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Earth Shattering Local News

Started by Blumf, June 23, 2011, 04:34:22 PM

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BlodwynPig



AsparagusTrevor

At last, one of the moping, floppy haired fucks has a go at some manual labour.

Subtle Mocking

The show just hasn't been the same since Rod Hull died.

Replies From View


Neville Chamberlain

This week's news in Nottingham:
Spoiler alert
"Council Cleaner Wees in Street".
[close]


Replies From View

^ excellent.  Poor sod.

Bonus points for him being called ALF.  I have no doubt that he is the original one.

Small Man Big Horse

Stolen from a friend's FB page:



biggytitbo


biggytitbo

Also, destroy a hat? Who destroys a hat?[nb]I once destroyed a hat, but I was having a mental breakdown at the time.[/nb]

Subtle Mocking

Bilton Police with their zero tolerance policy on found hats, of course.

katzenjammer

That's an April fool from last year, but you knew that of course

El Unicornio, mang

Erm...course I did! Hahaha happy early April Fools everyone!

biggytitbo

I knew it was an April Fools joke too, i was just playing along.

Come to rural Lanarkshire for a weekend of swinging, ketamine and Sabre Wild Max Bear Attack repellent![nb]my headline, not the original [/nb]

A SWINGING couple sprayed bear repellent into a man's face after a weekend sex session went wrong.

Stephen Barclay, 36, and his lover Leanne Reid, 31, spent a weekend romping with total stranger Owen Greenan at their home.

But the romp turned ugly after Greenan refused to let Barclay take a picture of him on his mobile phone.

Reid handed her partner a can of Sabre Wild Max Bear Attack deterrent and sprayed it into Greenan's face.

He fled the house in agony and was found running down a road by a lorry driver and the police were called.

Officers later arrested Reid and Barclay and charged them with a string of offences.

At Lanark Sheriff Court Barclay and Reid both admitted assaulting Mr Greenan on March 27 last year.

The couple had arranged for him to stay at their isolated property and indulge in a drug-fuelled orgy after they contacted each other online.

The pair, of Glespin, Lanarkshire, took him to their cottage on the Friday to spend the weekend with the couple.

Gary Dow, prosecuting, told the court that the weekend "had gone well" before matters escalated.

He said Greenan was woken up at 4am by Reid who invited him into the couple's bedroom for a smoke.

But on arriving there, he found Barclay sitting in a hot tub drinking beer.

Mr Dow said: "The complainer sat on the toilet seat and Barclay held a phone out to take a photo. He told the complainer, 'smile for the camera'.

"He went to get up and Leanne Reid said 'f*****g smile'. She also had said that she was going to get a knife to stab him.

"Barclay then said, 'Do you think you can come here all weekend, s**g my wife and nothing will happen?'"

Barclay then told Reid to give him the repellent, which he had bought in Canada, before he sprayed it on his victim.

Greenan was later taken to Wishaw General Hospital where he was treated for his injuries.

Barclay's defence agent Neil McShane told the court that drugs had played a part in the weekend's events.

He said: "This occurred at a time when all parties had been taking ketamine."

Archie Hill, who represented Reid, described the attack as "an unfortunate turn of events".

Sheriff Nikola Stewart deferred sentence on the pair until next month for a full range of reports.

She said: "I'm intrigued to what's going on. It's a concern that I see people taking advantage of someone that was a guest in their remote home."

Barclay and Reid admitted assaulting Greenan by threatening to stab him and discharging bear repellent in his face.

He also pled guilty to unlawful possession of cannabis worth up to £7650 and the canister of bear deterrent.

Reid's not guilty plea to a charge that she had wasted police time by alleging that Greenan raped her was accepted.

Both refused to comment as they left court.

Hank Venture

Quote from: Replies From View on March 24, 2012, 05:20:48 PM
^ excellent.  Poor sod.

Bonus points for him being called ALF.  I have no doubt that he is the original one.

Think of the postman that has ruffled through dogshit for two years, he's the real victim here.

the midnight watch baboon

Hoorah, the Hat/Woman/Tree farce was from my local rag, which can only reflect well on me for some reason. They also printed this (non-fool) story a few years' back:



Man gets head stuck in sink
Published on Tuesday 13 June 2006 10:26

HARROGATE firefighters were called out to a rather unusual incident after a man got his head stuck in a doctors surgery sink.

The man in his early 20's was waiting to see his doctor at the Alexandra Road Surgery in Harrogate last Thursday afternoon.

He went to the surgery toilets to have a drink of water from under the taps in the sink.

But as he was drinking his head suddenly became trapped between the metal taps and staff were unable to free him.

