Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

History all stinks of shit. History is not only the bin but the seedbank and ice core record of odiousness.

The Siege of Tyre that fucking stunk of shit. The Babington Plot: everyone involved and all the places featured stank of shit. Sex Pistols gig - stank of shit. Crimea - atmospheric strata defined by different extremely concentrated tiers of shit. Repealing the corn laws happened in a building an environment that notably stank of shit. The Hindenburg was a giant balloon that smelt of shit that crashed to ground, exploded and made everywhere else nearby smell of shit. The SAS remarked in 1980 how much like shit the siege of the Iranian Embassy in Kensington smelt of. Harold Larwood's cricket coffin smelt of shit. Confucius wrote every single word surrounded by an atmosphere of caked on shit festering on a hot day. Most naturalist writing such as Wordsworth is wish fulfilment for life to smell less like shit. Henry VIII was a man enveloped constantly by the stench of shit. Football referee David Elleray stank of shit

[madhair60]

The Complete Desolation, Vol 1

The Complete Desolation, Vol 2

The Complete Desolation, Vol 3

The Complete Desolation, Vol 4

The Complete Desolation, Vol 5

[Ferris]

The Complete Desolation, Vol 1

The Complete Desolation, Vol 2

The Complete Desolation, Vol 3

The Complete Desolation, Vol 4

The Complete Desolation, Vol 5

All bound in leather. Had to pay the bespoke bookbinders all of your nan's inheritance but it was worth it. If only you had some shelves.

[Pink Gregory]

You are presented with a pleasant-smelling hamburger as a reward for diligence and perfect attendance.

You lift it to your mouth but ingress is denied by an outpouring of soil from your gullet.  It just keeps coming.  Soil.  Soil.  Soil.

[Bence Fekete]

You are trapped in Alf Stewart's hazy dream about a Ukrainian bicycle called Denys.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Martin spends the night on the sofa after comparing dinner to "that business with Savile."

[Twit 2]

The Complete Desolation, Vol 1

The Complete Desolation, Vol 2

The Complete Desolation, Vol 3

The Complete Desolation, Vol 4

The Complete Desolation, Vol 5

So Blodwyn invented Desolation?

[Gregory Torso]

The shite patter splattering between me and the Parcelforce delivery egg man, laughing awkwardly in our high viz nylon glee jean michel jarre-wear.

[Gregory Torso]

Fat hen's battys shitting out mangled beagle eggs all over the supplexed tin corpse of a BHS buffet counter, "breakfast is severe" barks the sweaty green buffering ghost of your old IT teacher.

[Gregory Torso]

A platoon of old men air-frying their pendulous scrotums under the hand dryers in the shopping centre toilets are assassinated by a nitrogen waste bot unleashed by a disgruntled Intu eremite

[buttgammon]

Teatime on a dreary Tuesday evening in 2052. Eggheads is still being broadcast.

[Gregory Torso]

Your manager calls you into the office to inform you that the pleasure receptors in your penis are now legal property of T WONNACOTTS MAD ANTIQUE LADS PLC

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

So Blodwyn invented Desolation?

Yes.

I would point out there are links on page 1 post 1 of this thread where that could have been revealed.

[jenna appleseed]

Real life deso:

A man (slightly depressed dad version of older Legend Gary)  in a second video games/dvds shop demanding "Can I get Fornite from you or not"?

& shop bloke (stoner James (not Jim, James) Morrison slightly going gray)  having to patiently explain it doesn't come on a disc, you have to download it, even if you bought it in a box from argos, all you get is a scratch off code for the app store & something you have to throw away, and he doesn't sell the codes because they'll be used and won't work.

[Twit 2]

Yes.

I would point out there are links on page 1 post 1 of this thread where that could have been revealed.

It was better when madhair linked it. He's better than you.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A great crested newt licenser weaponises stubble

[idunnosomename]

And this



Presumably they know it's gay 'cos the women boxes have antlers or eyelashes and a fanny or something.

GAY BOXES?!?!

[Sebastian Cobb]

A hospital porter tweets mindgeek to ask them if they offer an nhs discount.

[touchingcloth]

Your favourite flavour or dragee is cum.

[Scarlet Intangible]

Hair plucked from Jeremy Kyle's pubic embankment allows your fringe transplant to take place on the channel 5 show - Plebs Do The Most Desperate Things. The rest of your head remains bald.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

John Legend's less successful brother John Paedophile loses the patent to swastika shaped fish fingers.

[petril]

first shag in twelve years and this is the background music

[Ferris]

In 2010, Slimani re-recorded the single in support of the England football team at the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa. Aptly entitled "It's England Time", a play on "It's Chico Time", it uses the same basis as the original version, but with amended lyrics.[2] The song was first played on The Chris Moyles Show.[3]

[batwings]

Darius from 2001 cry-sings 'Hey now, hey now, Don't dream its over' to a terrified Austrian coach driver in the men's toilets of a M5 service station.

Jerome arrives late to the hospital and misses his daughter's final moments. His excuse that mooning Vera Lynn's funeral procession was a "once in a lifetime opportunity" fails to placate the rest of the family.

[petril]

David Icke declares you to be his sexual orientation and he will stop at nothing

[the midnight watch baboon]

An assumed mourner soon imposes his status as champion gravestone seeder

[dissolute ocelot]

Amazon delivery driver leaves his own corpse on your doormat. Arranging a return is proving surprisingly difficult.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A tinned soup YouTube reviewer places his Aunt into cloud storage.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

A man with undiagnosed type 2 diabetes writes a parody version of Hey Nineteen by Steely Dan called Covid Nineteen which he sings with the original song as background accompaniment, in a YouTube video shot in portrait mode. It has 33 views and comments disabled.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

The lovely healthy stir-fry you cooked yourself turns out to be toilet paint.