Noel Edmonds is Unwell

[Ferris]

Is this a fake anecdote? Is this a completely fake email from a fake person that Noel's just invented and prefaced with a fake anecdote?

"My mouth must have been open, because we don't get many TV stars in our building! I was going to ask for a selfie for my mum who's loved you for years."

Is the announcer being held hostage somewhere? Listening to this feels like doing something forbidden. Maybe it really is live and he's up at 2 AM tearing into Lloyds.

Ooh, Depeche Mode.

Sorry, I just thought back to this. How likely is it that Noel himself (not his lawyers or representatives) went to an office of Lloyds to drop off a lawsuit. Does this personal service guarantee a higher legal success rate? Is this how he thinks lawsuits work? You just go to a branch and say "I'm going to sue you, bank! (or at least, the legal entity you were prior to being taken over)" until the branch manager comes out and calmly accepts your legal notice/tries to sell you a mortgage.

Giving this story a second thought thoroughly eradicates any credibility the tale had left. It's bonkers. This is all bonkers.

I'm so glad it is being preserved.

[St_Eddie]

Noel Edmonds is a better person, than you or I will ever be.  He has unimaginable powers over pets and is a brilliant bloke.  Noel once rescued a chipmunk from a blazing fire.  The chipmunk was ecstatic in regards to Mr. Edmonds.  He also has a very fine beard.  Buy orbs or die.

_{This has been a sponsored advert.}

[Shaky]

Yes, it's a mystery alright!

You know what I mean, though. Why are more of these people not nice, gentle hippy types who love the world and want nothing but good? Why such demented, horrible bastards all the time? In my day crazy people were at least pleasant.

[koeman]

Currently playing 'You've Got to Pick a Pocket or Two.' Amazing.

EDIT: Charles and Eddie now. I can't switch it off.

[St_Eddie]

Why are more of these people not nice, gentle hippy types who love the world and want nothing but good? Why such demented, horrible bastards all the time? In my day crazy people were at least pleasant.

You need to stop living in the past.  Accept that life is and will always be shit.  I'm a qualified therapist.  That'll be £10, please.  Make a cheque out to Mr. Fraud.  Thanks.

[im barry bethel]

This is so bloody demented it's superb, Neol seems to be doing the voiceovers working the desk writing the interviews AND still has time to let the bitterness boil

[Blumf]

EDIT 2: Pink Floyd - Money

Well he had to really. I was wondering if he'd be a bit more obtuse, take something from Wish You Were Here or Animals, but might as well be straight on point.

[DrGreggles]

I'm adding Noel to the Death List thread...

[Alberon]

Nah, he's as strong as a horse. He maybe off on another plane of existence but he's going to keep going for decades.

[Bhazor]

He's talking in the third person with a slight masking effect on his voice. Now he's doing a skit about being interviewed by Russian Times after a "very important meeting in the House of Lords".

[Cuellar]

He do the interviews and idents and adverts in different voices

[Bhazor]

That he do.

[ieXush2i]

What's his specific beef with Lloyds? His Plevin complaint was out of scope?

[Thomas]

Why was I not phoned in the night about this? Some of you have me on Facebook.

[Spoon of Ploff]

This site has been up since Septemberer of last year. How is it possible that Lloyds and their 'lier archy' of 'evil banksters' continue to exist in the face of Noel's righteous onslaught?
Psychic misdeeds are afoot mark my words.

[Cuellar]

I must say it feels like it's going against the 'Positivity' remit a bit.

[Bhazor]

If you want to experience deep dark depression give Positively Laughing a go (available in browse stations tab)

http://www.positivity.world/type/positively-happy/

Pretty certain if you listen to that at night Mr Blobby will break into your house and rape your dog.

[buttgammon]

I'm late to the party but seriously, this has made my century, I'm laughing like a demented drain. I'll never get any work done now, and I actually don't care.

[gilbertharding]

It's tricky, isn't it?

He's entitled to be angry, if you take his complaint at face value. If his position allows him a platform to broadcast and campaign, that's good. But he seems to have allowed it to make him become genuinely unhinged. He's no longer tied to the jetty.

[ieXush2i]

Has he gone to the FOS?

[Clatty McCutcheon]

It's the combination of the strait-laced and the demented in one tidily-bearded persona that makes Neol so captivating.  It wouldn't be quite the same if he didn't look a bit like a bloke you might find in a golf club bar talking about sales targets or his new SUV.

[drummersaredeaf]

It seems cosmic ordering does work. In 2002 I wrote down that I wanted Edmonds to have a full-on, publicly-catalogued meltdown, and 16 years later here it is. Worth every second.

[Captain Z]

Donna Summer - She Works Hard For The Money

[SpiderChrist]

I refuse to believe that Edmonds was in any way responsible for the curating of this playlist. Cunt doesn't even like music.

[Captain Z]

McFadden & Whitehead - Ain't No Stoppin Us Now

It's me, it's me
On Noel, on Noel
On I, on I
On Edmonds, on Edmonds

And Money For Nothing again.

Len - Steal My Money Sunshine

[iamcoop]

Noel Edmonds lit my fire
He chewed me up and he spat me out
He made me his bitch with his love machine
That hair
Those shoes
That beard
That belt
If you loved him forever then you'd know how I felt
Noel Edmonds he lit my fire.

- Bob Mortimer

[phantom_power]

For someone who preaches positivity he is a bit of a Negative Nancy isn't he?

[Cuellar]

Is this pre-recorded and being played on a loop, or is he actually doing all this live (please be the latter please please please)?

[BlodwynPig]

"As his fight for justice from Lloyd's Banking Group continues..."

Who's the host? Who is this man? Is it just Noel putting on a voice? "POSITIVITY RADIO: NEWS FREE, AD FREE, LISTEN FREE". I'm so confused and scared.

Still - Culture Club, Fleetwood Mac, ABBA, The Pretenders - awesome. Beats the shit out of Absolute Radio, I'm staying tuned in.

EDIT: Honesty by Billy Joel on now. I hope he releases a track list.

Do they have to pay for airing these?

should really play this

[darby o chill]

Do they have to pay for airing these?

No, internet radio is a free-for-all.
Tuned in again earlier and heard Feargal Sharkey You Little Thief :) It's the funniest thing of all time.
He really has lost his mind.