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Get ready for Christmas :-D


LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

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Glebe

"Managed to not get the corona today Daz!"

"Well done Gary!"

Glebe

Gary's first ever tweet: 'hiya twitter mate.'

Glebe

Gary gets a job in a garden centre and tells them that he has his own wheelbarrow. The wheelbarrow is of course Daz.

Glebe

"All ready for Christmas, Daz! 200 cans of Tennent's lifted from the local wholesaler's warehouse!"

"Gone off the Stella then Gary?"

"Yeah ever since Popular Johnny declared it 'gay', Daz. May as well make a start on this lot, Christmas is getting earlier every year!"

Glebe

Gary is "largin' it" at Lidl, dancing on the conveyor belts and giving shouts out to "the Gary Massive".

Glebe

"Is there a duck under your chair, Daz?"

"No Gary I just farted."

"Alright lad. You can press unpause there. Love FIFA!"

Fambo Number Mive

A relieved Daz and his secret pet duck Daniel cuddle that evening, another day without being discovered by Gary.

Glebe

"What's with all the breadcrumbs, Daz?"

"Er... I DO NOT KNOW GARY."

"By the way, take it easy, you're not supposed to overdo it with the bread when feeding ducks and that," says Gary with a warm wink.

"Cheers Gary!" smiles Daz, popping out to the shed. "It's alright Danny, he knows but he's grand about it. He always gets sentimental in the run up to Christmas!"

"QUACK!"

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2021, 05:01:33 PMGary has bought four boxes of tissues for when the Queen dies.

and that's just for all the wanking.

Glebe

Gary decides to "self-isolate" on the day of Daz's funeral. "It's not that I can't be arsed I'm just being careful, Mrs. Daz," he lies down the phone. "In any case tell your fellow mourners I considered him a good friend. Well a 'friend' anyway. By the way, could you pick me up a six pack of Stella on the way back? Just leave it on the doorstep. I've got the covid remember. In any case DO NOT COME IN I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. Because of the covid."

shoulders

Legend Gary shags 14 older sisters dressed as a milkman as part of a sponsored event for Children In Need.

Literally no-one comes within a timezone  of questioning this.

Glebe

Gary's autobiography, Being a Ledge, is divided into six chapters:

1. Birth of a Ledge.
2. Borstal.
3. The Great Tesco Express Hold-Up.
4. Birth of My Tenth Child That I Never See.
5. The Murder of Daz.
6. Redemption: My Release from Prison After Murdering Daz and Happy Retirement Spent Down the Pub.

Glebe

Gary gets into male grooming and makes a facepack out of melted Wagon Wheels.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Glebe on November 21, 2021, 06:51:56 PMGary gets into male grooming and makes a facepack out of melted Wagon Wheels.

"That's libel, INEVER GROOMED ANY MENS, Daz'll testify to that and all won't you Daz?
YOU CALLING ME A PEDO?  " sez Gary.

Glebe

Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 22, 2021, 12:16:22 AM"That's libel, INEVER GROOMED ANY MENS, Daz'll testify to that and all won't you Daz?
YOU CALLING ME A PEDO?  " sez Gary.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black Gary! Remember that time I said I had to drop my nephew off at the paediatrician? Took four hours to peel you off the ceiling, foaming at the mouth!"

Glebe

Gary decides to hibernate for the winter by curling up inside the airing cupboard with ten family size bags of Cheetos and five bottles of Jim Beam.

shoulders

Legend Gary swears by his Ready Brek, and has to concoct a fantasy that the 'powers that be' are planning to take Ready Brek away from him.

Glebe

Gary keeps a signed and framed photography of Piers Morgan on his bedside table. "That's another of me fucking heroes right there, Daz."

jenna appleseed

"hmm, sounds a bit gay that Gaz"

Daz earns himself another battering.

Glebe

Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 24, 2021, 06:55:41 AM"hmm, sounds a bit gay that Gaz"

Daz earns himself another battering.

When Gary has got shot of Daz he pulls down his trousers grabs the photo and commences his ritual wank.

Glebe

Daz is giving Gary driving lessons.

"Please try and avoid the pedestrians, Gary."

"Are you joking Daz? They deserves to be run, them dirty paedestrians!"

shoulders

Gary invents new measurement the Pubic Fucktonne

Glebe

Gary shoves Daz into a drain, it's as simple as that.

Glebe

Gary asks Daz for a loan of fifteen hundred pounds to set up a new Jim Davidson fan club.

Glebe

Gary pours bleach on his crabbin' balls.

Glebe

Gary starts leaving the frozen food out in the winter weather instead of getting the freezer fixed. "If you're looking for those chicken dippers Daz, they're under the wheelbarrow."

Glebe

Gary gets season tickets for both West Ham and Man City. "We're not specifically Northern or Southern characters Daz so may as well play it safe, my son. Or 'lad'.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary writes to the Palace demanding Nigel Farage gets an OBE.

wosl

Legend Gary develops an allergic reaction to Cubism.

Glebe

Gary gets two tickets to the premiere of Gatwick Gangsters. "Don't say I never do anything for you, Daz."