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Noel Edmonds is Unwell

Started by Ballad of Ballard Berkley, August 08, 2017, 07:23:47 PM

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Crabwalk

Don't forget Edmonds spent years exploiting people that were addicted to television so I don't think we should feel too bad about labelling him a mad old cunt.

Crabwalk

Also, that last episode of 'Noel's Christmas Presents' where he delivered empty boxes to seriously ill children and told them to 'try healing yourself with a better fucking attitude' put me right off him.

TheMonk

Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on August 09, 2017, 10:03:21 PM
Neol on Wogan soon after the death on Late Late Breakfast Show.  Note Terry's gaffe on Noel's 'gay parties' at 8.16-20.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZJgW6UdFiw

Jesus. More Partridge than Partridge that interview.
He's actually speaking like he's the victim for having to clear his diary for a few weeks.
Then he's on about his helicopter company, finishing with a laugh about the risk of helicopter blades blowing off. Christ.

Fry

Say what you like about Edmonds, you know where you stand with him. No gods, no kings, no fraternity. Always looking out for himself. You wont have to worry about him stabbing you in the back, cause he won't even bother spending the time trying to gain your trust.

Granted I don't know much about the creepy old fucker but that's the impression I get from his gnomish face.

icehaven

Can one of you photoshop genies do picture of him with no facial hair and an age appropriate hairstyle, maybe something more like Andrew Neill's?

Cuellar

Sorry could only do the beard thing


Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on August 09, 2017, 10:03:21 PM
Neol

Got his vowels in a twist, I've realised.  But 'Neol' still fits, as Neolithic men were probably almost as hirstute as Noel is.

Glebe

I have a theory that Edmonds tried to get close to Forsyth in order to 'suck' off some of his eternal life-force, but Brucie quickly cottoned on and gave him the cold shoulder, perhaps at a barbeque or garden party round Tarby's.

yesitsme

I found it odd when he hunted down that bloke who had sent him hate mail.

I mean he must get sacks of it (and other stuff0 delivered to Crinkly Bottom every day - I know I've sent plenty.  Why chase down this one guy?

I think he's one Gotcha short of a full scale Michael Ryan.

kalowski

Quote from: jobotic on August 09, 2017, 09:45:23 PM
I'm sure I saw I saw this first on here, but anyway. Noel don't give one damn shit, does he?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeQs2fpU1eI
Fucking hell, that is bizarre Saturday tea time entertainment. Chuckling at people potentially dying in car crashes. I think I probably watched shit like this with my family when I was a kid.

Bazooka





Noel being a human/lion hybrid doesn't seem to have affected his career, hasn't mauled anyone on camera, off screen though it's highly likely.


Glebe

Quote from: kalowski on August 11, 2017, 08:39:20 AM
Fucking hell, that is bizarre Saturday tea time entertainment. Chuckling at people potentially dying in car crashes. I think I probably watched shit like this with my family when I was a kid.

It really is fucking psychotic. Then the end creds with Noel just starring motionless at the telly while the studio audience clap away happily for ages.

thraxx

Quote from: TheMonk on August 10, 2017, 08:05:07 AM
Jesus. More Partridge than Partridge that interview.
He's actually speaking like he's the victim for having to clear his diary for a few weeks.
Then he's on about his helicopter company, finishing with a laugh about the risk of helicopter blades blowing off. Christ.

What a horrible mealy mouthed insight into the Edmonds Psyche that clip is. I liked it when in between talking about his massive house, riches and helicopters he talks about how his life, sin e the other person - you know - was killed, had changed for the worse for... A couple of months.

And what about that chilling bit where he says how he's always wanted to get on Xmas Day TV so he can force his way into everyone's home uninvited and share their Christmas.

Glebe

Quote from: thraxx on August 11, 2017, 10:45:16 PMAnd what about that chilling bit where he says how he's always wanted to get on Xmas Day TV so he can force his way into everyone's home uninvited and share their Christmas.

Oh go on then, let's wheel out this old Charlie Brooker chestnut. I can't remember if I actually saw that 1986 Christmas special with it was broadcast, but I have to it admit it looks rather exciting. Would have been a better watch than the Queen's Speech, any road.

And Brooker again, with that insane classic Noel's HQ clip. Health and safety regulations? It's Bonkers Britain, Noel!

Namtab

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/aug/14/noel-edmonds-tvs-emperor-of-folly-cheap-cheap-cheap

This gave me a good few laughs. It really isn't that far off the mark when it describes it as some bizarre red room-esque alternate dimension.

Alberon

I might actually watch this on catch up. From what little I've bothered to learn about it Cx3 (I'm not writing the whole damn name out despite the fact that I'm using far more letters in these brackets than the title would ever take) sounded like a slight repackaging of the guessing game Deal or No Deal, but this might actually be something interestingly deranged. Another view into the world Neol now inhabits.

Tikwid

Quote from: icehaven on August 10, 2017, 08:19:12 AM
Can one of you photoshop genies do picture of him with no facial hair and an age appropriate hairstyle, maybe something more like Andrew Neill's?

The facial hair removal came out wrong so just pretend the roughness on his chin is irritation from shaving, but still, jesus fucking christ. Talk about polishing a turd.

