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Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Rev+

The first one can be watched here, apparently legitimately as they're selling the sequel:  https://cinedownloads.com/movies/the-sphere-of-fear/

Over 2 hours though?  That's a tough ask.

Famous Mortimer

I gave it a few minutes, and...well, they're not afraid of showing you every second of a bloke in a weird wig walking all the way through his house, twice. Not sure why anyone making a movie for apparently 300 quid would want it to be that long.

PammySpacek


imitationleather


imitationleather

Very good review, that.

Makes me want to see it all the more. Sort it out, lads.

Sonny_Jim

Gasping for a bit of White Glove Massive.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: PammySpacek on November 14, 2021, 07:44:23 PM
A review of White Glove Massive by TYTD Reviews

Guest starring this thread.

I don't want to watch that in case it spoilers it.


Maybe we could ask Alan Wood to join us in the watchalong.

Rich Uncle Skeleton

COME ON YOU CUNT LET'S AV SUM WHITE GLOVE MASSIVE


Rich Uncle Skeleton



Bono's return to Joshua Tree era clothing widely ridiculed..

bomb_dog

The Dogs (2015)
Double bill please with the white gloves thing

H-O-W-L


Glebe

Quote from: Rich Uncle Skeleton on November 16, 2021, 06:47:31 PM

Bono's return to Joshua Tree era clothing widely ridiculed..

Or Bradley Cooper has let himself go early '90s.

Famous Mortimer

The "create a wrestler" randomizer from an old WWE game has let itself go.

rjd2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmMS35JcwmY

I watched ID2 the other day, because God Forbid I watch something worthwhile on MUBI.

Not awful, but unless there is someone like a Frank Harper tearing it up, or its so bad its good, these are the worst sort of UK films.

Nobody particularly good or bad in it and its mildly engrossing but its all very meh.

Is the initial ID film any use? Its on Youtube but its very low quality.

George White

All I remmeber was Warren Clarke looking like Michael Elphick,
or was Michael Elphick looking like Warren Clarke...

Mr Banlon

Michael Elphick was married to Kim Sasabone from the Vengaboys.

rjd2

Billy Mitchell from Eastenders also in ID2 and somehow gives it some gravitas, enough said really.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: rjd2 on November 17, 2021, 05:33:52 PMhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmMS35JcwmY

I watched ID2 the other day, because God Forbid I watch something worthwhile on MUBI.

Not awful, but unless there is someone like a Frank Harper tearing it up, or its so bad its good, these are the worst sort of UK films.

Nobody particularly good or bad in it and its mildly engrossing but its all very meh.

Is the initial ID film any use? Its on Youtube but its very low quality.

I think the initial ID film is great, with some choice quotable lines. You'll never watch 'Home To Roost' in the same light again.

LemenTheGent

Surprised Gatwick Gangsters hasn't been brought up in this thread yet.



Here's the trailer:

Famous Mortimer

That's a very elaborate joke made by HS Art, right?

dissolute ocelot

Fuuck! Impressive. From Surrey's most unreadable local news site:

QuoteGatwick Gangsters was written, produced and shot by a Reigate couple, who have a studio in Brockham, and is a homegrown budget action film with guns, gold and a good old smattering of East End swearing.

Director and writer Sally Clack, 42, plays Shampagne, while husband David Manning shot the movie.

The 106-minute long "labour of love" took the couple, from Sandcross Lane in Reigate, about three years to make, with a cast of around 450 people all giving their time for free.

In spite of the volunteer crew, production was by no means cheap, with scenes being shot all over Surrey, from Hartsfield Manor in Betchworth, to the Half Moon pub in Charlwood as well as other locations in Oxted , Kent, Essex and even a few scenes in Corfu.

For those of you wondering why gold-smothered darts legend Bobby George isn't in the trailer, Sally explains: "All the lines we've got with him in, it has swearing. Google said they wanted something clean for the trailer and our cussing is disgusting. It's like every gangster's got Tourette's, goodness."

beanheadmcginty

Thorne worked for free? No wonder he couldn't clear his gambling debts. I hope he at least got points on box office.

imitationleather

Close the thread.

In fact, close my life.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on November 19, 2021, 06:20:10 PMThorne worked for free? No wonder he couldn't clear his gambling debts. I hope he at least got points on box office.

I head he further sank into debt when he decided to forego payment or points, but instead negotiated 100% of the merchandising rights on the future sale of Gatwick Gangsters action figures.

non capisco

Gatwick gangsters, nuts are we
Me and him and them and me
 

Sonny_Jim

Is it cheating to post UK 'Gangster' '''movies''


LAZY EDIT:  Seems broken, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WsRkTfnex0

Cocaine is a helluva drug etc etc

wooders1978

Quote from: rjd2 on November 17, 2021, 06:14:11 PMBilly Mitchell from Eastenders also in ID2 and somehow gives it some gravitas, enough said really.

I was just coming in to reference ID2 which I was daft enough to give a go last night.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: non capisco on November 20, 2021, 12:03:34 AMGatwick gangsters, nuts are we
Me and him and them and me
 


If there was a gangster film where all the parts were portrayed by old snooker players, I'm not sure Willie Thorne would be my first choice. Terry Griffiths would be nailed on for the creepy silent one, who despite his small frame, nobody messes with and who enjoys torturing people from other firms a bit too much.

The Mollusk

Quote from: PammySpacek on November 14, 2021, 07:44:23 PMA review of White Glove Massive by TYTD Reviews

Guest starring this thread.

Haha, holy shit. Okay I've had a few people nagging at me recently to watch this with them, astonishing that I've owned it for god know how many months now and not even got around to it myself yet. I'll see if I can arrange for some sort of *ahem* viewing party very soon. Stay tuned shit film fans!