Lorraine Kelly, but she really likes toast

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

The concept: Lorraine Kelly is hosting her show, and interviewing her guests as normal, except that she has a big, fuck- off toaster by her side, one that can make, like, eight slices of toast at at a time, and she is constantly toasting bread, then buttering the slices and eating them while interviewing her guests. She constantly interjects with comments like " nice bit of toast, this." And " mmmmmmm, lovely toast", and will occasionally ask her guests something toast - related, but will also pose fairly conventional questions to the guests, for her strong liking of toast is not obsessive to a monomaniacal degree. There is no iguana on her shoulder.

That's about it, really. There is literally nothing more to this concept than this.

[GMTV]

Ocht aye, ahll just stick another wee slice a plain oan... Sorry Adele carry on

[Glebe]

She gets hungry when she's soldering dogs.

[Huxleys Babkins]

That's nothing. Carol Kirkwood has got one of these next to her weather map over on BBC Breakfast:



Hatco Toast King. 1,000 slices an hour. She can't even eat them all, but "Kirkwood needs fresh toast on hand at all times" says a BBC insider.