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Started by dekionplexis, February 20, 2004, 12:41:59 AM

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dekionplexis

You know, like the late Jimmy Greaves said, 'It's a funny old game', oh how right he was. It really is a funny old game, take me for example, from behind, without lube or permission, I joke of course,...I always lubricate.

Before we go on, you need to know not one, not four, but two important facts about me, one, I work part-timefor the St John Ambulance, my regular job is working in a body piercing parlour, I don't have any myself as they look fucking awful, and two, I am a rampant homosexual of the most sleazy, and epic proportions.

Also, I'm HIV+, but I'll get to that in a wee moseley. Or, Mos Eisley, depending on your ethnicity,...ooh, I love spainiards, don't you? God, they're so, you know, so damn,..god, what's the word?....

Annnnnnnnnyway, like I say, effectively, I'm a male nurse, I know I'm not really, but I find the image, and the mere idea, not only erotic but highly tedious. Tis the tedium that attracts, but like I have merely hinted at, this tedium can be abridged by throwing 'fun' into an otherwise 'boring as monkey cum' job, or 'situation', shall we say. Shall we? No?...oh well...

Annnnnnnnnnyway, I save lives, that's what I do, well, not really, I've never saved anyone, well, there was this time when I was in M&S buying stockings an this old woman infront of me had a fucking great heart attack, just like that, a fucking great heart attack, shame really, she had a lovely coat. I was tempted to knick it, but instead I watched her wheezing on the floor, and tried to hide my erection with the stockings...ah, as I remember now, I didn't actually save her at all, or help in the slightest way. I mean, I know CPR, you have to you know, but as she huffed and puffed and gasped, and spat up this glycerine like substance from her mouth and nose, I thought, 'Did I remember to tape Trisha?'.....

Anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyway, like I say,...fucking shit, I've forgotten what the bumhole I was talking about....

Anyway, like I say, I've been HIV+ for about two years now, well, probably longer, I mean I 'found out' two years ago. God knows how that happened, well, fuck God, I'm pretty fucking positive how it happened. Couple of years ago, I got REALLY drunk, and well, me and a couple of mates formed a conga line of buggery outside this church in Plymouth, well, to cut a long story short, next morning I woke up, inside a Shetland pony, well, up it really. And do you know, it felt just like being in the womb again.

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYWAY, since I found out about 'dee veerus' as Chumba says, he's this black man I fuck sometimes, he's got it two, sometimes we drink one another's blood then regurgitate it up the others arse,..where was I? Oh yeah, since I found out, well, you can probably guess. But I'm only doing what anyone else in my situation would do. You know, I used to believe in 'A God', cunt. Time was, I was the most devoted Christian you'd ever met, admittedly I'd have the odd 'Sucking Jesus' cock-rape fantasy', but who fucking doesn't? Fuck all that now. Fuck God, fuck his son, and fuck it all, if I've got it, every fucker's gonna have it.

Any-daisy-dozey,  working for St John's you tend to deal with the general public quite a lot, bless 'em. Sometimes, we get to go on 'Blood Drives' as we call em, you've probably seen em around. We do alot of big corporations, universities, you know, shit like that. It's all very simple, ya punter waits in line, gives blood, gets a biscuit (sometimes I bake em myself, tee-hee), then fucks orff. Now, what they don't see, is me drawing up just the slightest amount of blood from one of me 'special' vials, just a little bit, the smallest amount you can imagine, just a wee, wee moseley. Once the hypodermic breaks the skin, this immediately enters the poor cunts bloodstream, then, you just withdraw away, just like ya every day, 'donor-doctor' scenario. It's very exciting. I have to wear EXTREMELY tight pants when I do this, as I usually get a fucking great hard on, and the average punter usally gets queasy enough without having to stare at me throbbing-pink-luncheon. It always makes me laugh when a punter 'comes over all giddy'. I think to meself, 'You think you're sick now mate, you just wait a couple of years, tee-hee-hee'.

I'm bound to get caught soon, and to be honest I can't fucking wait, i'll be on the telly and everything, fuck me, I could even get on Trisha!

Vermschneid Mehearties

Take your drivel elsewhere or keep it to one post.

"Hey look at me. I can flood forums, but do it completely uniquely everytime".

sproggy

Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"Take your drivel elsewhere or keep it to one post.

"Hey look at me. I can flood forums, but do it completely uniquely everytime".


Quote from: "a long time ago some guy called Matthew"
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?



MATTHEW 7:1-5:

TOCMFIC

I love this board. The most useful thing I learned from that post is Jimmy Greaves is dead... Did he take Saint with him?

@ssmaster

Quote from: "TOCMFIC"I love this board. The most useful thing I learned from that post is Jimmy Greaves is dead... Did he take Saint with him?

Greavsie isn't dead that Plexis bloke is obviously an Arsenal supporter.

Vermschneid Mehearties

Quote from: "sproglette"
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"Take your drivel elsewhere or keep it to one post.

"Hey look at me. I can flood forums, but do it completely uniquely everytime".


Quote from: "a long time ago some guy called Matthew"
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?



MATTHEW 7:1-5:

Yeah, right. I guess I had better stop flooding a forum with shitty monologues, because that'll look so hyprocritical when I attack Dekion.

