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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

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PlanktonSideburns


Berthas Fat Leg


Berthas Fat Leg

Looking through your parents' old photos, taken in the years before your birth.

They are smiling in all of them.

Ferris

A big-money sequel to Nigel Farage is announced.

poo

Will Gompertz soils himself in protest against some underdone toast.

BlodwynPig

Pancreas wakes up covered in Desolation threads. Try as he might he can't wash them off. 2 hours of scrubbing with a steel loofah leaves him raw and in agony, yet the desolation threads cling to his skinless torso and anus like starving bot flies gorging on rancid flesh.

"Bring me acid, bring me brine
Bring me vinegar, bring me wine!"

he pleads with his hideous reflection as the Salt Man delivers the weekly supply in fevered anticipation of the forthcoming theatre of pain.

Chollis


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

You craft an incredibly outrageous and utterly untrue account of an encounter you had with an entitled parent and post it to the subreddit of the same name.

"Lol, these stupid teenagers will believe anything," you say out loud to your empty house, chortling in delight over something that doesn't matter and which nobody your own age cares about.

BlodwynPig

What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Quote from: BlodwynPig on June 07, 2020, 08:34:50 PM
What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?
Now you fully grasp the extent of the desolation.

Pingers

Goole's ghouls forsake the town's graveyards, stating in a press release that everyone "tastes disgusting"

Ferris

Your family whatsapp thread descends into a passionate multi-pronged defence of Keir Starmer.

Irreparably ruined by overuse of online grot, the only thing Tony can use to get off with now is close-up shots of Michael Elphick during repeats of Boon on UKTV Drama.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Pavel's doric clagnut frieze wins an award. An award for shittest ever frieze. At an award ceremony held in Pavel's head. In Rhyl.

the midnight watch baboon

Peter Jones invests none of the money for all of your sex drawings.

pancreas

BlodwynPig is now too desolate for CaB.

Fiona bleaches her arsehole and sets up the Onlyfans because there's "no fucking way" she's putting up with an Infinity kitchen. "It's the Infinity Plus with Milano quartz worktop or nothing, Mike."

Twit 2

A lonely botanist rubs himself with the stamen of a brassica.

Twit 2

A newly-arrived owl in a copse has its head kicked in.

Twit 2

Patrick Aryee is crucified on a boab tree, on the off chance it'll bring in viewers.

Pingers

Quote from: BlodwynPig on June 07, 2020, 08:34:50 PM
What is a subreddit? What is a reddit?

Desolation - Blodwyn Pig has changed his avatar. This is war, you utter bastard


Pingers

Quote from: touchingcloth on June 10, 2020, 01:11:57 AM
You name your son Admin.

At age 3, you interview him for the position of continuing to be your son

the midnight watch baboon

Your clavicle implores you for a love bite.


Fishfinger

Awakening with a start, Shilton rises from his armchair feeling certain that his moment has come. After all those years spent trying to catch balls, he knows now that this is what he was truly born for. He is going to set the world to rights, and ride once more upon the shoulders of men. Right now, on Twitter.


Fishfinger

Shilton stirs in his sleep, certain he can hear tanks. His tanks, rolling down the streets to enforce his will. "Not again Peter. God, it's only 4am. Give it a fucking rest." But the pillows whisper instructions into what's left of his ears.

Your canaries are called Twitter and Reddit. They are shit-brown.