Terrible/strange Netflix descriptions

[notjosh]

(and that's just the teachers!)






(and that's just the... oh)

[Dog Botherer]

I wonder if Netflix know their show descriptions are actively putting people off watching these shows?

That one for Detectorists is possibly the worst. Yeesh.

[purlieu]

That Detectorists really feels like it needs a wimpy exclamation mark at the end like the World's End one.

[colacentral]

There's one for a James Franco film that goes something like:

"They wanted to rob the bank, and they had the perfect plan. But there's one thing they didn't count on: the bank is haunted." Spat out my tea.

[Steven]

Titanic (1997) [18]

When the fussy Cunard Ocean Liner Titanic has a chance meeting with the frosty Glacier of freshwater ice they don't exactly get along, but when they start bumping-uglies there's all sorts of hilarious hi-jinks as passengers fall off the side and drown or expire of hypothermia waiting for tardy rescue boats!

[steveh]

Netflix test different descriptions and images to different users so the ones that stick are the ones that encourage the most viewers.

[asids]

They have one for one of Jack Whitehall's stand-ups that claim he's the "best young British comic" or something along those lines. Yeah, they'll just make up whatever crap they want for these things.

The Peep Show one is another one I cringed at as I was watching it on Netflix.

I've noticed they always go for the "this show is about x...but with a unique twist of y!"

Almost completely forgot about the IT Crowd description, which really takes the cake: "Slacker IT geeks and their non-techy boss cope with the suits upstairs and their inept social lives. It's not pretty." It's the painful Americanism of "slacker IT geeks" that really gets me.

EDIT: Found the Whitehall one - "He's the king of modern British comics. Young, observant, sharp-witted -- and not in the least bit posh." Also for Jack Whitehall Live - "He's got a spot-on opinion on everything. And everything from this young comic is an entertaining joyride."

[notjosh]

I read an article which explains (surprise, surprise) that they're written by people who mostly haven't watched the material. They get a big spreadsheet of titles and have to Google them to get a sense of what they're about. That explains how so many of them manage to miss the point. You can also imagine how bored they get working their way down a long list of things they've never heard of, and end up coming up with bizarre constructions and weird little jokes to amuse themselves.

[Sebastian Cobb]

If I saw the McIntyre one in isolation I'd think the person writing it knew exactly what they were up to.

[magval]

The thing that annoys me most about it is the fucking pronouns, particularly the ones that start with pronouns. "He's [description of person], but [description of conflict]. Can he [third thing]?

[Bronzy]

He's a public masturbator, but the police don't like that fact. Can he keep his jerking hidden from the boys in blue?

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

The same care and attention to detail can be seen in cheap DVD synopses; Before I had a physical media purge, I used to have a DVD of Roger Corman's Little Shop of Horrors summarised on the back by someone who'd seen the musical, and a version of Alasdair Sim's The Green Man which stressed how inept and slapstick his character is. Which it ain't.

[Camp Tramp]

Probably my favourite fake Netflix image.

[Povidone]

There's one for a James Franco film that goes something like:

"They wanted to rob the bank, and they had the perfect plan. But there's one thing they didn't count on: the bank is haunted." Spat out my tea.

For my sins I sat through that film, it is predictably shite. Found out afterwards that Clint Eastwood's daughter played the lead. Guess who plays the ghost?

Mentally reading that Detectorists description in the voice of Greg Turkington.

[Icehaven]

Netflix test different descriptions and images to different users so the ones that stick are the ones that encourage the most viewers.

I have to write a couple of lines about books I almost always haven't read for a newsletter at work, and even though I obviously only have to distil a bit of the actual blurb it can be unexpectedly difficult and I often end up with something quite badly written and which doesn't make the book sound particularly appealing. I might start copying the Netflix style if it really does apparently go down well with audiences.

[Magnum Valentino]

They don't do it any more. They now use the 'second' blurb (the one you get on the actual title page rather than the browsing page) on both pages.

Their blurbs now make sense and describe things properly.

[Key]

Found out afterwards that Clint Eastwood's daughter played the lead. Guess who plays the ghost?

Clint Eastwood?
He wouldn't need much makeup.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

[Shit Good Nose]

All of these descriptions must be written by Netflix staff in America, surely.

That's been like that for literally years now.


Loosely related, a chap we're acquainted with who lives just up the road from us works for Netflix.  He's a subtitler and translator for Italian, Spanish and French content and also makes sure subtitles properly match (in terms of when they appear on screen and how long for) the dialogue in both foreign language and HOH subs for English language films.  Obviously he's not the only staffer doing that - he is part of a team (although I don't think I've ever asked or he's ever told me how many people are in that team).  Sounds quite an interesting job and, hey, free Netflix.  But he's always quick to stress that he has to watch EVERY single thing he's given from beginning to end, and for every Uncut Gems there's at least half a dozen Kirk Cameron Saves Christmases, and for every Mindhunter and Kominsky Method there are endless Tiny Creatures and ultra-amateur Nollywood soaps.  He does not watch Netflix away from his job unless the rest of his family want him to watch something with them.

No idea how much the job pays, but he lives in one of the big houses on the main road and his last two cars have been brand new Teslas.   Mind you, they do nearly all of their shopping in Lidl.  Not a criticism - we do most of ours in Lidl too - just an observation, as there is also a Sainsbury's just a couple more minutes walk down the road and a Waitrose and M&S a short drive away.

[petril]

this one tickles me because Limmy has precisely one face, and it's obvious, but it works for so much of his material

[Egyptian Feast]

I like when I leave the Netflix menu idle and the slideshow comes on, mostly with programmes I've already seen or think look shit, accompanied with descriptions like 'Raunchy. Quirky. Offbeat.' I bet some cunt has to select them from a stupid list. I can almost imagine the kind of person who would describe the shit I watch (cartoons, mainly) as 'Raunchy'. They're probably American, so it doesn't take much work.

[Psybro]

One of them is 'Swoonworthy' which makes me want to learn another language and then beat myself over the head with a telephone receiver til I forget English.

[olliebean]

this one tickles me because Limmy has precisely one face, and it's obvious, but it works for so much of his material

He's got at least two: his normal face, and the one where the top half of it is a big play button.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

One of them is 'Swoonworthy' which makes me want to learn another language and then beat myself over the head with a telephone receiver til I forget English.

At least they've remembered the "worthy" part. The yoof using "cringe" as an active should be given a stern talking to.

[Thomas]

The yoof

cringe