Earth Shattering Local News

[Fambo Number Mive]

"I didn't enjoy the local nighclub on New Year's Eve":

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/19826948.i-went-bridge-new-years-eve-awful/

...I don't drink alcohol but according to my cousin the drinks were a reasonable price.

We stayed on the first floor in the hip-hop/bashment room and the music was decent but could have been better in my opinion. For New Year's Eve I expected a bit more of a buzz but it was pretty flat - I had better nights out as a student.

I definitely won't be going back to The Bridge again, although my sister enjoyed herself...

The point about the lack of visible security is a good one, especially given the number of spikings that happen in clubs, but the rest of it is not newsworthy.

[imitationleather]

Lots of local news articles seem to be on the same tier as Tripadvisor reviews these days.

[thecuriousorange]

Woman gets hairstyle like Princess Diana.

[Tikwid]

Woman gets hairstyle like Princess Diana.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Woman gets hairstyle like Princess Diana.

" she was first recognised in a supermarket while buying milk"

Recognised as someone with a hairstyle like a stiff Princess's.

[Cuellar]

Oxford Mail knocking it out of the park recently

Chicken on the loose in Bicester

[Alberon]

It was seen in Pingle Brook playground earlier this afternoon as well as in people's front gardens.

A Bicester resident, who has asked not to be named, shared this photo in the Bicester Chat Facebook group.

Too ashamed to admit to living in Bicester. Understandable.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The story would be newsworthy if they were asking people to look out for the chicken, but it's been found and Susan Mitcheson's friend is keeping it safe.

[Glebe]

It's bad enough with with a walrus being on the loose in Bicester.

[Sebastian Cobb]

https://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/business/norwich-nightclub-the-talk-set-to-close-8624156

I kind of like this one just for the really dreary photo, from 1998.

[Blumf]

SFX: dog barking in next street, Transit van with blowing exhaust.

[Sebastian Cobb]

SFX: dog barking in next street, Transit van with blowing exhaust.

lol i can hear that soundbank noise perfectly

[Sebastian Cobb]

They've rewritten the article to include recent photos now, that one was pride of place, as the main captioned photo orginally.

[Blumf]

Footballer buys some chips, locals question their sanity

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/sedgley/2022/01/21/rio-ferdinand-spotted-at-sedgley-chip-shop-as-locals-think-theyve-lost-the-plot/

Rio Ferdinand spotted at Sedgley chip shop as locals think they've lost the plot

The former Manchester United, Leeds and England defender was spotted at Tasty Plaice, on High Street, Sedgley, on Thursday evening.

Residents have been speculating just what one of the most decorated English footballers of all time was doing there.

Leanne Hickman, who works locally, said: "I definitely did see him as I turned to leave.

"I was just there to get my pizza and couldn't believe when I saw him.

"I thought I was losing the plot but there he was, I have no idea what he was doing there."

Buying chips, mate, probably some fish too.

[Glebe]

Footballer buys some chips, locals question their sanity

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/sedgley/2022/01/21/rio-ferdinand-spotted-at-sedgley-chip-shop-as-locals-think-theyve-lost-the-plot/
Buying chips, mate, probably some fish too.

[popcorn]

They're going to ban a road forever :(

[Fambo Number Mive]

What will those 1,000 heavy vehicles do now? Another example of cancel culture.

[Alberon]

Not so much for the news item, which is about a man getting attacked, but here's the photo they've gone with.

[Jittlebags]

This is great. Someone's discovered a tramp's underground wanking chamber.

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/inside-hidden-passage-suspended-over-23200359

"In front of us was a single fold-away chair positioned facing a wall.

"On the wall was a partially torn page from a newspaper, or a magazine, showing a fully naked lady in an erotic position.

"I can't put my finger on it but it seemed more sinister than sexy, if that makes any sense."

[Blumf]

Bet the tramp put more than a finger on it, ooh aye!

Urban explorers have been inside the overpass but what they saw saw them get out as 'fast as humanly possible' after they took these images

"but what they saw saw them get out"? Terrible! Worse than a wank dungeon.

[Jittlebags]

Be a good cut price James Bond plot. Bond breaks into the villain's underground lair, and rather than discovering a missile base, or a nucleal power plant, it's just a little room with a chair, a couple of issues of Razzle and Knave, some crusty tissues surrounding a little bin, and the villain frantically pulling on his pud. I've been uh-uh-uh, expecting you Mr uh-uh-pop!

[Natnar]

Court grounds mum whose kid didn't go to school
https://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/stoke-on-trent-news/court-grounds-mum-who-couldnt-6773914

[Natnar]

[AsparagusTrevor]

He believes he maitake whatever he wants, as if the world is his oyster. He's nothing but a common crimini with no morels. What an absolute shiitake.

[Natnar]

I suppose he could be done for tresspass but the fungi is only a few inches away from the road. Would it count as criminal damage?

[Gurke and Hare]

Hmm, my cafe's been inspected and has received a poor hygiene rating? What to do? I know, I'll go to the local press to make sure everyone knows about it!

https://www.leeds-live.co.uk/best-in-leeds/restaurants-bars/leeds-vegan-doughnut-shop-owner-23411334

[Fambo Number Mive]

Bins behind takeaaway have their own Trip Advisor page:

The owner of Flames was less impressed by the Internet meme about his bins, however.

Hussein, 21, said Flames is his family business and has been managing the takeaway for two years. He does not find the joke funny.

Hussein said: "It's normal, just like every day on the Internet. It's not funny to be honest. It didn't make me laugh. It's not a funny joke, it's just a normal joke."

He agreed that the bins were most likely singled out because lots of the residents use the bins.

https://www.leeds-live.co.uk/best-in-leeds/restaurants-bars/leeds-takeaway-owners-feel-mocked-23282158

[Gurke and Hare]

It's not a funny joke, it's just a normal joke.

What?

[Inspector Norse]

I suppose he could be done for tresspass but the fungi is only a few inches away from the road. Would it count as criminal damage?

Apparently it's perfectly legal to pick fungi anywhere you find them, but you need permission to go onto private land so it is trespass. He should just have stood on the pavement and reached over.

[beanheadmcginty]

Seeing as it appears to be Ronnie Barker, can a dead man be done for trespass?