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March 28, 2024, 05:02:57 PM

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Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

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Small Man Big Horse

I've only just seen mention of Gatwick Gangsters but am dying to watch it as I grew up in Reigate, and the filmmakers lived a short walk from my house, but it's not on any of the torrent sites I'm a member of, and Amazon claim it's not available in the region I'm in either which annoys, does anyone know how to watch it?

Edit: Just found it on Vimeo for £2.33. So this is going to happen soon, worryingly.

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on January 24, 2022, 02:01:29 PMEdit: Just found it on Vimeo for £2.33. So this is going to happen soon, worryingly.

YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!!!!

(It's definitely...an experience.)

George White

Anyone else ever seen Hotel Splendide (2000)
Peculiar Film4 attempt to do something like Jeunet/Caro or Gilliam.
About a remote spa hotel on an island run by an eccentric family headed by Peter Vaughan - stars Toni Collette, Daniel Craig as the chef, Stephen Tompkinson, Hugh O'Conor, Katrin Cartlidge, Helen McCrory and Toby Jones.
Feels more like a pilot for a knockoff of the League of Gentlemen.
In the same cinematic mould as the Dark Backward, Mouse Hunt, Funny Bones, Mouse Hunt, the Borrowers, the Young Poisoner's Handbook, the Rainbow Thief....

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: Yussef Dent on November 29, 2021, 01:26:16 AMIs it done yet?! Post it up when/if it is! Great stuff for putting the work in finding out so much about it :)

Sorry for bumping a *relatively* old thread, but someone asked me to share this once i'd finished it. So here you go!


George White

FInally found  a long, spoilery trailer for this - Jack Higgins' Confessional  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZBQNcAHZLM

Made for TV Granada semi-sequel to The Eagle has Landed, albeit with all links to the former severed, so Liam Devlin is no longer a 70 year old WW2 vet but a late-30s Boston Irish musician/ex-IRA man played by Keith Carradine, who discovers his old pal Irish priest Robert Lindsay is actually a KGB agent (of course he's a Communist, it's Wolfie Smith, Keith) who's been killing various people in Ireland and is now out to target the Pope on his UK tour- in revenge or something. And the Pope is Sir Anthony Quayle, again from Eagle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZBQNcAHZLM
It looks ludicrous. From the sensational IRA stuff to Lindsay's accent to comedy Russians to the fact that Pope John Paul II looks nothing like Quayle (for one thing, he didn't have a face like two condemned tins of veal), to seeing Carradine wandering about Wicklow or parts of Lancashire/Cheshire playing Wicklow.
ANd most of all, seeing Irish comedy legend Niall Toibin as the IRA chief. Now, in the original book, Higgins explicitly states the character as being 'the legendary Martin McGuinness', but presumably due to avoid being sued by the future Chuckle Brother, he's renamed Sean Gallagher, and Toibin, a good 20 years older than MM is cast, presumably to reverse the dynamic in the book where Devlin is an old man and  McGuinness is in his thirties.

Yussef Dent

Quote from: Big Mclargehuge on April 01, 2022, 07:15:49 PMSorry for bumping a *relatively* old thread, but someone asked me to share this once i'd finished it. So here you go!


Yes! Thank you very much, I have been waiting for this! :) I'm at work now but I'll give this a watch tonight, much appreciated.

imitationleather


Yussef Dent

Brilliant stuff, well worth the wait, thank you. And it leaves me more baffled than ever!

Just watched the 2018 World Cup song video, whatever it is they did... absolutely creasing myself at it. Definitely one of those free to use music tracks just with utter, utter nonsense over the top. "Shampagne live on the team, we're living the dream, in the old USSR, drinking vodka with the czar" all just thrown in out of time. Why is that dog there? The cast of Gatwick Gangsters are clearly not listening to that when being filmed. WHAT'S GOING ON? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJf46VjQl5U

imitationleather


Amazingly, the cast of Gatwick Gangsters also did a song for the 2014 World Cup. I think this one is somehow even worse than the 2018 one because of how earnest it is.

Looking forward to seeing what they have in store for Qatar.

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: imitationleather on April 04, 2022, 11:26:14 PMReally enjoyable video, @Big Mclargehuge!

Quote from: Yussef Dent on April 05, 2022, 01:02:27 AMBrilliant stuff, well worth the wait, thank you. And it leaves me more baffled than ever!