Harrogate firefighters were called out to attend the incident and the man was finally freed after being stuck for around 20 minutes.

Crew manager, Kevin Mann, one of the firefighters who attended, said: "We had a little chat with the man and one of the crew managed to get him out by manipulating the tap."

Practice manager, Annette Given said the surgery already has a water cooler in the waiting room for patients who want a drink of water while they wait to see their doctor.

However, she said they will also now put up a sign in the surgery toilet to ask patients not to drink from under the taps in future.


Blumf

http://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/9712246.We_ve_got_50_friends_/
QuoteWe've got 50 friends!
Yes! We've made 50 Facebook friends! Thank you!

The world will never be the same again.

holyzombiejesus

Drunken Dartmouth ferry 'pirate' woman jailed

QuoteA DRUNKEN woman stole a passenger ferry on the River Dart and shouted 'I'm Jack Sparrow' and 'I'm a pirate' as she drifted away from police on the shore, a court has been told.

QuoteAlison Whelan (pictured below), 51, had been on a two-day bender drinking Lambrini and eating hallucinogenic plants when she sought late-night shelter with a companion on the Dart Princess Passenger Ferry. When police arrived to speak to her she unmoored the 45ft vessel from the Kingswear pontoon and set off up the river.



http://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/Drunken-Dartmouth-ferry-pirate-woman-jailed/story-16936249-detail/story.html

spock rogers

There were two good ones on the Merseyside section of the BBC news section recently:

Woman hurt, blown over on Snowdon

Teenager rescued from park swing

September 21, 2012, 01:47:24 PM #82 Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 02:04:04 PM by Clatty McCutcheon
Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 21, 2012, 11:37:44 AM
Drunken Dartmouth ferry 'pirate' woman jailed

http://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/Drunken-Dartmouth-ferry-pirate-woman-jailed/story-16936249-detail/story.html


Is it common in the West Country for people to get off their faces on Lambrini and deadly nightshade?


castro diaz

I posted this in Picture Box but then there was a new episode of Dr Who and my shot at the big time sank without a trace.  Until now, that is...

What a scoop!


Jerzy Bondov

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 21, 2012, 11:37:44 AM
Drunken Dartmouth ferry 'pirate' woman jailed



http://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/Drunken-Dartmouth-ferry-pirate-woman-jailed/story-16936249-detail/story.html
This is brilliant.
QuoteThe court in Torquay was told that Whelan and her friend Tristam Locke could be heard laughing and shouting from the deck 'what are you going to do now?' and 'I believe this is out of your jurisdiction' as they breezed away.
'International waters mate, can't touch me now!'

I am also glad that it smashed up some of the expensive boats, for example 'a £70,000 fibreglass catamaran called Force Majeure', owned by rich Dartmouth tossers.

Blumf

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on September 21, 2012, 03:36:13 PM
'a £70,000 fibreglass catamaran called Force Majeure', owned by rich Dartmouth tossers.

Tangerine Dream fan maybe.

Blumf

http://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/10089181.Ice_cream_seller_is_jailed/
QuoteIce cream seller is jailed
As well as ramming the van of Maxine Catalano, 20-year-old Steffan Debattista also turned on her vehicle's dispenser, causing ice-cream to pour all over the floor.

Actually a rather nasty incident, but the ice cream machine tampering makes it sound like something out of the Beano.

Snobbish Puerile Wanker


Sasha

Quote from: baptist on June 23, 2011, 08:50:22 PM
A more stereoypical story would, sadly, be difficult to imagine: http://www.thisissouthwales.co.uk/Sheep-roof-drama/story-12781342-detail/story.html

Quote: FIREFIGHTERS rescued a sheep from the roof of a terraced house in a South Wales village.

The lost sheep spent 40 minutes on the tiles at Nant-Yr-Ychain Terrace in Pontycymmer near Bridgend, which backs onto a hill.

The animal eventually jumped down onto another extension and escaped unhurt.

South Wales Fire and Rescue Service confirmed that it had dealt with an emergency call at 2.02pm on Saturday at the street, and that the sheep had escaped unhurt.



And spotted in an attic window was a sideburned male with a rapidly softening semi!

Bridgend?  isnt that where every one tries to top him/herself?
Also a welshman told me that a sheep vagina is similiar to a humans ( i doubt he experienced a human's)

Still Not George

Quote from: Sasha on December 08, 2012, 09:29:41 PM
Bridgend?  isnt that where every one tries to top him/herself?
Also a welshman told me that a sheep vagina is similiar to a humans ( i doubt he experienced a human's)

You're so funny! I wish I was more like you.