Namtab

Quote from: Alberon on August 14, 2017, 06:21:10 PM
I might actually watch this on catch up. From what little I've bothered to learn about it Cx3 (I'm not writing the whole damn name out despite the fact that I'm using far more letters in these brackets than the title would ever take) sounded like a slight repackaging of the guessing game Deal or No Deal, but this might actually be something interestingly deranged. Another view into the world Neol now inhabits.

The lack of an audience is what really makes it feel off. All these gaps where there should be (totally unearned) laughter, are instead filled with a scattering of chuckles from the studio. Really odd.

Glebe

Quote from: Namtab on August 14, 2017, 09:50:06 PM
The lack of an audience is what really makes it feel off. All these gaps where there should be (totally unearned) laughter, are instead filled with a scattering of chuckles from the studio. Really odd.

That's just ridiculous and sound's proper grim.

Namtab

Morbid curiosity got the better of me and I watched some more... Noel has just asked two contestants what tortoise sex sounds like.

Phil_A

Quote from: Tikwid on August 14, 2017, 07:54:06 PM

The facial hair removal came out wrong so just pretend the roughness on his chin is irritation from shaving, but still, jesus fucking christ. Talk about polishing a turd.

Haha! He looks like a horribly melmed Leo McKern.


Glebe

If Martin Freeman's career goes down the tubes, there's always a role for him on this!



I can't comment on Edmonds' mental state.

I am watching that video of him and Wogan, at the bit when he is likening his wife to a car. "Well tried, road-tested model, I thought I'd get one of those." "And it hasn't broken down yet?" "No, it's started to produce another one."

I do feel a bit sorry for him when he talks about death threats and police protections at 6 mins, but the bit before...Very Partridge.


Quote from: Not a Telegraph Fan on August 15, 2017, 10:28:32 AM
I am watching that video of him and Wogan, at the bit when he is likening his wife to a car. "Well tried, road-tested model, I thought I'd get one of those." "And it hasn't broken down yet?" "No, it's started to produce another one."

Credit to Noel and Terry at least for avoiding obvious jokes about 'old bangers'.

kalowski

Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on August 09, 2017, 10:03:21 PM
Neol on Wogan soon after the death on Late Late Breakfast Show.  Note Terry's gaffe on Noel's 'gay parties' at 8.16-20.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZJgW6UdFiw


What a horrible man. Like Frankie Frasier said, "There's yer Edmonds, yer Thomas Hamiltons and yer Hungerford guy. Shoot him off the roof."

JoeyBananaduck

I reckon Cx3 is an attempt by Noel to embrace the naffness associated with him while also parlaying parts of his latest success, DOND. Remember when the doorbell used to ring on House Party and you'd have some crap character like Neil Morrissey as Sammy the Shammy the Window-Cleaner do a 2 minute vaudvillesque bit of nothing before things could move forward? Take that, add something that barely hangs together as a gameshow, boom. Probably thought it would be solid gold with students and make him cool and fun. But it in actual fact is not as 'weird' as it thinks it is, not as fun as it wants to be and not as bad (merely settling on dull and uninteresting after 5 mins) as it would have to be to achieve an ironic cult following.

Funnily enough, despite his bizarre opinions I do think Noel is talented, and yet the problem with this show is him. He has nothing to do. There is no reason why the unfunny man with the 70's workaday brown coat and comedy underbite couldn't just host it himself. They've failed to give Noel a persona (or he's failed to give himself one - after 45 years on TV has he not learned how to act a bit?), so everyone around him overshadows him. It's like he's supposed to be the one we identify with as 'the normal one' in a sea of eccentrics. Well, guess what? Noel is more bloody genuinely eccentric than any of these 3rd rate Are You Being Served tribute acts. Credit to the woman about 32 years old playing a selfie and phone obsessed 17 year old though - she does at least give it the old college try. Problem being giving effort to shit doesn't turn it into gold, or even marmite.

JoeyBananaduck

Quote from: kalowski on August 17, 2017, 08:21:48 PM
What a horrible man. Like Frankie Frasier said, "There's yer Edmonds, yer Thomas Hamiltons and yer Hungerford guy. Shoot him off the roof."

Just watched it. Bloody hell, he really is trying to frame himself as the heroic underdog of the situation. "[Me and my wife] had a terrible couple of weeks." Oh how sad for you. Someone's growing up without a dad for the rest of their life, mate.

yesitsme

Quote from: TheMonk on August 10, 2017, 08:05:07 AM
Jesus. More Partridge than Partridge that interview.
He's actually speaking like he's the victim for having to clear his diary for a few weeks.
Then he's on about his helicopter company, finishing with a laugh about the risk of helicopter blades blowing off. Christ.

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on August 19, 2017, 06:07:32 AM
Someone's growing up without a dad for the rest of their life, mate.

Growing up for the rest of their life?  Medical condition slowing puberty?

Ferris

Quote from: dr beat on August 08, 2017, 09:07:58 PM
I've long been intending to start a thread called 'Which ludicrous British celebrity might launch a Trump-style bid for power?'

Edmonds is top of the list.

Edit: Ah new page.  As good as starting a new thread.

Kilroy, surely? Remember veritas? Crazy times.