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Noel Edmonds is Unwell

Started by Ballad of Ballard Berkley, August 08, 2017, 07:23:47 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Ferris

Quote from: Crabwalk on August 10, 2017, 12:13:31 AM
Also, that last episode of 'Noel's Christmas Presents' where he delivered empty boxes to seriously ill children and told them to 'try healing yourself with a better fucking attitude' put me right off him.

To be fair, that is fucking hilarious

Thomas

Lovely thread. I don't know if it's been posted already, but Stuart Heritage of The Guardian has examined Cheap Cheap Cheap -

QuoteEach episode is one hour long, but that hour feels like a month. It's the worst idea in the world, stretched out for all eternity. I'm still not entirely convinced that it wasn't commissioned and produced in return for some sort of complicated tax rebate.

Love Phil Scho and Noel having that cancer tiff on This Morning. Holly stepping in as good cop halfway through. Noel carefully answering the question about his friendship with the manufacturers of the 'cancer-tackling' energy machine.

Doesn't Noel have someone scanning the web for mentions of himself? Is that how he collared the lad with the 'let's kill Noel Edmonds' Facebook page? Perhaps he's lurking right now.

Alberon

That's why I think we should all keep calling him Neol. He is the sort of person who could cause trouble for this site. He's got form for it, IIRC.

Thomas

Neol D'Emonds.

For the record, I like him.

An early, hazy memory of mine is the Neol's House Party boardgame that my parents owned. I was asked not to touch it; presumably, I realise now, for reasons of not losing all the pieces, but at the time their request conferred some mystery over the thing. I remember opening it once in secret, tantalised by the promise in the colourful image on the front.


Quote from: Thomas on August 19, 2017, 06:15:30 PM

An early, hazy memory of mine is the Neol's House Party boardgame that my parents owned. I was asked not to touch it; presumably, I realise now, for reasons of not losing all the pieces, but at the time their request conferred some mystery over the thing. I remember opening it once in secret, tantalised by the promise in the colourful image on the front.



He 'forgot' to get Mr Blobby's picture to the printers of the game's box cover' part of the Machiavellian and titanic clash of egos between them behind the scenes.

buttgammon

I'd like to think that urinating on a roadsign for one of the Crinkly Bottom theme parks was my childhood commentary on Edmonds' increasing megalomania. He's got much worse since; if he ever does open another theme park, I'll have to steal one of the signs, lay it on the ground and shit on it to make an appropriate response.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Quote from: Thomas on August 19, 2017, 06:15:30 PM


For the record, I like him.


He was brilliant on Swap Shop and Deal or No Deal.

On the former, his laid-back, semi-scripted presenting style was somewhat revolutionary. He'd wander around the set, crack gags with the crew and occasionally take us on a ramble through Television Centre. It was good, affable, unpredictable telly.

On Deal or No Deal, he managed to conjure tension and suspense from absolutely nothing. In its early days at least, DOND was weirdly riveting, and that was all down to Noel. He's very good at what he does. Unfortunately, some of the things he does are utterly shit.

Also, he's never gone remotely bald. I can't forgive him for that.


doppelkorn


Glebe

Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on August 19, 2017, 06:18:49 PMHe 'forgot' to get Mr Blobby's picture to the printers of the game's box cover' part of the Machiavellian and titanic clash of egos between them behind the scenes.

There's a War and Peace-length book, and possibly an epic, Oscar-baiting drama movie, in that, I can tell you. It's one of showbiz's greatest feuds and has been raging for many decades now. Alcoholism, paternity suits, petty vandalism - you name it, it happened between the two showbiz titans.

Tried to top himself, and not just with hair-dye.

If he'd killed himself in the bath, he'd have been found with a crinkly bottom.

http://news.sky.com/story/noel-edmonds-reveals-suicide-bid-after-firm-collapsed-amid-hbos-scam-10919957

Cold Meat Platter

It doesn't say how much he bid.
Bloody journalism.


Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Noel has launched a radio station exclusively devoted to his beef against Lloyds Bank.

http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/

Quote from: Ballad of Ballard Berkley on January 17, 2018, 11:35:29 PM
Noel has launched a radio station exclusively devoted to his beef against Lloyds Bank.

http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/

Currently playing 'Would I Lie To You' by Eurythmics.  I wonder if it only plays songs referencing lies and dishonesty, in a reference to the devious fraud perpretated upon the nation's favourite light entertainer by Lloyd's.

Twed


Bhazor

He just needs the right combination of crystals and vibrators. Then he'll be sorted.

darby o chill

Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on January 17, 2018, 11:42:12 PM
Currently playing 'Would I Lie To You' by Eurythmics.  I wonder if it only plays songs referencing lies and dishonesty

Yes! Lies, dishonesty and money.
It's absolutely fucking bonkers. In the last half hour:

The O'Jays - For the love of money
*3 minute Noel rant about Lloyds bank.
Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal
Abba - Money Money Money
*Whistleblower hotline number for Lloyds employees who wish to remain anonymous
*Positively Noel jingle
Shakira - Hips don't lie!
*Positively Noel - "A new kind of radio" jingle
*Noel rants about a man called Victor Blank(?) and calls him a "shit banker".
The Pretenders - Brass in pocket
*Noel reads a letter from a man with insomnia who loves Positively Noel radio
Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies

Twed

I'm sorry but there is nothing better than this in the world.

Rizla

"Fool If You think It's Over" fuckin YES Noel

Bhazor

I like the whistle blower hotline. Every news update about him the seperation between Noel and Partridge gets thinner and thinner.

pancreas


Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Imagine Pump Up The Volume if it starred Noel Edmonds instead of Christian Slater. That's what's happening right now.

Hats off to him, it must've taken ages to compile this on-point playlist.

pancreas


darby o chill

Quote from: pancreas on January 18, 2018, 01:01:18 AM
C-C-C-C-C-C-CorRUPTION!

Jesus Christ. This is all too much.
(a remake of Paul Hardcastle's 19 with banking fraud samples)

Shaky

On a more serious note, why are devotees of alternative therapies always, ALWAYS such fucking basket cases? If I believed in healing crystals, cosmic guidance and all that guff I'd at least pretend to be considerably less bitter and twisted. Do they perhaps know it's all bullshit? Or are they simply at the end of their tether, too far gone to really change but grasping at anything "new" to make themselves feel fractionally better? It's fascinating really.

Bhazor


Ballad of Ballard Berkley

This is quite honestly the most demented piece of broadcasting I've ever heard.

Bhazor

I can't get it to load. Heartbroken.

darby o chill

http://edge01.media.positivityradio.world:8081/positively/noel64/icecast.audio

Quote from: Ballad of Ballard Berkley on January 18, 2018, 01:07:33 AM
This is quite honestly the most demented piece of broadcasting I've ever heard.

I can't thank you enough for posting the link earlier. Haven't laughed this much in years.
In tears at the Paul Hardcastle thing.

pancreas

The amount of time he must have put into this.

BlodwynPig

C'mon, c'mon, let's work together!

Is Noel hosting this 24 hours a day?