Words and phrases that only newspaper headlines use

[boki]

Do tabloid columnists still have 'celeb chums'?  I bet they do.

[Jockice]

Using the suffix -gate for any scandal.

For example, Pizzagate, Celebgate, Camillagate, Beergate, Partygate etc.

Water was not the item at the centre of the Watergate scandal, a scandal which journalists should know better than laypeople such as I, given it is potentially the biggest moment in investigative journalistic history. You and I both know that it was called the Watergate Scandal because it happened in the Watergate hotel.

Why, since that fateful day, have journalists insisted on using said suffix for every scandal?

Yeah, but the Watergate Hotel was so-called because the entrance gate hadn't been waterproofed. Which was considered scandalous. Possibly.

[Ferris]

Because british journalists are absolute bottom-feeding scum with completely static brains that do nothing except churn snide bile up to constantly keep their readership of decrepit boomers and love my famly footballer wankers afraid of any change to our conservative little fallen empire shithole island full of shit cum and hairy fucking balls

Still, good news about the su doku.

[popcorn]

Rafts seem to turn up a lot, usually rafts of measures.

[Ferris]

Rafts seem to turn up a lot

Not least from Calais!!

[buttgammon]

Boffins - any scientists or researchers basically.

[Sherringford Hovis]

"Mum of 3"; "Father of 3" - why is the lady an informal but the gent a formal appellation? (I know they sometimes use "Dad" but you'll notice the discrepancy a lot more now I've pointed it out)
Bunging in an unimportant reference to "£370,000 house"...

Not strictly used in headlines, but this shit annoys me.

Sub-editors have improved since then.

Sub-eds don't really exist any more with either the proliferation or authority that they used to have when the printed word ruled [source: I used to be a sub - have I been able to find much work in the last decade? Have I bollocks.]

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I used to be a sub - have I been able to find much work in the last decade? Have I bollocks.]

Did you and Giles Coren ever kiss and make up? :)

[JesusAndYourBush]

Imagine a story where a Tory MP gets a new garden gate made of gold and claims it on expenses.  The press would call it Gategate.

So there's an enquiry and the result is it's considered a valid expense and he gets off scot free.  The press then discover the MP bribed the enquiry panel.  The press would call it Gategategate.

[idunnosomename]

The annoying thing was with the story where that MP was rude to a police officer at the gates of number 10 couldve been gategate. But our press isnt going to send itself up like that so went with plebgate.

[Brundle-Fly]

Squidgygate was the best gate. I wonder if Charles still wakes up in a cold sweat about that? "Everybody still knows that I said I wanted to be Camilla's tampon. Oh Christ".

[The Late Mike Morris]

Whenever you are meant to sympathise with someone spending money on anything, they 'forked out' on it.

People have always been 'downing' drinks when you aren't meant to like them, no matter how quickly they've been drinking.

I also hate sex being referred to as someone 'bedding' another.

Also, in terms of things being shortened to fit into headlines, as a Liverpool fan I hate us being referred to as 'Kop', it's not a bloody nickname no matter how much you use it.

[Jockice]

I also hate sex being referred to as someone 'bedding' another.

Love child. As Billy Connolly says, does that mean you're supposed to hate other children.

[TommyTurnips]

I know that "Tired and emotional" is a phrase that cannot be used anymore to describe someone who is drunk.

Here's a Tom Scott video.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Did you and Giles Coren ever kiss and make up? :)

Jesus Hopscotching Christ - how is this epitome of mimophantery 14 years ago? FOURTEEN YEARS. Days are not only gone, but buried, fossilised under pressure, extracted, refined then blasted back into the atmosphere as a choking particulate smog guaranteed to poison all it touches.

Whenever you are meant to sympathise with someone spending money on anything, they 'forked out' on it.

And all dosh associated to private individuals is "hard earned" - particularly regarding tax bumps, increases in pay-and-display parking charges or raises in the cost of living.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Squidgygate was the best gate. I wonder if Charles still wakes up in a cold sweat about that? "Everybody still knows that I said I wanted to be Camilla's tampon. Oh Christ".

That explains why his hands are so swollen.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I was walking through the quarry in the park the other lunchtime and some school must have had a trip out there as there was a discarded instruction sheet with 'LAB Apparatus' at the top. Which lead me to thinking 'apparatus' is rarely used outside of school (also used for gym equipment as well as scientific gear), our department has a lab of sorts and nobody uses the a-word.

[mrpupkin]

Phrasing past events in the present tense as if they are still ongoing....

"William and Kate dress to impress as they meet Tom Cruise at London Top Gun premiere"

Do they? Oh, they did IN THE PAST ITS FINISHED NOW

[shiftwork2]

Bubbly for champagne.

Upset in the recording or radio industry has its participants 'in a spin'.

[Paul Calf]

The revelations about David Cameron sticking his tiny dick in a pig's head fucking outraged me. Everyone was clumsily calling it 'Piggate', when a second's thought would have revealed that 'Snortergate' was a far more elegant and fitting title.

[petril]

I was walking through the quarry in the park the other lunchtime and some school must have had a trip out there as there was a discarded instruction sheet with 'LAB Apparatus' at the top. Which lead me to thinking 'apparatus' is rarely used outside of school (also used for gym equipment as well as scientific gear), our department has a lab of sorts and nobody uses the a-word.

the word apparatus is used in science classes and PE, and in literally no other context

[Paul Calf]

the word apparatus is used in science classes and PE, and in literally no other context

If you continue to disparage the versatility and integrity this noble word, I shall bring the power of the state apparatus to bear upon you.

[Blue Jam]

[source: I used to be a sub - have I been able to find much work in the last decade? Have I bollocks.]

Try being a dom then. I hear there's a lot more demand for that.

[Blue Jam]

Using the suffix -gate for any scandal.

For example, Pizzagate, Celebgate, Camillagate, Beergate, Partygate etc.

Water was not the item at the centre of the Watergate scandal, a scandal which journalists should know better than laypeople such as I, given it is potentially the biggest moment in investigative journalistic history. You and I both know that it was called the Watergate Scandal because it happened in the Watergate hotel.

Why, since that fateful day, have journalists insisted on using said suffix for every scandal?

I have a particular bugbear about people misusing the suffix -itis; ie, obsessive football fans being described as having "footballitis", children with severe anxiety about going to school being described as having "schoolitis" etc. -itis means "inflammation of" and footballs and schools don't get big and swollen and painful FFS.

Sorry, I'm a "boffin".

[Blue Jam]

"sexperts" to describe sex boffins sexual health researchers.

[petril]

If you continue to disparage the versatility and integrity this noble word, I shall bring the power of the state apparatus to bear upon you.

that won't work on me chum, I have diplomatic¹ immunity

¹on many occasions I have been an ambassador for the school, so that must count for something right?

[Cold Meat Platter]

that won't work on me chum, I have diplomatic¹ immunity

I can't hear that phrase without saying it to myself like this.

[shiftwork2]

"sexperts" to describe sex boffins sexual health researchers.

This reminds me of sexploits.  May or may not be a legit tabloid word but regardless it got used on Paul Daniels by Louis Theroux.  An honorary tabloid word.

[maett]

'Experts warn...' or '...warn experts'

'Experts' can be substituted for scientists,  charity group, action group,
(relevant noun) watchdog, (relevamt noun) commitee,

There's just a lot of people issuing warnings in general.

[greencalx]

Similarly, "Scientists say...", which is as ridiculous as writing "Politicians say..." or "Journalists say..". For any scientist who says a thing, I can find you one who says the opposite. Sometimes even the same one. We call this "nuance".