flash, you'd scarcely fuckin believe what you just saw. Imagine making it all the way down and landing right on your feet and the entirety of your form crumpling to a gristled mulch in your shoes. It all sounds incredible.

dex

Was on holiday in Wales a couple of weeks back and as we were camping we'd bought some stuff to cook dinner. Out of the supermarket carpark comes an obnoxiously sized 4x4 with the windows down, blocking our path to cross the road. I had the mad thought of chucking the onion I had in my hand through the window so it hit/rolled around the people inside. Heh. Daft.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: The Mollusk on August 27, 2021, 03:03:34 PM
Working as a property inspector I find myself often very high up in buildings. Many times I like to go out into the communal stairway and look down the gap down the middle of the stairs spiralling down tens of storeys and think about jumping down. Could flail out and just let yourself get absolutely annihilated by the banisters, panging off this way and that, but ultimately you'd get chucked off at some point onto the stairwell which sort of feels like a failure. What I really want to do is french fry drop right down and see how far I can get without touching anything. Imagine zooming down like a torpedo, arms and legs zipped in tight, eyes ablaze with the thrill of it. Thirty-odd handrails whizzing inches from your nose. Imagine if you passed someone on the stairs, totally silent, a blur of human come and gone in a flash, you'd scarcely fuckin believe what you just saw. Imagine making it all the way down and landing right on your feet and the entirety of your form crumpling to a gristled mulch in your shoes. It all sounds incredible.

This post made me shiver and squirm

who cares

At the boot fair, walking up to a stall I spot a large brown vase. Two thoughts occur in sharp succession- "oh, I've got one a bit like that," followed by the urge to say, "how much is THIS?"; the 'THIS' part of the question referring to the act of me picking up the vase and throwing it as hard as possible through the rear window of their Range Rover.

dex

Was on a flight today (lardy dah!) and bloke stands up in the aisle in front of me for pretty much no reason apart from to stretch his legs or summat. He's not far away from the mid section cabin doors. Somehow if I could reach the mechanism with something and open the door. I'm strapped in my seat -he wouldn't be secured, and he'd go star shaped out of the doors to the land or sea below.

Sebastian Cobb

overtaking another cyclist then pulling in and loudly farting and them getting so angry they give chase

Walked past a black, de-badged Audi Q3 this morning and felt an overwhelming urge to go buy some white Dulux and scrawl a massive "Q3" and "1.8" on the back before cunting the still mostly full can through the passenger side window.

SteveDave

Our doorbell just went and I imagined it was an assassin come to kill my wife. I let her answer it though. We're fine.

the Fallen

Sometimes I'm in the pub and just get this urge to swipe the pint glass away - just knock it flying, in a great sweep of my arm, just, fuckin get it off the table

Then I realise it would just cause unnecessary cleaning for the bar staff and I'd sit there speechless being unable to even say sorry.

And that's when it hits me. That's the only thing stopping me. Mild social embarassment.

Icehaven

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on November 18, 2021, 10:03:21 AMWalked past a black, de-badged Audi Q3 this morning and felt an overwhelming urge to go buy some white Dulux and scrawl a massive "Q3" and "1.8" on the back before cunting the still mostly full can through the passenger side window.

Someone on my street is living your dream, twice in the last few months different cars have had white paint chucked over them for no apparent reason. I don't think the cars belong to the same people either so it's probably not personal, there's just someone with an irresistible desire to throw paint over cars going about. A paintonist.

Lets be clear, I just wanted to re-badge the car with paint, not mindlessly vandalise like your local Peter. Not until I'm finished and chuck the can through the window, anyway.

Walked past it again this morning and, fuck me, of course they've fitted those chunky number plates that every wanker seems to have these days. Of course they fucking have.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on December 16, 2021, 04:34:23 PMWalked past it again this morning and, fuck me, of course they've fitted those chunky number plates that every wanker seems to have these days. Of course they fucking have.

I don't think I've ever seen a "chunky" numberplate, so I'm imagine that it's made of wood with raised carved letters, like you get marking some footpaths.


touchingcloth

And you still haven't covered it in paint?

Dex Sawash

You can just scooby doo up your own number plates?

Cold Meat Platter

The other day I was going about my business in the kitchen when I felt a slight burbulence in my stomach parts (I had been indulging in bad booze, biscuit, brisket and brine). I instantly had the idea to whip the breeks down and forcefully blast skittery shite all over the kitchen units.

shoulders

In a Thai restaurant, had a sudden thought to stand up and start clapping and singing 'Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano, Hey Mambo!'.

Haven't had a drop, perhaps I ought to.

Cerys

I'm beginning to hate washing the food processor.  Every time I get to [trigger warning]
Spoiler alert
the spinning blade bit I can't help  pondering how easy it would be to cut my throat.  The irony is that it wouldn't be all that easy, and even if it were I have no intention of doing so.
[close]

Ray Travez


Stopped at Membury services last week and, as I was waiting for my other half to come back from the toilet, I felt a massive urge to stick my £500 Christmas bonus into the fruities. Not as a "I could turn this into £5,000" gamble, but just to fuck the whole lot away.