News:

It's still under construction, so please bear with me


Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Quote from: LemenTheGent on November 18, 2021, 01:56:30 PMSurprised Gatwick Gangsters hasn't been brought up in this thread yet.



Here's the trailer:
Just the name alone is fantastic, but the CGI is unreal. Inspiring stuff... come on you lot, let's finally get CaB: The Movie into production!

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: LemenTheGent on November 18, 2021, 01:56:30 PMSurprised Gatwick Gangsters hasn't been brought up in this thread yet.



Here's the trailer:


Having seen White Glove massive in full. THIS looks like the PERFECT double feature fodder. Holy shit. I know what im buying right now without hesitation.

purlieu

Just watched the trailer for that, and YouTube's next recommendation was Albert Camus's The Human Crisis read by Viggo Mortensen. Quite the leap.

imitationleather

Quote from: monkfromhavana on November 20, 2021, 03:27:17 PMIf there was a gangster film where all the parts were portrayed by old snooker players, I'm not sure Willie Thorne would be my first choice. Terry Griffiths would be nailed on for the creepy silent one, who despite his small frame, nobody messes with and who enjoys torturing people from other firms a bit too much.

Ken Doherty is the most gangsterlike snooker player, surely. Would not fuck with that guy.

rjd2

Quote from: imitationleather on November 23, 2021, 10:27:45 AMKen Doherty is the most gangsterlike snooker player, surely. Would not fuck with that guy.

Martin Gould was a debt collector back in the day.

rjd2

Any of you jobsworth cunts complete the Rise Of The Foodsoldier series yet?

I watched the fifth and final one earlier, standard enough, lots of violence, girls with huge breasts and the leads who are all near 60 playing versions of themselves from when they were in their late twenties because why the fuck not.   

Vinnie Jones and vintage wank material Cindy Beale from Eastenders fame rock up to give it some gravitas. Got the standard banging soundtrack with Samantha Fox , Black Box and New Order to bop along to obviously.

Cameos from everyone in the series , except for Neil Maskell and Frank Harper who I assume are secure financially.

Overall 5 films, pretty sure none are them are any good, but ultimate guilty pleasure.



Mr Banlon

Quote from: imitationleather on November 23, 2021, 10:27:45 AMKen Doherty is the most gangsterlike snooker player, surely. Would not fuck with that guy.
John Higgins looks like a villain. More of a violent, but bumbling henchman. Doherty is the calm but fucking terrifying boss-type.

Big Mclargehuge

Just finished Gatwick Gangsters. it is easily the 2nd worst movie I have ever seen in my life. flawed to the point that it somehow manages to go past being "So bad it's good" and ends up just being unwatchably awful. great find!

Mr Trumpet

When will the Gatwick Gangsters take on the Tiger Mafia?

Ron Maels Moustache

Who the fuck is "Sally CLACK aka Shampagne" and how is she at the top of the cast list?

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: Ron Maels Moustache on November 26, 2021, 11:50:59 PMWho the fuck is "Sally CLACK aka Shampagne" and how is she at the top of the cast list?
From the last page (admittedly, in the middle of a quote):

QuoteDirector and writer Sally Clack, 42, plays Shampagne, while husband David Manning shot the movie.

Yussef Dent

Quote from: Big Mclargehuge on November 26, 2021, 10:37:58 PMJust finished Gatwick Gangsters. it is easily the 2nd worst movie I have ever seen in my life. flawed to the point that it somehow manages to go past being "So bad it's good" and ends up just being unwatchably awful. great find!

Bilal Zafar showed it tonight on his Bad Film Club Twitch stream which I was still getting back from work to catch it live so I've caught up with it a little bit tonight. I think it's one of those like Neil Breen films where I can only watch them in ten-fifteen minute bursts, they really are that bad to the point the novelty can wear off to the frustrating point of questioning "why the f*** did someone seriously invest time and money into this and it's NOT a joke?"

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: Ron Maels Moustache on November 26, 2021, 11:50:59 PMWho the fuck is "Sally CLACK aka Shampagne" and how is she at the top of the cast list?

Im working on a youtube video for it now, if you REALLY want to know. Sally Clack; A.K.A Sid Clack, A.K.A Shampagne is a self proclaimed influencer, actress and rapper (yes really). initially she tried to strike out as an online influencer, model and actress and when that didnt really take off as planned due to only getting bit parts and work being a bit thin on the ground, she decided to try and "Be the change she wished to see" by making her own film, casting herself in the lead role and promoting it out there to try and help push her career forward.

The script was written by her Dad (John Clack) and was edited and adapted by Shampagne and her husband Dave manning (who is a boiler repair man with no experience in film making in any capacity...saying that Shampagne and John have no experience in film making either really soooo....) anyway! Shampagne directed, produced, edited, cast, sound mixed and did the special effects for the film over a period of 6 years and with an alleged budget (Alleged because theres only one figure floating about and its never been formally released) of around 5 MILLION pounds. which I believe she may actually be crazy enough to have done because she has past experience in stock broking. she's currently trying to hock a vegan friendly make up line, but occasionally pops up to talk about other films shes planning. whether they'll come to fruition. who can say. I've got a priest on standby just in case.

Quote from: Yussef Dent on Yesterday at 07:02:59 AMBilal Zafar showed it tonight on his Bad Film Club Twitch stream which I was still getting back from work to catch it live so I've caught up with it a little bit tonight. I think it's one of those like Neil Breen films where I can only watch them in ten-fifteen minute bursts, they really are that bad to the point the novelty can wear off to the frustrating point of questioning "why the f*** did someone seriously invest time and money into this and it's NOT a joke?"

^Couldnt have put it better myself. in VERY short bursts or drunk with friends in a similar mindset it's palettable. but its an HOUR AND 40 MINUTES LONG! and jesus christ it feels longer than it is. im still not 100% sure of exactly what it is. but if I had to have an educated guess, I think it's serious. Shampagne has done ALL the publicity for the film (her writing style is very distinct in the sense that she writes in broken english thats usually completely irrelevent to the film shes trying to promote) the IMDB page is full of trivia shes written, her websites full of quotes from just...randomers, who dont say anything about the film, but do talk about how nice the cast are in real life. theres even a few snipey comments from Shampagne on people who've slated the films profiles. and a quote on the website that says something to the effect of "DONT BELIEVE THE BAD REVIEWS!" so I genuinely think shes trying to make a go of it as a serious work...either that or she's trying to cause drama to push the film out there more.

A very odd film honestly, one of the worst i've seen, but its a hell of a rabbit hole.