TOCMFIC

Quote from: "@ssmaster"
Quote from: "TOCMFIC"I love this board. The most useful thing I learned from that post is Jimmy Greaves is dead... Did he take Saint with him?

Greavsie isn't dead that Plexis bloke is obviously an Arsenal supporter.

Given how many UK celebs die without me knowing, it wouldn't have surprised me. I mean his livers pickled anyway probably and will outlast all of us.

Purple Tentacle

What makes me puke is that all this fucking shit will drag things that are actually good and well-made off the front index.

Timmay

They certainly will if you keep replying to them.

Yes, I know, I've gone and done it now too.

Vermschneid Mehearties

Well Neil "..." him again?

sproggy

Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
Yeah, right. I guess I had better stop flooding a forum with shitty monologues, because that'll look so hyprocritical when I attack Dekion.

Well I actually found it quite entertaining, funny and original in places.

All attributes, which are leagues ahead of the empty and shallow dirge, you see fit to splatter over as many threads as possible during each visit.

In my opinion I think it's you that needs to buck your ideas up.


Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss the finer points.

Vermschneid Mehearties

Hmm..last posts I can remember...

Posting for hours on comedy chat about Darkplace, and frontbutts comments about comedy, posting my opinion about religion, and submitting some new tablature I've worked out in Stereo Excursions, along with the usual flippant bollocks lots of people post in General Bullshit.

I'm happier doing things like that than just writing a load of shit like that. I could do what he's been doing for the past year with my hands tied behind my back, and if I actually thought about it- I could do it a lot better than him too. But I know most people don't want to read any of that shit so I spare them it. Plus, after the treatment he's received, I don't think it would be very wise.

hencole

STAT UPDATE: 7 new threads in 17 days by Dexion. Thats nearly 20% of all threads in MM.

Jet Set Willy

STAT UPDATE: hencole spent 45% of his lunch break on dekionplexis

sproggy

Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"I'm happier doing things like that than just writing a load of shit like that. I could do what he's been doing for the past year with my hands tied behind my back, and if I actually thought about it- I could do it a lot better than him too. But I know most people don't want to read any of that shit so I spare them it. Plus, after the treatment he's received, I don't think it would be very wise.

That's the point I'm trying to make, having read some of your last 480 odd posts (compared to Dekion's 12) I don't think you could.  I'm not doubting you are a gifted wordsmith but what you write lacks soul and imagination.  This will come to you with time and experience, as long as you remain genuine and write it for yourself, not just to impress others.

Admittedly Dekky is a pretty hit and miss type of poster, but there are some gems in there.  I for one make a point of reading them if he's not too smashed.

hencole

Quote from: "Jet Set Willy"STAT UPDATE: hencole spent 45% of his lunch break on dekionplexis

STAT CORRECTION: hencole ate 45% of his lunch off dekionplexis.

Vermschneid Mehearties

QuoteI'm not doubting you are a gifted wordsmith but what you write lacks soul and imagination.

I've only ever written one piece of literature on here since it got booted back up though. :S

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=343

Neil

VM, bit daft to moan about dekion flooding the board when you're the top poster by a LOOOONG WAY.

Vermschneid Mehearties

QuoteThats nearly 20% of all threads in MM

I don't persistently create new topics like him though. If you looked at the topics created, I'm sure there are many, many more people that have started a greater amount of topics than me

sproggy

Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"
QuoteThats nearly 20% of all threads in MM

I don't persistently create new topics like him though. If you looked at the topics created, I'm sure there are many, many more people that have started a greater amount of topics than me

Hello out there!  Has anyone got a big fat crayon I can use to try and explain my point to VM?

It's not numbers of topics created, it's the way you cluster bomb threads with pointless alacrity that gripes me.

Almost Yearly

Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"I'm happier doing things like that than just writing a load of shit like that.
Quote from: "Vermschneid Mehearties"My favourite and indeed most skilled subject is English.

no_offenc

So it's agreed.........VM should be told to staple his fingers to his palms so he can type no more.

Mediocre Rich

Quote from: "no_offenc"So it's agreed.........VM should be told to staple his fingers to his palms so he can type no more.

Well apparently he's getting laid at the weekend so perhaps that would be a little cruel.  If he's still here on Sunday odds are he's blown it and stapling can commence.

Uncle_Z

Another one in the plus column for Deki.  Like him or hate him I reckon he's earned his place.  It's never going to be the first thread I run to, but sooner or later I will read it.  Ideal light diversion during a coffee break.  Kind of like Readers Digest for fuck ups. (The only thing that irritated me was the Gangsta Rap phase.  Steer clear young Deki, steer clear).

If the detractors are grumbling about thread numbers then post some more threads.  If you're grumbling about content then er... surely it's redundant for me to say JUST DON'T LOOK for the Nth time yah?

(Actually please keep attacking as I am getting many chuckles from your indignation.  Uh oh, Zeddy in vicarious troll scandal.)

Mister Six

So far, dek's getting a "one laugh per thread" score. I'd like to see him improve, so I make the following suggestion: fewer attempts at "shocking" comedy (that is, saying "hard-on" for laughs without attaching the word to a joke) and more lines like:

Quote from: "dekionplexis"next morning I woke up, inside a Shetland pony, well, up it really. And do you know, it felt just like being in the womb again.

Please?