Just watched the 2018 World Cup song video, whatever it is they did... absolutely creasing myself at it. Definitely one of those free to use music tracks just with utter, utter nonsense over the top. "Shampagne live on the team, we're living the dream, in the old USSR, drinking vodka with the czar" all just thrown in out of time. Why is that dog there? The cast of Gatwick Gangsters are clearly not listening to that when being filmed. WHAT'S GOING ON? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJf46VjQl5U

Hey thanks so much guys, I really appreciate it! I spent about 3 weeks trying to piece together exactly whats going on with, not only this film, but the film makers themselves, It was such a fascinating rabbit hole into the world of "trying to make your product look like it has a MUCH bigger audience and is MUCH more professional than it actually is" the stuff thats in the video is just the highlights really. There was a LOT of stuff I couldnt put into the vid because either it might have put Shampagne and her cohorts at risk of harrasment (which im REALLY keen to avoid) or it just wasnt quite as wild as the other bits in the video.

One of the things that didnt make it into the video that I just couldnt find a place where to stick it is that the "official" gatwick gangsters IMDB page has been absolutely trolled to fuckery at some point, someones gone in there and added a TON of really arbitrary trivia, stuff like "There was noone on this film called "Colin". which really made me chuckle. they've done all sorts with it (I believe because Shampagne originally set up the page and wrote a load of bollocks in there to try and pad the page out).

They're actively working on the sequel now (they've just signed off the script and filming is apparently set to begin this summer) I for one GENUINELY cant wait to see what they do.

Famous Mortimer

Good work @Big Mclargehuge ! You might, perhaps, want to spellcheck your on-screen graphics, there's a "ts" rather than an "Its" and a "your" rather than a "you're". But small potatoes, it was thoroughly enjoyable (in a way I assume "Gatwick Gangsters" isn't).

George White

Bump because I've just watched 1976's Spy Story
https://ok.ru/video/5162485680846
Of all the manky, grubby, grotty, cheap British films, this maybe the mankiest, grubbiest and the grottiest - certainly of those that aren't sex films. Astonished that the BBC bought this, but people probably thought it was a Play for Today.

 By the standards of cheap 70s British films, this, even compared to other Shonteff fare, is so manky and grotty that it beggars belief. Despite the fact it has quite a few familiar faces, notably Nicholas Parsons CBE as a sinister MP/British Intelligence man, Philip Latham (who had just been the star of the BBC/PBS/HBO flagship drama the Pallisers), Tessa Wyatt (I wonder did her soon to be ex-husband Tony Blackburn ever see this?), Michael Gwynn, Derren Nesbitt as Colonel Stok, Bernard Kay, John Forgeham, Nigel Plaskitt (then voicing Hartley Hare in Pipkins), and veteran Rentayanks Don Fellows and Paul Maxwell...
But the lead, Michael Petrovitch playing Pat Armstrong (who may or may not be Harry Palmer) looks like a hybrid of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Hywel Bennett, and is utterly charmless.
Apparently, the budget went to the rights to the book, and god, everything has been relocated to England, everything shot on the fly with dodgy sound (lots of creaky doors), even the pub looks like someone's shed... The submarine interiors (IRL HMS Belfast) look okay at times, but other times like a primary school.
Weirdly, Schlegel mentions the Incredible Hulk a year before the TV series.
And despite being supposedly Shonteff's most serious spy movie, Michael Knowles pops up as a sinister spy milkman a la Carry On, Spying.
Spoiler alert
The ending is nuts. We learn that Parsons is the main baddie, and there's a lingering close-up on grapes, but that Gwynn and Fellows may be just as corrupt.
[close]
Indescribably godawful but memorable.


Mister Six

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on January 21, 2022, 01:25:05 PMIf you look it up on IMDB it says that "Extreme Raheem" is its title in the US. Apparently its original UK title is the charming "Rapist Rapist".

...he rapes rapists?

Feralkid

Quote from: George White on January 24, 2022, 09:17:48 PMAnyone else ever seen Hotel Splendide (2000)
Peculiar Film4 attempt to do something like Jeunet/Caro or Gilliam.
About a remote spa hotel on an island run by an eccentric family headed by Peter Vaughan - stars Toni Collette, Daniel Craig as the chef, Stephen Tompkinson, Hugh O'Conor, Katrin Cartlidge, Helen McCrory and Toby Jones.
Feels more like a pilot for a knockoff of the League of Gentlemen.
In the same cinematic mould as the Dark Backward, Mouse Hunt, Funny Bones, Mouse Hunt, the Borrowers, the Young Poisoner's Handbook, the Rainbow Thief....

I have never seen it, but I have stayed where they filmed it, the very lovely Slieve Donard Hotel in Newcastle, Northern Ireland. I think the first time I stayed there would have been in the early 2000s and they had some framed photos and mementoes of the shoot.