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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

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the midnight watch baboon

Becks does eleven keepy-ups while Harper watches.

buttgammon


Ferris

You are formally credited as the co-writer of Feva For The Flava.

dex

The cognitive dissonance of being in agreement with Piers Morgan on a topic.

petril

can't stop going to big Tesco every month for a leisurely two hour read of Viz. only time you get out the house, nothing else seems worth it

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Bebbles the bog-troll wins a 2 week caravan holiday in Magnitogorsk. Let's the voucher lapse despite booking and travelling on 3 connecting flights to get there.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The cheese balancer goes to Derby to be told there are mites living in his rectum.



dex

Your hopes are lifted for a split second when your boss announces that 2 colleagues are working overtime with you to make the numbers up. They are revealed to be 2 of the most bastard people you hate working with.

Facepalm!!!!!!!!

the midnight watch baboon

Neil Warnock replaces Jonathan Woodgate as Middlesbrough boss.

(words above deso works in any arrangement)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Trafficked from Bali only to be entombed by a paper boy.

batwings

An anal polyp scuppers your holiday plans.

"Have you ever noticed that it's always that you hide in an attic but you are locked up in a cellar?" mused the estate agent as he showed a remote house to an increasingly concerned client.

A Swansea taxi driver's Edinburgh one man show, An old dear in the headlights, about the time he ran over a pensioner outside the bingo hall, does worse than expected.





Twit 2

Quote from: batwings on June 23, 2020, 07:06:13 PM
"Have you ever noticed that it's always that you hide in an attic but you are locked up in a cellar?" mused the estate agent as he showed a remote house to an increasingly concerned client.

A rapist is commended for being the perfect blend between Gaston Bachelard and Josef Fritzl.

Gregory Torso

You can't stop crying at work. "It's just hay fever" you tell the girl who used to like you as you try to shake the masses of tear-clumped postage stamps from your sanitised slimed hands.

Gregory Torso

Your internal monologue sounds a lot like a pissed Hugh Scully.

"You've written this before" he antiquely slurs as you urinate into an empty bucket of fuck it.


Cuntbeaks

Spent all weekend watching God TV, eating Tesco Value "Noodle Pots" and pushing his prolapsed arsehole back in.

A fortnight in Blackpool with an ounce of meth.

A neckbeard spends £583 on a Ltd Edition My Little Pony fedora.

petril

you get on a train to Cambridge, pissed. you will nontheless end up in Motherwell

PlanktonSideburns

Some well meaning young children are taught 'the true meaning of batman' by a deluded utility belt enthusiast that got out of hand

jenna appleseed

(cheating with talk to transformer desolation)

Robot grief dog is stomping all over your keyboard, buzzing up the mechanism.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You are tracked down to Pripyat shivering with your trousers around your ankles. When interrogated you will only say 'good night yeah good night it's been a good night'

Your electric wheelchair is hacked by line dancing enthusiasts.

the midnight watch baboon

Richard Curtis uses the Covid-19 pandemic as the inspiration for a new Richard Curtis film, which turns out to be a gaggle of yummy mummies cheering on then sucking off brave Sir Boris Johnson at the podium of certain coronavirus.

buttgammon

An unprofitable art gallery is bulldozed and replaced by a solid gold statue of the 'White Lives Matter' plane.

A misunderstanding around the term "shit sandwich" results in the best canteen lunch for ten years.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

There is a degree of chagrin over the rental term of a tabernacle.

Gregory Torso

A gif of Alfonso Ribeiro dragging his itchy anus across the floor like an unchecked sheepdog is called as a key witness in a Zoom meet remote rape case

James Corden and Rebel Wilson star in a CG-heavy remake of Yentl with 3 extra songs by Taylor Swift. Shawn Mendez plays the shtetl.